Fierce

People Are Sharing Tough Pills To Swallow And It’s A Massive Dose Of Abuelo Realness

From “not everyone is going to like you” to “you can’t always get what you want” we’ve all heard some practical pieces of advice that have brought us down to earth. But what about those pills that are tough to swallow and that no one ever talks about? Like… “your parents are dying” and you don’t “deserve” anything?

Users on Reddit recently got together to share some realness that are on one hand kind of a bummer but on the other hand pretty enlightening.

Check out the realness below!

“It may start out as butterflies and they can never do anything wrong, but that period may be short for some couples and that can also be ok. Depending on past relationship experience, it may be important for one or both people to hash out issues with the other early on as a way to determine is this even possibly going to work. If a dealbreaker personality trait presents early and the person doesn’t want to change or feels like they don’t need to change it, it’s important to know that at month 3 rather than year 3. Give them good faith opportunities to work on it (edit: and ask for those opportunities for yourself), but if it doesn’t happen it may never and it’s okay to move on. I feel like people get too caught up in “but this is the beginning it’s supposed to be a honeymoon phase,” when in reality maybe you are both being your realest selves (edit: or slowly revealing this real self) and it’s important to know that before you’ve spent years with someone. Speaking from experience on both ends of this spectrum and definitely both sides of the relationship. I strongly believe people have a great capacity to change, but it takes effort, honest introspection, and self-awareness. Some people can, some people will, some will choose to find someone okay with them as-is or will find out a need to do these self-renovations with someone else.”- bwa236

“You can’t keep everyone you love around you forever.” –SiepieJR

“This one’s for parents: Your children do not owe you because you decided to bring them into this world. They are not your personal slave. Let them live their lives. Don’t have your hand in their pocketbook. They don’t owe you anything. You are supposed to teach them how to be independent and be able to start their life on their own. By making them rely on you and having you rely on them, you’re only making it harder for them to spread their wings. They are your children, not your property. Raise them with the same respect you’d want your own parents to treat you.”- musicallyours01

“You can’t make someone love you.” –Charming_Preference

“A significant subset of the population will behave as shitty as they are allowed to or can get away with.” –StorkSlayer

“Fairness, Justice and Karma are not a given. They happen less than you expect. Be the change you want to see in the world but dont expect a just reward for it.” – Jacksinyourbox

“There are people with fundamentally different world views and you will never be capable of seeing eye to eye with some of them.”-joemamma474

“The world is brutally unfair. Even if you bust your ass working on something, you can still fail and see someone who barely works gets everything you want. Even so, the world does not owe you anything. You can still fail the next time, but you’ll only have a chance on succeeding if you try.”- Pandaonthego

“Life isn’t against you, It’s simply it’s simply ignorant to your existence. People are going to get sick and die, people who don’t deserve shit are going to get ahead of you, greed pays off and you are going to struggle. But the beauty of it all is that you don’t have to let that affect you. If you live your life feeling grateful for the little things like being around people you like, having a roof over your head, good meals and new experiences then you’ll have a better life. Make your own happiness and don’t let the context of other people’s lives effect yours.”- coniferous-1

“It doesn’t matter how compatible you are with someone sexually (or how attractive they might be), that’s not enough to sustain a healthy and happy relationship.”- nuhtty

“People don’t get what they deserve, they get what they get. There is nothing any of us can do about it.”- Witness_me_Karsa

“Marry a stable person you find attractive physically and psychologically, communicate both good and bad, don’t let your sex life slide…. hell, I just got lucky in my choice.” – pope_schist

