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Long Term Couples Share Their Advice For ‘Successfully’ Arguing In A Strong Relationship

All couples have their arguments, but it’s only the ones who know how to tackle a disagreement in the right way that will stick it out for the longterm. Happy couples who have “successful” relationships have “successful” arguments, ones where they know that the real “win” is when two partners are able to settle on a solution together and without real attempts at hurting their spouse.

So what works for happy couples who approach arguments with grace?

Reddit Users in longterm relationships share all of the ways to argue successfuly.

“This is a very important lesson that I took away from a self help book that has served me well: ‘Did he do something TO hurt you? Or did he do something that happened to hurt you?’ If the answer is the latter, then you are (at least partially) responsible for your own emotional response. Understanding yourself and why something upsets you is essential.”- bonnieirisheyes

“This is really important. However, it’s also important for the SO to take ownership of their actions and realize that actions can have unintended consequences.” –katiesham

“I have some trouble with grey areas. Like when someone doesn’t do something TO hurt you but they know that you would get hurt and still do it. I’m wondering if the book has some pointers for this too, you see.”- Redhaired103

“As a general rule, unless you really mean it in general, make sure you don’t make accusations about character but just the behavior. Like if they do something selfish say what they DID was selfish, not “YOU are selfish.” There’s really a big difference between the two.”- Redhaired103

“Yup. My dad called me annoying almost 15 years ago and it permanently changed our relationship. We’ve talked about it since and he said “you were probably being annoying”. I said “then say that. You called ME an annoyance. You. The man I’m supposed to compare every man in my life to.” He still doesn’t see the difference. One is a way I’m acting. The other is me as a person. It still has left me shaken.”- souponastick

“It helps me to remember we’re on the same team fighting the same problem. Then we’re not fighting with each other so much as brainstorming how to fight the problem together.”- tercerero

“That’s a good one. But rather hard to put into practice when I’m angry.”- mandolin2712

“I am glad this is how it is in your relationship, that makes any disagreements so much more bearable, resolvable, and oddly hopeful for going forward.

Some couples cannot say the same, and their fights seemingly come down to arguing the unsolvable, which is a hindrance and a burden, and almost always about a deeper incompatibility. If you’re constantly trying to “compromise” about, say, money, and your SO constantly doesn’t agree and continues their behavior, that’s not on the same team, at all”- abqkat

“Similar: but I always say it’s not about me being right or you being right but it’s about us getting to the truth which is somewhere in the middle.

Other principles we go by are that I am predominantly responsible for my own happiness and my partner is there to help.

When I am upset, I appreciate apologies but bottom line is that both of us are responsible for keeping both of us happy: it isn’t one person’s job nor is it one person’s failure, we are in it together.”- ellebee83

“This is the one that I stick to the most (or try to). We have to be a team. Our enemy isn’t each other, it’s the problem. At the end of the day, we have the same goal to get rid of the problem. We also have the same goal to keep each other. It helps me put things back into perspective at times.”-rivlet

“Always fight to resolve things, not to hurt each other. If you need to get your anger out, vent to a friend. If you’re too angry to be kind, step away until you’re ready. Don’t fight with your partner until you’re in a place where you can tell them why you’re upset and listen to their perspective. It’s sometimes okay to say things that may be hurtful, but you should be saying them because they’re necessary to fix the problem, not because they’re hurtful. If they’re only hurtful, they’re better left unsaid.”- palacesofparagraphs

“It’s not you vs. me but us vs. the problem.” – jtchicago

“That the excuse of “I said it when I was angry,” is unacceptable. You must take responsibility for your words.”- Poppy29252

“Once you say something it can never be unheard.”- PunkinNickleSammich

“Despite the old saying, sometimes it’s OK to go to bed angry. If you’re going around in circles about something, it’s sometimes best to just take a break from the argument and revisit the issue after a good night’s sleep.”- PandorasTrunk

