Culture

The Laziest Food Hacks In All Of The Land Would Send Your Abuela To The Chancla

There is no way around it: the secret to good cooking is paciencia, letting things simmer, allowing the ingredients to melt together in perfect harmony. Ask any abuelita if she uses the microwave for cooking and she will give you a face of no mames, mijito. Latin American food, in particular, is deceptively complex and needs to follow both carefully written family recipes and plenty of panza. Yes, us Latinos cook not only with our hands but also with our spirit: every plate of mole or arepas is representative of culture and history. Each dish is the product of processes of colonization and mixing of indigenous and European cultures. Ingredients like corn, potatoes, tomatoes, and beans, which are endemic to the American continent, coexist with pork, beef and eggs, imported by the Europeans centuries ago. 

However, we seem to live in a day and age where having things ahorita, era para ayer, is wanted rather than rejected. Fast food and fast cooking are a response to our turbulent and fast-paced modern lives. It sucks, though. Cooking is about feeding our bodies and our souls, so nada de atajos en la cocina, chaparritos, porfas. Here are 20 folks who just don’t get that cocinar necesita paciencia and totally savaged tradition by employing lazy tactics and hacks. Shame on them! Also, using extra plastic in the kitchen is honestly terrible in this juncture of worldwide environmental crisis. 

Let’s make it clear right here and right now!  Tortillas DO NOT FREEZE WELL!

Credit: 21-ct-chickencheeseflour-taquito. Digital image. El Monterey

If you want to have a cardboard tasting thing that looks like a Mexican spring roll, go ahead. Or you can fry your own taquitos with fresh ingredients. 

Ketchup on Mexican Rice? Cue Laura Bozzo voice: QUE PASE EL DESGRACIADO!

Credit: Screenshot. https://tastykitchen.com/recipes/sidedishes/fantastic-mexican-rice/

This is an insult to tradition and an abomination. Who would cook Mexican rice with ketchup, which is basically sugar on steroids. Asquito

Packaged arepas are OK, we guess, but stuff them yourself!

Credit: 61Ep-K9T76L. Digital image. Amazon

Buying this atrocity is as silly as buying pre-made quesadillas. And in all honesty, pre-made food rarely uses the best cheese options. So just buy arepas (or make them fresh!), buy a nice queso and stuff them with tus dos manitas, que para eso te las dieron, chaparrito

Whoever freezes pico de gallo doesn’t deserve to eat it!

Credit: 71S9xIvyYFL._SL1500_. Digital image. Amazon

Pico de gallo salsa is delicious because of its freshness. Whoever is trying to freeze it here (using this lazy ass baggy opener, like yeah, let’s waste even more plastic and kill more marine life) deserves the soggy, stale mess they will eat when the pico de gallo thaws. 

The dude who uses instant oats for his version of arroz con leche

Credit: Instagram. @ed_edd_lalo

Ay, no manches. Really, oats will never taste like an arroz con leche that has been simmering on the stove for two hours. Never, ever, nunca de los nuncas. Please do not try at home. 

This person who used Doritos to make their own version of chilaquiles

@chefjedigaming

Can we barf already? If you can go to the shops to buy Doritos you can as easily buy tortilla chips! Or better still, buy corn tortillas, cut them in triangles and fry them. It is not that hard, seriously! 

Don’t be lazy and make a pastel azteca instead

Credit: Instagram. @jaren_diaryrecipecollection

Lasagna sheets are the laziest trick on the book. You can as easily buy flour tortillas and make a pastel azteca. And let us guess, you bought taco seasoning instead of actually making it yourself? Get off your trasero and stock your herbs and spices shelf, reinita.

Seriously, microwave quesadillas have to STOP! PERO YA!

Credit: k6vel0osj9z01. Digital image. Reddit.

Look at this gooey mess. Seriously, it is not that hard or time-consuming to hear up el comal and make your quesadilla there. A good quesadilla has a slightly crunchy tortilla and not this soggy, sad excuse of a wrap. GUACALA! 

We just can’t let this go! There are even video tutorials for microwave quesadillas!

Damn, how menso do you have to be to actually need a video tutorial on how to put two tortillas, cheese, and ham together. In the 2 minutes that this video lasts, anyone can actually make a proper queca! 

Seriously? A can of black beans for arroz con frijoles negros?

The Cuban abuelitas of the world would be disgusted at this! Black beans have to be bought raw, cleaned, left to rest in water overnight and then cooked slowly and tenderly, as garlic caresses their surface. Any good Latino knows this. 

Just stop it with fajita seasoning mixes!

Credit: sheet-pan-chili-lime-shrimp-fajitas-104-680×1020. Digital image. Creme de la Crumb

OK. Just open your cupboards and mix these eight simple ingredients instead of tasting preservatives with every bite: 

  1. 4 teaspoons chili powder.
  2. 2 teaspoon ground cumin.
  3. 2 teaspoon paprika.
  4. 2 teaspoon salt.
  5. 2 teaspoon sugar.
  6. 1 teaspoon garlic powder.
  7. 1 teaspoon onion powder.
  8. 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper

Simpler, and much cheaper. You are welcome. 