“Physical changes will happen over time, but you will start paying less attention to those things as your ever-increasing knowledge and love for you partner grows and your perception of them expands beyond what you see. My wife will often lament that she’s not in as good a shape as she used to be or her hair is getting gray or she’s fattened the curve a bit during this quarantine, but I always reply by saying that she wouldn’t feel any of those things if she could see herself how I see her. It’s been 25 years and a lot of joy and pain along the way, but I still want to lovingly fuck the shit out of her every single day. Maintaining the sex life is also important, as is recognizing that there are so many ways to be sexual without good ole PIV. For example, my wife is recovering from a back injury right now, and we haven’t had PIV for a few months, which of course is totally understandable! However, she can still use her hands, and I’ve often requested such attention because I know she likes being seen as a sexual being even if she’s not always feeling sexy. I think she enjoys being able to give me pleasure, and the last time I asked for a vigorous hand-holding, she wanted her vibrator afterwards. It was really nice, and it made us feel more intimate and connected, which is something that we both needed very much. Sex and love will ebb and flow, but if you’re both working on yourselves and each other, the balance will remain strong.” – xenobuzz

“Someone told me once that love isnt a feeling its an action, you love someone, you dont feel love for someone, that implies work, and its hard, and sometimes you wont feel that feeling, but you still gonna love them.” –YouAreNotMeYet

“If you are a smart kid in a small town: You aren’t as smart as you think you are. This will come as a big pill to swallow if you get a scholarship or make it into some sort of academic program where the rest of your classmates are “smart kids” too. Edit: Wow this is starting to gain some traction so I’ll clarify a bit. I was speaking from personal experience when I got out into the real world finally. Based on what I saw, one of two things happen: You either come to terms with it and step up your work ethic, or you fizzle out and accept mediocrity. For reference my program was nuclear engineering. Lots of smart people and it was a tough pill to swallow for a guy fresh from a small town in AL, that never had to try academically before then. If you can come to terms with it though, everything will become way less stressful. Just have to accept that new norm.” –Echo5even

“Being happy long-term isn’t about doing whatever you feel at any given moment, sometimes you have to make a conscious, serious effort over a period of days, weeks, even months or years, to form good habits and increase your quality of life in order to have a positive disposition instead of intermittent periods of joy with a general negative disposition.” – everyischemicals

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People Are Sharing Humbling Acts Of Kindness Tales And The Stories Will Bring You To Your Knees

Things That Matter

People Are Sharing Humbling Acts Of Kindness Tales And The Stories Will Bring You To Your Knees

Fox Photos / Getty

Good deeds make for a good world. We all know there’s some sort of truth in that, but these days there’s so much in the world to shadow goodness and kindness in the world. Fortunately, people have been quick to share their memories of acts of kindness and good deeds.

And on Reddit no less!

Users on Reddit are sharing the most humbling acts of kindness they’ve ever experiencexd.

Check them out below!

“This is a few humbling kind experiences all wrapped into one: My mom got suddenly diagnosed with cancer and deteriorated unbelievably quickly. She seemed totally healthy when she was diagnosed, yet died 6 weeks later. She had me when she was older (45) so it was always her dream to live long enough to see me get married. When my boyfriend of 8 years found out she was sick, he immediately asked me to marry him. Humbling experience #1.

We then tried to find a justice of the peace ASAP to officiate the wedding at my parents’ home. There was only one in the small town my parents lived in. She was all booked up but when she heard why we needed to book ASAP she reworked her whole schedule so that she could be there for us (humbling experience #2)

Our family and friends then went out of their way to plan the wedding for us so that I could be with my mom in pallative care. My aunt and uncle drove 5 hours to us, got flowers, candles, a cake, champagne and set up the house for the wedding. Our neighbours took care of our dogs and planned a catered reception for us. My best friend (the only person I really wanted as a brides maid) nearly got fired from her new job in order to get the time off to be there, and she and her boyfriend drove for 6 hours to be there. Everyone was so wonderful, well beyond what I could’ve ever expected or asked for. It was so amazing and heartwarming. (Humbling experience #3)

My mother was able to attend the wedding and it was a very joyous occasion, despite the circumstances. She passed away 3 days later. Even though it wasn’t a traditional wedding, it was perfect because so many people that we loved dropped everything to help fulfill our dreams.” –awkwardmumbles

