Culture

The Laziest Food Hacks In All Of The Land Would Send Your Abuela To The Chancla

There is no way around it: the secret to good cooking is paciencia, letting things simmer, allowing the ingredients to melt together in perfect harmony. Ask any abuelita if she uses the microwave for cooking and she will give you a face of no mames, mijito. Latin American food, in particular, is deceptively complex and needs to follow both carefully written family recipes and plenty of panza. Yes, us Latinos cook not only with our hands but also with our spirit: every plate of mole or arepas is representative of culture and history. Each dish is the product of processes of colonization and mixing of indigenous and European cultures. Ingredients like corn, potatoes, tomatoes, and beans, which are endemic to the American continent, coexist with pork, beef and eggs, imported by the Europeans centuries ago. 

However, we seem to live in a day and age where having things ahorita, era para ayer, is wanted rather than rejected. Fast food and fast cooking are a response to our turbulent and fast-paced modern lives. It sucks, though. Cooking is about feeding our bodies and our souls, so nada de atajos en la cocina, chaparritos, porfas. Here are 20 folks who just don’t get that cocinar necesita paciencia and totally savaged tradition by employing lazy tactics and hacks. Shame on them! Also, using extra plastic in the kitchen is honestly terrible in this juncture of worldwide environmental crisis. 

Let’s make it clear right here and right now!  Tortillas DO NOT FREEZE WELL!

Credit: 21-ct-chickencheeseflour-taquito. Digital image. El Monterey

If you want to have a cardboard tasting thing that looks like a Mexican spring roll, go ahead. Or you can fry your own taquitos with fresh ingredients. 

Ketchup on Mexican Rice? Cue Laura Bozzo voice: QUE PASE EL DESGRACIADO!

Credit: Screenshot. https://tastykitchen.com/recipes/sidedishes/fantastic-mexican-rice/

This is an insult to tradition and an abomination. Who would cook Mexican rice with ketchup, which is basically sugar on steroids. Asquito

Packaged arepas are OK, we guess, but stuff them yourself!

Credit: 61Ep-K9T76L. Digital image. Amazon

Buying this atrocity is as silly as buying pre-made quesadillas. And in all honesty, pre-made food rarely uses the best cheese options. So just buy arepas (or make them fresh!), buy a nice queso and stuff them with tus dos manitas, que para eso te las dieron, chaparrito

Whoever freezes pico de gallo doesn’t deserve to eat it!

Credit: 71S9xIvyYFL._SL1500_. Digital image. Amazon

Pico de gallo salsa is delicious because of its freshness. Whoever is trying to freeze it here (using this lazy ass baggy opener, like yeah, let’s waste even more plastic and kill more marine life) deserves the soggy, stale mess they will eat when the pico de gallo thaws. 

The dude who uses instant oats for his version of arroz con leche

Credit: Instagram. @ed_edd_lalo

Ay, no manches. Really, oats will never taste like an arroz con leche that has been simmering on the stove for two hours. Never, ever, nunca de los nuncas. Please do not try at home. 

This person who used Doritos to make their own version of chilaquiles

@chefjedigaming

Can we barf already? If you can go to the shops to buy Doritos you can as easily buy tortilla chips! Or better still, buy corn tortillas, cut them in triangles and fry them. It is not that hard, seriously! 

Don’t be lazy and make a pastel azteca instead

Credit: Instagram. @jaren_diaryrecipecollection

Lasagna sheets are the laziest trick on the book. You can as easily buy flour tortillas and make a pastel azteca. And let us guess, you bought taco seasoning instead of actually making it yourself? Get off your trasero and stock your herbs and spices shelf, reinita.

Seriously, microwave quesadillas have to STOP! PERO YA!

Credit: k6vel0osj9z01. Digital image. Reddit.

Look at this gooey mess. Seriously, it is not that hard or time-consuming to hear up el comal and make your quesadilla there. A good quesadilla has a slightly crunchy tortilla and not this soggy, sad excuse of a wrap. GUACALA! 

We just can’t let this go! There are even video tutorials for microwave quesadillas!

Damn, how menso do you have to be to actually need a video tutorial on how to put two tortillas, cheese, and ham together. In the 2 minutes that this video lasts, anyone can actually make a proper queca! 

Seriously? A can of black beans for arroz con frijoles negros?

The Cuban abuelitas of the world would be disgusted at this! Black beans have to be bought raw, cleaned, left to rest in water overnight and then cooked slowly and tenderly, as garlic caresses their surface. Any good Latino knows this. 

Just stop it with fajita seasoning mixes!