“Sometimes, the only thing that will cure anger is time, and laying it on a partner to say the exact right things to make you not-angry is unfair and sometimes downright impossible.”- all_iswells

“Not even just for sleep, sometimes you just have to let an argument go. I’m vehemently a talk-everything-out kind of person, but recently learned that some arguments won’t go anywhere and won’t get ‘resolved.’ Some differences just have to be accepted instead of solved.”- AiryNan

“I know this in theory, but I can’t stand my partner sleeping when we still are mad at each other. When it happens, I usually spend the night crying and hating myself for not handling it better. And for nothing, because the issue is usually fixed the day after. I wish he was like me on this particular aspect, but it seems that all men I have dated always preferred to sleep over and deal with things later.”- tightheadband

“I’ve had to leave before, which really pissed my BF off. We didn’t live together and I just knew that we were too angry and at the same time didn’t want to sweep it under the rug, so I went back to my place. He wasn’t happy, but I needed time to think and be alone.”- BilbosHandkerchief

“Sometimes you both need time to cool of, the next morning the problem often looks completely ridiculous and you see the issue at hand wasn’t really the reason for the fight. That’s the time you should talk about the underlying reason. What’s bad is going to bed and never mentioning it again.”- Reddit User

“It’s also a good way to check if the thing you were arguing about is more important than being with your SO and how important the issue is TO your SO. Helps clear up what the priority is. Not saying that you shouldn’t talk about it again, but that might also help with the arguing afterwards.”- BadChase

“Voicing, or harboring, contempt may be the single most destructive act you can take in your relationship. Along with some other key behaviors (criticism, stonewalling, and defensiveness) relationships in which the partners show contempt towards each other have been shown to have about 93% chance of ending.

So don’t treat your partner as an inferior, as someone not worthy of you. If you find yourself feeling this, or having regular self-talk in which you are regularly thinking of yourself as superior to your partner or your partner isn’t worthy of you, your relationship may already be beyond hope.”-Reddit User 

“Listen to what they’re actually saying. Remember they have feelings too and that doesn’t make them wrong or right. Feelings are feelings. Use “I feel” statements instead of “you did,” don’t shout at them or speak over them, each person should get a chance to talk without being interrupted, remember to apologize even if you feel or think you did nothing wrong. Swallow your pride, don’t blame, and communicate.”- Reddit User 

“That just because I’m right, doesn’t mean he has to be wrong. There aren’t always two answers. Listening is important. And so is validating others’ feelings, especially anger and frustration. And never, ever, go cold and make it seem as if I don’t love him (I don’t do this, but I’ve had it done to me). It’s OK to argue and confront. It’s OK to want to strangle each other. It’s not OK to withdraw love and warmth and say things that attack a person’s character or our mutual love and respect.”- itsmyvoice

“That they still love you and you still love them(if that’s the case that is). Everyone forgets the other person’s feelings sometimes. You need to remember that you may forget the hurtful things you say under “I was mad” but they might not. It might stick with them and continue hurting even after you say you didn’t mean it.”- Honeybunches94

“Just argue that particular point and only that point, don’t make it personal, and sure as shit don’t drag in the 20 other things that you’ve been holding grievances about over the last x years. Its also not about being right, its about resolving that issue.”- JayTheFordMan

“That your life shouldn’t feel like a ‘rough patch.’ Fights, approaches to fighting, the content, and frequency of the fighting should be, above all else, RESOLVABLE, and not about your/their character or beliefs or values. If you’re having arguments that leave you feeling defeated and hopeless, that’s probably more than just that one fight. I know a couple, together like 8 years, who has about 2-4 monthly “us fights” about money and BIG stuff. You can say “we’re on the same team” or “we just need to work on this” till the cows come home, but if nothing actually resolves, and you’re not on the same proverbial ladder to the same roof, that’s gonna be 

“I was upset that my partner drove on the un-shoveled driveway when I was trying to clear a different part for him to drive on (so there wouldn’t be any hard-packed tire tracks that would turn to ice). He elected to drive on it anyway, after I asked him not to and made a clear path for him elsewhere. I was hurt and confused and felt like he deliberately disrespected me.