“In a thread asking what things my children don’t know, I shared that we were struggling financially, that I often lied to them and said I’d already eaten, but I knew the situation was temporary. Reddit users suggested I create an Amazon wish list and sent us food, gifts for the kids, and even a pair of shoes for me to replace the pair I’d been wearing for years. The words of encouragement got me through a very tough time. I’m working now, and while I’m still digging out of lots of student loan and medical debt, last Christmas I was able to pay it forward, by sponsoring a family for Christmas. I’ll never forget the kindness of the people here.” –surpassing_disasters

“I’m not the richest guy in the world. I was in grade 11 and at that point I had been playing the same cheap $150 guitar for 10 years. One day during the year, it was my birthday. My girlfriend at the time had already told me that she couldn’t make it on that day because she had a family thing. I didn’t expect much. Two of my friends finally convinced me to grab dinner with them so we did. We then headed back to one of my friends houses. When I got there, about 20 friends (including my girlfriend) were there. They had thrown me a surprise party. They then pulled out a guitar case. They all put their money together and bought me a $2000 brand new American Fender Telecaster. I don’t think I have ever been so humbled by the kindness of my friends and I will never forget what they did for me.” – Krebsy92

“I was living in another state with my family,my husband and son (I was also pregnant). we hit some hard time. Money was very low and that week we only had 30 dollars for food for the next 4 days. I went to the grocery store and picked out some food (rice, beans, smoked sausage, eggs, etc..). I went to the self service register to check out and it came to 25 dollars. I went to my pocket for my money and it wasn’t there. I turned red in the face with embarrassment and I told the cashier maning the self checkout lanes I must of dropped it so please cancel the order. He didn’t. He paid for it out of his own pocket. I thanked him up and down. I went to my car and cried.” –thepurplefrog

“My uncle gave me $500 when I left for college (he usually gave money to me and my cousins). He was murdered months after, the day one of my older cousins was getting married. She gave EVERYTHING from her wedding that could be useful at the funeral (food, alcohol, sodas). My cousin is poor, by the way.” – mrcolon96

“I was arrested for possession of marijuana in Texas and before I even made a phone call out, a random lady bailed me out and drove me to my car, paid to get my car out of the impound, and let me pay her back like 5 weeks later.” – echo_astral

“In 2004 my father died somewhat suddenly after fighting very aggressive cancer for a month. My family and I witnessed an overwhelming outpouring of kindness and love from our community. The local businesses adopted us for Christmas(dad died in early December), people brought us meals for weeks, and the local funeral director made sure that the services honored dad’s life while making it affordable for an already struggling family. The biggest thing, though, would have to be the hospital bills that my mom never saw. After a month in and out of the ICU and multiple surgeries the bills must have been huge, but someone picked up 90% of them without ever telling our family. We always assumed it was my dad’s boss, but we will possibly never know. There are countless more instances from that first few years, but I cannot begin to name all of them. It is truly amazing to see a small community pull together for a family in their time of need.” –perrydise_livin

“one winter, i spent a saturday with my mom. that evening, she’d bought tickets to a college production of jesus christ, superstar, and invited me to go with her. i wasn’t terribly excited about it, but i know it’s one of her favorite musicals and it would mean a lot to her if i went, so i just sucked it up. we would up having a lovely day together. we were walking back to the car after the show, and were in the middle of talking about something that had happened to her at work. an elderly woman walking in front of us slipped on some ice, fell, and started to kind of cry/moan/wail.

the elderly lady had two people with her (her kids, i found out later). one rushed off to get help, and the other (a man) stayed with his mother. as soon as the woman went down, my mother stopped talking mid-sentence (a difficulty for an italian-american woman who grew up in NJ) and rushed over to help. the man was kind of panicked. he kept kind of loudly asking his mother if anything hurt, what hurts, can you move your arms, your legs, etc. I’m sure he meant well but in his panic he was somewhat aggressive and it was scaring his mother even more.

