Culture

The Laziest Food Hacks In All Of The Land Would Send Your Abuela To The Chancla

There is no way around it: the secret to good cooking is paciencia, letting things simmer, allowing the ingredients to melt together in perfect harmony. Ask any abuelita if she uses the microwave for cooking and she will give you a face of no mames, mijito. Latin American food, in particular, is deceptively complex and needs to follow both carefully written family recipes and plenty of panza. Yes, us Latinos cook not only with our hands but also with our spirit: every plate of mole or arepas is representative of culture and history. Each dish is the product of processes of colonization and mixing of indigenous and European cultures. Ingredients like corn, potatoes, tomatoes, and beans, which are endemic to the American continent, coexist with pork, beef and eggs, imported by the Europeans centuries ago. 

However, we seem to live in a day and age where having things ahorita, era para ayer, is wanted rather than rejected. Fast food and fast cooking are a response to our turbulent and fast-paced modern lives. It sucks, though. Cooking is about feeding our bodies and our souls, so nada de atajos en la cocina, chaparritos, porfas. Here are 20 folks who just don’t get that cocinar necesita paciencia and totally savaged tradition by employing lazy tactics and hacks. Shame on them! Also, using extra plastic in the kitchen is honestly terrible in this juncture of worldwide environmental crisis. 

Let’s make it clear right here and right now!  Tortillas DO NOT FREEZE WELL!

Credit: 21-ct-chickencheeseflour-taquito. Digital image. El Monterey

If you want to have a cardboard tasting thing that looks like a Mexican spring roll, go ahead. Or you can fry your own taquitos with fresh ingredients. 

Ketchup on Mexican Rice? Cue Laura Bozzo voice: QUE PASE EL DESGRACIADO!

Credit: Screenshot. https://tastykitchen.com/recipes/sidedishes/fantastic-mexican-rice/

This is an insult to tradition and an abomination. Who would cook Mexican rice with ketchup, which is basically sugar on steroids. Asquito

Packaged arepas are OK, we guess, but stuff them yourself!

Credit: 61Ep-K9T76L. Digital image. Amazon

Buying this atrocity is as silly as buying pre-made quesadillas. And in all honesty, pre-made food rarely uses the best cheese options. So just buy arepas (or make them fresh!), buy a nice queso and stuff them with tus dos manitas, que para eso te las dieron, chaparrito

Whoever freezes pico de gallo doesn’t deserve to eat it!

Credit: 71S9xIvyYFL._SL1500_. Digital image. Amazon

Pico de gallo salsa is delicious because of its freshness. Whoever is trying to freeze it here (using this lazy ass baggy opener, like yeah, let’s waste even more plastic and kill more marine life) deserves the soggy, stale mess they will eat when the pico de gallo thaws. 

The dude who uses instant oats for his version of arroz con leche

Credit: Instagram. @ed_edd_lalo

Ay, no manches. Really, oats will never taste like an arroz con leche that has been simmering on the stove for two hours. Never, ever, nunca de los nuncas. Please do not try at home. 

This person who used Doritos to make their own version of chilaquiles

@chefjedigaming

Can we barf already? If you can go to the shops to buy Doritos you can as easily buy tortilla chips! Or better still, buy corn tortillas, cut them in triangles and fry them. It is not that hard, seriously! 

Don’t be lazy and make a pastel azteca instead

Credit: Instagram. @jaren_diaryrecipecollection

Lasagna sheets are the laziest trick on the book. You can as easily buy flour tortillas and make a pastel azteca. And let us guess, you bought taco seasoning instead of actually making it yourself? Get off your trasero and stock your herbs and spices shelf, reinita.

Seriously, microwave quesadillas have to STOP! PERO YA!

Credit: k6vel0osj9z01. Digital image. Reddit.

Look at this gooey mess. Seriously, it is not that hard or time-consuming to hear up el comal and make your quesadilla there. A good quesadilla has a slightly crunchy tortilla and not this soggy, sad excuse of a wrap. GUACALA! 

We just can’t let this go! There are even video tutorials for microwave quesadillas!

Damn, how menso do you have to be to actually need a video tutorial on how to put two tortillas, cheese, and ham together. In the 2 minutes that this video lasts, anyone can actually make a proper queca! 

Seriously? A can of black beans for arroz con frijoles negros?

The Cuban abuelitas of the world would be disgusted at this! Black beans have to be bought raw, cleaned, left to rest in water overnight and then cooked slowly and tenderly, as garlic caresses their surface. Any good Latino knows this. 

Just stop it with fajita seasoning mixes!