Then he told me he has a fear of backing out of the area I cleared, and it’s so bad that it makes him cry. So that’s why he uses the other side. (Edit: and he said he hadn’t told me before because he was ashamed of it.)

I was hung up on feeling like my feelings were justified and that he should just get over it and learn to back out of the cleared area, but after I sat with it a while I realized there are other solutions.

  1. Now I know this, and I will clear the side he DOES like to use first. Even though it takes longer to clear it, I can get started earlier. (If you are wondering why he doesn’t clear it, right now he has a hand injury and can’t use a snow shovel.)
  2. I can offer to back his car out for him.

There are other things we can do to avoid this situation in the future. So it doesn’t really matter about which part of the driveway he uses, and I was NOT being disrespected, but rather he was acting out of a deep fear.”- green_carbon07

“We’re on the same side. When we argue, we either both win or we both lose. I know my wife would never intentionally hurt me and she knows I would never intentionally hurt her. If you can successfully keep that in mind, it’s much easier to realize that everything else is the result of a miscommunication or an honest difference of opinion. It takes work and a commitment to assume good intentions, but if you’re able to do that, it makes things much easier.”- ralevin

“Remember that you love them, and that anything hurtful you say will stay with them. Anytime you want to say something spiteful shut up and count to three.”- reihino1

“That they’re still the same person they were before the problem arose, that you’re still the same person you were before the problem arose, and that everyone makes mistakes.

Don’t attribute anything to malice as a first port of call. The vast majority of the time, it’s not malice. A minority of the time, you will be given evidence that it is malice. Wait for the evidence before you go there. If you start an argument/respond to an argument on the presumption you are being attacked then the other person will naturally feel attacked and start defending themselves. Then you’re just in a spiral of both counter-attacking and nothing gets resolved. Lose the accusations, however, and you can both look at the issue to see what actually went wrong.

On the other side, for people who naturally go too far in the other direction and are too forgiving. Most communication is non-verbal. It is not assertive to stand up only to the verbal part of it. Hold people to account by their tone not just the content of what they say. If they’re speaking to you in an unpleasant tone, tell them you do not want them to speak to you like that. They are adults; just like you; they can handle it if you speak to them sharply. Even kind people will slip in their behavioural standards if they learn they can get away with it. So don’t let them get away with it. A good first port of call to point out to people that they are crossing a line is to make a barbed joke – “aren’t you charming today?” etc.; but if this doesn’t work, then step it up. You don’t need to be aggressive, just firm. Don’t speak to me like that. Don’t do that. Etc. No more is needed. Just stand firm.

Also, there’s nothing wrong with raising your voice, calling someone a name, telling someone to fuck off, etc. sometimes. Advice normally aims at people who are naturally emotionally expressive; not people who are naturally emotional inhibited. But being too “self controlled” is just as destructive as being too “impulsive”. If you do not authentically express emotion sometimes you will not go away feeling the problem is resolved. If you don’t show emotion at all, then the emotional part of the problem does not get healed. If you stick entirely to logic and reason, and you have a mild-mannered debate or conversation about the issue in which you logically agree, and you always do this (thinks back to all my previous relationships) you will find that the relationship, while blissfully low conflict, grows apart and ends amicably when you both realise you’re “just room mates now really”. There isn’t anything inherently wrong with emotional expression. You need it and your partner needs it and your relationship needs it. It’s just about balance and not going overboard. A healthy relationship can withstand arguments because they are adequately resolved and the relationship is properly repaired. Avoiding them entirely only pulls you apart.”-reallybigleg

“Take a step back and ask yourself three questions:

  1. Am I tired, hungry or thirsty? If you’re cranky, it’s usually for one of those three reasons. Cranky people argue more about really dumb things, because they aren’t thinking clearly.
  2. Why do I feel the need to “be right” about this? “Being right” is never more important than your SO’s feelings. Putting your SO down just so you can feel superior is a form of abuse and really childish.
  3. How can I compromise on this issue? The art of compromise is how most relationships survive. Learn to give a little and be fair. Both parties should treat each other with respect.

