Critter’s Brutally Honest Series Review: Tiger King

BY Critter | April 9, 2020

BY Critter
April 9, 2020

GURRL, you thought Bad Bunny’s video for “Yo Perreo Sola” was wild…

Agarrate de las nalgas (grab onto your buns), because this Netflix series follows the story of a dude with a crusty mullet and saggy eyebrow piercing as he faces off against la madre de las crazy cat ladies in a battle for rulership of the caged-tiger kingdom in the US. This may be the novela we’ve all been waiting for — BUT nothing in MY LIFE could’ve prepared me for the level of DESMADRE this story reaches.

Loading the player...

Welcome to my brutally honest review of Tiger King: Murder, Mayhem and Madness.

I don’t wanna spill too much tea, because this show is LOADED with TEA: manzanilla, yerba buena, black tea, matcha tea. ALL👏THE👏TEAS👏 SO, to keep this “spoiler-safe” I’m only doing an overview of key people on the show. TRUST. This will be more than enough to inform your decision of whether or not you want to watch the show.

Meet Joe Exotic, also known as “Tiger King.”

Meet Joe Exotic, the guy who opened one of the largest exotic animal zoos in America. If you introduced this compa to your mother, she’d hit him with a brick of sage and run for her life because he’s wild.

Click here to shop our San Marcos tiger sweatshirt.

Joe loves sparkles. And Joe loves giant cats.

He’s from Oklahoma, where apparently it’s not illegal to give yourself that haircut. The one thing to know about Joe is: he wants fame. Everyone initially writes Joe off as some kind of idiot, but this show has been trending at no. 1 and EVERYONE is talking about Joe now. So who is the real dummy here?

Click here to shop our San Marcos tiger sweatshirt.

But, is Joe stupid?

I’d rather not say. Is Joe arrogant? Definitely. Joe makes a ton of decisions that, for me, are guided by his ego and fantasy of becoming a MEGA-STAR. He can’t just have a housecat, he NEEDS a zoo full of large tiger animals. He creates online content that doesn’t even focus on his tigers. He sets up a one-person talk show (to bash people but we’ll get to that later) and uses his tigers as his props. BUT the man wasn’t talentless. Joe Exotic — that dude can sing. He wrote his own songs, many of which actually made sense, and he even created music videos for them. Here’s one of his many country songs about tigers: I Saw a Tiger.

Unfortunately, Joe’s pride-driven choices sure get him into A LOT of caca.

Joe had two husbands:

Yep. That’s them. I know brand-wise they look right for each other, but only one of these three guys is gay. Yep. Just Joe. And Joe definitely learns about the complexities of being in a polygamist relationship with two straight men. My advice to y’all, marry one person first, see how that goes. If you still feel another spouse is absolutely necessary…

But, the BIGGEST and most stupid decision Joe makes is when he openly threatens his rival, tiger zoo kingpin, Carole Baskin because she tries to shut Joe’s zoo down. He broadcasts himself on his internet show (multiple times) saying, “I’m gonna put a bullet between her eyes.” And his death-threat antics go much further. MUCH much further. JOE!!! Don’t do stuff like that. The views aren’t worth it, compa! Because Carole Baskin has money…y está L-O-C-A.

Click here to shop our San Marcos tiger sweatshirt.

Meet Carole Baskin “The ‘El Chapo’ of Tiger People.”

Carole Baskin is the biological daughter of Satan. Totally kidding (in case she’s reading this). But really, Carole is someone your mother would call a mujer de dos caras. On the outside, Carole is this friendly environmentalist trying to end animal trade and she gives exotic tigers a safe habitat.

This is what that Carole looks like:

What a sweet little viejita, right? NO! YOU ARE SOOOOO WRONG.

By episode three of Tiger King, Carole Baskin transforms into this:

In episode three we get into a really bizarre story about her second husband “mysteriously” disappearing. There’s a lot of angles to this story. The juiciest version is that Carole fed her second husband to her tigers. NO MAMES. That’s crazy. Or is it? Carole and her second husband had a very fuchi relationship. They were toxic AF with each other. Even the way they met is something you would only see in an episode of La Rosa de Guadalupe — but it’s actually real life. So, believing that Carole fed her husband to a tiger isn’t that big of a leap. This theory kind of originated from our buddy, Joe Exotic. So…yeah, you may want to consider that. But if we were to conduct a poll on social media, it seems like 107% of people agree that Carole Baskin fed her tigers “tacos de marido.”

This is Jeff Lowe, the “Store-Brand Kid Rock.”

Jeff Lowe no tiene madre. Jeff Lowe is introduced in the “Third Act” of the series, after Joe Exotic, the “Tiger King,” gets into some trouble and recruits Jeff Lowe to help him. Jeff is supposed to be some sort of entrepreneur or businessman, but the dude is straight-up TRASH, in my very humble opinion. The moment Jeff Lowe shows up in the series is equivalent to the moment you’re being serenaded “Happy Birthday” and suddenly your face is buried so deep into your cake you can feel all tres leches blasted into your sinuses. Jeff Lowe is the guy who pushes the entire audience’s face into their birthday cake (because we’re all having ourselves a party and enjoying these weirdos and their broncas on TV), when suddenly this dude gives the series la mordida fatal that puts an end to EVERYTHING.

Actual footage of Jeff Lowe putting an end to The Tiger King.

Sorry for being vague about Jeff Lowe’s role in this. I don’t want to spoil it for people who haven’t seen the series. Just know that when he appears, tiger-sized sh*t hits the fan.

Click here to shop our San Marcos tiger sweatshirt.

So, Should You Watch Tiger King?

What kind of a stupid question is that?

You’re damn right you should watch Tiger King. This show is modern-day Shakespeare! There’s wild motivations, love triangles, vengeance, eccentric characters, and deep introspective looks into humanity. Oh, y unos kitties rete-gigantes. What more do you want? And honestly, I barely scratched the surface with this show. There’s a ton of characters and stories that will blow your mind and it’s all part of the Tiger King Cinematic universe.