It can be hard to feel comfortable accepting compliments and love from friends, strangers, and sometimes our own crush. The truth is however, that sometimes a sweet compliment can go along way in making us feel seen, loved, and admired by the people whose opinions we value the most. A woman on Reddit is sharing this truth after coming to the realization that she felt shy about asking her boyfriend to compliment her more.

The users on Reddit were quick to offer some insight and advice into how this happens.

“I went on a couple dates with someone who was good conversation but didn’t say anything nice to me even though people around us were complimenting my look. Then I stopped seeing him and he began to pepper in insults over text. Later I found out he was following some redpill strategy guide and told me that “you don’t get compliments because my praise is a gift and you need to deserve them and learn to be thankful for them.” I was happy to block someone so romantically stagnant.

I think it’s not pathetic at all to want an essential and fun part of the dynamic between men and women. It’s a clinical and boring relationship without lovely words and such. I listened to some Seema Anand lectures and was captivated by the romance in the ancient Sanskrit texts she references.

You need to tell him what you want. If that doesn’t work, you need to think about the kind of love you want to receive long term.”-CountCute

“That is horrific. Holy shit you dodged a bullet. These red pill men are insane but hey, at least they out themselves so we can ditch them lol. Dumb*sses. I can’t imagine being that much of a loser. Also I love what you said about romance. Words are everything. Compliments, flirting, dirty talk…all of it. What is the point of dating without that stuff.”- aapaul

“It sounds like your “love language” is words of affirmation. His is obviously something else!

The only way is to tell him that it’s important to you that he say kind things to you. He will have similar needs that may or may not be met already. Does he buy or make you things? Is he very affectionate with touch? Does he perform acts of service such as repairing things or walking your dog? Does he like to spend quality time interacting with you? Any of those or a combination could be his “love language”.

It’s okay to have needs. That’s how you show love and appreciation so when he doesn’t do it you feel less appreciated. Totally normal!

Talking about love languages with a partner or even a friend or family member can be such a positive and enriching experience. I highly recommend it.

Eta: in case no one tells you today, you’re beautiful.”- snuggleallthekitties

“To be honest, I think that my ‘love language’ is gifting. I love to give gifts to people, I’m not good with words and I feel like he might not be either. I want to communicate this issue with him but it just hurts. I’m worried that he just won’t understand or won’t be able to do his part.”- Cath1212

“You need to tell him how you feel. It is essential that you overcome your fear of communicating with him. If you can’t talk about your feelings with your potential-life-partner without it all falling apart, then it just wasn’t meant to be.

If I were in your shoes, I would approach my boyfriend by saying something like this: “I feel a little pathetic for feeling this way, but since we’ve been together, you hardly ever compliment me when I get dressed up or get a new outfit, and it makes me feel like you aren’t attracted to me. I hear my friends complimenting each other and their significant others, and I can’t help but wish we hyped each other up more often. It would really boost my confidence to know that you find me beautiful and attractive.”

And as a side note, you aren’t being pathetic for wanting to know that your boyfriend finds you attractive. The vast majority of people are with their partners because they found them attractive, got to know them, and ended up loving them! Compliments go a really long ways for almost everyone! That’s why strangers compliment each other, why parents compliment their children, why teachers compliment their students, why friends compliment their friends, and so on; we all get an ego boost from it, it’s just human nature!

Honestly, if your boyfriend makes you feel ashamed for wanting him to express that he’s actually physically attracted to you, move on and find someone else. Finding a life partner isn’t easy, and it’s okay to move on and find someone who actually gets you and respects you and wants you to feel beautiful and happy.”- clearview69

“I had a boyfriend who expected me to compliment him and I never did, so he broke up with me. He told my friend “if she doesn’t say anything, I’m dumping her today.” Granted, we were in middle school, but had he told me, I would have absolutely changed that.

I now make sure to always compliment my husband, and if I want compliments but his sexy, oblivious butt doesn’t always catch it, so I’ll be like ahem like my mascara? flutter flutter and then he’ll laugh, apologize and compliment me like crazy. Hopefully this is the case with your bf, unless there’s other red flags!”- NoMamesMijito

“Girl. I was with a guy would leave compliments to other women on social media like, “omfg you’re so gorgeous 😍 do you have boyfriend?”