It’s important to remember that you are with this person for a reason. Probably a lot of reasons. They must have a lot of good qualities you admire. You chose to be in this relationship for those reasons. I find it really hard to argue with my man when I hold his hand or cuddle. We cuddle a lot. None of our “fights” (we barely ever even bicker) last more than two or three minutes.”- Jewels133

“When you do something wrong or hurtful, STOP, and apologize unequivocally. I don’t care how right you are or how important it is, it is NEVER okay to yell, curse, insult, manipulate, lie, or minimize your partner’s feelings. You can resume your argument after you’ve acknowledged your error.”- hocean

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All The Reasons Why Married Women Are Keeping Their Last Names

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All The Reasons Why Married Women Are Keeping Their Last Names

While in many cultures and world and circles it might be considered tradition for a woman to “take” her husband’s last name, many women have opted to buck tradition. In 2017, a study found that nearly half of Americans believe women should be required by law to adopt the last names of their husbands. It’s a reminder that despite all of the progress we’ve made as women— where now we are able to drive on roads, drive the vote, and even drive entire companies— social conventions still have quite a ways to go.

Below, women are sharing the reasons why they didn’t change their last names.

“I hate the “isn’t your name a man’s name anyway” argument. When do I ever get to own my name? Men own their name from birth, apparently women just borrow their surname from their dad and then from their husband. It’s ridiculous.”- pan_alice

“I came here to reply but honestly you’ve said it perfectly.

My sister asked me ‘but what if you have children!?’ And I said ¯_(ツ)_/¯ ? A name does not a family make. My fiancé’s mum never changed her name. I haven’t heard of any legitimate reason why I should change my name.”- vanessaj1990

“The “but what about the children” argument I see from time to time on Reddit makes me laugh, because where I live, married women HAVE to keep their original surname, which means often families with children are “Mr Smith, Mrs Jones, and their kids Alex Smith, Bart Smith and Christine Smith”. AND NO ONE GETS CONFUSED.”- ChibiSailorMercury

“I was shocked when, after about a year, that the majority of the comments I got were “I wish I had kept mine.” There are a lot of rude people in the beginning, but the majority of people don’t give a fuck or think the idea is great.”- Pethoarder4life

“Big yes on being known professionally as my own name. I’m one year away from getting my MD. I’m the one earning that and the one who published research and did conference presentations. Not my partner.”- elwynbrooks

“I came here to say this but you said more eloquently than I ever could. It is MY name. Why change it? I informed people when asked I won’t be changing my name and neither will my husband.”- WINTERSONG1111

“I feel the exact same and have the same reasons as you for keeping my name!! My partner and I do want children so I’m trying to navigate that right now. Wonder if anyone has any tips abt that!!!”- TacoSluuut

“I don’t want to get married, but THIS, also I love my last name and don’t think I should change it cause of a man, I find it fucking sexist, where im originally from it doesn’t work that way, and I’m GLAD. I have an uncommon Dutch last name I can’t imagine changing it. Also if you marry and have kids your kids get both parents lasts names.”- sadqnn

“That’s same with my parents. They kept their last name but and my siblings have a hyphenated last name. Same with my cousin’s.”- -captaindumbass-

“I like my name, simple as that.

A lot of women in my family have kept our family name because it’s somewhat rare. There’s like 200 people with this surname, and about 50 of them are in my family, and most of us keep the name regardless of gender, when we marry.”- amazingstillitseems

“A childhood friend of mine only had a first name and a last name, (like, Mary Smith) when as far as I knew, everyone had a middle name. She explained that her father only gave her the two names, because one day she would marry and drop her middle name anyway. (And I thought, what if she didnt marry? Couldn’t she drop his name?) Even as a kid, I thought this was horrible reasoning.