Credit: sheet-pan-chili-lime-shrimp-fajitas-104-680×1020. Digital image. Creme de la Crumb

OK. Just open your cupboards and mix these eight simple ingredients instead of tasting preservatives with every bite: 

  1. 4 teaspoons chili powder.
  2. 2 teaspoon ground cumin.
  3. 2 teaspoon paprika.
  4. 2 teaspoon salt.
  5. 2 teaspoon sugar.
  6. 1 teaspoon garlic powder.
  7. 1 teaspoon onion powder.
  8. 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper

Simpler, and much cheaper. You are welcome. 

Talking about fajitas…. this is some lazy person. And seriously, salad dressing?

Credit: DSC_0017. Digital image. classyclutter.net

We have seen it all, but seriously… Paul Newman’s salad dressing on fajitas. Also… prepackaged veggies? So many wrongdoings here, in culinary and environmental terms! 

Ya en serio, y’all need a tutorial to open a jar?

Credit: YouTube. @Julie Y Familia

Granted, making mole from scratch is time-consuming and sometimes the best way to tackle the craving is opening a good old jar. But this is not cooking, in all seriousness, it is merely putting things together. If you need a tutorial to panfry some pollo and add broth and a jar of mole, perhaps you should not be allowed en la cocina

The people who use esta atrocidad 

Credit: 61kt-v8Y+iL._SL1500_. Digital image. Amazon

One of the greatest joys of Latin American cooking is feeling the ingredients on your hands. Corn is fun to cook with, so why use this horrible device instead of a knife. No sean flojos. And it probably takes longer to use this than actually using your manitas

Y miren esto! 

Credit: pqrqrr1420342263521. Digital image. Light in the Box.

Aguacates have been one of the biggest victims of the gentrification of Latin American food. Does anyone need a tool for cutting them? Those pinches hipsters.  NO MORE PLASTIC WASTE, PLEASE. 

Yeah, kill whales with your plastic empanada maker, no worries.

Credit: 81oOfHC4AjL._SL1500_. Digital image. Amazon.

Among the stupidest tools we have seen this must be high on the ranking. If you want to make a nice Argentinian empanada, use your fingers to create those lovely dobleces. One of the great things about Argentinian cuisine is how rustic it looks, so this is a travesty that, to add insult to injury, harms the planet. 

Cut your own dang mushrooms!

Credit: 62919011_0_640x640. Digital image. Ocado

If you want to make your quesadillas and enchiladas a bit healthier, you can always add mushrooms. Just sauté them with oil and garlic y chilito and you got it. But please, please, please, slice your own mushrooms and save the planet from more cochina plastic waste. 

And peel your own damn elotes!

Credit: th_husked_corn_95ddbfda-de7d-4c10-a914-c704df84ccef_1024x1024 (1). Digital image. Hudson Valley Harvest

The same goes for corn! Take the fresh corn. Take the husk off. Get those pelos de elote in the trash can and rinse the corn. Easy as you lazy ass! 

Poor guacamole, the victim of so many cultural appropriation crimes… yes, mayonnaise… 

Credit: bowl-of-guacamole-and-sliced-avocado-545875085-5828c12b5f9b58d5b11391e0 (1). Digital image. The Spruce Eats

This infamous recipe promises that it will only take you 5 minutes to achieve a creamy guac. But it uses mayonnaise, which we frankly think is disgusting. If you want creamy guacamole, add a bit of olive oil and mix, then add a bit more until it is to your liking. 

The famous spring pea and avocado guacamole recipe

Credit: merlin_143416878_62a82be1-3e63-4da2-ba43-06ec39b38ce6-articleLarge. Digital image.
Credit: merlin_143416878_62a82be1-3e63-4da2-ba43-06ec39b38ce6-articleLarge. Digital image. The New York Times 

This recipe triggered a national debate on what guacamole actually is. It promises a chunky texture, which can be achieved instead by adding chopped onion and tomato. This is a mix between pea mash and our Mexican staple dish, and we really take offense. 

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Chicago’s Mi Tocaya Is Offering Up Free Mexican Homemeals For Undocumented Community

Culture

Chicago’s Mi Tocaya Is Offering Up Free Mexican Homemeals For Undocumented Community

mitocaya / Instagram

Undocumented communities are being left out of Covid relief plans. Chef Diana Dávila of Mi Tocaya in Chicago is working to help undocumented restaurant worker in the time of Covid. Abuse of undocumented workers is rampant in certain industries and Chef Dávila hopes to offer some kind of help.

Mi Tocaya is a Mexican restaurant in Chicago’s Logan Square that wants to help the community.

