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Users On Reddit are Highlighting How Neglect In Relationships Is A Form Of Abuse

Often times when we talk about abuse, we picture physical violence.

The visible effects of abusive relationships: bruises, broken bones, are easier to spot because they are physical and as such are quick to cause alarm. Recently, awareness of emotional abuse has risen and highlighted the ways in which the minimization and humiliation of a partner can be so damaging.

Still, we continue to overlook neglect and how it too can be abusive.

Recently, users on Reddit started a discussion about neglect and how it is abuse.

We rounded up the comments below just for you.

“It’s honestly one of the worst forms of abuse in terms of support and understanding from society. Ik exactly how you’re feeling and I’ve battled that for the last 2 years immensely. The hardest thing about it for me was realizing that my whole life was essentially a lie due to the emotional neglect and abuse. It’s also incredibly hard to leave behind and grow from. I wish there was more education on the impact that emotional abuse can do to children and I definitely agree with you on the fact that not nearly enough people take it seriously as there needs to be.” –mongosmoothie

“Emotional neglect is so normalized that most people just aren’t consciously aware that it affected them or that they are doing it to other people.” –RaeVision

“If you’re lucky enough to have escaped that environment and have found a safe village, it most definitely is considered abuse. It does feel as though the majority of the world are just gaslighting away though. It can be hard to face some home truths when too many people are collectively guilty. It’s important to remember that the DSM billing manual and other resources are not the be all and end all of medical knowledge. They are works in progress and are constantly being updated. Abuse is abuse whether there have been enough papers written on that specific variety or not.” –LurkForYourLives

“But rather there isn’t automatic intent to harm. It can be due to severe mental illness where a parent is not in control of their faculties; inter generational trauma, poverty, abuse. This was my instinct as well as to why it’s not immediately grouped with abuse, and I have to say it’s horse sh-t because abuse itself is not exclusively synonymous with intent to harm, or “evil” people. For example, anyone, myself included, living with narcissistic parents develop “fleas” and we go on to repeat many of the abuses that they did, until we develop an awareness of what’s happening to us and we stop it. That’s why intent doesn’t really matter to me, because no one is talking about intent or shame or a person’s character, but simply their actions. I think if we removed shame from these convos, more parents would actually be able to face their abusive treatments because they wouldn’t feel like it immediately equated them to being an evil person.” –anonymousquestioner4

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“In CPTSD literature it’s definitely trauma and considered abuse.”-3 months ago

“In psychology and legally where I’ve looked into it, neglect and abuse are the two categories of mistreatment. Neglect is every bit as serious as abuse. It’s just a different kind of mistreatment. I think they are fundamentally different. Winnicott said something like: “There are two kinds of things that can wrong in childhood: things happened that shouldn’t [abuse] ans things don’t happen that should [neglect].” Having experienced both personally, they are different – one is about negative action and none is about absence – and they have different effects on the victims. I think maybe what you’re feeling is that society seems much more concerned about abuse and doesn’t see neglect as that bad. People are really ignorant about it. It’s hard to talk about things that didn’t happen. Abuse often looks more dramatic to the outsider.” –hotheadnchickn

“It is considered abuse, but it’s difficult to classify and it is incredibly widespread.
Just think about how many people (and fictional characters) have at least one very distant parent. If I look at my friends and classmates from school and how their relationships/interactions with their parents were about half of them fit into some form of neglect (and I grew up in a proper middle class environment).
I think it’s difficult to get people to understand that emotional neglect is a thing and that it’s bad because everyone knows someone who experienced it and most of those people turned out “fine” (or at least functional).” –Trekkie200

“The most powerful realization I had is that abuse is abuse whether the person doing it thinks it is or means to or realizes it. It’s abuse. The intentions don’t have to be sinister. The impact on the abused is what defines abuse, not the abuser’s feelings about it.” –Boxertdog

