Fierce

Latinas Are Offering Up Their Best Advice For Chicas Moving In With A Romantic Partner

¡Felicidades!

If you’re here, it means you’ve made the decision to make a bigger step of commitment with your partner and have decided to move in together. For some of you, things are all uphill from the moving in process, for others it will take a lot more hard work and dedication to make things work (if that’s what you choose in the long-haul.) Fortunately, plenty of chicas are familiar with the experience of moving in with a partner and are offering up some insightful advice on how to merge your life with a partner without causing harm and keeping yourself sane.

Recently, we asked our FIERCE readers who have experienced or are currently living with their significant other for some tips.

Check out the best advice and tips below!

“Pick your battles. Everyone has their own messes and cleaning styles. Have patience to learn how they do things and for them to see how you do things. It’s also important to make time for yourself by yourself in your own home and for them to do so as well. Communication is key! (But also remember that communication doesn’t mean to fight all the time).” –jenoemi87

“You are not his/her mother. You are not his/her caretaker. You are not his/her personal chef. You are a unit. You are a team. There’s no I in team.” –lisztobombs

“Make sure you have schedules alone time daily or at least weekly👌🏾 it’s so easy to get caught up spending so much time with your person and start to lose yourself. This will only put a strain on your relationship + it’s not worth it. ALWAYS designate time that’s just for you + encourage them to do the same.” –theflowerchildbruja

“Separate bank accounts. Share bills and chores equitably. Maintain individual interests.” –deannavillanuevasaucedo

“Be patient. Not everyone was raised the same way you were.” –alexandriatrece

“Set boundaries!!!!!! Talk about finances openly. Don’t judge each other. Have patience but don’t take anyone’s sh*t.” –lisztobombs

“Get two restrooms!! It might be more money but it’s definitely worth your sanity.” –savannah_smilesssss

“Don’t be so hard on eachother. Don’t have such high expectations from your spouse, make it a point to organize and declutter every month bc most likely you’ll be moving things in the house around a lot. If you’re having issues with your partner holding up their end on chores assign them certain day where you both tackle them. Sometimes it can get overwhelming so it’s okay to walk away and finish things later. Communicate as much as possible if you’re feeling a certain way.” –neomiceleste

“Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. About everything- money, dishes, bills, hygiene regiments, sex, E👏🏼VER👏🏼Y👏🏼THING👏🏼 Trust yourself. And have a backup plan & secret savings because you never know 🤓 breakup or no, things could go south and you’ll need funds.” –alexis_danielle_quiroz

“Make time for yourselves – and also plan out chores, etc ahead of time so neither of you feel like you’re doing more than the other. Team work makes the dream work and that goes with romantic partners and also just friendships in general.” –bperformer

“Remember that you’re a partnership. Partners. That means no one is “helping out around the house” or “covering” for you. That home is yours to both care for, to cook in, clean, decorate, and provide for. Never forget that.” –alicianna88

“People aren’t mind readers so if something is bothering you let them know. Make sure the you have your own space even if it’s a corner of your room that just yours to adorne and feel safe. It can be a vanity, alter, a desk, etc. Understand each other’s love language.” –arcoiris_31

“If you are both working full time, each of you are in charge of dinner every other night. Whether it’s cooking/takeout/paying at a restaurant dinner is the responsibility one of you every other night. If you or your partner don’t know how to cook, learn together to achieve it.” –tarotqween

“Therapy. For each partner or for both. Couples therapy is not for marriages, it’s for people. Getting therapy doesn’t mean your relationship is in bad shape. It means that you value getting help with something you care about but that’s also super complex. Relationships are not easy.” –teresanastasia

“Have patience.” –izzy_gbaby

“It’s ok to do things with out each other and have your friends and have your own time. Also, money NEEDS to be right. Establish bills and rules right away.” –_gab_a_roni_n_cheese

“Make time for yourself.” –lamujeresquivel

“Speak about everything and all of it the first day! Or even before! who’s gonna do what and how it’s gonna be done, talk about what your relationship will be like, talk about having people over, talk about who pays what, listen and learn their ways because it’s HARRRRRD to do all this after time has passed and you feel the wrath of not communicating. But most importantly have fun with your new best friend/slumber party partner ! do stuff in the middle of the night, walk around naked (if you can) enjoy each other’s company!” –gold.dayummm