In genealogical circles, this leads to Mary NMI Smith (No Middle Initial) and Mary NMN Smith (No Middle Name.)

I was married 40+ years ago and kept my maiden name.”- SilverVixen1928

“I’m a guy and dislike my last name and the people who gave it to me, I would honestly consider taking her name because fuck gender norms.”- arrowff

“I’m one of 2 people in the world with my exact surname, as far as I know. There’s no way I’m giving it up, and I hope my kids want to carry it on someday.”- TossItThrowItFly

“Same here. Married 14 years with two kids. Never changed my name. It’s been a complete non-issue. Occasionally my husband gets called “Mr. Mylastname” or I get called “Ms. Hislastname” but neither of us care.”- Misschiff0

“Im on my second marriage and both times my husband changed his name to mine. People kinda shrug when they figure out I didn’t change my name but I do get some open-mouthed stares when they realized that my husband changed his name…

I just don’t see any reason to change my name, my first husband found it convenient to change his with weird spelling and difficult pronunciation. For my second husband it was important to him that we had the same name, so he changed his.”- SteelQueenToo

“My father changed his name to my mother’s name as well, but I actually don’t really know why. I guess they liked it better? It is kind of random I guess. He just told me it can kind of suck because people don’t realise you are the same person if they lost touch or something.”- leedzah

“I didn’t change my name for all the reasons already cited about, but when someone sends me an invitation with Mrs [husband’s Last Name], I don’t even bother to correct them. I didn’t care about the hassles of changing mine and I made a name for myself professionally before I got married so I stood firm to not change mine. It raised a couple of eyebrows but my mother and her mum didn’t change theirs also, so pulling the cultural card really helped.

Speaking of culture, I come from one that places massive respect for the elder so it’s okay for some older relatives who can’t adjust as well or have bad memories to call me whatever, I will graciously respond to them as the Mrs.”-

“I didn’t want to take his name as I believe marriage is a partnership. We’re marrying each other, not me marrying him only. So we were going to choose a new surname together but one that was in the family to signify the unity but never really got it sorted so we still have our own surnames.

People always assume I have his surname or that we’re not married.”- Hulahoop81

“I grew up in a privileged area which had a very little variety of cultures. Being from an Eastern European background with a different surname, I was badly bullied for it as it wasn’t “normal”. This made me super embarrassed of it when I was younger. As I got older I grew to become very proud of my heritage and surname. Therefore, I kept it as its me. And I’m proud of it.

Edit: when I tell people the above, most people just say ‘fair enough.’”- natalieb07

“This. I’m from Puerto Rico, and people rarely do this. It’s actually considered weird when people do change their last name. We just have two last names: our father’s and our mother’s.

ETA: Forgot to say that, although not super common, it still happens. Some women keep their full last names, but then tack on their husband’s first last name with a “de” preceding it. Marta Quintero Arenas married Pedro Quiñones Balboa. She decides to keep both last names, but also wants to add her husband’s first last name? She could do Marta Quintero Arenas de Quiñones. The “de” is basically an ‘of.’”- chromachord

Notice any needed corrections? Please email us at corrections@wearemitu.com

Women Are Sharing The Moments That Made Them Walk Out On Bad Dates— ‘He brought his mom’

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Women Are Sharing The Moments That Made Them Walk Out On Bad Dates— ‘He brought his mom’

New Line Cinema

There’s a case to be made about being on a Bad Date.

While never ideal, even in the best of bad date scenarios, oftentimes when we spin the experiences on their heads we can remind ourselves that behind every bad one is a lesson. Whether it’s how to avoid them in the future, or the discovery of a really great new restaurant, sometimes they can have their upsides.

Women on Reddit are sharing one of the ultimate upsides of a bad date: regaining power. From the moment you realize you’re on a date to the second you decide to get up and walk out, always remember you’ve got the power.

