Aquí Between Us: How To Navigate a Relationship Where Your Partner Blames Everything on Astrology
Don’t fear, Jackie is here! Welcome to Aquí, Between Us, a bi-weekly advice column created for your mental wealth. In this week’s installment, Jackie answers the following question from a reader:
Q: How to navigate relationship partners that are pro astrology? Example: Blaming misfortune on retrogrades.
One of my best childhood memories has to be watching my mom patiently wait for Walter Mercado’s daily horoscopes on television. At age 7, I had no idea what this meant for my mom, but it was always fascinating to see her excitement as she listened closely until Mercado’s exit message “con mucho mucho amor,” “with lots and lots of love.”
Walter Mercado was a famous Puerto Rican Astrologer who was known for his astrology readings on live television.
I want to highlight how important it is in relationships to understand your partner’s inner-world. For example, what was your partner’s upbringing like, what are some of their favorite childhood memories, what family traditions did they practice, did they grow up in a religious household, what are their core values and beliefs, etc.
Humans are complex. Everyone has a unique story shaped by experiences, culture, traditions, and/or belief systems. When you don’t share the same values and ideas as your partner, interpersonal conflict can arise.
Conflict is a normal part of relationships. Learning how to communicate effectively is key when navigating differences in your relationship. Likewise, change is a personal choice. It can do more harm than good to try to change your partner. It’s best to learn to radically accept your partner instead of trying to change them.
There are three major components that can cultivate long-lasting healthy relationships: communication, compromise, and commitment.
Communication
Your partner is not a mind-reader. Talk to your partner. Be curious instead of assuming. It is best practice when you have an open dialogue with your partner about feelings, needs, values, beliefs, expectations, limitations, and/or ideas.
Some examples may include:
“I feel _____ when you _____, I’d prefer _____.”
“I am noticing that this conversation is escalating, can we talk about this matter when we’re calm?”
“Please help me understand what you mean by _____.”
“What I am hearing is _____, is that right?”
Compromise
Find a middle ground and learn that it’s okay to disagree occasionally with your partner — it is healthy to have your own boundaries, beliefs, opinions, and values. There will be times when you don’t meet eye to eye with your partner and that’s when you’ll define what compromise can look like in your relationship.
Some examples may include:
“I don’t feel comfortable agreeing with _____.”
“I am learning to accept our differences.”
“I would like to hear your opinion on _____.”
“Talking about _____ makes me feel _____, can we talk about something else?”
Commitment
Commit to radically accepting your partner for who they are and show up for them the best way you can. Understand that building relationships takes ongoing work, effort, and patience.
Some examples may include:
“I am sorry for making you feel _____.”
“I support you regardless of our differences.”
“What can I do to make you feel safe?”
“I want to hear your thoughts on _____.”
It is normal to experience highs and lows in romantic and non-romantic relationships. Understanding your partner’s inner-world and incorporating the 3 C’s: communication, compromise, and commitment can help you cultivate long-lasting healthy relationships.
Sending you all my best wishes on your healing journey.
Very best,
Jacqueline Garcia, LCSW, @therapylux