“It’s not easy, communication is the key!!” –pattyporteous

“What do you want out of this relationship? A true partnership or a mother who will cook and pick up after you?”- xochitl1977

“Keep your money separate. This is always, but ESPECIALLY important for the younger set.” –paranormalauren

“Let the little things go and be patient with each other.” –gambitpumpkinpie

“Discuss how they load the toilet paper in the dispenser.-rixflixs

“Separate bank accounts & make a budget of all mutual costs to split evenly down the middle.” –rebelada

“Ask for references from past roommates/live-in partners.” –quezso

“This should be titled what information should each of you reveal to the other before moving in together: credit history, bank statements, pay stubs, retirement accounts. How will you divide bills and home duties?” –latangueranyc

“Live with them for at least a year before you go marrying them lol. People who don’t live together first tend to end up having problems down the road. Get used to each other’s living habits, and routines, or work out new habits and routines together. As long as everyone is happy and things are mostly peaceful.” –october_dreams

“Always keep bank accounts and car leases/ loans separate! Always!!!”-e.d.g626

“Be Respectful Communicators. Remember that not everyone will act, think and do as you. you have to be patient when they can’t reciprocate that and don’t let shit slide either. Set boundaries too because you need to take care of your mental health too. The right ones always respect these basics.” –ferarose_

“Talk finances! Don’t use your name for bills he is responsible for.” –mar_aqui_

“COMPASSION for communication. You are growing as a couple and it may take time to find the right form of communication when being in the same place. Keep yourself independent and have your private time even if it’s under the same roof. Set ground rules before someone gets used to something.” –mariposa.in.action

“You will be sharing your space, make sure you both understand that, it’s no longer just “I” or “mine”.” –ari.r.huichapa

“Never get joint bank accounts. Keep your money separate.” –jayyyyubz

“Communication and patience are essentials. Talk to one another and set the expectations at the beginning about bills, cleanliness of the house/apt. And don’t be afraid to speak up and talk when the expectations aren’t being met. You two should be EQUALS. It’s really easy to fall into stereotypical gender roles, especially coming from a typical Hispanic upbringing.” –21djenne

“Talk about who is going to clean the bathroom, kitchen etc ahead of time.” –offical_hartbreaker

“Invest in some time, it doesn’t have to be a lot of time, each day to be really in each other’s company without electronic interruptions. Whether it be talking, dancing, or just holding each other, give yourselves that time.” –senorita_maketa

Notice any needed corrections? Please email us at corrections@wearemitu.com

Have A Virtual Hot Date? Here’s How To Make Sure It Doesn’t Suck

Culture

Have A Virtual Hot Date? Here’s How To Make Sure It Doesn’t Suck

MixMedia / Getty Images

For the single introverts among us, lockdown might seem like the perfect opportunity to re-charge our social batteries and have some much needed alone-time. But no, thanks to the wonders of technology and just how damn adaptable human beings are, virtual dating has totally become a thing. 

For better or for worse, people are dating just as much as ever – albeit through a screen. So if you’re using dating apps during lockdown, arranging video dates and looking for virtual date ideas, here’s a handy guide on how to stay safe and how to ace virtual dating.

Make a damn effort

Act as if the date was in person and get ready accordingly. Shower if you haven’t already that day — it’ll make you feel a lot better — and put on your favorite outfit. Even if it’s not seasonally appropriate, who cares? Wear the sundress pushed all the way back in your closet. Put on makeup if that’s your thing, and do your hair. 

It makes all the difference not only in how you present yourself but by how you perceive yourself. You’ll feel better on the date, more like your “usual” self. 

Figure out your camera setup beforehand

Pro-tip: Do all this the day before, or at least an hour before, the date starts. That way you’re not scrambling and worrying about your angles. Decide if you’re going to use your phone or computer. Put it at eye-level, if possible. If you’re using a laptop, you can place it on a stack of books, but you can also DIY it by leaning your phone against your laptop screen (which can have its own book stack setup) or anything else you can find. 

And…lighting…lighting….lighting! Set yourself up with some good, flattering lighting before you start the call. Find a place that’s the most flattering in your house. Be sure you’re not backlit by a window which can wash out your face.

Simulate real date ideas

Credit: Luis Alvarez / Getty Images

Although you obviously can’t “grab a drink” together, you can simulate that. Text before the date and decide if you’ll be drinking wine, coffee, or eating dinner “together.” You can even do a twist on “Netflix and chill,” simultaneously using Netflix’s “party” function; if you go that route, choose something campy or that you’ve both seen before so you can chat easily during it.