Talking about fajitas…. this is some lazy person. And seriously, salad dressing?

Credit: DSC_0017. Digital image. classyclutter.net

We have seen it all, but seriously… Paul Newman’s salad dressing on fajitas. Also… prepackaged veggies? So many wrongdoings here, in culinary and environmental terms! 

Ya en serio, y’all need a tutorial to open a jar?

Credit: YouTube. @Julie Y Familia

Granted, making mole from scratch is time-consuming and sometimes the best way to tackle the craving is opening a good old jar. But this is not cooking, in all seriousness, it is merely putting things together. If you need a tutorial to panfry some pollo and add broth and a jar of mole, perhaps you should not be allowed en la cocina

The people who use esta atrocidad 

Credit: 61kt-v8Y+iL._SL1500_. Digital image. Amazon

One of the greatest joys of Latin American cooking is feeling the ingredients on your hands. Corn is fun to cook with, so why use this horrible device instead of a knife. No sean flojos. And it probably takes longer to use this than actually using your manitas

Y miren esto! 

Credit: pqrqrr1420342263521. Digital image. Light in the Box.

Aguacates have been one of the biggest victims of the gentrification of Latin American food. Does anyone need a tool for cutting them? Those pinches hipsters.  NO MORE PLASTIC WASTE, PLEASE. 

Yeah, kill whales with your plastic empanada maker, no worries.

Credit: 81oOfHC4AjL._SL1500_. Digital image. Amazon.

Among the stupidest tools we have seen this must be high on the ranking. If you want to make a nice Argentinian empanada, use your fingers to create those lovely dobleces. One of the great things about Argentinian cuisine is how rustic it looks, so this is a travesty that, to add insult to injury, harms the planet. 

Cut your own dang mushrooms!

Credit: 62919011_0_640x640. Digital image. Ocado

If you want to make your quesadillas and enchiladas a bit healthier, you can always add mushrooms. Just sauté them with oil and garlic y chilito and you got it. But please, please, please, slice your own mushrooms and save the planet from more cochina plastic waste. 

And peel your own damn elotes!

Credit: th_husked_corn_95ddbfda-de7d-4c10-a914-c704df84ccef_1024x1024 (1). Digital image. Hudson Valley Harvest

The same goes for corn! Take the fresh corn. Take the husk off. Get those pelos de elote in the trash can and rinse the corn. Easy as you lazy ass! 

Poor guacamole, the victim of so many cultural appropriation crimes… yes, mayonnaise… 

Credit: bowl-of-guacamole-and-sliced-avocado-545875085-5828c12b5f9b58d5b11391e0 (1). Digital image. The Spruce Eats

This infamous recipe promises that it will only take you 5 minutes to achieve a creamy guac. But it uses mayonnaise, which we frankly think is disgusting. If you want creamy guacamole, add a bit of olive oil and mix, then add a bit more until it is to your liking. 

The famous spring pea and avocado guacamole recipe

Credit: merlin_143416878_62a82be1-3e63-4da2-ba43-06ec39b38ce6-articleLarge. Digital image.
Credit: merlin_143416878_62a82be1-3e63-4da2-ba43-06ec39b38ce6-articleLarge. Digital image. The New York Times 

This recipe triggered a national debate on what guacamole actually is. It promises a chunky texture, which can be achieved instead by adding chopped onion and tomato. This is a mix between pea mash and our Mexican staple dish, and we really take offense. 

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Mountain Dew Margaritas Are Apparently A Thing At Red Lobster Now?

Culture

Mountain Dew Margaritas Are Apparently A Thing At Red Lobster Now?

Matt Winkelmeyer / Getty

We’ve seen all kinds of takes on the timeless classic that is a Margarita. From frozen Margaritas to ones with cranberry juice and dashes of blue curaçao and twists of basil and ginger beer we’ve literally seen it all. Or so we thought.

Recently, Red Lobster announced that they’re doing a Mountain Dew-take on the beloved and salty tequila cocktail.

Red Lobster’s DEW-Garita promises to set you aglow.

The drink is the first official Mountain Dew cocktail and of course, it is bright lime green. While the cocktail’s recipe is being kept strictly under wraps, like everything at Red Lobster’s, it’s supposed to pair “perfectly” with Red Lobster’s iconic Cheddar Bay Biscuits.

“Red Lobster is thrilled to work with PepsiCo, not only because it has a great portfolio of brands, but specifically because of the food and beverage innovation possibilities,” Nelson Griffin,the Senior Vice President and Chief Supply Chain Officer at Red Lobster said in a statement about the drink.

Red Lobster’s DEW-Garita is due to debut at Red Lobster locations nationwide in September and by the end of 2020.

The Margarita is an iconic Mexican drink related to a drink called Rhe Daisy.

The classic Tequila sour cocktail is one of the most beloved cocktails in the world. According to Wine Enthusiast “One story claims that the drink was created in 1938, as Mexican restaurant owner Carlos (Danny) Herrera mixed it for gorgeous Ziegfeld showgirl Marjorie King. Supposedly, Tequila was the only alcohol that King would abide, so Herrera added lime juice and salt.”

