Gwyneth Paltrow Dropped A ‘Vagina’ Scented Candle—Apparently Her Eau De Vagine Smells Like Bergamot And Geranium
Professional actress-turned-businesswoman Gwyneth Paltrow released an already sold out candlelast Friday, playfully named “This Smells Like My Vagina”. While it’s nice to see lady parts getting good press, we have a few questions about the $75 candle —the main one being “why though?”
Gwyneth Paltrow has made a strong business out of her vagina.
The actress-turned-wellness-guru —through her platform Goop – introduced us to the concept of vaginal steaming, jade vaginal eggs and, of course, the elusive sex dust moon juice. Now, to start 2020 on a high vaginal note, we have the vagina candle, which has already sold-out, prompting a waitlist.
The $75 item contains traditional perfume elements “to put us in mind of fantasy, seduction, and a sophisticated warmth,” the product copy reads.
The notes of the candle include geranium, citrusy bergamot, cedar, Damask rose, and ambrette seed. The blend is meant to amount to the aroma of the actress’ very rich and powerful vag. Additionally, Goop describes it as “a funny, gorgeous, sexy, and beautifully unexpected scent.”
We’re not sure if the name is meant to be a joke, or if the candle actually smells like lady parts
According to a previous Goop description, the provocative name came from a joke between perfumer Douglas Little and Paltrow. The two were testing a fragrance one day when she declared, “Uhhh, this smells like a vagina.” The bouquet evolved into a “funny, gorgeous, sexyand beautifully unexpected scent.”
Let us not forget that Paltrow’s vagina products have landed the businesswoman in hot water before.
In September 2019, Goop paid a $145,000 settlement in a lawsuit over vaginal eggs. The website had made unproven claims that the Jade Egg and the Rose Quartz Egg, could “balance hormones, regulate menstrual cycles, prevent uterine prolapse, and increase bladder control,” said the Orange County District Attorney’s office in California. Not so, said the California Food, Drug and Medical Device Task Force, who argued that Goop’s assertion wasn’t based on scientific evidence.
Like many other products sold on Goop’s website, the 10.5-ounce hooha-inspired candle is relatively overpriced, ringing up at $75.
But alas, that hasn’t stopped a flurry of curious online shoppers from snagging one in hopes of gleaning feelings of “fantasy, seduction, and a sophisticated warmth,” as the product description promises.
Unsurprisingly, the internet nearly broke when the news about this candle broke. Keep reading for some of Twitter’s funniest reactions.
You all need a time-out indeed.
The future is now, folks
Who would’ve thought this would be what 2020 had in store for us.
Jenny here, sure knows how to crack a vajayjay joke
And then, ‘The Rock’ got involved —yup, you read that right.
Given that this is evidently the nature of the times we’re living in, whether we like it or not, comedian Adam Ray suggested on Instagram that The Yankee Candle Company should get in on the action by selling candles that smell of Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson‘s balls.
Responding to the post, the wrestler-turned-actor joked that he had tried to create such a product in the past, but it hadn’t quite gone to plan.
He wrote: “Brother I tried to make those candles but I kept burning my balls. So I moved on to shampoo.” Now there’s an image for us all to enjoy. He also added the hashtag ‘#scentofsac’, which I think really adds a certain something to the story.
The candle is a collaboration with Heretic, a perfume company that has revolutionised fragrance with their chemical-free, androgynous products.
“We sit on the floor and geek out on fragrance,” Paltrow shared of the collaboration.
‘This Smells Like my Vagina’ is a nice little pre-game for the absurdity that is coming.
Surely, the viral and much-talked-about candle has something to do with Gwyneth’s new Netflix docu-series, The Goop Lab. The show will delve deep into the actresses surreal world of yoni eggs and unorthodox wellness practices. Set to premiere on Netflix on January 24th, we can’t help to suspect whether or not this candle is a great marketing stunt to create a buzz around Gwen’s brand.
As a self-confessed Goop tragic, I think that everything that the website, and Gwyneth does is a comedy goldmine. You could lock all the SNL alumni in a room and they’d never come up with things as bone-shatteringly funny as the Goop shop and newsletters, case in point, this title; ‘Inbox sage for the digital age.’ —no joke. I hope that Gwyneth never stops. I hope that she keeps promoting crazy health teas and rose quartz dildos until her final days.