Credit: sheet-pan-chili-lime-shrimp-fajitas-104-680×1020. Digital image. Creme de la Crumb

OK. Just open your cupboards and mix these eight simple ingredients instead of tasting preservatives with every bite: 

  1. 4 teaspoons chili powder.
  2. 2 teaspoon ground cumin.
  3. 2 teaspoon paprika.
  4. 2 teaspoon salt.
  5. 2 teaspoon sugar.
  6. 1 teaspoon garlic powder.
  7. 1 teaspoon onion powder.
  8. 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper

Simpler, and much cheaper. You are welcome. 

Talking about fajitas…. this is some lazy person. And seriously, salad dressing?

Credit: DSC_0017. Digital image. classyclutter.net

We have seen it all, but seriously… Paul Newman’s salad dressing on fajitas. Also… prepackaged veggies? So many wrongdoings here, in culinary and environmental terms! 

Ya en serio, y’all need a tutorial to open a jar?

Credit: YouTube. @Julie Y Familia

Granted, making mole from scratch is time-consuming and sometimes the best way to tackle the craving is opening a good old jar. But this is not cooking, in all seriousness, it is merely putting things together. If you need a tutorial to panfry some pollo and add broth and a jar of mole, perhaps you should not be allowed en la cocina

The people who use esta atrocidad 

Credit: 61kt-v8Y+iL._SL1500_. Digital image. Amazon

One of the greatest joys of Latin American cooking is feeling the ingredients on your hands. Corn is fun to cook with, so why use this horrible device instead of a knife. No sean flojos. And it probably takes longer to use this than actually using your manitas

Y miren esto! 

Credit: pqrqrr1420342263521. Digital image. Light in the Box.

Aguacates have been one of the biggest victims of the gentrification of Latin American food. Does anyone need a tool for cutting them? Those pinches hipsters.  NO MORE PLASTIC WASTE, PLEASE. 

Yeah, kill whales with your plastic empanada maker, no worries.

Credit: 81oOfHC4AjL._SL1500_. Digital image. Amazon.

Among the stupidest tools we have seen this must be high on the ranking. If you want to make a nice Argentinian empanada, use your fingers to create those lovely dobleces. One of the great things about Argentinian cuisine is how rustic it looks, so this is a travesty that, to add insult to injury, harms the planet. 

Cut your own dang mushrooms!

Credit: 62919011_0_640x640. Digital image. Ocado

If you want to make your quesadillas and enchiladas a bit healthier, you can always add mushrooms. Just sauté them with oil and garlic y chilito and you got it. But please, please, please, slice your own mushrooms and save the planet from more cochina plastic waste. 

And peel your own damn elotes!

Credit: th_husked_corn_95ddbfda-de7d-4c10-a914-c704df84ccef_1024x1024 (1). Digital image. Hudson Valley Harvest

The same goes for corn! Take the fresh corn. Take the husk off. Get those pelos de elote in the trash can and rinse the corn. Easy as you lazy ass! 

Poor guacamole, the victim of so many cultural appropriation crimes… yes, mayonnaise… 

Credit: bowl-of-guacamole-and-sliced-avocado-545875085-5828c12b5f9b58d5b11391e0 (1). Digital image. The Spruce Eats

This infamous recipe promises that it will only take you 5 minutes to achieve a creamy guac. But it uses mayonnaise, which we frankly think is disgusting. If you want creamy guacamole, add a bit of olive oil and mix, then add a bit more until it is to your liking. 

The famous spring pea and avocado guacamole recipe

Credit: merlin_143416878_62a82be1-3e63-4da2-ba43-06ec39b38ce6-articleLarge. Digital image.
Credit: merlin_143416878_62a82be1-3e63-4da2-ba43-06ec39b38ce6-articleLarge. Digital image. The New York Times 

This recipe triggered a national debate on what guacamole actually is. It promises a chunky texture, which can be achieved instead by adding chopped onion and tomato. This is a mix between pea mash and our Mexican staple dish, and we really take offense. 

Nonprofit United We Dream Is Crowdsourcing Immigrant Recipes For A Fundraising Cookbook

Culture

Nonprofit United We Dream Is Crowdsourcing Immigrant Recipes For A Fundraising Cookbook

unitedwedream / Instagram

During the COVID-19 lockdowns, people have spent a lot of time in their kitchens cooking food to bring them comfort. One unique thing about the self-isolation is that people are having to figure out how to make things stretch or substitute some of your usual ingredients. United We Dream wants to make sure they can do something good with all of the recipes we have created.

United We Dream wants to use your recipes to create some good.

According to an Instagram post, United We Dream is putting together an undocumented cookbook. In the spirit of sharing recipes and cultural moments, United We Dream is asking for people to submit their recipes.

