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Women Are Opening Up About The Things We Wish Men Knew About Our Lives

It’s not every day we get to open ourselves up enough to others to have them pick our brains. When it comes to sharing our experiences with the opposite sex this truth goes double. After all, so many in the world believe its a man’s world. And while this reality might make it more accessible for us as women to imagine what men go through, surely men know very little about what it’s like to walk in our skin.

A Reddit post is giving women a chance to give men a slight glimpse in what’s it like to be a woman, check out some enlightening experiences below.

Wearing makeup to look professional.

“The expectation of wearing makeup to look professional. If you were to wear a professional outfit, say, a pantsuit or a nice dress, it appears incomplete without makeup or hair done. Natural curly hair is also viewed as unprofessional. Women have to invest so much more time into their appearance just to appear ‘professional.'”- dividebyzero9

Being polite to live.

“Being polite to douchebags as a survival tool.”- noiseferatu

The sexual innuendos at a young age.

“Having adult men make sexual comments to you as a child. I have been followed and heckled by men when travelling to and from school, in my school uniform. Strangely I don’t get it now as an adult, but wtf as a 13 year old I could not walk past a white van or building site without comments. Legitimate opinions, annoyances and concerns are dismissed as ‘being emotional’. Yet when men get angry or moody no one questions it.” – mmlemony

Life at work.

“The expectation that I, as a mother, have a greater parental responsibility. Allow me to give a few examples. First, if being a parent comes up in any work-environment, my ability to “balance” work and home is a topic of conversation. ALWAYS. I have witnessed the promotion of men over more qualified women of child-baring age because of concerns about work/life balance. I wish I could say this was once or twice, but I have dozens and dozens of examples to pick from. I have been flat out asked about my reproductive plans during interviews. My husband has never had conversations that resemble this at all. Second,if I am ever somewhere without my child, I am asked where my kid is. She’s at home- with her father! When there is a school issue, I’m always called first. I was actually called during work hours because I didn’t attend a school event in “honor” of mothers day. My husband did not receive a call when he couldn’t make it to the fathers day event at the same school. This is equally a slight against my husband, because he is often left out of interactions that involve our child when there is an equal chance that he would be the one who would be involved with planning and executing stuff for our child. He once called out of work because our child was ill, and he was directly asked where her mother was. He was just as offended as I was ( I married well!). He gets looked at strangely for sitting next to a playground, that he is at with our child!” – papillon24

Being considered unattractive because you’re aging.

“I’m a 43-year-old woman. The expectation of looking good…for my age is incredible. If I don’t look at least 5 years younger it’s like I failed something.
“Yeah but this actress or that model looks so good and she’s your age.” If I had a team of skin/hair/makeup specialists and was working full time on myself I would look great too.” – sonia72quebec

Men believing you’re incapable to even buy a car.

“Came here for this. When I went to buy my car, the car salesman goes, “Where’s your boyfriend? Working today?” I had not told him I had one, but of course that was the ONLY way poor little old me could be doing the actual purchasing of a vehicle. Which I proceeded to do, in cash, outright, with my own money that I had made. And then same thing when I’ve been looking for mechanics. Seems like even the most highly reviewed places have a slew of comments from women explaining how they tried to screw them over because they were a woman. It’s fucked.” – shopadope

Feeling uncomfortable about swimming.

“I don’t usually feel I can “just go swimming”. I need to shave, check time of the month, and feel comfortable in my own skin, which tends to prevent the snap decisions of “Let’s go swimming” I enjoyed as a kid.” – PintsizedPachyderm

The ongoing harassment.

“Being constantly harassed. Random dudes messaging me on social media offering sex just out of the blue. Business clients trying to get my personal contacts, finding me on Facebook. Couch trying to convince me I need ‘personal’ sessions which meant me staying after the hours in empty class with him, which I declined of course. Etc, etc. And I am not even pretty! I can only imagine what pretty girls go through.” – nicolaspussin

That feeling that adventures are limited.