“My ex was verbally and emotionally abusive. I was sort of friends with him after we broke up. I couldn’t bring myself to call it abuse around him because it ran so counter to his self image. I felt like I’d just be hurting his feelings… I don’t talk to him anymore. There is no point. But I wish I could make me then understand that his feelings on it didn’t matter.”-jhennaside

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America Ferrera Celebrates 20th Anniversary Of Working On ‘Gotta Kick It Up’ With Sweet IG Post

Entertainment

America Ferrera Celebrates 20th Anniversary Of Working On ‘Gotta Kick It Up’ With Sweet IG Post

Charley Gallay / Getty Images for New York Magazine

It has been 20 years since America Ferrera’s dream of becoming an actor back true. She took to Instagram to reflect on the moment that her dream started to come true and it is a sweet reminder that anyone can chase their dreams.

America Ferrera shared a sweet post reflecting on the 20th anniversary of working on “Gotta Kick It Up!”

“Gotta Kick It Up!” was one of the earliest examples of Latino representation so many of us remember. The movie follows a school dance team trying to be the very best they could possibly be. The team was down on their luck but a new teacher introduces them to a different kind of music to get them going again.

After being introduced to Latin beats, the dance team is renewed. It taps into a cultural moment for the Latinas on the team and the authenticity of the music makes their performances some of the best.

While the movie meant so much to Latino children seeing their culture represented for the first time, the work was a major moment for Ferrera. In the Instagram post, she gushes over the celebrities she saw on the lot she was working on. Of course, anyone would be excited to see Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt hanging out. Yet, what stands out the most is Ferrera’s own excitement to realize that she can make money doing what she loves most.

“I wish I could go back and tell this little baby America that the next 20 years of her life will be filled with unbelievable opportunity to express her talent and plenty of challenges that will allow her to grow into a person, actress, producer, director, activist that she is very proud and grateful to be. We did it baby girl. I’m proud of us,” Ferrera reflects.

Watch the trailer for “Gotta Kick It Up!” here.

READ: America Ferrera’s “Superstore” Is Going To Get A Spanish-Language Adaptation In A Win For Inclusion

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This Artist Has Been Breaking Barriers As A Non-Traditional Mariachi

Entertainment

This Artist Has Been Breaking Barriers As A Non-Traditional Mariachi

Courtesy of Timothy Pollard

On a recent episode of ABC’s game show To Tell The Truth, three celebrity panelists were tasked to uncover the identity of a real mariachi singer.

Each contender embodied “non-traditional” attributes of mariachi culture either through physical appearance or language barriers, leaving the panelists stumped.

When it came time for the big reveal, with a humble smile 53-year-old Timoteo “El Charro Negro” stood up wowing everyone. Marveled by his talents, Timoteo was asked to perform unveiling his smooth baritone voice.

While not a household name in the U.S., his career spans over 25 years thriving on the catharsis of music.

Timoteo “El Charro Negro” performing “Chiquilla Linda” on Dante Night Show in 2017.

Originally from Dallas, Texas, Timoteo, born Timothy Pollard, moved to Long Beach, California with his family when he was eight years old. The move to California exposed Pollard to Latin culture, as the only Black family in a Mexican neighborhood.

As a child, he recalled watching Cantinflas because he reminded him of comedian Jerry Lewis, but musically he “got exposed to the legends by chance.”

“I was bombarded by all the 1960s, ’70s, and ’50s ranchera music,” Timoteo recalls to mitú.

The unequivocal passion mariachi artists like Javier Solis and Vicente Fernandez possessed heavily resonated with him.

“[The neighbors] always played nostalgic music, oldies but goodies, and that’s one thing I noticed about Mexicans,” Timoteo says. “They can be in their 20s but because they’ve grown up listening to the oldies it’s still very dear to them. That’s how they party.”

For as long as he can remember, Pollard “was born with the genetic disposition to love music,” knowing that his future would align with the arts.

