I was 17 and dating a girl whose family held weekly parties with a DJ and plenty of cerveza, tequila, and dancing. I was the nerdy type and her cousins were all the kind of kids who went clubbing and had much more life savviness than me. So I wanted to make a good impression and be open and sociable, and less of a comic-book-reading geek who was dating the cool girl.

But along came my predicament: a song so impressive in its silliness and so complex in its hyperactive rhythm that it seemed impossible for any human being to dance to. How do you even move your body to that! But, lo and behold, even the abuelita stood up and, cane in hand, danced to the cursed “Payaso de Rodeo”. I stumbled and fell. I tried and fell again. I tried and stepped on abuelo’s toe (he gave me una mirada de miedo). The tías laughed at my clumsiness and the primas went “qué tierno” at my timid efforts to tame the indomitable music of Caballo Dorado. The lyrics would sometimes come to me in my nightmares… “ven, ven, ven, animalito ven…”

If you have ever been to a Mexican party then chances are that you have had to join the line and make a fool of yourself.

The songs “Payaso de Rodeo” and “No Rompas Más” (which is a Spanish version of “Achy Breaky Heart”)  are true social glue. They make everyone make a fool of themselves and therefore put us all on an equal playing field when you first start learning the dance. It seems simple but it requires excellent eye-feet coordination and group cohesion. The most common casualties are bruised toes and broken toenails when fellow dancers accidentally step on you with their tacones and botas.

Dancing to Caballo Dorado is a rite of passage.

What sorcery is this?!

And even if someone teaches you the moves, there is still a good chance that you might make a fool of yourself.

As at least two generations of Latinos know, the raised hand that starts the dance makes more people leave the dance floor than a potent fart. You will have to practice in your room before attempting it in public.

So these four Mexican musicians are to blame for all those ridiculous moves we have all made.

This band was formed by Eduardo “Lalo” Gameros, his brothers Gustavo and Gerardo, and their friends Freddy and Jorge Navarro. The band from Chihuahua got together in 1986 and struggled to get their footing in the industry. But after 30 years they remain one of the most played bands in Mexican history. Christenings, primeras comuniones, weddings and we are sure that even some funerals play their greatest hits.

And some people make more attempts to dance Caballo Dorado’s hits than they have tried anything else in life.

And failing is probably more frustrating than having to repeat a driving test multiple times. You will get there, guys, you just gotta invoke The Force and be a ranchero jedi. Come on, David, we are sure you will get it at the 600th attempt! 

Having a #fail is almost a matter of national pride.

This dude is ashamed of the fact that he cannot dance to Caballo Dorado’s hits. He calls this a hidden truth… Just by trying you are a true Mexican, compadre, don’t be so hard on yourself. 

And the dark arts of the Payaso de Rodeo are passed up and down generations, sometimes unsuccessfully.

Oh, kids these days… But one day they will try to impress someone and live up to the family tradition. Ven, ven, ven, animalito ven… 

Oh, these songs have given us so many chisme opportunities.

Sometimes you are laughing at someone being totally out of sync, sometimes you are on the receiving end. Either way, some laughter is guaranteed.

Look at this pobre chamaquito getting taken out during the dance.

OMG. This poor little one just got butt-smacked by a happy dancer. We cannot stop watching, though! Sorry, chiquito!

Ouch! Se vale sobarse. [cringes in Spanish]

That kitchen floor looks as hard and cold as an ex’s heart! The first rule of “Payaso de Rodeo” is you don’t attempt any fancy moves. Ándale, por mamón!

And they went down, stage and all.

And what about this party? They put heart and soul into “Payaso de Rodeo” and the stage just couldn’t handle their moves! No one was seriously hurt, so you can have a laugh at their expense.

She fell de pompis.

This woman just fell flat on her trasero. The rest just kept dancing. No sentón was gonna ruin their choreography. And more than 8,000 people have seen her fall on her butt. Awkward.

Singled out.

A group of teenagers is dancing on a field and suddenly one of them trips and falls near a tree. There is an uncomfortable silence for a brief moment but then they all laugh and cheer. 

Happy but all out of sync, torpes pero contentos.

This has been the most comfortably clumsy group of Caballo Dorado fans ever!

It is not a proper wedding without a bit of drama!

The moment all Latina brides wait for. Dancing Caballo Dorado at their wedding. For this novia, however, the moment was ruined by a guest who just went down dancing. Digno de telenovela.

This doña that is just following her own rhythm.

If you can´t follow them just do your own thing, right? This woman just dances away without even attempting to join the crazy band of jumping paisanos. We gotta give her credit for her independent nature.

And well, this is how a perfectly coordinated “Payaso de Rodeo” looks like.