Killed my desire to send pics. Turns out he was the loser all along. Drop.”-AlanMooresWizrdBeard

“I don’t think you are pathetic at all. If you talk with the bf about this & he says anything other than ‘thanks for letting me know what you want/need, I am here for it’ I would recommend maybe giving a second look at the relationship. If he promises to change but doesn’t, think hard about whether you want to be chasing something that you won’t get from an incompatible person. This can be a red flag in my experience.”-Flippin_diabolical

“Everyone expresses affection differently, it’s likely that he just doesn’t realise he should be complimenting you. He must think you’re amazing, or he wouldn’t be with you 🙂 It’s not pathetic to want compliments, though, and I’m sure he’d be happy to give them if he realised they were important to you. Just talk to him openly, and if he has an issue with you expressing your emotions then THAT’S a red flag. Please talk to him, he can’t fix it if he doesn’t know what’s wrong!”-ScreenHype

“It is not pathetic. But you need to talk to him. The fact that he doesn’t compliment you doesn’t mean he doesn’t find you attractive, it may just mean he’s not naturally effusive.

You can’t expect someone to read your mind and know what you want and need, you have to communicate it. You can’t expect he’ll get the hint either because you compliment him. Save yourself a lifetime of disappointment and learn how to communicate what you want and need to your partner.

If he is not willing to make this effort, or acts as though you are pathetic, then that may be a sign to move on, but generally people are happy to have clarification on how to make happy those that they love.

Your wants are valid. You are not only allowed, but encouraged to communicate them openly and honestly.”- aam726

“It is not pathetic at all. If I really liked someone I would want to compliment and support this person. I am not talking about fake compliments for the sake of saying something but real ones. If you have been with someone over a year and they rarely compliment you (eg. once a year) they probably don’t appreciate you and the effort that you put in the relationship.”-Onegreenmartian

“You deserve to be validated and appreciated. Complimenting you makes them feel vulnerable because they are insecure about themselves. It’s pathetic and toxic. This dynamic can destroy your self-esteem and leave you feeling less than.”-throwaway75ge

“Talk to him about that. My partner – whom I love dearly and with whom I have two children – doesn’t do compliments. I give him compliments all the time and he does know I appreciate them and that I also need other kinds of verbal affirmation, but it’s never been easy for him to do that. We talk about it, he’s improved a lot on his verbal skills (especially talking about emotions, he’s quite good at that now), but it’ll never come naturally to him. I know he’s more about acts of service as his love language, so I recognize it as a sign of affection when he does something for me. It might be a thing like this (which can still be a deal blocker for you, that’s totally valid), or it could be something else – but you won’t know if you don’t talk about it.”- Tuuleh

“That’s not normal. Now, my husband is on the opposite end of the spectrum and lavishes me with compliments all day every day. I have a hard time articulating myself and he begs for more compliments and I need to work to be better at it. But no compliments? Ever? Unless he is neurologically atypical or raised by wolves this is likely either intentional or a strong indicator of how he truly feels about you. Ask yourself, do you want to feel this way for the rest of your life?”- wrwck92

“3 words: words have power.

You’re not pathetic for wanting to hear your boyfriend compliment you. I understand it may be how he functions considering everyone has their own way of expression, but if it doesn’t work for you, then it’s better to voice our your concern than letting it build up. You’ve already been with him for over a year. Keeping it buried and letting it fester will only destroy your relationship.”-ShefCutie

“If this is something you feel, then express it. If he dismisses, then it’s time to go, because if he cannot adjust himself on something small to your needs like RECOGNITION, then he isn’t going to adjust much for you in the long run on something bigger. If he isn’t going to give you what you need, he needs to watch himself because someone else will. Just talk to him, there is nothing to lose and if there is something to lose like him, it’s not that big of a loss. More of dodging a bullet. Just communicate and be blunt, they need straight forward answers.”- Super_Boss368