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Women Are Giving People In Their 20s Advice On How To Get Their Derailed Lives Back On Track

If there’s one thing that your twenties will most definitely teach you, it’s that life is filled to the brim with ups and downs, highs and lows. More often than we’d like, in our lives we find ourselves digging ourselves out of the holes we’ve created for ourselves (be it personal, financial, or career-related). Fortunately, so much of our twenties are about building up our strength so that we can conquer the downs and lows of our lives.

Recently, women on Reddit got together and shared their tips for how to get back on track.

Check out some of the best bits of advice, below!

“Gain some perspective. Take a step back from any social media that you’re engrossed with. I’m not saying you are, but lots of us are so overly engaged with the media we consume it can become harmful to our own self-esteem. Focus on what you want to achieve in the short and medium term for yourself and appreciating the steps you take towards those goals. Focus on the short term. If this last year has taught us anything it’s that you can’t plan too far ahead.” –MillieGouLightly

“Yes, make short term goals that are attainable. Also shoot for a long term one, too. I was like this. I was letting life lead me. Then I took action and things improved. Anot her thing to note: the human brain doesn’t fully mature until around age 26. Cut yourself some slack.” –EddieAllenPoe

“Could not agree more on the social media part. I’m just in the stage of realising that mindless browsing could have so much affect on how we perceive ourself, which is why I’ve been taking detox days where I don’t check FB or Instagram and I must say I feel so much better by adopting a more realistic perspective on life. I would only use social media to do research on things that interest me, reading the news, getting advice on reddit and thats about it. I also try to read as much as I can because it gives me new ideas and its a mental exercise.” –SilkEmpire

Kind of related to the whole “people pleaser” thing, I really struggle with not putting so much stock in other people’s opinions (that I don’t necessarily agree with). For example, once you’re in your mid 20s, people on Reddit comment that “30 is around the corner” for you or that you’re “almost 30”. And when I point out how I don’t think that’s true (like you’re not “almost” any age til the very late part of that decade imo), I still see a couple of people coming in and go all, “well AKSHUALLY it’s technically true” (umm okay? but even if you think 5 years goes fast, it is still a substantial amount of time). Idk…but seeing comments like these makes me feel like I’m getting my time taken away from me. It feels like they trying to force you to feel older than you really are, or it’s almost like they are wishing away your time (cuz I notice it’s usually older people that make these comments). I find it pretty cruel to do, as I see no point in saying things like this to someone unless you wanna pressure them to conform to your timeline or make them feel bad.” –wahwahwhatodoooo

“How did you do this? I have realized for some years now that I have become a complete people pleaser, but I just can’t stop. It’s not that I don’t want to continue to be nice to people, but I do want to be able to communicate and enforce my boundaries. Also beeing a people pleaser makes me a boring and undefined character. So any tips on how to deconstruct this behaviour are appreciated.” –Vegetable_Scholar_11

“What if you are torn between doing something and not doing it? I want to quit my job so I can focus fully on school and myself, but I’m also worried it will harm me in the future even if it’s what I want and need right now. Do you just go with your gut and do what you feel like doing? Or do you consider how making that decision will affect you in the future, too? Especially if you burn bridges with the people you didn’t want to please and then it comes back to bite you.” –naanbud

“By realizing that not having the stereotypical “dream job isn’t everything” – as another commenter said, I realized how the income I do get, even if it’s not what I need or in a field that I find terribly interesting, allows me to pursue hobbies and interests on the weekends or in free time.

I also thought back ten years ago to my teens, and thought how worried I was then and, things worked out. I find that comforting that in another ten years, I’ll probably feel the same about doubts I have now.” –70378939272586Aa

“The career I wanted at 21 is not the same career I have or want at 32, or even 26. I’m with the same company I started with at 21, but since then have joined a department I didn’t even know existed when getting my college degree.” –jcollins88

“Yes this 100%. I try not to sink further in depression because the only jobs that will hire me are retail and food service but I’m working on pumping up my portfolio to get an art job. It seems like a long shot especially because the industry I’m trying to break into is competitive but I know my skills have improved a lot since college and I’m working on a bunch of new portfolio projects this year so hopefully that might land me a test or someone to notice me and maybe take a chance on me.”- carissadraws

