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Best Hack To Help You Stop Saying ‘Sorry’

Here’s a question: how often do you find yourself saying “sorry” too much?If you’ve ever found yourself apologizing for someone else’s behavior or approaching a receptionist at an office by saying: “I’m sorry to bother you but I have a question”… you might have an apology problem on your hands. Whether you’re people-pleasing, a perfectionist, feeling insecure, or just doing it unconsciously, over-apologizing is a bad habit that all women should learn to unlearn.

Fortunately, there are cures and hacks for avoiding saying “sorry” too often and Latinas are sharing them on Instagram

A recent drawing we shared on our Instagram page, not only maps out ways to stop using the word but prompted other Latinas to share their tricks as well.

Recently, an artist on Instagram shared a drawing that maps out how to stop saying sorry when you don’t really need to. The post inspired users to share similar hacks to avoid apologizing.

It also got women to open up about why they do so.

Check out some of the tricks and reasons below!

This chica who learned that the “I’m sorry” and “don’t say you’re sorry” thing can be cyclical.

“My ex used to tell me this. He said I say sorry too much. When I’d say it, he’d ask what are you sorry for, you didn’t do anything. It’s like we were raised to be sorry for even being alive.” – moneekers

“Yes! Thank you for this!! Would it be much to ask if you all made another one on ‘how to say no.’ I over apologize and I suck at saying ‘no’ whenever I don’t want to do something.” – krna.drn3

“I’m so guilty of apologizing unnecessarily.” – mandieofmiami

This headliner.

“Been difficult to unlearn when you’re raised as a latina. Everything is an apology: disculpe, me puede dar la hora? Ay que pena, mis discuppas por llegar tarde, diaculpen la pobreza.” – m_n_m1975

I have been saying this for years. Save your sorry for when you are truly sorry. We, in this society, have been so conditioned to say sorry for everything that, I feel, the word has lost its meaning.” –longbeachliferadiotv

“Literally was talking yesterday about how this is a thing that I do that I need to stop. I need to cap myself at two apologies for the same thing. Anything more and it gets weird for the other person.” – MermaidZombie

“Space them out. One in the moment (or whenever you realize you did something you need to apologize for), and one after you have some time to think. The second should show that you’re aware you messed up, you regret it, and you’re working to make sure it won’t happen again… but they should both be succinct.” –AngryAngryAlice

This apology sandwich hack.

“Apology sandwich. Apologize, explain your actions, apologize again.” –OldSchoolNewRules

“If your tone is less than “I fucked up, and I hurt you, and it will never happen again” type of thing, then maybe an apology isn’t appropriate at all. “Thank you for being flexible” rather than “Sorry I couldn’t drive you to the airport,” for example.” –CowboyBoats

Try replacing “sorry” with “thank you”

“Genuinely the best advice for this. My girlfriend says sorry for things like the weather or a bad driver. She’s started replacing it with thank you. So “sorry for the weather” turns into ‘thank you for coming out with me despite the rain.’ Every time you go to say sorry, think of how you can thank someone for the same situation.” –NumerousImprovements9 points·2 years ago

“Yes!! Exactly this. I’ve been getting better with not apologizing and now I’m trying to work on not saying the word “just”. I’ll sprinkle it in like “Hey can I have just a moment of your time.” or “I just need you to complete this.” It really minimizes what I’m trying to say and trivializes the importance of the task.” –SpiritedAnybody

This trick is a reminder that you shouldn’t apologize just to get off of the hook.

“I used to be like this. I thought it would ‘absolve’ me or make me a better person or whatever, but it was the opposite. It’s super toxic. Apologizing is supposed to make the other person feel better… not you. If somebody has to make you feel better afterwards, then it wasn’t an apology in the first place.” – EntropyMuffin

“A few years ago a senior, female colleague overheard me making phone calls and commented on how often apologised. She suggested that I stop, I did, and realised that people seemed to respect me more because of it. Success! Around the same time, I stopped being ‘the smiley one who makes cupcakes’ at work and focused on developing a more professional. I’m still friendly and approachable, but I now make a point of earning respect through hard work and try to give better praise to my coworkers (e.g. “great work” rather than “I like your hair”).” – damnfinecupotea

Always remind yourself that saying “sorry” one too many times can make others think you’re not very confident or capable.