my mom told the guy sternly but softly to calm down and bent down, in the snow/mush/ice, to talk to the woman. she cracked a few jokes about how she was clumsy and fell all of the time, it could happen to anyone, and how unfortunately her clumsiness seems to have passed on to her daughter (me). in between jokes, she took off her coat and put it over the woman and gently told her to keep still until help arrived. by the time some workers from the theater and security folks came over, the woman was smiling and talking about holiday recipes with my mother. she was laughing and saying how she felt embarrassed everyone made such a fuss over her. an ambulance arrived and after consulting with the EMTs, the woman was standing up and seemed okay. she agreed to go get checked out, and gave my mom back her jacket and thanked her profusely “for keeping her head” better than her own kids. her son tried to give my mother some money for “dry cleaning” (her clothes were wet and muddy from sitting next to the woman) and she told him it wasn’t necessary.

we started to walk away, and she continued our conversation from earlier – like, word for word, picked up with the sentence she’d left off with. it occurred to me that helping someone like that was just second nature to my mom. she didn’t think twice, and it would never have occurred to her to keep walking and let someone else handle it. and not only that, she handled it like a champ, calmed everyone down, and had folks laughing by the time she was through.

not a huge thing in the grand scheme of things, but it really struck me in that moment just how selfless she is. she is constantly doing things both big and small for others without ever expecting anything in return.”-MsSusieDerkins

“My dad took my brother, sister and I out for lunch at a local diner/ice cream shop. About three tables away was a very bedraggled mother with twin infants in carriers and two other small children, and it looked like today was the day for all of them to act up. After I was done eating I went to look at the pinball machine ( a lifelong obsession) and on his way over to collect me, my dad stopped at the counter, paid our bill, and the lady’s as well. He never mentioned it later, and did it in a way that no one other than the cashier would have even known, but I managed to catch it. I know its a very simple act, and it probably wasn’t very expensive, but the fact that he did it without much thought, and not even to use as a kindness lesson to us kids, always stuck with me.” – CigaretteCigarCigar

“I was in the hospital for passing out in class at college. I was 4 hours away from my parents and they couldn’t come to take care of me and I didn’t have a roommate in my dorm. I was pretty much by myself. A nurse drove me all the way back to my dorm. She then went to walmart, bought me soup, crackers, gateraid and a bunch of other things for when you’re sick. She said for me to call her if I needed anything. I didn’t know this woman at all. I almost cried. She saw I had no food or anything and was so kind to me. I will always be thankful for her kindness. She didn’t have to do that at all. She is an angel.” – ThatRedHairedGirl

“I was homeless and walking from Huntsville Alabama to Nashville Tennessee. I had no money, hadn’t eaten or bathed since the previous morning, and I was pretty much exhausted from walking all night. Stopped at a gas station to ask directions and a Jamaican guy who worked there was kind enough to give me a free sandwich. I remember sitting on the curb trying not to cry while eating what remains the best goddamn sandwich I’ve ever eaten.” –blkhatRaven

“When I was 19 and rapidly deteriorating on the waiting list for a liver, and the doctors decided we’d try the last ditch option of living donation. We called my only blood match, my paternal aunt. She agreed to be tested and was a perfect match. She came to my house in late August and told me that she was a match, and she’d set the date for September 30th.

On that day we rolled into surgery together, and 14 hours later I came out. She was in surgery for about 8 hours. I woke up 3 days later in a ton of pain. But I was alive and the liver was working. My aunt was doing great. She went home on day 4. I had another 2 weeks in the hospital and a hotel near the hospital.

That was 5 years ago. I’m doing great, never had a bout of rejection (which is rare and pretty awesome) my aunt says it’s like she never had surgery. I’m now 24, 25 in July. I wouldn’t have seen 20 without my aunt. I wouldn’t have gotten to travel, or have met my soulmate, or adopted 2 cats together. I moved across the country to live with my bf, and we’ve been together for 3 years. Life is very good.” –greffedufois

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From Making Sure Your Turkey Actually Fits Into The Oven To Keeping It Moist — Here’s How To Avoid Messing Up Your First Adult Thanksgiving!

Culture

From Making Sure Your Turkey Actually Fits Into The Oven To Keeping It Moist — Here’s How To Avoid Messing Up Your First Adult Thanksgiving!