“I thought this would be enough, but my boss called me this morning and I had to go home from the weekend I had planned to fix something (that was my fault, but I submitted it weeks ago without anyone complaining). I’d rather have a low stress job with reasonable hours and something im passionate about than a high-paying job with a corporate culture that sucks the life out of me.” –one_soup_snake

“Just a note of encouragement. Even though you may feel like you have zero achievements, I know a lot of very “successful” people in their 20s who feel just as lost. I think it’s just part of growing up and doesn’t have to do with what you’ve accomplished. Your achievements might not look like what society defines them as but I think that’s what your 20s is about. Realizing what others have previously told you is valuable, maybe isn’t, and not letting those things define you.” –HappyPuff-02

“I know the feeling, but in time you will realize how freaking young 22 is. Society tells us there is a prescribed path of milestones we have to follow to be successful, and that’s totally not true. I fucked around in college for too long and graduated way after my friends, and at the time it felt shitty. After finally graduating, I bartended for years. Just two months ago, I got a real job in my field and things feel like they are on track. Most of my friends have been in their careers for years. And that’s okay! Don’t let cultural timelines make you feel less than. Just take things a day at a time and try to map out what your own personal goals are. Good luck.”- PleasantRequest

“I was married in my 20s so that was a huge fucking waste of time. I left at 29 and began living the life I had hoped to live with him. I travelled, went to museums, hiking, etc. I just did it all. Then I found someone who loved doing those things as much as I did. Now we share this wanderlust together and even future dreams together. We’re having our first baby in august. It’s just another huge adventure and I wouldn’t want to share the journey with anyone else.” –TakethThyKnee

“First, it’s totally natural. Most people go through some sort of identity crisis in their mid 20s and it was very uncomfortable for me. You thought you knew how everything was going to play out and then you get to a point in your life that does not resemble what you were planning. That’s okay! I was mostly concerned about my career so I took a strength finders quiz that confirmed that I was in the right kind of job for me so then it was finding my space in that area. I looked at what I was doing in my life and what was actually making me happy and excited and what was a chore. This proved very hard cause I found joy in few things. (A few years later, I was diagnosed with anxiety, depression and ADHD) It also was surprising cause I always thought I wanted to manage people and be the ever-sales person but turns out, I don’t enjoy most people and superficial relationships really bother me. So I pivoted toward what I do enjoy and that caused me to get a new job. It also caused me to evaluate my relationship and living situation. Obviously, it took time for leases to end to get my own place without roomies. My relationship I really tried to salvage and eventually it came to a breaking point. Though I’m single today, I’m much happier than I was then and that’s more important to me. (Also I make significantly more money cause it’s a lot easier to work hard at something you like to do) TL;DR – it’s okay, it happens to most people. Start evaluating what truly makes you happy, what you are good at and start making moves towards that. Results may seem much less exciting than what you thought your life would be but happiness is more important than razzle dazzle.” –youvegotmail90

“I really struggle with not putting so much stock in other people’s opinions (that I don’t necessarily agree with). For example, once you’re in your mid 20s, people on Reddit comment that “30 is around the corner” for you or that you’re “almost 30”. And when I point out how I don’t think that’s true (like you’re not “almost” any age til the very late part of that decade imo), I still see a couple of people coming in and go all, “well AKSHUALLY it’s technically true” (okay? but even if you think 5 years goes fast, it is still a substantial amount of time). Idk…but seeing comments like these makes me feel like I’m getting my time taken away from me. It feels like they trying to force you to feel older than you really are, or it’s almost like they are wishing away your time (cuz I notice it’s usually older people that make these comments). I find it pretty cruel to do, as I see no point in saying things like this to someone unless you wanna pressure them to conform to your timeline or make them feel bad.” –wahwahwhatodoooo

“What you said about you changing your job because you realised it didn’t actually feel right for you is really interesting! How did you become so conscious about what you really enjoy/not enjoy doing in your job? And how did you overcome the doubt that maybe changing jobs is the wrong thing to do? Sometimes I find out things about my self but then I doubt it and just think that I’m probably wrong.” –LaneJones2