Covid-19 has devastated the hospitality industry with restaurants being hit exceptionally hard. Restaurants have been forced to close their doors for good as the virus dragged on with no decent relief plan from the federal government. As several countries financially support citizens to avoid economic disaster, the U.S. government has given citizens $1,800 total to cover 10 months of isolating and business closures.

Namely, Mi Tocaya is working to help the undocumented community.

Mi Tocaya, a family-run restaurant, is teaming up with Chicago’s Top Chefs and local non-profits Dishroulette Kitchen and Logan Square Neighborhood Association. The goal is to highlight the issues facing the undocumented community during the pandemic.

The initiative called Todos Ponen, is all about uplifting members of our community in a time of severe need. The restaurant is creating healthy Mexican family meals for those in need.

”We asked ourselves; How can we keep our doors open, provide a true service to the community, maintain and create jobs, and keep the supply chain intact by supporting local farmers and vendors. This is the answer,” Chef Dávila said in a statement. “I confidently believe The TODOS PONEN Logan Square Project addresses all of the above and can very well be easily implemented in any community. Our goal is to bring awareness to the lack of resources available to the undocumented workforce- the backbone of our industry.”

The initiative starts in February.

Mi Tocaya is offering 1000 free meals for local farmers and undocumented restaurant workers. The meals are available for pickup Tuesday through Friday from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. at 2800 W Logan Blvd, Chicago, IL 60647. to make this happen, Mi Tocaya also needs your help.

The restaurant has teamed up with two nonprofits to make sure that they can scale their operation to fulfill their commitment. They are also asking for donations to make sure they can do what they can to help undocumented restaurant workers.

According to Eater LA, 8 million restaurant workers have been laid off since the pandemic started. Some restaurants have had to lay off up to 91 percent of their staff because of Covid, about 10 percent of those are undocumented. In the cities, that number is as high as 40 percent of the laid-off restaurant staff are undocumented.

“People don’t want to talk about the undocumented workforce, but they’re part of our daily routine in most restaurants,” Jackson Flores, who manages the operations of Mi Tocaya, said in a statement. “They are in the toughest position in the whole economy because they’re an invisible part of it. Restaurant worker advocacy groups have added the creation of relief funds to their agendas, but there have yet to be long-term changes in protections for undocumented workers. Without access to unemployment benefits and other government resources, this group is especially vulnerable.”

READ: Hands-Free Cholula Dispensers Have Become a Thing In Restaurants Because of COVID-19

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From TV-less Weekdays To Cereal Bowls, People Are Sharing The Strangest House Rules

Culture

From TV-less Weekdays To Cereal Bowls, People Are Sharing The Strangest House Rules

James Leynse / Getty

If you’ve ever spent the night at someone else’s home, you know that there are people in the world who have house rules that can be very different from your own. From rules about drinking all of your milk cereal to not raising the volume of the television to a hearable level, different households have them all. Now, some of these crazy house rules are being shared in the comments section of an AskReddit. Not only are some of the stories and rules shared wild, some are also even a little sickening.

Check them out below!

“I had a friend who instead of washing the dishes after a meal just put them straight back in the cupboard. I thought his parents would freak out but it turns out it was just something they did in their house. Whenever I went over I always made sure to eat beforehand.” Reddit User

“Family who babysat me when I was young had a rule of “no drinking during meals” and I don’t just mean soda, juice or milk, no water until your meal is done. This was insane to me because we would be called in to supper/lunch after playing outside in the summer and weren’t allowed to drink anything until we sat down and finished our plates. Also, this rule didn’t apply to the father of the family who would often drink beer during meals.

My great-aunt had a parlor room in which all the furniture was covered in plastic and never used, it also had a plastic walkway going through the middle (just a strip of plastic cover) which was the only path you could walk on (she would flip out if you touched carpet).” –Random_White_Guy

“I wasn’t allowed to put extra salt on my food, had to be in bed by 8pm (all the way through middle school), and had to ride my bike to school everyday even though my best friends parents offered to take me.” –willwhit87

“No fighting over the heel of the bread. The father once off hand told his oldest children that the heel of a loaf of bread was the best and made them want it instead of the regular pieces. By the time there were 4 kids sometimes fist fights would break out over the heels. Loaves had been opened on both sides, or loaves were a mess because someone reached through the sack and pulled the back heel out. For a while there was a turn system where the heels were promised to a child for each loaf, but that fell apart when one went to summer camp and lost their turn. One time my friend wasted an afternoon waiting for his mother to come home with a fresh loaf of bread instead of going out and playing. I witnessed fist fights over the bread most people throw away.” –DarrenEdwards

“In college I had a friend that lived with his grandparents when he went to school. Before they’d let him leave the house his grandmother would say ‘nothing good happens after midnight’ and he would have to repeat it. If I was there, I would also have to repeat the phrase.” –iownalaptop

“I slept over a friends house in grade school one time. He prepared us a bowl of cereal the next morning for breakfast. Not thinking ANYTHING of my behavior, I didn’t finish the milk. I just never used to. I don’t know.