“This was a blind date with some guy a friend arranged. We we’re like 15 minutes into our date when he said (in exactly this order) that he ‘likes to eat asses, lick feet and if this is going to be serious you really need to lose weight’. I wanted to leave the date as soon as he said that when he suddenly demanded that I drive him home because he didn’t have a car and used the train to get there. I told him that my car wouldn’t be able to move with 2 fatties in it and drove home.”- bincsi182

“We met at a park for our first date and he was definitely giving off weird vibes. Within a half hour, he asked if I’d give him a blow job. Right there in the middle of the park. I said no, there’s people around and I just met you. His next idea was to go in the men’s bathroom and asked if I’d do it there. I said sure you go in and I’ll follow a couple minutes later so it doesn’t look suspicious. Once he walked in the bathroom, I quickly found my car and left his horny a**.” –CrazyCabinet577

“This was a long time ago before I began dating my now husband. I was about a year into my recovery from alcoholism and went on a dinner date at a restaurant with a guy who I’d warned I was a recovering alcoholic and who had claimed to be supportive.

When the waitress came he ordered a bottle of wine and a Manhattan. I ordered a tonic with a lime wedge. He told the waitress not to bring my drink because he ordered the wine for both of us. I told her “I don’t drink, please bring what I ordered.” He sat back and expelled air through his nose. I was turned off but figured maybe he forgot, so I politely reminded him.

When the drinks came, he poured a splash of his Manhattan into my alcohol-free drink with a smirk and told me to “lighten up.” I put $10 on the table, grabbed my coat and purse, and left while he begged me “don’t do this to me…it was a joke.”

He called me and left phone messages for a couple months, oscillating between groveling and angrily admonishing me for embarrassing him and/or breaking his heart.”- mysticpudding

“A panic attack. It was a month after my dad died, and it suddenly hit me that I shouldn’t be dating. I said I was going to the bathroom, ran to my car, and left. I messaged him and apologized, and he was super nice and understanding. And anyway we’re still together now.”- Sensitiverock85

“I don’t have just 1; I have several. These are all different guys from different dates…

  1. One looked NOTHING like his profile pics. Way chubbier, teeth were awful, and just NO.
  2. One told me he would like to breed with me immediately to save the Arian race (we are both blonde with blue eyes).
  3. One asked me if I was ever with a black guy because if I was, he would not tolerate it “as my vagina is now loose from the sex”.
  4. One brought his 3 year old kid along (his dating app said he had no kids…)
  5. One was texting on his phone the entire time.
  6. One just NEVER showed up so I had to leave.

I’ve been on hundreds of dates so I have way more, but these were the main weirdos I’ll never forget…”-Chuck2025

“You had so much bad luck and more guts than any of us to leave just like that, i would just try to get an excuse to leave then ghost him afterwards. For the first one, thats why i always look if they have pictures smilling, you honestly cant know how a person really is irl until you actually see them smiling. For the 4, god ive seen so many guys literally having their profile pic with their own child it disgusted me, just say you have a kid and move on. For 5 i would say to anyone who does that to you, you should leave.”-mjigs

“I worked at a university summer program and many people were from out of state. They held 10 day programs and I got to know a variety of cool people. This one guy asked me to dinner towards the end of his program and I accepted. I was 22. He was slightly older-30-31? He made a big show of ordering the damn wine and appetizers and being wealthy and I was already regretting it but I thought-free meal-WTF-so I excused myself and went to the restroom and slipped out to catch a buzz. Once I returned he was arguing with the waiter about the oysters and the waiter rolled his eyes and said he would get them fresh and this guy winked at me like he was tHE SHIT! anyway I was chatting away and he interrupted me twice to point out I had said words ending in ” ing” and had not fully pronounced the “hard g” and said ” it makes you look uneducated”. I just stared at him and he asked where I had grown up and where I had gone to school and I said ” Harlem and …” I was about to state my other school in East Manhattan and he dismissed me, saying ” enough said”. Then he goes ” But you’re white, correct?
I looked at all of the food and chugged my wine, poured another glass of it and chugged that and slightly belched and said ” enjoy the food.”- Bigfukkendeal

“This is all one guy on the same first date… there’s a part of me that wondered if I stayed the 45 minutes that I did just to see how bad it could get lol. TLDR: he was a very cringey incel.