John Moore / Getty

So you’re stuck in a pandemic without your parents or abuelos to make the turkey and the duties are falling on you. Just about everyone knows that the task of cooking the Thanksgiving turkey is a real job that no one takes on lightly. Whether you’re roasting it or deep frying it, there are legends of just how dangerous and intense prepping a turkey can be.

In fact, according to the U.S. Fire Administration, an estimated 2,000 Thanksgiving Day fires happen every year across the country. Even more so, the National Fire Protection Association has said that deep fryer fires cause an “average of 5 deaths, 60 injuries and more than $15 million in property damage each year.”

To help, we dug around for the best tips on Reddit!

Below check out some recipes on how to avoid a Thanksgiving turkey disaster!

“When I did my first turkey I followed Altons method. Featured here on youtube. It was the best bird I have had, so moist and flavourful. I now have everyone in my family do the same. Low and slow is no way to go with turkey, unless you are bbq´ing it. Brine it for flavour and moist meat. And NO STUFFING the bird, keep it seperate. Just watch the episode, I know it is kinda corny but it is good advice.”- RolandIce

“Get yourself a good probe thermometer. A model like this one works well, you leave it in the bird while it cooks and you can see what’s happening inside. It’s impossible to overcook it this way. Remember to rest it as the temperature will continue to rise even when you pull it out of the oven.” –Hillside_Strangler

“You start with eliminating the fear. People have been cooking large animals and eating them since the invention of fire and they didn’t even have Youtube. You’ll be fine…

  • Thaw the bird. If that takes a few days, okay. If you have to put it in a sink full of warm water the morning of, that’s okay too. It’s meat, not Ebola.*
  • Start early. Nobody’s going to obsess if the mashed potatoes are holding you up. Waiting on the bird is a drag. Don’t put it in the oven at 6am, but figure whatever temperature/time recommendations you’re getting should have an hour or so of slop on either side because they’re always wrong.
  • Stage well. You’ve got vegetables, potatoes, god knows what else that needs to be ready, too. Mashed potatoes that sit out for an hour aren’t nearly as good as mashed potatoes made 5 minutes ago. A turkey that’s been in a warming oven for two hours? Tastes damn near exactly the same as one fresh off roast.
  • Check it every half hour. If it gets too crispy in spots, tent those spots with tin foil. Juice should be basted (in my opinion – I also add white wine. Well, truthfully, I add mead that my wife makes, but you can’t have any). Stick a thermometer down into the meat between the drumstick and where the breast ceases to be a breast. Your oven is probably going to reveal that it doesn’t cook as evenly as it should because nobody bakes any more so most ovens made in the past 10 years are absolute shit. No worries, just rotate the pan 180 degrees in the oven every time you check it.
  • If you don’t want the wingtips to turn into jerky you need to truss them up underneath. I’ll bet there’s a youtube video for that.
  • Let it rest. This is your opportunity to get all the sweet, sweet karma from a beautiful bird. Or, you know, finish cooking everything else. Trust me, your “beautiful bird” is “just another turkey” to everyone else on the Internet so spare us the Instagram please.
  • Carve out of sight. You can do a better job in the kitchen where things are clean, the lighting is good and you don’t have to reach over everyone. This is much easier than you think, too. You need a sharp knife, a fork of some kind, and a cutting board, preferably one with a juice groove. Cut down the breast bone on one side, then under it to free the breast. Poke a knife in the shoulder joint of the wing to get the wing off. Poke your knife in the hip joint and cut the meat to get the leg off. Now cut the thigh from the drumstick at the knee joint (easy) and put a wing, a thigh, and a drumstick on a serving platter. Now cut the breast against the grain into slices about half an inch thick and lay them out. Doesn’t that look beautiful? Doesn’t it dust the shit out of hacking at a carcass in front of your friends and neighbors? And hey – you’ve still got half a turkey.

