Things That Matter

Drunk Abuelas And Turkeys On Fire— These Legendary Thanksgiving Stories Will Go Down In Family History

Family drama can be the worst kind of drama and also the most fun. Still, when it comes to a little family drama there’s nothing like the kind circled around a Thanksgiving table. As we approach Turkey day, users on Reddit have been taking part in the age-old Thanksgiving past time of sharing stories.

Check out these hilarious stories shared below!

“My mom dominated the conversation about how everyone should be drinking their pee. For a solid 45 minutes. She read in some yoga book about how it cures some infection called “Bali belly” that you get in places like, you guessed it, Bali. But also that it’s actually just really helpful for all sorts of shit. Went way into detail about how you have to catch it mid stream of the first pee of the morning blah blah blah. By the end she was defending it so thoroughly she said she was going to start tomorrow morning. She never did and now denies the conversation lasted more than 5 minutes and that everyone was egging her on.” –MyElectricCity

“My grandmother ran over herself with her SUV. I was on my way to the festivities when it happened, so I don’t know the exact details, but she was getting out food from the back of her SUV, put it in neutral instead of park, and it slowly ran her over. The craziest part is that my family (all inside) didn’t notice until they heard a bump against the house. The SUV made three loops before hitting the house. She ended up being fine but now isn’t allowed to go outside alone anymore on holidays. This story is now a ‘Oh, Grandma!’ moment in our family.” –DrunkOffMyAsh

“My grandma accidentally poured dish soap on the turkey instead of oil… might have been one of the funniest but most upsetting things I’ve ever seen.” –Gjlynch22

“My family member was transporting our meal between houses in their car and slid off the road, sending the turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, desserts, everything flying around the car into a massive swirl of messy destruction. It was just upsetting lol. I think we ended up ordering KFC that year.” –that-crypto-dude

“I thought it would be a funny prank to put a rubber chicken in the oven on Thanksgiving. My mom would laugh and laugh. Ho ho ho, there’s a rubber chicken in the oven, what a gag. 13 year old me didn’t realize that normal adults usually preheat the oven before putting the turkey in.” –shhh_its_sneakos

“My cousin tried showing us ‘the boot trick’. It was a way to get the cork out of a bottle of wine without a cork screw. You put the bottom of the bottle in your shoe and hit it against the wall and it’s suppose to get the cork out. He gathers us all outside to show us how it works. We’re all standing in my aunt’s driveway to see the trick. Upon hitting the wall the entire bottle shatters and his shoe is soaked in red wine. I guess that’s pretty mild. My family gets along pretty well.” – CecilWeasle

“My grandparents had a new oven, and my grandmother had never made a turkey in it before. The turkey drippings somehow caught fire and the kitchen filled up with smoke. We called 911 but by the time the fire department arrived, my dad and grandfather had put out the fire. So, when the firemen arrived, there was no more fire. They were really nice and understanding. My grandmother was mortified. My drunk aunt tried hitting on all of the firemen even though she had a good 25-30 years on them. My cousin and I just stood in the front yard drinking beers in silence, watching it all play out.” – Sp4ceh0rse

“My aunt not being able to come because she was in jail for trying to shoplift a turkey from the grocery.” – Buttxtouch

“My mother and grandmother had plans to go to a restaurant last year, my sister convinces them to go somewhere else at last minute. Of course this means no reservations but sister is convinced that it’ll be fine and they might just have to wait a few minutes for a table. I live in another state so I get to experience all of this from a distance. They end up sitting at the bar while waiting for a table, having a few drinks and appetizers. After the 2nd round of martinis my mother looks over and my grandmother is leaning back in her chair, completely limp and unresponsive. Everyone freaks out, paramedics are called, grandma is rushed to the ER. I’m 1,200 miles away when my mother calls to tell me what happened. At this point grandma is at the ER, still unresponsive, crazy low blood pressure and high heart rate. I’m ready to book plane tickets and rush to the airport when mom calls back “Don’t worry, everything’s OK, your grandmother just got drunk.” Her blood test came back completely normal except with a BAC of 0.24 (3x legal limit). She was awake now so I got to talk to her and she was crying “I’m so sorry, I’ve ruined Thanksgiving.” I assured her that she hasn’t ruined Thanksgiving, and that everyone is just happy she’s OK. So my grandma is 90 years old, about 4’8″, 100lbs. She hadn’t eaten anything all day because she knew they were having a big dinner. She also ordered another martini while no one was looking, so the 2nd martini was actually her 3rd. This turned into the perfect storm of really drunk grandma. TL;DR Grandma got run over by a martini.” – dalgeek

“At my friend’s conservative catholic family’s house for thanksgiving, and his older brother told everyone that my pal had gotten a tattoo. His parents were pissed, and forced him to show them the tattoo. When they saw that it was a dollar sign on his left butt cheek, there were tears.” –Annieruinsevrythng

“I heard some screaming from outside my apartment. I opened the door and saw this lady running to the dumpster with a turkey still in the pan on fire. She threw it into the dumpster which then caught fire. I called 911 so the fire department could put it out.” –MeridianOne

“This Thanksgiving would be special, we invited somewhere around 25 people (normally it would’ve been 12) and everyone arrived. Naturally, my mother bought a seriously large turkey, and had it slow cooking all day. It was going to be the highlight of the day and everyone was looking forward to it. Fast forward, the turkey is out of the oven and is being carved. It looks and smells delicious, the table is set. Everyone’s sitting down at the table, passing around mashed potatoes and talking about whatever. My mom is bringing the turkey from the kitchen into the dining room. She drops the turkey platter. It shatters, turkey and porcelain shards litter the floor. Thankfully, most of the turkey was salvaged due to the 5 second rule. Some of us had shards of turkey platter on our plates but it wasnt a big deal. The turkey WAS as good as it promised to be, and it is sometimes mentioned as the legendary floor bird.” –KevinNoy

“My 4-year old sister was sitting at the dinner table next to Grandma. After taking a bite of something she said “my tongue hurts” to which Grandma replied , “well come here and let me kiss it to make it feel better.” The moment their lips touched, my sister vomited directly into Grandma’s mouth. My dad bursts into laughter and Grandma passes off my sister while she gets up to go clean up in the bathroom. Not more than 5 seconds after she left, a 2 square foot chunk of the ceiling caved in and fell directly onto her chair.” –MiNiX97

“My family had a Thai exchange student during Thanksgiving one year. Thanksgiving is huge in our family–35+ people at dinner, tons of food, appetizers out the wazoo, etc–and this was going to be her first and only Thanksgiving, so we really played up how exciting it was. We told her that there was going to be a ton of food, so don’t eat a big breakfast! Save room for the amazing Thanksgiving food! She ended up not eating anything at all on Wednesday or Thursday morning and fainted in my uncle’s living room on Thanksgiving day. She hadn’t even eaten any appetizers–turned out that she didn’t know what that word meant, and didn’t know she was allowed to eat the food that was spread out all over the coffee table and bar. We almost had to take her to the emergency room because her English wasn’t quite good enough to explain why she fainted and we thought something was seriously wrong. After all that, she ended up not even liking the food.” –ostentia

“My brother (10) decides to demonstrate how to properly body slam himself onto a bed to the cousins. Proceeds to hit his head on the windowsill behind the bed and crack his head open. We could see skull. Cousin passes out and the parents only console the kid who passes out. 15 stitches later, we got to eat dinner.” –Nate2113

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