“This is good advice in general. I’ve noticed at work that whenever someone points out something I’ve done wrong (even when I had no way of knowing that thing was wrong, such as when the person in charge of a project changes its goals and doesn’t specifically tell me), I’ll always say sorry. I’ve noticed though that the people higher up here never say sorry for anything, which is probably partly why they’re higher up – they appear stronger. The thing is, when I say “sorry” what I often mean is “I didn’t mean any offence/ill intent in doing this thing.” Maybe I should stop, but it just seems more polite than saying “Okay, sure” when someone points out a mistake I’ve made.” –JupiterCloud

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An ICE Nurse Says That Migrant Women Are Having Hysterectomies Performed Without Their Consent While In Detention Centers

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An ICE Nurse Says That Migrant Women Are Having Hysterectomies Performed Without Their Consent While In Detention Centers

Janis Christie / Getty Images

On Monday, news broke that an ICE detention center in Georgia was performing mass hysterectomies on migrants without their consent. The allegations came from a nurse at the facility along with numerous detained migrants and left many people shocked.

However, the U.S. has a long history of forcing people – especially people of color – into unwanted sterilization, which is a human rights violation and a form of eugenics.

Of course, when it comes to undocumented immigrants, who are regularly referred to as “unwanted” “aliens” by the current president, it’s not so surprising that these practices went unreported for so long. One immigrant in the complaint put it best: “This place is not equipped for humans.”

An ICE nurse and several migrant women allege that a doctor is removing women’s reproductive systems without their consent.

According to the complaint filed Monday by Project South, an Atlanta-based non-profit, a high number of detained immigrant women held at the Irwin County Detention Center (ICDC) in Ocilla, Ga., are receiving hysterectomies, as well as other “dangerously unhealthy practices” at the prison amid the Coronavirus pandemic.

Dawn Wooten, who worked full-time at the detention center until July, when she was demoted to work as needed, said she and other nurses questioned among themselves why one unnamed gynecologist outside the facility was performing so many hysterectomies on detainees referred to him for additional medical treatment. She alleged about one doctor that “everybody he sees has a hysterectomy,” and that he removed the wrong ovary from one young detainee.

“We’ve questioned among ourselves like, goodness he’s taking everybody’s stuff out…That’s his speciality, he’s the uterus collector,” Ms. Wooten said in the complaint.

One detainee, interviewed by Project South, likened the center to “an experimental concentration camp,” adding: “It was like they’re experimenting with our bodies.”

“If it wasn’t for my faith in God, I think I would have gone insane and just break down and probably gone as far as hurting myself,” the woman said. “There are a lot of people here who end up in medical trying to kill themselves because of how crazy it is.”

The same prison has also come under fire for its medical practices amid the Covid-19 pandemic.

Credit: Samuel Corum / Getty Images

Project South said the complaint alleges “jarring accounts from detained immigrants and Wooten regarding the deliberate lack of medical care, unsafe work practices, and absence of adequate protection against Covid-19.”

It summarizes the disclosures Dawn Wooten made to the DHS’s watchdog, and quotes unidentified detainees extensively. Covid-19 complaints included staff refusing to test symptomatic detainees, failing to isolate suspected cases, and not encouraging social-distancing practices.

For their part, ICE says to take the reports with skepticism.

A U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement representative released this statement to Law & Crime News in response to the complaint: “U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) does not comment on matters presented to the Office of the Inspector General, which provides independent oversight and accountability within the U.S. Department of Homeland Security. ICE takes all allegations seriously and defers to the OIG regarding any potential investigation and/or results. That said, in general, anonymous, unproven allegations, made without any fact-checkable specifics, should be treated with the appropriate skepticism they deserve.”