“At United We Dream we believe in the power of art and culture to change hearts and minds and June is the perfect time to tap into our cultural creativity,” reads the United We Dream website. “On Immigrant Heritage Month, we want to celebrate our community through a joyous art form that every household does: cooking!”

The money is going to be used to help the undocumented and immigrant communities.

Credit: unitedwedream / Instagram

According to Remezcla, 100 percent of profits from the book will go to the organization’s National UndocuFunds. United We Dream launched the National UndocuFund to deliver financial assistance to undocumented people struggling during the COVID-19 pandemic. It is likely that the fund will need to do some extra lifting to help communities recovering from recent looting and rioting that has rocked the U.S. in recent days.

“We know that nothing brings people together quite like food,” reads the United We Dream website. “The dishes that immigrants create, no matter how simple or complex, allow people to experience cultures other than one’s own and all the joys and pleasures that come with it.”

The cookbook is already getting people excited.

Credit: unitedwedream / Instagram

There is something to be said about people getting creative in the kitchen during this pandemic. Outings are limited because we are all staying home to slow the spread. There are also people who are still not at work. That is why we have had to get creative to make our food last.

“Today, times are tough because of COVID-19, but many working-class and poor households are embracing their creativity to create meals that both sustain their households and bring a moment of peace and comfort,” reads the United We Dream website. “We want to create a cookbook that reflects our diverse community and inspires memories of joy, comfort and togetherness!”

United We Dream understands the power of food.

Food is a unifier. Everyone eats and food is one way to connect with your culture. It is also a wonderful way to share your culture with other people. Sharing your food and culture with people is a special way to let your friends into your life.

The organization is still taking recipe suggestions. If you want a chance to give more people a look into who you are and your culture through food, click here to share a recipe.

READ: Colorado Organization Raises Money To Offer Relief Checks To Undocumented People In The State

Get Ready To Loosen Your Belt– KFC Is Launching A New Chicken Sandwich

Culture

Get Ready To Loosen Your Belt– KFC Is Launching A New Chicken Sandwich

kfc / Instagram

We’ll just come out and say it. Chick-fil-A just isn’t worth it.

Known for sparking a fried chicken sandwich craze and Sunday closures, Chick-fil-A should be better known for its long history of contributions to charities with anti-LGBTQ stances. It also has ties to a 2019 decision by a Ugandan government minister to announce his intention to make homosexuality punishable by death in the country. The National Christian Foundation has ties to the promotion of the bill to make homosexuality punishable by death. The foundation has funded projects that opposed LGBT rights in Uganda. The WinShape Foundation, which has ties to Chick-fil-A, has funded the National Christian Foundation.

Now some chicken sandwiches are worth the regret, but when a wimpy bun with teeny tiny pickles comes with a side of homophobic murders… we’ll take a hard pass.

All of this is to say that when it comes to eating good fried chicken sandwiches there are other and better options. And it turns out we’re coming into a bit more luck because KFC is launching a new one!

Kentuck Fried Chicken’s New Sandwich

It turns out “KFC Chicken Sandwich,” KFC is testing an extra crispy chicken that might just cause another series of riots like Popeyes did a year ago. Set on a buttered brioche bun, topped with pickles and spicy mayonnaise. This one is definitely one to try when it comes out.

Price: $3.99

Popeyes

Popeyes sparked riots of all kinds when it launched its now-beloved fried chicken sandwich made with brioche bun, a substantial cut of buttermilk battered chicken, pickles, and mayonnaise. Many have argued that its the best chicken sandwich in the fast-food realm for quite some time and we have to agree it’s pretty flawless.

Price: $3.99

Wendy’s

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Relationship Goals 🔥

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Toasted bun, chicken breast, tomato, lettuce, and mayonnaise you got it! The chain with a head of red hair and pigtails laid down the gauntlet a while back when it claimed on Twitter that it has the best fried chicken sandwich and that its competitors were simply “fighting for second best.” And truth be told, it’s not bad.
Price: $5.79

Burger King

Made with a potato bun, white meat chicken filet, tomato, lettuce, and mayonnaise, Burger King lends a Crispy Chicken Sandwich that lives up to its claims of royalty.

Price: $5.99

Jack in the Box

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Go wild with some Wild Caught Alaska Pollock

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Greasy, fried, and delicious chicken sandwich is a value-menu item that comes at a pretty cheap price.

Price: $1.89

Arby’s

Arby’s offers up a solid sandwich in the name of the chicken sandwich wars with a star cut bun, buttermilk breaded chicken, tomatoes, shredded lettuce, and mayonnaise.

Price: $4.99