After hearing Vicente Fernandez sing “Lástima Que Seas Ajena,” an awakening occurred in Pollard. While genres like hip-hop and rap were on the rise, Pollard’s passion for ranchera music grew. It was a moment when he realized that this genre best suited his big voice.

Enamored, Pollard began to pursue a career as a Spanish-language vocalist.

El Charro Negro
Photo courtesy of Timothy Pollard.

At 28, Timoteo began learning Spanish by listening and singing along to those artists he adored in his youth.

“When I decided that I wanted to be a mariachi, I didn’t think it was fair to exploit the culture and not understand the language,” he says. “If I’m going to sing, I need to be able to communicate with my audience and engage with them. I need to understand what I’m saying because it was about honor and respect.”

Pollard began performing local gigs after picking up the language in a matter of months. He soon attracted the attention of “Big Boy” Radio that adorned him the name Timoteo “El Charro Negro.”

Embellishing his sound to highlight his Black heritage, Pollard included African instruments like congas and bongos in his orchestra. Faintly putting his own spin on a niche genre, Pollard avoided over-saturating the genre’s sound early in his career.

Embraced by his community as a beloved mariachi, “El Charro Negro” still encountered race-related obstacles as a Black man in the genre.

“There are those [in the industry] who are not in the least bit thrilled to this day. They won’t answer my phone calls, my emails, my text messages I’ve sent,” he says. “The public at large hasn’t a problem with it, but a lot of the time it’s those at the helm of decision making who want to keep [the genre] exclusively Mexican.”

“El Charro Negro” persisted, slowly attracting fans worldwide while promoting a message of harmony through his music.

In 2007, 12 years into his career, Pollard received a golden ticket opportunity.

El Charro Negro
Pollard (left) seen with legendary Mexican artist Vicente Fernandez (right) in 2007. Photo courtesy of Timothy Pollard.

In a by-chance encounter with a stagehand working on Fernandez’s tour, Pollard was offered the chance to perform onstage. The singer was skeptical that the offer was legit. After all, what are the chances?

The next day Pollard went to his day job at the time and said, “a voice in my head, which I believe was God said, ‘wear your blue velvet traje tonight.'”

That evening Pollard went to a sold-out Stockton Area where he met his idol. As he walked on the stage, Pollard recalls Fernandez insisting that he use his personal mic and band to perform “De Que Manera Te Olvido.”

“[Fernandez] said he did not even want to join me,” he recollects about the show. “He just was kind and generous enough to let me sing that song on his stage with his audience.”

The crowd applauded thunderously, which for Pollard was a sign of good things to come.

El Charro Negro
Timoteo “El Charro Negro” with Don Francisco on Don Francisco Presenta in 2011. Photo courtesy of Timothy Pollard.

In 2010, he released his debut album “Me Regalo Contigo.” In perfect Spanish, Pollard sings with great conviction replicating the soft tones of old-school boleros.

Unraveling the rollercoaster of relationships, heart-wrenchingly beautiful ballads like “Me Regalo Contigo” and “Celos” are his most streamed songs. One hidden gem that has caught the listener’s attention is “El Medio Morir.”

As soon as the track begins it is unlike the others. Timoteo delivers a ’90s R&B love ballad in Spanish, singing with gumption as his riffs and belts encapsulate his unique sound and story.

Having appeared on shows like Sabado Gigante, Don Francisco Presenta, and Caso Cerrado in 2011, Timoteo’s career prospered.

Timoteo hasn’t released an album since 2010 but he keeps his passion alive. The singer has continued to perform, even during the Covid pandemic. He has high hopes for future success and original releases, choosing to not slow down from his destined musical journey.

“If God is with me, who can be against me? It may not happen in a quick period of time, but God will make my enemies my footstool,” he said.

“I’ve continued to be successful and do some of the things I want to do; maybe not in a particular way or in particular events, but I live in a very happy and fulfilled existence.”

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