Women in ICE custody have long been subjected to cruel and inhumane treatment.

Credit: Getty Stock

Immigrant detention centers have long been accused of subpar medical care. However, the issue has become even worse amid the pandemic. The report filed by Project South describes how migrants are forced to live in unsanitary and unsafe conditions and even thrown into solitary if they advocate for basic human rights. But even before the outbreak, immigrant women’s bodies have always been the target of medical malpractice and cruelty.

ICE has allegedly denied treatment to detained women with cancer, brain tumors, and breast cysts, and it has a history of policing their bodies. The Trump administration has been accused of tracking migrant girls’ periods to prevent them from getting abortions, introduced a policy to deny pregnant women visitor visas, and literally ripped mothers apart from their babies during family separation. Azadeh Shahshahani, the legal and advocacy director for Project South, said women held at ICDC have said they are not given clean underwear which leads to infections and rashes.

She said detained women, who are mostly Black and brown, are in extremely vulnerable situations in which “they have no control over their bodies.” “It’s a very exploitative situation,” Shahshahani said of the hysterectomies. “There does not seem to be informed consent … they had pretty much no say in what exactly took place.”

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‘Vintage Latinas’ Is Hyping Up WOC Entertainers Often Forgotten By Media

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‘Vintage Latinas’ Is Hyping Up WOC Entertainers Often Forgotten By Media

Amid a life-threatening pandemic, political upheaval and a dawning economic crisis, the future can feel frighteningly uncertain. We’ve all been coping in our own ways: from practicing meditation to trying out new recipes to starting creative projects. For me, joy has come in the form of history. Learning about women, particularly Latinas, who entertained audiences on the silver screen or at cabarets, fought for their countries and communities, and created beauty and fashion trends has brought me bliss at a time when I couldn’t even imagine happiness as a possibility. Realizing how healing the stories of our foremothers have been for me, I decided to create Vintage Latinas, an Instagram account dedicated to the Latina and Latin American women and femmes of yesterday.

Through the online community, I post daily photos and videos of women from the 1900s up until the early 2000s. I accompany each image with a lengthy caption that either introduces followers to former stars they’ve never heard of or shares little-known facts and stories about popular icons. Highlighting women and femmes across Latin America, the Spanish Caribbean and the U.S., the page is sprinkled with popular faces like Celia Cruz, Rita Moreno, Frida Kahlo and Bianca Jagger as well as radiant figures who aren’t as celebrated in popular media today like María Montez, Rosa Luna, Maribel Arrieta and Ajita Wilson. My goal is to commemorate the beauty, style, talent, brilliance and power of these women. To do so, I spotlight everyone from actresses, singers, dancers, models and showgirls to artists, designers, beauty queens, party czars, activists and trendsetters. 

It’s not surprising to me that at a time when I have limited control over the unpredictable future I decided to turn my attention to the past. A lover of history, I often find refuge in the narratives of people from yesterday who fought against powerful people, systems and countries to create change for their communities. This was no different. After losing my job in March and being locked up in quarantine for the months that followed, my mental and spiritual health took hard blows. While addressing the issues I was experiencing and developing a wellness routine, I decided to delve into literature about Julia de Burgos, Lolita Lebrón, Blanca Canales, Iris Morales and Denise Oliver-Velez — some of the Puerto Rican nationalists and revolutionaries I hold dear to my heart.

But unlike my experiences in the past, while rereading these works I began imagining the periods in which these women lived — the early- and mid-twentieth century — outside the political and social battles they were fighting.

Immediately, I found myself researching artists and actresses my heroines might have listened to and admired, expanding my interest in these eras beyond struggle and protests.