Once your feast is done, strip the rest of the bird from the bone and put the meat in the fridge. Take the bones and put them in a stock pot with water and whatever spices your mother-in-law insist go in turkey stock (she’ll have an opinion). Let it just-barely-simmer overnight. House will smell awesome the next day and you can make this soup.” –kleinbl00

“I have entries broken down by the hour in my Google calendar to tell me when I need to be chopping stuff, when I need to be putting things in the oven, when people are arriving, what tasks I can hand off to anybody asking, “Is there anything I can do to help?”, etc. If you’ve got a game plan, everything will run a lot smoother. Some general tips for people that might have more time to prepare (these tips are applicable to OP as well, just might have to do test runs on a weeknight instead) – don’t try anything on Thanksgiving day that you haven’t given a shot prior to Thanksgiving day. Have you ever brined anything? Give brining a test run on a chicken this weekend if you have no experience but want to wow people for the holiday. Never tried making a pie crust from scratch? Definitely worth testing that in advance and/or freezing a second batch prior to the holiday shows up. I wouldn’t recommend doing anything new on that Thursday, because it will frazzle you if it doesn’t come out well when people arrive. My final recommendation is do as much possible prep work as possible prior to Thanksgiving day. Chop vegetables in advance, if you can. Line up spices and baking ingredients in an orderly fashion in your pantry or fridge. Mis en place is going to save your ass from wondering where the fuck you put the brown sugar. It also ensures that you have every ingredient necessary before you attempt cooking whatever you’re cooking.” –mattjeast

“Here is the best turkey recipe: Beginning at least 1 hour before dinner, add wine to your guests. Continue to add wine until dinner is over.” –paularbear

“Be sure to buy the bird 2-3 days ahead of time, EVEN IF THE BIRD IS A “FRESH” BIRD. You can bring home a bird that looks ready to go, but the inside is hard as a rock. They call it “hard-chilled,” I call it frozen. If you buy it a couple days before, you won’t get an icy surprise.” –paularbear

“When the bird hits 165, take it out and simply let it rest. Resting a turkey is vital to ensuring that the meat is moist and tender, instead of dry and stringy. I usually rest a turkey for 5 for about an hour, possibly more.” –Willravel

“I was totally in your shoes two Thanksgivings ago. I was holding a dinner for friends who couldn’t make it home for the holidays. We had about 20 odd people show up! I’d never made a turkey before either. A friend suggested that I stick my defrosted (important!!!), and lightly seasoned turkey into an oven bag. While it is baking, it keeps the moisture in, and cooks in its own juices (read: no obsessive basting!). Really easy and foolproof.” – vickasaurusrex

“As long as its not overcooked or dry, you can edit and recover. Make sure your bird can fit your oven, and time your prep to fit your kitchen. 10-15 is a huge amount of food, too much for a single day prep even for a seasoned home cook, get help. List out what can be done a day or 2 ahead. Have enough containers to store every nicely so there is no cross contamination. Have a back up plan.”- deadmantizwalking

“I have always just used a cooking bag, put the turkey breast side down so all the juices flow to the breast meat. I do stuff my bird, b/c I like how it tastes better. I also let it rest after taking it out of the oven before cutting into it, doing so helps the bird retain it’s juices. I don’t get that perfect skin but I don’t mind, b/c I don’t show it off at the table and nobody eats the skin.” –drawdelove

“If you do decide to stuff the bird remember to include the weight of the stuffing when you calculate the number of hours to cook the turkey. Also, when you order the bird or buy the bird make sure she is not frozen on the inside. I’ve had both these things happen to me and we didn’t eat until late haha.” –ladyloowho

“Also, don’t forget the sides! I had a subscription to CooksIllustrated for many years, and their website is great for that kinda stuff. All their recipes are good/great and often they have ‘pre-cook’ tips. For instance, you can make the sauce and other components for your green bean casserole a day or two before, which makes the day-of SO much easier. Timing is always the hardest part, so make yourself a time schedule for the day, working backward from your serving time. Don’t forget to ensure you have time for the turkey to rest. If you cover it in foil, it’ll stay warm/hot for over an hour, so take that into account.” –BloaterPaste

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