He was like “You uh…gonna finish that?”

“Uhhh oh…I uh…I don’t think so? Does that matter?”

He panicked. Absolutely panicked. I think he put it down the toilet before his parents came back into the room.

I don’t know what the rule was, exactly, but FINISH YOUR MILK OR DIE would be my guess based on his reaction. I still feel bad about it. I was like 8 and didn’t think.” –soomuchcoffee

“When I was a kid. I spent the night at one of my friends house. And you were allowed to drink a soda like sprite before bed. But you had to stir it till all the carbonation was gone.. Don’t ask me why…” –newvictim

“I had a friend in middle school, and his dad worked for Pepsi. No one was allowed to bring any Coke products into the house. The first time I went there his mom told me I could not come in the house because I had a Dr. Pepper. I thought she was joking and tried to walk in, but stopped me and said that if I don’t throw that in the garbage outside that I would have to leave. They were fucking serious about that shit.” – SlowRunner

“During college years, I used to visit my friend during summer months at his parents’ house, where he lived at that time. They had two odd “house rules” I’ll never forget:

  1. We couldn’t open any window in the house (even the bathroom window) – ever! Even if it was far cooler outside than inside during the summer.
  2. We weren’t allowed to close our bedroom doors at night, so that his parents’ cat could have free access to all rooms at all times. (This made it difficult to sleep, without a breath of air from the windows, and the cat walking over us in bed while trying to sleep.)” –Back2Bach

“I knew this family that would share the same bathwater as a means to cut down on their water bill. So when one person took a bath, they ALL took a bath that day. The waiting list was about 4-5 people deep. From what I understand, a lot of families do this, however, I just couldn’t see myself washing off in someone else’s soapy leftovers =( If that were the case, I got first dibs on getting in the bathtub first lol”- __femme_fatale__

“My ex’s family would throw all their left over food over their balconey instead of putting in the trash can. I asked them why they did that, they replied it keeps bugs away……..and didnt think rotted food right outside their door would bring bugs.” –PimemtoCheese

“I had a friend whose mom required her to sit on the floor. Never a chair, couch, bed, or other piece of furniture. I went to her house once and sat down on her bed and she flipped out, made me get off it and spent several minutes smoothing the sheets to make it look flat again. I think her mom thought “kids are dirty” but the rule was in place even after bathing and wearing clean.” –knitasha

“Went over to a school-mates’s house for dinner when I was in elementary school…his mom cut everyone’s good into little tiny bites before giving you the plate and only let us eat with a spoon… Her oldest daughter apparently choked on something once when she was a teenager and it became a rule…even on hamburger and hotdog night.” –GRZMNKY

“I was doing a project with a classmate at her house and on our way to her house we stopped at a store and picked up some snacks. We did our schoolwork and then just kind of played and messed around while eating those snacks. Then her mom came home and lost her absolute shit about the snacks. It wasn’t so much that we had eaten them, it was because the snacks had crumbs that had contaminated their otherwise purified home.

My friend had to stop everything and vacuum the entire house to get every crumb of snack, then take the nearly empty vacuum bag, the empty snack bags, and the half-empty but “contaminated” bag of kitchen trash outside and ask one of the neighbors if she could put it in their garbage bin because not a crumb of that kind of food was allowed on the property in any form after sunset. My mom picked me up and as I was leaving they were doing some additional purification ritual and my friend was praying for forgiveness for having potentially defiled their home.

Turns out they were 7th Day Adventist and it was against their code or whatever to have leavened foods in their house/property during a certain period of time? I don’t remember the exact details, but I remember it was a pretty big thing about how every crumb had to be removed from the property ASAP.” – alexa-488

“My neighborhood friend and I would hang out almost every day of the summer. We would go out exploring in the woods with a bunch of our friends and would usually come back all muddy and tired. My friend was very nice and would offer me water and food. His parents would take those away from me if they saw me with them saying they were only for their children. He was always allowed to eat at our house yet I’d have to walk back if they started having any type of meal. The worst though was his next door neighbor who had a daughter our age and when we were hanging out we all got muddy (we were 10) the girls mom proceeded to take her daughter and my friend into her house to clean them up and told me I wasn’t allowed to enter and that I could use the hose. Some people just know how to ruin a kid’s self esteem.” –boomsloth

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