Soon, guarachas and boleros from artists like Myrta Silva, Carmen Delia Dipini, Lucecita Benitez and Toña la Negra were booming from my speakers more than my favorite reggaetoneros. I was spending my weekends happy that I was forced to stay home because that gave me the chance to search and watch Old Hollywood classics. Obsessed with the makeup and style of the women I was watching, I started repurposing the clothes in my closet to look like outfits inspired by some of my ‘60s and ‘70s fashion inspirations, like Lola Falana, Raquel Welch and Tina Aumont.

I was balancing news of a scary future with the stories and aesthetics of erstwhile powerful Latinas who resisted, lived and loved during similarly turbulent times.

When I started Vintage Latinas a month ago, I simply wanted to create a space where I could honor all the women who were positively influencing my life. For me, it was a hobby, something fun and joyful to do between freelance writing gigs and trying to land a full-time job amid a pandemic. But within days, the page grew into something more. Very quickly, people began following Vintage Latinas, commenting on the posts and sharing the content with their audiences. They even encouraged others to follow the page and called it their favorite account on Instagram. I knew that the dynamic personalities and enduring influence of these sensational women were as healing — or at least as captivating — to others as they were to me. By week one, the page went from a personal hobby to a creative project and online community where people from all over the world are remembering and discovering our Latina and Latin American heroines. 

As I embark on Vintage Latinas’ second month, I have several exciting plans I will begin executing. In addition to my daily posts about historic stars, I’ll be utilizing original and user-generated content to create a browsing experience I hope will excite followers. I’ll be creating activities, like trivia-style quizzes, polls and “Finish the Lyrics” games, featuring vintage images of the everyday matriarchs of the community and conducting interviews through Instagram Live with historians and modern-day Latinas who dress in vintage and pinup, among several other undertakings.

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Puerto Rican singer and politician Ruth Fernández is considered one of the most powerful women and barrier-breakers in Puerto Rican history. Born in Ponce, Puerto Rico in 1919, Fernández began singing publicly as a teenager, performing at age 14 on local radio stations for 50 cents a day. Heard by Mingo, a famous bandleader, she was invited to join the group in 1940, becoming the first woman to sing in a Puerto Rican orchestra. Performing in nightclubs, dances and casinos, Fernández became a star on the archipelago. However, celebrity didn't save her from experiencing anti-blackness. In 1944 when her band was contracted to perform at the Condado Vanderbilt Hotel for a benefit concert for the American Red Cross, she was told she had to enter the building through the kitchen door because of the color of her skin. But on the day of the show, Fernández ignored the racist protocol and entered through the main entrance. When asked years later about that night, she responded: "Me llamaron negra. ¿Negra? ¿Y qué?" From then on, she began referring to herself as "La Negra de Ponce." In 1972, Fernández was elected to Puerto Rico's Senate, representing the district of Ponce as a member of the Partido Popular Democrático de Puerto Rico until 1980. As a legislator, she sought reforms and better working conditions for artists and also considered the needs of Puerto Ricans living in the contiguous U.S. In her honor, a tenement in the Bronx — the Ruth Fernández Apartments — is named after her. Fernández has received awards from several countries in Latin America, while many cities in the U.S. — including Washington, D.C., New York and Los Angeles — have official "Ruth Fernández Days." She passed away in 2012 of a septic shock and pneumonia at the age of 92. Here she performs "Soy la que soy" in the 1960s. #ruthfernandez #puertorican #1960s #latinasdeayer #vintagelatina #vintage #vintagestyle #vintagefashion #vintagebeauty #retrostyle #blackbeauty #blackvintage

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The stories of our foremothers, who thrived or continued luchando despite racist systems, colonialism and state-instituted violence, are inspiring and must be preserved. Through Vintage Latinas, I aim to ensure their vibrant lives and contributions to culture and social justice aren’t forgotten. Instead, I want our barrier-breaking predecessors to be celebrated, and I hope you’ll join me in this digital rave that is equal parts history, culture, glam and community. 

Follow Vintage Latinas on Instagram.

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