Just look at the fluidity of those movements. Admire the grace and elegance. We just can’t stop jealousy from taking over. Envidia de la mala!

And this is what the chorus actually says… you gotta get at least that right!

Chances are that you have just moved your lips pretending to know the lyrics to “Payaso de Rodeo”. Well, pretend no more! If you are gonna #fail at dancing then you can at least sing it right! These are the actual words of the super fast chorus: 

Les digo ven, ven, ven, animalito ven,
Ven y sígueme y veras lo que vas a aprender,
No ves que soy muy poco artístico
Muy listo muy gracioso soy payaso de rodeo

Which roughly translates as

I tell them come, come, come, little animal come here, 
Come here follow me and you’ll learn something
You know, I am not the artsy type
But I am smart and funny, I am a rodeo clown 

READ: La Chona Dance Breaks Out During Traffic Jam Is Most Mexican Thing to Happen Ever

Hot sauce has been a kitchen table staple for Latinos for thousands of years. The Aztecs pretty much invented it. We put it on eggs, on snacks, on meat….you probably have that person in your life who would put it on their finest cardboard and eat it up, the stuff is so popular. Anything that brings vegans and carnivores together at the dinner table deserves to be celebrated. Enjoy this roundup of hot sauces from all over Latin America to try out with your next meal.

1. Mexico: Cholula

Made in Chapala, Jalisco, the sauce is made with a blend of piquín and arbol chiles. It’s often put up against Tapatio on American restaurant tables in a Coke vs. Pepsi level battle of the condiments. But we know there’s room for both. However, if you’re really dedicated, you might be able to join the Order of Cholula for exclusive offers.

2. Belize: Marie Sharp

Made in Stann Creek, Belize, Marie Sharp started her line of hot sauces in her kitchen where she experimented with blends of Habanero peppers and jams and jellies made from fruits and vegetables picked from her farm. The brand has long outgrown the kitchen and went international. We stan an entrepeneurial queen.

3. Costa Rica: Banquete Chilero

This thicker sauce from Costa Rica gets its flavor from habanero peppers and carrots. Some might compare it to an asian sweet and sour sauce.

4. Guatemala: Picama’s Salsa Brava

This mild, green sauce has a ketchup-like consistency and is made with serrano peppers. The color is straight up neon, but some people swear by it, stocking up on bottles when they visit Guatemala. Also, don’t you love when an abuela comes through like this?

5. Honduras: D’Olanchano

This hot sauce uses Tabasco peppers grown in the Olancho valley and later aged in wooden barrels to acquire its taste.

6. Nicaragua: Chilango

Chilango Chile sources their ingredients from all over the world to create unique flavors in their line of hot sauces. The Cabro Consteño is made with the Nicaraguan yellow “goat” pepper grown on the Atlantic coast. The Habanero Chocolate gets its name from the dark, brown pepper it uses for flavor. It doesn’t actually have chocolate in it – whether that relieves or distresses you.

7. Panama: D’Elidas

This yellow is made with Habanero peppers, mustard, and vinegar. Hot sauce lovers report getting a lot of that mustard taste in the sauce, so adjust expectations accordingly. People are known to fill up their suitcases with bottles before leaving Panama.

8. Brazil: Mendez Hot Sauce

Mendez Hot Sauce is a brand out of Central Brazil where creator, Rafael Mendez strives for sustainable business practices that help his community. The sauce uses the locally sourced Malagueta pepper which creates work for local farming families, lifting many of them out of poverty.

9. Chile: Diaguitas

Diaguitas is the most popular hot sauce in Chile, coming in a few flavors. It’s light on ingredients, letting the peppers speak for themselves. It’s salty, so handle with care to balance that taste out on your food.

10. Colombia: Amazon Pepper Sauce

This brand uses a variety of Amazon peppers that grow at the edge of the rainforest in the Andes Cauca Valley. They blend the chilis with other tropical ingredients. They have a mild flavor that stands out made with guava. 

11. Ecuador: Ole

Ole carries a few different flavors, but it always goes back to the ingredients to make a hot sauce unique to the region it comes from. Ole uses the tena pepper which only grows in Ecuador. They have it on its own where you get the fruit taste with a lash of heat. They also put it in their Tamarillo sauce which couples the tena with the fruit from the pepper tomato tree.

12. Peru: Salsa de Aji Amarillo

What’s actually the most popular thing to do in Peru is to just make your own hot sauces. However, sometimes you can find bottled sauces that will satisfy the craving. The Peru Chef makes one with the aji amarillo pepper which has a subtle sweetness to it and is a cornerstone of Peruvian cuisine.

Of course, there are many hot sauces from all over Latin America that you’ll simply have to travel for if you want the best like Llajwa sauce from Bolivia. You could also probably stay home and get some bomb green sauce from King Taco.