Trust your instincts

“A nip slip may not be appropriate for a date with a new person,” Moraya DeGeare, a licensed marriage and family therapist, joked to Refinery 29. “It’s modern times, so I think there will be the temptation for people to be really bold and ask about FaceTime sex. People are horny and trapped in their houses. On one hand, that’s okay, but on the other, you’re risking someone taking screenshots,” she cautions. “Listen to your intuition and don’t do something you don’t feel comfortable with.”

She adds that you shouldn’t take the call from bed, because “you’re immediately sending all these other signals unintentionally.” Generally, she says you should conduct the date as you would in person.

Expect awkwardness to happen, because it will happen

Credit: Peter Dazely / Getty Images

Awkwardness isn’t necessarily a bad thing and, when dating is involved, it’s inevitable. First dates in real life have their own clumsy moments, so don’t beat yourself up if your camera freezes for a moment, or if you talk over the other person. It’s going to happen! Just laugh about it and move on.

Stay safe and comfortable

Although it may seem like common sense, being cooped up inside for so long has left many of us lacking some of the most basic people skills. Remember to not give out any of your personal details – think home address and bank details – and watch out for any suspicious links that might come through in the chat.

Before the date, it’s also a good idea to do some recon on your date’s social media to make sure they are who they say they are. Also, don’t show your face on camera if they’re not showing theirs, that’s a serious red flag.

And lastly, know that you can end the date whenever you want to. You don’t owe anybody anything and it’s totally fine if you’re feeling uncomfortable or in danger to just end the call. But remember, basic dating etiquete also still remains so don’t just close your computer screen without saying goodbye because you’re just not feeling the vibe.

Notice any needed corrections? Please email us at corrections@wearemitu.com

From TV-less Weekdays To Cereal Bowls, People Are Sharing The Strangest House Rules

Culture

From TV-less Weekdays To Cereal Bowls, People Are Sharing The Strangest House Rules

James Leynse / Getty

If you’ve ever spent the night at someone else’s home, you know that there are people in the world who have house rules that can be very different from your own. From rules about drinking all of your milk cereal to not raising the volume of the television to a hearable level, different households have them all. Now, some of these crazy house rules are being shared in the comments section of an AskReddit. Not only are some of the stories and rules shared wild, some are also even a little sickening.

Check them out below!

“I had a friend who instead of washing the dishes after a meal just put them straight back in the cupboard. I thought his parents would freak out but it turns out it was just something they did in their house. Whenever I went over I always made sure to eat beforehand.” Reddit User

“Family who babysat me when I was young had a rule of “no drinking during meals” and I don’t just mean soda, juice or milk, no water until your meal is done. This was insane to me because we would be called in to supper/lunch after playing outside in the summer and weren’t allowed to drink anything until we sat down and finished our plates. Also, this rule didn’t apply to the father of the family who would often drink beer during meals.

My great-aunt had a parlor room in which all the furniture was covered in plastic and never used, it also had a plastic walkway going through the middle (just a strip of plastic cover) which was the only path you could walk on (she would flip out if you touched carpet).” –Random_White_Guy

“I wasn’t allowed to put extra salt on my food, had to be in bed by 8pm (all the way through middle school), and had to ride my bike to school everyday even though my best friends parents offered to take me.” –willwhit87

“No fighting over the heel of the bread. The father once off hand told his oldest children that the heel of a loaf of bread was the best and made them want it instead of the regular pieces. By the time there were 4 kids sometimes fist fights would break out over the heels. Loaves had been opened on both sides, or loaves were a mess because someone reached through the sack and pulled the back heel out. For a while there was a turn system where the heels were promised to a child for each loaf, but that fell apart when one went to summer camp and lost their turn. One time my friend wasted an afternoon waiting for his mother to come home with a fresh loaf of bread instead of going out and playing. I witnessed fist fights over the bread most people throw away.” –DarrenEdwards

“In college I had a friend that lived with his grandparents when he went to school. Before they’d let him leave the house his grandmother would say ‘nothing good happens after midnight’ and he would have to repeat it. If I was there, I would also have to repeat the phrase.” –iownalaptop

“I slept over a friends house in grade school one time. He prepared us a bowl of cereal the next morning for breakfast. Not thinking ANYTHING of my behavior, I didn’t finish the milk. I just never used to. I don’t know.

