#mitúworld

Super Weird Pitbull Lines That Are Actually Poetic If You Listen Closely

Ever find yourself singing along to a Pitbull song at the club and thinking “Wait, what did he just say?” Then the alcohol kicks in and you realize you hit up the club to dance, not think. Well, if you ever listen to Pitbull, you’ll realize Mr. Worldwide’s lyrics are waaaaaay deeper than you realized. Here’s proof:

“Mami got an ass like a donkey, with a monkey. Look like King Kong.”

Credit: UltraMusic / YouTube

Song: “I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho)”

What you think it means: “That woman has a huge butt.”

What it really means: “You know, my mother was a strong, stubborn woman, and she worked tirelessly to climb the corporate ladder. She eventually made it to the top and, what can I say, she was a beast.”

“Every other city we go, we always pull a couple of pretty hoes.”

Credit: Radial By The Orchard / YouTube

Song: “Toma” ft. Lil Jon

What you think it means: “We pick up women wherever we go.”

What it really means: “Throughout my travels, I like to buy gardening supplies and take care of people’s yards. Sometimes, I talk to plants.”

“I’m slicker than an oil spill. She say she won’t, but I bet she will, timber.”

Credit: PitbullVEVO / YouTube

Song: “Timber” ft. Ke$ha

What you think it means: “I seduce women.”

What it really means: “Mankind’s addiction to oil is killing mother nature, but she will have her revenge. She will crush us with falling trees.”

“Now big bang boogie. Get that kitty little noogie in a nice nice little shade.”

Credit: PitbullVEVO / YouTube

Song: “Fireball” ft. John Ryan

What you think it means: “Are we hooking up or nah?”

What it really means: “Dancing with you is like creating a universe where we just pet kittens that hold tiny umbrellas. Who wouldn’t want to live in that universe?”

“Down in Key Largo, you know I’m on that sticky icky, icky, icky, icky. Don’t do it much, but when I do, I’m gone.”

Credit: PitbullVEVO / YouTube

Song: “Fun” ft. Chris Brown

What you think it means: “I smoke weed and it gets me high.”

What it really means: “The humidity in Key Largo is unbearable. I don’t go there very often, but when I do, I get the urge to leave immediately.”

 “Give credit where credit is due. Don’t ya know that I don’t give a number two.”

Credit: PitbullVEVO / YouTube

Song: “Back In Time”

What you think it means: “I don’t give a sh*t if you don’t like me.”

What it really means: “I used to work at a bank giving out loans, but I quit because I was constantly constipated.”

“Oh, you’re the healthy type. Well, here go some egg whites”

Credit: PitbullVEVO / YouTube

Song: “Hotel Room Service”

What you think it means: Ummmm…

What it really means: “I am constantly in awe of you. I am aware you live a healthy lifestyle, so please accept this omelet as a symbol of my pure, untainted love for you.”

“In Brazil they’re freaky with big ol’ boobs, and their thongs, blue, yellow and green.”

Credit: PitbullVEVO / YouTube

Song: “International Love” ft. Chris Brown

What you think it means: “Brazil is full of curvy women.”

What it really means: “The world is full of complex cultures, such as Brazil, where they often wear the colors of their flag.”

“Let’s party on the White House lawn. Tiger Woods times Jesse James equals Pitbull all night long.”

Credit: EnriqueIglesiasVEVO / YouTube

Song: “I Like It” by Enrique Iglesias

What you think it means: “Let’s party because I’m long and strong.”

What it really means: “You make me feel like a commander-in-chief and I believe that deserves a celebration. I am wholesome like pro golfer Tiger Woods yet I have the attitude of the outlaw Jesse James. Reconciling these two things keeps me up at night.”

“That badonka donk is like a trunk full of bass on an old school Chevy. Seven tray donkey donk.”

Credit: JenniferLopezVEVO / YouTube

Song: “On The Floor” by Jennifer Lopez

What you think it means: “Dat ass doe!”

What it really means: “Your body is like a treasure trove of secrets that resonates at the very core of my being, and raises me through the seven levels of heaven.”

Do you think you’re ready to translate other Pitbull lyrics on your own? Post them in the comments section below, and share with your friends!

Proof That An All-Latino "Kimmy Schmidt" Cast Would Totally Work

entertainment

Proof That An All-Latino “Kimmy Schmidt” Cast Would Totally Work

Netflix

“Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” is a show that’ll turn you into the ? emoji IRL with its mile-a-minute witty banter and characters like diva-in-waiting Titus Andromedon and the effervescent Kimmy Schmidt. Naturally, we wondered what the Netflix show would be like if it were just a lil’ more Latino. Find out as we cast away!

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Meet Karina Sanchez!

Kimmy Schmidt would be played by vivacious Maite Perroni. We already know Maite can pull off the quirky lead due to her role in the telenovela “Antes Muerta que lichita”.

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CREDIT: Netflix/Giphy

The former RBD singer and current telenovela queen would play the part of Karina, whose backstory includes being a “mole woman” kidnapped by a Trump supporter and put in an underground tunnel! Her ’90s style influences would come from Xuxa and “In Living Color”-era JLo.

Meet Tito Andromendez!

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He might be 30+ years older than Titus Andromedon, but Juan Gabriel has the vocal chops, wardrobe and exaggerated jazz hands necessary to give life to Tito, Titus’ Latino counterpart.

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His theme song would be “Tequuuiiiillaa” instead of “Peeno Noir”.

Meet Joanna!

longoria-eyes

Eva Longoria already has the whole “desperate housewife” vibe down pat to play a Latina equivalent to the hilariously vain Jacqueline (née Jackie Lynn) Voorhees.

Instead of being Native American from South Dakota like Jackie Lynn, Joanna would have Aztec ancestry — and, unlike Jackie Lynn, she’d be damn proud of it.

Meet Diego!

Dong Nguyen’s hopeless romantic character would be played by Gael Garcia Bernal, wistful and wide-eyed in a land full of new opportunities (and new love).

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Instead of playing a Vietnamese guy delivering Chinese food, Diego would be from Argentina and have a part-time job in the U.S. delivering Mexican food.

Meet Liliana!

The lovably bizarre Lillian Kaushtupper would be played with tongue-in-cheek humor by the great Carmen Salinas!

Instead of being a landlord in a ramshackle apartment in New York, Liliana would be hounding her residents for rent in Echo Park in Los Angeles.

Meet the Mexican Grocery Bag!

Handbag

And finally, Kimmy’s purple Jansport backpack is basically a character in itself. It even has a plotline dedicated to it when she leaves it at a club! The mochila would get a makeover though as a purple Mexican grocery bag. Karina wouldn’t get any side eyes, though, because all the hipsters in Echo Park would dig it.

READ: 11 Binge-worthy Telenovelas You Need to Watch on Netflix

Is there a Latina character you would want to see in Kimmy Schmidt that we missed out on? Let us know in the comments below!

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