  • Showed up 10 minutes late to what was supposed to be just a short coffee date
  • Tried to make a joke about how he hoped we weren’t related when he found out both our moms are Japanese but the delivery was real awkward
  • Boasted about how he was in the military during “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” and would have proved to a military court he wasn’t gay by eating out one of the female officers on the spot
  • Randomly launched into a completely unprompted story about how when he was in his early teens, his friend’s older sister and her friends pressured him into jerking off into a pill bottle in front of them. He sounded proud about it.
  • Made comments about how if he couldn’t find a girl to realise what a good guy he was and marry him, there’s just no point in living in a city with women with such low IQ
  • Followed me to my car and stood behind it so I couldn’t leave and then asked me to rate how badly the date went (I was honest)
  • And to top it all off, the next day, he text me (I honestly thought I was clear about how bad the date went and just deleted his number but didn’t block it) saying “do you like Vietnamese food? We could get PhoKing!” with a winking face.

I blocked him at that point. I swear it was like he watched some guys with natural swagger and charm use joking lines or cocky comments and still get girls and then figured he could get away with it too.”- dragons_and_sandals

“He texted me from the bathroom “sorry babe, I’m still stuck at work but I’ll be home ASAP”… obviously for his girlfriend. I was gone before he got back to the table.”- mediumsizedbootyjudy

“When I (27F) was about 22 I went on a date with a guy that was a few years older than I was. We went out to a bar and the conversation very quickly became about his career and his father’s career (both doctors). He started to talk about his fathers belief that Australia should medically disable Aboriginal women from having children as they are not fit for parenting and would be a good way to phase Aboriginal people out… He strongly agreed with his fathers ideals and as soon as I realised he was not joking I grabbed my bag, slapped him across the face, called him a pig and left… Mind blowing that there are people out there like this that exist.”- Bec_Drayton

“Once had guy walk out on me, shouting “I can’t listen to this!” when I said to him that I thought he was racist for saying “child abuse is part of Aboriginal culture.” I now low key regret not slapping him….”- sarahgrey64

“Smdh Dude I have been there except he asked me to sum up all my details in a quick spew, I did and then said alright now you go! He dead ass said, “well there’s not much to tell ya kno?” When I tried asking individual questions he just tried to change the subject… after the 4th question I picked up my Starbucks and started walking away. He asked where was I going, and I just replied “there’s not too much to tell ya kno” and left.”- MsBlis

“I was 20 & went out with my boss, who I’d had a crush on for a while. He was twice my age, funny, tall, and the general manager of a pizza restaurant where I waitressed. It was a casual hang out without expectations on my end. I was not very experienced and I always have been a time taker in relationships.

While driving me home after what must have been dinner that Ive now forgotten, he shared that his wife, the mother of his four children, had died in a car crash. Also that he was the driver & was found to be at fault…he was intoxicated and drove them straight into a wall. He said his entire face had been reconstructed and that he was dating because he needed a mom for his four kids. I was like,
‘I am 20, how old is your oldest kid?’ He was like ’17.’ If I could have vanished right then I would have. We pulled into my driveway and he wanted to make out. I didn’t dare say I wasn’t into it, so I gave him a nervous kiss and said I was tired and done for the night.

He asked to use my bathroom. I was sitting on my futon waiting for him, when he came out and plopped right down next to me. My normally sweet, friendly cat suddenly growled and hissed at him defensively. It was so strange and out of character for the cat that I started paying closer attention to my surroundings.