He was like “You uh…gonna finish that?”

“Uhhh oh…I uh…I don’t think so? Does that matter?”

He panicked. Absolutely panicked. I think he put it down the toilet before his parents came back into the room.

I don’t know what the rule was, exactly, but FINISH YOUR MILK OR DIE would be my guess based on his reaction. I still feel bad about it. I was like 8 and didn’t think.” –soomuchcoffee

“When I was a kid. I spent the night at one of my friends house. And you were allowed to drink a soda like sprite before bed. But you had to stir it till all the carbonation was gone.. Don’t ask me why…” –newvictim

“I had a friend in middle school, and his dad worked for Pepsi. No one was allowed to bring any Coke products into the house. The first time I went there his mom told me I could not come in the house because I had a Dr. Pepper. I thought she was joking and tried to walk in, but stopped me and said that if I don’t throw that in the garbage outside that I would have to leave. They were fucking serious about that shit.” – SlowRunner

“During college years, I used to visit my friend during summer months at his parents’ house, where he lived at that time. They had two odd “house rules” I’ll never forget:

  1. We couldn’t open any window in the house (even the bathroom window) – ever! Even if it was far cooler outside than inside during the summer.
  2. We weren’t allowed to close our bedroom doors at night, so that his parents’ cat could have free access to all rooms at all times. (This made it difficult to sleep, without a breath of air from the windows, and the cat walking over us in bed while trying to sleep.)” –Back2Bach

“I knew this family that would share the same bathwater as a means to cut down on their water bill. So when one person took a bath, they ALL took a bath that day. The waiting list was about 4-5 people deep. From what I understand, a lot of families do this, however, I just couldn’t see myself washing off in someone else’s soapy leftovers =( If that were the case, I got first dibs on getting in the bathtub first lol”- __femme_fatale__

“My ex’s family would throw all their left over food over their balconey instead of putting in the trash can. I asked them why they did that, they replied it keeps bugs away……..and didnt think rotted food right outside their door would bring bugs.” –PimemtoCheese

“I had a friend whose mom required her to sit on the floor. Never a chair, couch, bed, or other piece of furniture. I went to her house once and sat down on her bed and she flipped out, made me get off it and spent several minutes smoothing the sheets to make it look flat again. I think her mom thought “kids are dirty” but the rule was in place even after bathing and wearing clean.” –knitasha

“Went over to a school-mates’s house for dinner when I was in elementary school…his mom cut everyone’s good into little tiny bites before giving you the plate and only let us eat with a spoon… Her oldest daughter apparently choked on something once when she was a teenager and it became a rule…even on hamburger and hotdog night.” –GRZMNKY

“I was doing a project with a classmate at her house and on our way to her house we stopped at a store and picked up some snacks. We did our schoolwork and then just kind of played and messed around while eating those snacks. Then her mom came home and lost her absolute shit about the snacks. It wasn’t so much that we had eaten them, it was because the snacks had crumbs that had contaminated their otherwise purified home.

My friend had to stop everything and vacuum the entire house to get every crumb of snack, then take the nearly empty vacuum bag, the empty snack bags, and the half-empty but “contaminated” bag of kitchen trash outside and ask one of the neighbors if she could put it in their garbage bin because not a crumb of that kind of food was allowed on the property in any form after sunset. My mom picked me up and as I was leaving they were doing some additional purification ritual and my friend was praying for forgiveness for having potentially defiled their home.

Turns out they were 7th Day Adventist and it was against their code or whatever to have leavened foods in their house/property during a certain period of time? I don’t remember the exact details, but I remember it was a pretty big thing about how every crumb had to be removed from the property ASAP.” – alexa-488

“My neighborhood friend and I would hang out almost every day of the summer. We would go out exploring in the woods with a bunch of our friends and would usually come back all muddy and tired. My friend was very nice and would offer me water and food. His parents would take those away from me if they saw me with them saying they were only for their children. He was always allowed to eat at our house yet I’d have to walk back if they started having any type of meal. The worst though was his next door neighbor who had a daughter our age and when we were hanging out we all got muddy (we were 10) the girls mom proceeded to take her daughter and my friend into her house to clean them up and told me I wasn’t allowed to enter and that I could use the hose. Some people just know how to ruin a kid’s self esteem.” –boomsloth

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