“It’s unrealistic to think that all women will have the same ideas about what’s hard. But mine might be… My adventures are limited because of my gender. There are more things I shouldn’t do, and places in the world I shouldn’t go, than there are for men, because as a solo female traveler or adventurer, it’s not advisable. That kinda sucks. *Also: I have common sense. I am smart. My emotions sometimes overrule this. I am embarrassed but it’s part of who I am. Just know this and help me laugh about it. Don’t make me feel bad about it.” –Whoneedsyou

That our gender has everything to do with the quality of our work.

“Having virtually everything one does be preceded by the fact you’re a woman. Example: You’re not a programmer, you’re a female programmer. Certain women find benefits in accepting this sort of labeling, but it exists whether you like it or not. My gender has nothing to do with the quality of my work. It actually has very little to do with anything. Also, being comparable to other women – but this is something I feel is experienced by everyone in varying degrees. What another woman does/says to you has nothing to do with me; I shouldn’t have to answer for it. Women are humans and humans are different from one another. Everyone just relax. EDIT – Oi, quit flooding my inbox with the “Male Nurse” comparison. I understand. It happens to everyone, as I said originally. I only meant to point out that it happens to women quite often, and the distinction between “female” and “male” is unnecessary altogether when talking about occupation, for example. This goes beyond a minor annoyance when you consider how prevalent sexism is in many fields.” – logician-magician

It’s your fault you don’t want to bone.

“You’re a bitch for “friend-zoning” him and leading him on, when you never demonstrated romantic interest in the first place.” – goldstartup

The fear of being vulnerable.

“Men are assumed to be competent until they prove that they aren’t; women are assumed to be incompetent until they prove that they are. It’s really tough to get past that barrier in a lot of places, especially the workforce or in fields that are not traditionally ‘feminine’. Being afraid just to exist out in the world is another thing. There is just this constant undercurrent of fear that we all have, especially at night, especially alone. The feeling of vulnerability is just so hard to explain to someone who has never experienced it.” – Reddit user

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People Are Sharing Tough Pills To Swallow And It’s A Massive Dose Of Abuelo Realness

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People Are Sharing Tough Pills To Swallow And It’s A Massive Dose Of Abuelo Realness

Christopher Furlong / Getty

From “not everyone is going to like you” to “you can’t always get what you want” we’ve all heard some practical pieces of advice that have brought us down to earth. But what about those pills that are tough to swallow and that no one ever talks about? Like… “your parents are dying” and you don’t “deserve” anything?

Users on Reddit recently got together to share some realness that are on one hand kind of a bummer but on the other hand pretty enlightening.

Check out the realness below!

“It may start out as butterflies and they can never do anything wrong, but that period may be short for some couples and that can also be ok. Depending on past relationship experience, it may be important for one or both people to hash out issues with the other early on as a way to determine is this even possibly going to work. If a dealbreaker personality trait presents early and the person doesn’t want to change or feels like they don’t need to change it, it’s important to know that at month 3 rather than year 3. Give them good faith opportunities to work on it (edit: and ask for those opportunities for yourself), but if it doesn’t happen it may never and it’s okay to move on. I feel like people get too caught up in “but this is the beginning it’s supposed to be a honeymoon phase,” when in reality maybe you are both being your realest selves (edit: or slowly revealing this real self) and it’s important to know that before you’ve spent years with someone. Speaking from experience on both ends of this spectrum and definitely both sides of the relationship. I strongly believe people have a great capacity to change, but it takes effort, honest introspection, and self-awareness. Some people can, some people will, some will choose to find someone okay with them as-is or will find out a need to do these self-renovations with someone else.”- bwa236

“You can’t keep everyone you love around you forever.” –SiepieJR

“This one’s for parents: Your children do not owe you because you decided to bring them into this world. They are not your personal slave. Let them live their lives. Don’t have your hand in their pocketbook. They don’t owe you anything. You are supposed to teach them how to be independent and be able to start their life on their own. By making them rely on you and having you rely on them, you’re only making it harder for them to spread their wings. They are your children, not your property. Raise them with the same respect you’d want your own parents to treat you.”- musicallyours01