“Lotssss of self love – Reminding myself that there is nothing that I NEED to have accomplished by now, and that the things I’m comparing myself to in my friends and peers are not actually the things that I strive towards. Remind myself that the latter half of my 20s and into my 30s will be so much more wise, responsible, financially stable and opportunistic. Started taking my mental health seriously, and am now I’m active treatment. Started FINALLY using social media to connect with my friends, rather than deleting/criticizing Instagram when I become overwhelmed by how much of a highlight reel it was. Also unfollowing/muting people who do not serve me online!!! (Huge). !!!Doing inner child work!!! Moved cities – luckily I was able to but not everyone is. Actively repairing relationships I’ve been avoiding for years. Started giving myself permission to sleep longer, got control of my substance misuse, and left two jobs I despised. Started setting boundaries with men to improve my self worth. Started seeking the advice of women who have powerful, intersectional, well rounded perspectives. Started truly embracing my femininity and working on my internalized misogyny. Became passionate about leftist politics. Started exploring my upbringing to see where I have room to grow from what my family taught me growing up. Started actually setting financial goals (credit score, savings acc), made a plan to go back to school, learned how to start asking for help and advice when my ego normally would’ve got in the way.

When I get overwhelmed by how daunting life is and how exhausting it is to feel so lost, I remember how many cities I can go be completely anonymous in. So many oceans to stick your feet in. So many beautiful faces to see all over the world – this gives me perspective and makes me want to continue pushing through this tough world.

I’m pulling myself out of a 3 year rut, and it’s not easy at all nor is it linear. It’s a lot of discomfort and doing things that might make you feel mean or boring, but it’s true acts of self love. It is incredibly humbling. Connect with people and learn their stories. Eat colourful food and start asking about other people’s lives instead of focusing so much on introspection (not suggesting you do, but I am constantly stuck in my own head).” –Catqueen45

“I’m 43 now and I feel like in the past year (lol my 2020 came with an extra plot twist), I am finally becoming the person I wanted to be. I still have a long way to go.

I wish that I figured it out sooner. But it is what it is.

So my advice:

  • if you are in a hole, stop digging. You may not know what else to do but stopping doing things that aren’t working/or are hurtful to yourself is a huge win
  • learn to trust yourself
  • you learn self-love by becoming more of producer rather than a consumer (producing : art, writing, learning, making stuff like cooking or knitting, experiences like hiking, meeting people and really connecting with them. Consuming : tv, social media, etc) it is not to say consumption is bad but too much isn’t going to move you in the right direction
  • it Is ok to change your mind
  • it is ok to make mistakes and fail : success isn’t about how high you go, but how high you bounce back after you fall
  • take care of your mind and body. In your 20s you can take a lot of punishment with lack of sleep, awful food, too much booze, not enough exercise etc. but blowing off self care will not help in the long run
  • figure out your values. This is morbid but it can help – imagine people taking about you once you’ve died. What do you wish they would say? That you were had hard working? Kind? Funny? Whatever it is try to be those things a little but every day.
  • the world never goes away, you can hide from the world, but it will always take you back when you are ready” –Coraline1599 

“I really struggle with not putting so much stock in other people’s opinions (that I don’t necessarily agree with). For example, once you’re in your mid 20s, people on Reddit comment that “30 is around the corner” for you or that you’re “almost 30”. And when I point out how I don’t think that’s true (like you’re not “almost” any age til the very late part of that decade imo), I still see a couple of people coming in and go all, “well AKSHUALLY it’s technically true” (okay? but even if you think 5 years goes fast, it is still a substantial amount of time). Idk…but seeing comments like these makes me feel like I’m getting my time taken away from me. It feels like they trying to force you to feel older than you really are, or it’s almost like they are wishing away your time (cuz I notice it’s usually older people that make these comments). I find it pretty cruel to do, as I see no point in saying things like this to someone unless you wanna pressure them to conform to your timeline or make them feel bad.” –wahwahwhatodoooo

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Reddit Users Are Sharing Advice On How To Get Over Your Fear Of Being Hurt By A New Partner

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Reddit Users Are Sharing Advice On How To Get Over Your Fear Of Being Hurt By A New Partner

NurPhoto / Getty

Heartache often proves to be a heck of a mountain to get over.