To make your own classic Margarita check out this recipe below

Ingredients

  • Coarse salt
  • Lime wedge
  • 2 ounces white Tequila
  • 1 ounce orange liqueur
  • 1 ounce lime juice

Directions

Shake out coarse salt on a plate. Wet the rim of a glass by using the lime wedge. Press the rim of the glass in the plate of salt to coat. Add ice to the glass.

Fill a cocktail shaker with ice and add the rest of the ingredients. Shake well, and pour into the prepared glass over ice.

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El Pollo Loco Announces First Round Of Latina Business Owners To Win $10K Grants

Fierce

El Pollo Loco Announces First Round Of Latina Business Owners To Win $10K Grants

Ethan Miller / Getty Images

Update: October 14, 2020

El Pollo Local Grants was created to help Latina-owned small businesses and the Latinas who started them. As part of the program, El Pollo Loco awarded $100,000 in grant money directly to ten Latina entrepreneurs who needed support during this pandemic. El Pollo Loco has also set up a GoFundMe to use the momentum and community support to save more Latina-owned businesses. Here are some of the Latina-owned business that El Pollo Loco helped with their grant program.

Thirteen lucky Latina food jefas in Los Angeles won grants from El Pollo Loco.

El Pollo Loco, in partnership with #WeAllGrow Latina, is putting their money back into their community. With Covid-19 devastating small business owners, Latinas in particular, the fast-food chain wanted to help those struggling. In response to the ongoing pandemic, El Pollo Loco created the #FundLatinaFoodJefas campaign to give $10,000 and mentorship to Latina food jefas in the Los Angeles area.

“When El Pollo Loco approached us about working together to support the local Latina business community, we were all in,” Ana Flores, founder and CEO of #WeAllGrow Latina, said in a statement when the fund was announced. “We know that Latinas are driving economic gains that create generational wealth for the broader community, but that the circumstances of COVID-19 have posed a significant threat to our progress. This program will provide the exposure, mentorship, and the cash that women in our community, specifically those in the food industry, need to adapt their businesses to this new reality.”

Thirteen Latina food jefas won the grants. The restaurants and jefas were nominated by customers, friends, and family who wanted to see them thrive. The winners of the grants are Amara Kitchen & Catering, The Salvi Vega, Alchemy Organica, Cafe Santo, La Llorona Bakes, Todo Verde, Andrea’s Healthy Kitchen, Milpa Grille, Salsaology, Twisted for Sugar, Yucas, East Los Sweets, and Alta Baja Market.

Congratulations to all of the Latina food jefas who won the grants to keep their businesses going. El Pollo Loco wants to keep the love going. If you want to help, you can donate to their GoFundMe here.

Original: Covid-19 has devastated millions of Americans with job loss. Unemployment skyrocketed as the federal government failed to create and execute a plan to combat the pandemic. El Pollo Loco is stepping up and giving our community a chance to keep business doors open and community members employed.

El Pollo Loco is giving Latina business owners in the greater Los Angeles area a lifeline in these uncertain times.

The Latino community is the fastest-growing group of entrepreneurs and business owners in the U.S. According to a Stanford University study, Latino business owners grew 34 percent while every other demographic grew 1 percent over the last ten years.

However, Covid has changed things. Latina-owned business are some of the hardest hit and the sudden loss is impacting our community. According to the Pew Research Center, Latinas experienced a -21 percent change in small business ownership and jobs since the Covid downturn.

El Pollo Loco is offering $100,000 in grants to different Latina-owned businesses because of the pandemic.

The fast-food chain has started a GoFundMe to keep the donations going. El Pollo Loco has already pledged $100,000 to help Latina small businesses and the GoFundMe promises to keep the donations flowing. For every $10,000 raised in the GoFundMe, El Pollo Loco will donate it to a Latina small business. The GoFundMe has raised over $100,000 at the time of this post.

#WeAllGrow Latina partnered with El Pollo Loco to give Latina business owners this lifeline.

#WeAllGrow Latina and El Pollo Loco are asking the Latino community to help find Latina small businesses that deserve the grants. Instead of making the decision themselves, #WeAllGrow Latina and El Pollo Loco want you to nominate your favorite Latina small business for the grant.

“This year has been unlike any other, leaving Latina-owned businesses disproportionately impacted,” Bernard Acoca, President and Chief Executive Officer of El Pollo Loco, said in a statement. “Given the critical role brands are expected to play during the pandemic and on the heels of Hispanic Heritage Month, we felt compelled to find a way to support the people and city we call home.”

In order to nominate a business, here is what you have to do.

Credit: weallgrowlatina.com/fundlatinafoodjefas

Using social media, nominate your favorite LA-based Latina small business and tag @elpolloloco and @weallgrowlatina while using #grantcontest and #FundLatinaFoodJefas. You can nominate the business up to five times.

People are already nominating their favorite food places in LA.

You have until Sept. 15 to nominate your favorite Latina small business. You can help them win $10,000 and mentorship from El Pollo Loco to help Latina business owners in LA keep their doors open. You can learn more here.

READ: California Is Poised To Become The First State To Offer Unemployment To Undocumented Workers

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