“You can’t make someone love you.” –Charming_Preference

“A significant subset of the population will behave as shitty as they are allowed to or can get away with.” –StorkSlayer

“Fairness, Justice and Karma are not a given. They happen less than you expect. Be the change you want to see in the world but dont expect a just reward for it.” – Jacksinyourbox

“There are people with fundamentally different world views and you will never be capable of seeing eye to eye with some of them.”-joemamma474

“The world is brutally unfair. Even if you bust your ass working on something, you can still fail and see someone who barely works gets everything you want. Even so, the world does not owe you anything. You can still fail the next time, but you’ll only have a chance on succeeding if you try.”- Pandaonthego

“Life isn’t against you, It’s simply it’s simply ignorant to your existence. People are going to get sick and die, people who don’t deserve shit are going to get ahead of you, greed pays off and you are going to struggle. But the beauty of it all is that you don’t have to let that affect you. If you live your life feeling grateful for the little things like being around people you like, having a roof over your head, good meals and new experiences then you’ll have a better life. Make your own happiness and don’t let the context of other people’s lives effect yours.”- coniferous-1

“It doesn’t matter how compatible you are with someone sexually (or how attractive they might be), that’s not enough to sustain a healthy and happy relationship.”- nuhtty

“People don’t get what they deserve, they get what they get. There is nothing any of us can do about it.”- Witness_me_Karsa

“Marry a stable person you find attractive physically and psychologically, communicate both good and bad, don’t let your sex life slide…. hell, I just got lucky in my choice.” – pope_schist

“Physical changes will happen over time, but you will start paying less attention to those things as your ever-increasing knowledge and love for you partner grows and your perception of them expands beyond what you see. My wife will often lament that she’s not in as good a shape as she used to be or her hair is getting gray or she’s fattened the curve a bit during this quarantine, but I always reply by saying that she wouldn’t feel any of those things if she could see herself how I see her. It’s been 25 years and a lot of joy and pain along the way, but I still want to lovingly fuck the shit out of her every single day. Maintaining the sex life is also important, as is recognizing that there are so many ways to be sexual without good ole PIV. For example, my wife is recovering from a back injury right now, and we haven’t had PIV for a few months, which of course is totally understandable! However, she can still use her hands, and I’ve often requested such attention because I know she likes being seen as a sexual being even if she’s not always feeling sexy. I think she enjoys being able to give me pleasure, and the last time I asked for a vigorous hand-holding, she wanted her vibrator afterwards. It was really nice, and it made us feel more intimate and connected, which is something that we both needed very much. Sex and love will ebb and flow, but if you’re both working on yourselves and each other, the balance will remain strong.” – xenobuzz

“Someone told me once that love isnt a feeling its an action, you love someone, you dont feel love for someone, that implies work, and its hard, and sometimes you wont feel that feeling, but you still gonna love them.” –YouAreNotMeYet

“If you are a smart kid in a small town: You aren’t as smart as you think you are. This will come as a big pill to swallow if you get a scholarship or make it into some sort of academic program where the rest of your classmates are “smart kids” too. Edit: Wow this is starting to gain some traction so I’ll clarify a bit. I was speaking from personal experience when I got out into the real world finally. Based on what I saw, one of two things happen: You either come to terms with it and step up your work ethic, or you fizzle out and accept mediocrity. For reference my program was nuclear engineering. Lots of smart people and it was a tough pill to swallow for a guy fresh from a small town in AL, that never had to try academically before then. If you can come to terms with it though, everything will become way less stressful. Just have to accept that new norm.” –Echo5even

“Being happy long-term isn’t about doing whatever you feel at any given moment, sometimes you have to make a conscious, serious effort over a period of days, weeks, even months or years, to form good habits and increase your quality of life in order to have a positive disposition instead of intermittent periods of joy with a general negative disposition.” – everyischemicals

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An ICE Nurse Says That Migrant Women Are Having Hysterectomies Performed Without Their Consent While In Detention Centers

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An ICE Nurse Says That Migrant Women Are Having Hysterectomies Performed Without Their Consent While In Detention Centers

Janis Christie / Getty Images

On Monday, news broke that an ICE detention center in Georgia was performing mass hysterectomies on migrants without their consent. The allegations came from a nurse at the facility along with numerous detained migrants and left many people shocked.