Isolating, physically and emotionally draining, and ultimately desperate, the feeling of having your heart split into can be a traumatizing one that can bleed into future relationships. No matter how healthy or new, the relationships we get into after heartbreaks can be difficult to navigate, and often times feel like a minefield of potential problems.

Users on Reddit know this truth and are doing their best to help us all get over our dating fears.

Check out some helpful insights below!

“By healthily distancing myself and having more to focus on in my life than a current relationship. I find that I have more trouble with these feelings when I’m lacking outside hobbies and friends. It’s easy to constantly worry about a new relationship when it’s the center of your world, and giving yourself space outside the relationship can also really help if you’re prone to being codependent on partners/spouses.”- SwirlyButterfly

“After certain number of heartbreaks, you start to realize you’ve always survived and you’ll survive if it happens again. Having a full life apart from the relationship is a big part of that.”- 1VulgarWoman

“When I started going on out the weekends with friends, it helped soooo much. I noticed when I was getting depressed I wasn’t going out at all. Giving myself the space allowed the relationship to flow perfectly.”- itristain

“By going slow. When my now fiance asked me out I was five months removed from being raped by two guys at a house party and was still really shaken up about it. I didn’t trust men, I didn’t crave sex or intimacy, I was anxious and hurt. But against my gut I agreed to go on the date and was delighted to find he was sweet and respected my wishes. After we’d been seeing each other for about three months I told him that I’d been assaulted and he was always there for emotional support. We’re getting married in August, our sex life is great and I’m infatuated with him. It just took time.”- Mineralista406

“I know that moving forward after a bad relationship I will never ignore red flags and chose partners with morals and goals similar to mine. Do not ignore red flags because you’re lonely. It’s not worth it.”- Melyjane312

“It’s hard because it took me a long time and a lot of conversations to feel secure and that i was finally with someone who wasn’t going to hurt me. And he said all of those right things with no doubts, no red flags etc. However sure enough one day- heart broken. So I don’t know how i will ever do it again.”- icecream112233

“Depends if you are with them, or want one right away.

For me, distance, u dont need someone else to be complete, put those standards high. If you want a loving gentle yet strong and dependable partner, manifest him.”- Koroklass

“I think it might be helpful to adopt a mindset where you realize people aren’t really going to change for you (unless you have a really special bond or something and you’re in a really deeply committed relationship where your partner is willing to compromise etc.) and that whatever they do is a reflection of who they are as a person and not who you are. Yeah you can communicate and if they choose to listen then great, If not well there’s almost always a choice on whether to stay or not. Sometimes it’s not that people want to hurt you it’s just that they simply don’t know better or they have some character “flaw” that speaks more about them. Or that due to timing or the nature of things it can’t work right now, or some people aren’t built for relationships, and that relationships can be vastly different with different people. No one is perfect and we can only do our best. And like what other people are saying, shift that focus onto yourself and work on being a good person living a happy and healthy life doing things that you love will help!”- imightforgetthis11

“Aww man… it took over a year. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and some months. I used to have bad anxiety. I never been in a healthy relationship. This feeling was sooo new to me. I felt so uneasy and still wouldn’t and couldn’t trust him. I prayed ALOT. And It was proven that I could trust him and just relax but I still couldn’t. I tried 3 therapist that didn’t help. I just wasted money. What helped me was reading books and going out with my friends. I am currently reading 4 books and reading them has helped my issues. It’s therapy for me. I read books about relationships and men and women. I learned more about myself. I got a relationship/life coach by researching the book and found that there are people who will coach you. She told me I get anxiety because I’m going against my feminine ways. I was trying to control my bf for no reason, nag him and etc. I stopped doing that and became relaxed. I focused on becoming a better person. I read books on being feminine in a relationship and I tried it. I started being more happy and just letting go. I stopped worrying and it feels great. I don’t think he will hurt me. I don’t have those thoughts anymore. I don’t think he’ll cheat either. He adores me so much and I get reminded of that every single day. I just sat back and did nothing and focused on ME. You have to fix yourself before you get into a relationship or else marriage will unravel it all and it could go bad. When I prayed I already had confirmation. I downloaded scripture apps and got more into prayer. If you’re religious then trusting God will help you trust yourself