My date definitely seemed weird now. I had just one room and a bathroom so I went in the bathroom to think of how to get him out of there —my bathroom smelled like burnt plastic. My cat was going ape shit so I used that excuse to ask him to leave, which he did. Later I found out that smell was crack. We didn’t go out again.”- spandexcatsuit

“I was on a date, and while we were just meeting up and talking, he was still on Tinder looking at other future women. Rude! I literally left a few minutes after talking.”- coimas

“I went out with a guy once and things went really well. afterwards, we were sitting in my car talking and i mentioned that my dad was gay. he told me that i ‘should’ve disowned him.’ i told him to get the fuck out of my car and never speak to me again.” –nopenonotatall

“Right after he went down a dark and spiteful rant about how women in the city were shallow and petty for not wanting to date him (5’5”). He was so smart and so charming and women just couldn’t understand him. Major red pill, ‘woe is me,’ misogynist vibes. Told him we wouldn’t work out, grabbed my coat, and left.”- takemeup-castmeaway

“Roofies. I got up to go to the bathroom mid-(first) drink on a first date in a casual bar I’m familiar with close to my apartment at the time. Date was fine, nor great, but not terrible. When I got back, he told me to “finish my drink and order us another round” while he went to the restroom. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but had a couple sips of my beer and motioned to the bartender to order another round. Bartender then gives me a glass of water and tells me I should leave. When I asked why, he said a girl nearby just approached him and told him she saw my date put something into my beer. I totally panicked. I handed him a $20 (which he didn’t want to take but I was so freaked out) and left. I barely remember anything after that. It was 3/4 of a beer at most. I blocked the guy the next day when I woke up to 17 missed calls and about 40 texts asking why I felt the need to leave when “we were totally vibing”.

LADIES- watch your drinks on dates. Even when you are an older 20-something meeting for a “quick drink” after work, this can happen. Thank god someone was looking out for me that day.”- CHRGON_FEF_NYC

“This guy was a total catfish, but I was nice about it. He kept cussing during the first twenty minutes and it made me uncomfortable, so after the first drink, I decided to go… he asked me for feedback on his dating profile, and I told him all of his pictures had other people in it and it was hard to discern which he was. So. He asked me to look at a picture his friend sent him. He pulled up the conversation in the iPhone, then clicked the media and there were a bunch of vaginas. Like an endless thumbnail stream of vaginas in different sizes and colors. I was like, ‘yeah, I’m gonna go…’”- Allupinyourface

“Went on a brief date with a guy I met at work. It went ok until he told me that he has a demon that lives on his shoulder, and if he can picture someone’s face perfectly in his head after they meet, it meant they were evil. He said he could sorta remember mine.. I said I had to go, but he asked for a ride home. When we got to his house I dodged a kiss, and he still had the balls to look me in the eye, put a hand on my leg, and said we should have sex. It felt like he was trying to fucking hypnotize me. Dodged those calls for a while.”-CeladonToast

“It started when he said that any adult should be able to buy any type of gun. Machine guns and all. Reason? Farmers need to shoot them wild pigs. From there I tried to gently guide him to realize how insane that is. I kept the conversation pretty reasonable. But I was thinking that I was never going to talk to this guy again. It came to the point where I could tell he wasn’t listening to me, lights on no one home. I stared him down in silence for about 2 seconds and then zoomed my ass outta there. No goodbye. I left him there with our drinks/bill so he couldn’t follow me. At that point there was no reason to stay. He texted me on my way home and said, “had a good time we should try this again sometime”. I was surprised he didnt get the glaring hint. But also not too surprised because he obviously lacked any critical thinking skills.”-ghostofaflower

“I left* a date after he dumped his full beer over my head as “a joke.” *I didn’t leave the bar, because I was already out, looking cute (before he dumped his beer on me) and DTF. So I went solo for the rest of the night and wound up having mine with a different guy who was better looking than him anyways. His loss.”- supersarah1010

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