This Hilarious (And Nervous) Father-To-Be Picks His Must-Haves From The mitú Shop… And Why Is This So Funny?
Sup, FAM!!! Bew Bew BEW BEWWWWW (reggaeton horns)!!! I hope ya’ll been wilin’ out, cuz if your amá hasn’t yelled, “¡QUÉ CHINGADOS ESTÁS HACIENDO! NI LOS ANIMALES SE COMPORTAN ASÍ, CABRÓN!” then I don’t know what you’re doing with your life.
Anyway, enough about making poor decisions, because I’ve got my lista here with some good-good stuff I’m gonna want in my life for the new decade. It’s 2020. No mames, fam. Ya llegamos al future! A HUEVO!!!!!
Pick #1 Taco ‘Bout Cutie Onesie
If you’re not crying, take your nalgas to church, BECAUSE YOUR SOUL NEEDS TO BE SAVED! I’m about to be a dad. So, no, this isn’t for me (imagínate though – my pompi would rip right through this ????). My wife and I are bringing a chingona little baby girl into this world. She is going to steal hearts…and yeah, she’s probably gonna get lost at family parties all the time and we’re going to magically find her in line for the taquero.
Pick #2 Millennial Loteria
This game literally made me L-O-L in Spanish. You get some friends over. You get some tequila (ONLY if you’re of OF AGE, I don’t wanna be responsible for some UNDERAGE-ASSED NONSENSE, so champurrado if you’re under 21, cabrones). But, this is a good time guaranteed. It’s classic lotería, pero con las mamadas de hoy en día (50 pts for rhyming).
Pick #3 No Pos Ta Cabrón Sweatshirt
This is classic. How would I have dealt with ALL MY PROBLEMS if it hadn’t been for this wise viejón reassuring me that life is tough? This sweater has all the veterano wisdom you’ll ever need. Also, it’s pure fashion. Tell me you don’t see this on the cover of “Chingona Fashion” magazine? Close your eyes. You’ll see it.
Pick #4 San Marcos Sweatshirt
Just looking at this beaut got me sucking my thumb like a bebe ????????. Nothing gives you cozy “tapate mijita/mijito” vibes like a San Marcos cobija. Now your ass doesn’t have to worry about kicking this cobija off because you can actually wear it and that majestic tigre can protect you for the rest of your days. Solo pendejos se meten con un tigre San Marcos.
Pick #5 Guacardo Cocktail Tee
This shirt speaks to me. Maybe it’s the mystery of guessing what this elegant looking señora is whispering into Guacardo’s ear, or the fact that Guacardo is holding a martini, or just the “Ay, CARAY” expression on his face but — I LOVE THIS SHIRT. Plus it’s very versatile. I feel like I could wear this to a chic party, to church, to my prima’s quince, la tienda de la esquina, a friend’s wedding that I wasn’t invited to — I would look good in this anywhere.
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