I also learned that thinking negative has ALOT to do with it. I learned to only think positive and I’m normally happy the whole entire day. I just changed my life around. My coach also said when I change, my partner changes. He was always loving to me, but now he seems to have falling deeper.”- itristain

“Books have also been a huge help in my healing journey and figuring out how not only my partners, but I was hurting and sabotaging my relationships.”-Sea-Delay

“I am and always have been laid back, loving and trusting in my relationships. But they have always ended in the the guy treating me bad eventually (I have broken up with them pretty quick after such treatment). But now I always have a feeling they will betray me no matter how loving our relationship is, like they are always just pretending to be loving and will eventually be horrible to me and it makes me feel really sad.”- callmedeniro

“Time and taking things slowly in the beginning. Took me a while to get there but I worked through those feelings and got there eventually.”- kinkyspidersex

“My fiance came home from work and instead of helping my friend move that was standing right outside, he told me he actually didn’t love and dint want to be in this life with me anymore. So that was rough. I dont think… I have gotten over that fear? I still think about how my current, long term partner of almost 3 years might do that. And there’s not much I can do about it? It wasn’t my fault the first time, shit just happens, he might fall out of love with me this time too. I just remember those fears are mine,and not rational, and thats not fair to put on my current partner to make me feel better about.”- seeemilydostuf

“It all came down to the right man. He could have other women but he wants me. He doesn’t have to be with someone to be happy but he chooses to be with me. He never tells me something he doesn’t think is true. In light of all that I just can’t really imagine him hurting me or lying to me about how he feels… he’s just had so many opportunities to do something else and he hasn’t.”- phasestep

“Day by day, by being vulnerable with my new partner and most of the time he doesn’t let me down.”- StrongEye1738

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Reddit Users Are Posting About What They’ve Learned From Their Highschool Crush

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Reddit Users Are Posting About What They’ve Learned From Their Highschool Crush

Hill Street Studios/ Getty

If it’s true that you never forget your high school crush, perhaps the same goes for the one person that made your heart flutter for the first time. If you still stalk your primero crush on social media pages like Instagram and Facebook maybe in your case, yours was one you just can’t shake.

Users on Reddit are sharing what they’ve learned about their first crushes and the answers are pretty eyeopening.

“He had a rollercoaster of a life. I admire him more than ever, and more than most people I know, but can’t wrap my head around why I ever found him physically attractive. Maybe it was always just his heart.

By age 25, he had a PhD, a wife, and was a captain in the navy. By 30, he had two PhDs, a small business where he made a metric ass-ton of money, and his wife was pregnant. By 31 he was diagnosed with stage-4 skin cancer that swiftly spread to his lymph nodes, bones, esophagus, and a few other places. He was told he had minimal chance of making it 5 more years. Even with the best health insurance money can buy, it still basically wiped him out.

Seven years later, he’s living a comfortable but not extravagant life as a civilian contractor for the navy, same wife and two happy healthy kids, and spends most of his free time advocating for better public health care.” –theMycon

“She committed suicide. Found out later she had a crush on me too. Fuck life sometimes.” –stange_72 

“Began acting. It’s weird – every so often I’ll see a commercial or something and be like “oh, hey, I know them!”

My crush is an incredibly sweet person, so I’m glad.” –BitwiseB

“I remember walking up to her and asking if we could talk in private, and she said you can say what you need in front of everyone (her group of friends were all around). So I asked if she wanted to go on a date. She burst out laughing and said “yeah, Um no..” Shit was rough, man.

Looked her up last year and she’s a cage fighter now.” –_losthighway_ 

I had two unrealized crushes in high school. One is a teacher and musician. She is married and has either one or two kids. We’ve kept in loose contact via social media and ran into each other at a NYE party shortly before she got married. I was introduced to her now-husband as ‘favorite ex ever.’ He seemed like a decent dude and I’m happy for her.