However, the U.S. has a long history of forcing people – especially people of color – into unwanted sterilization, which is a human rights violation and a form of eugenics.

Of course, when it comes to undocumented immigrants, who are regularly referred to as “unwanted” “aliens” by the current president, it’s not so surprising that these practices went unreported for so long. One immigrant in the complaint put it best: “This place is not equipped for humans.”

An ICE nurse and several migrant women allege that a doctor is removing women’s reproductive systems without their consent.

According to the complaint filed Monday by Project South, an Atlanta-based non-profit, a high number of detained immigrant women held at the Irwin County Detention Center (ICDC) in Ocilla, Ga., are receiving hysterectomies, as well as other “dangerously unhealthy practices” at the prison amid the Coronavirus pandemic.

Dawn Wooten, who worked full-time at the detention center until July, when she was demoted to work as needed, said she and other nurses questioned among themselves why one unnamed gynecologist outside the facility was performing so many hysterectomies on detainees referred to him for additional medical treatment. She alleged about one doctor that “everybody he sees has a hysterectomy,” and that he removed the wrong ovary from one young detainee.

“We’ve questioned among ourselves like, goodness he’s taking everybody’s stuff out…That’s his speciality, he’s the uterus collector,” Ms. Wooten said in the complaint.

One detainee, interviewed by Project South, likened the center to “an experimental concentration camp,” adding: “It was like they’re experimenting with our bodies.”

“If it wasn’t for my faith in God, I think I would have gone insane and just break down and probably gone as far as hurting myself,” the woman said. “There are a lot of people here who end up in medical trying to kill themselves because of how crazy it is.”

The same prison has also come under fire for its medical practices amid the Covid-19 pandemic.

Credit: Samuel Corum / Getty Images

Project South said the complaint alleges “jarring accounts from detained immigrants and Wooten regarding the deliberate lack of medical care, unsafe work practices, and absence of adequate protection against Covid-19.”

It summarizes the disclosures Dawn Wooten made to the DHS’s watchdog, and quotes unidentified detainees extensively. Covid-19 complaints included staff refusing to test symptomatic detainees, failing to isolate suspected cases, and not encouraging social-distancing practices.

For their part, ICE says to take the reports with skepticism.

A U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement representative released this statement to Law & Crime News in response to the complaint: “U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) does not comment on matters presented to the Office of the Inspector General, which provides independent oversight and accountability within the U.S. Department of Homeland Security. ICE takes all allegations seriously and defers to the OIG regarding any potential investigation and/or results. That said, in general, anonymous, unproven allegations, made without any fact-checkable specifics, should be treated with the appropriate skepticism they deserve.”

Women in ICE custody have long been subjected to cruel and inhumane treatment.

Credit: Getty Stock

Immigrant detention centers have long been accused of subpar medical care. However, the issue has become even worse amid the pandemic. The report filed by Project South describes how migrants are forced to live in unsanitary and unsafe conditions and even thrown into solitary if they advocate for basic human rights. But even before the outbreak, immigrant women’s bodies have always been the target of medical malpractice and cruelty.

ICE has allegedly denied treatment to detained women with cancer, brain tumors, and breast cysts, and it has a history of policing their bodies. The Trump administration has been accused of tracking migrant girls’ periods to prevent them from getting abortions, introduced a policy to deny pregnant women visitor visas, and literally ripped mothers apart from their babies during family separation. Azadeh Shahshahani, the legal and advocacy director for Project South, said women held at ICDC have said they are not given clean underwear which leads to infections and rashes.

She said detained women, who are mostly Black and brown, are in extremely vulnerable situations in which “they have no control over their bodies.” “It’s a very exploitative situation,” Shahshahani said of the hysterectomies. “There does not seem to be informed consent … they had pretty much no say in what exactly took place.”

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