I believe the other became a US Attorney. I have not heard from her since google+ almost became a social media thing. I imagine she’s still very productive and would be disappointed in my life choices.”- ripAccount35

“He was my first serious crush and my first slow dance at a middle school dance. Now he’s gay, attractive, was in the military, and now own a photography studio. He does some great headshots.” – secretsloth

“My only GF in high school was my crush. Her mom banned her from dating me after about a year because my GF admitted to her mom that we were fooling around. This was about 20 years ago. She’s still living with her mom, no kids, and as far as I know never again dated seriously after her mom broke us up. Still has the same job from high school too. It’s like her mom went way into protective overdrive and my former GF never grew up.”- USPO-222

“There are 3 women here on my street (they’re my neighbors, they don’t live on the street) that are old (one in her 50’s and the others in their 60’s) and never had a partner.

Two of them are sisters and live together, the other lives alone. They all had the same story: their parents were too restrict and never let them date anyone. So now they’re old and are socially awkward.

The sisters never even had a pet before their mom died. Now they have a cute puppy.

I find their situation really sad. You should respect your parents but you shouldn’t follow only their will.”- r_m_castro

“I met her in 1987. We got married 5 years ago. We used to go to the same punk shows, that’s where met.”- MichiganBrolitia

“Mine was my best friend. She turned out to be a pedophile. She always liked younger guys…like when she was 17 she had a 13 year old boyfriend which was weird…but we were kids and I didnt think about it much. Turns out she continued to like younger teens as she grew into her 20s and 30s.”- Ethandrul 

“Found her on tinder, she said I was hot. Pointed out that I was that loser she used to know in highschool. Had a big laugh. Been a little over a year, now we send eachother memes and hang out occasionally when the pandemic isnt being a bitch.” – crazedSquidlord

“She’s still hot, successful and wealthy entrepreneur, and married someone with the same first name as me and who quit his job to brew beer. I crushed on her for a bit, didn’t think she was interested so I dated others, then come to find out she crushed on me senior year, I was too dumb and blind, we connected freshman year of college, she wrote me letters, and by the time I wised up she had moved on. No one to blame but myself.”- SignUp12345678910

“They both ended up as great guys.

One has a huge family and is a minister. The other only has one child and is a college professor. Both married nice people and are happy.

They were really good guys in high school and ended up being really good adults. I’ve got both of them on Facebook and we keep in touch peripherally as we stayed friends over the years.”- AssociationHuman

“An insanely talented molecular biology researcher at Boston. And she’s still insanely attractive

Edit: it looks like a lot of people feel like they know this same person. it’s crazy how many molecular biologists people know.”- sderou20

“Dude I knew got into a drunken argument with his brother at a family BBQ over a borrowed $20 (obviously there’s more going on underneath but the money was the catalyst). Fight proceeded to the kitchen and the brother was stabbed to death. Guy went to prison for manslaughter where one of his guards was another good friend of mine. Country gang gang, everyone knows everyone.” – marmalade

“Back when I was younger and crushing hard I got on AOL instant messenger and had gotten my crush’s screenname from a friend. I worked up the nerve to start a conversation with him and soon after some awkward small talk he sent me a message in Comic Sans, black background, red lettering, and in French. I then went to google for translation and found out he had just called me a pig, in French. Being a seemingly awkward and chubby teenager, I was literally crushed.

The heartbreak was only made worse by remembering that a few weeks prior I had selected to take French class the next year and couldn’t change it.

Years later now that I’ve blossomed he follows me on every social media platform, has reached out a couple of times to try and flirt/hang out. Hard pass. I believe he’s moved away and is a teacher now.” –breezylova

“My crush turned into a self-righteous prick who still lives with his parents. He became livid when he found out my husband and I had a baby. I apparently was supposed to be his back-up plan if he couldn’t find anyone better.”- Pixie_gurl 

“We split sophomore year, went our separate ways, but still sporadically kept in touch as he prepared to go to Iraq. Years passed, he got divorced, and then my husband passed away in 2019 from a motorcycle accident. We reconnected, and decided to hang out as friends. By the second date, we were inseparable. We live together and are incredibly happy. He’s beyond supportive of my past grief that I still battle sometimes, he’s a great provider, and the most loving selfless person I’ve known in a very long time. I feel very lucky to have gotten a second chance with my hs crush/first hs boyfriend/first love.”- BooyaMoonBabyluv 

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