10 Emojis All Latino Parents Need

My parents love to gossip almost as much as they love emojis. Unfortunately, when they try to explain they don’t like my brother’s wife through a series of smiling poos and praying hands, I get lost. Rather than having to decipher my parent’s brains with every instant message, I’d like to see emojis updated to match their desire for gossip.

Here are a few I’d suggest:

That One Drunk Tío Emoji

Drunk Uncle_00001_00001_00001_00001

If this emoji shows up on your phone, you know your tía broke up with her husband again. Now he’s passed out on the living room floor and dad needs your help carrying him to the trundle-bed in the guest room.

Abuela Is Lonely / Ultimate Guilt-Trip Emoji

Emoji - Grandma Waiting by phone - Skull Edition - Frame 0

This delightful emoji is a friendly reminder from parents that if you don’t call your abeula soon, she’ll probably die of loneliness because you’re a bad grandchild. No pressure.

Evil Ay Yai Yai Emoji

Emoji - Evil Eye_00001

This emoji is perfect for today’s mom, who doesn’t always have time to curse you in person. With the swipe of a touchscreen, she can summon evil forces to torment you all day long. (Reminder: Call your mom. Or else.)

Abuelo Needs Lottery Tickets Emoji

GrandPa Shirt Emoji w Lotto tickets - Frame 0

Abuelo is a man of few words and even fewer clean tank tops, much to your abuela’s chagrin. When you see this appear on your phone, it means he needs you to run to the corner store to pick up a few of his favorite scratch-offs and detergent.

You Need To Eat More Emoji

Emoji - Eat More_00001

Your parents think you look too skinny in your latest profile photo. When this emoji pops up on your phone, you know it’s time to swing by for a seven-course meal. And bring Tupperware because they’re going to send you home with three months worth of leftovers, too.

The Television Is Broken Again And My Show Is About To Start Emoji

Watching Novellas - Frame 10

You’ve shown your mother how to change the television settings too many times to count, but she always figures out new ways to mess them up. Next time her favorite show is about to start and she accidentally sits on the remote, she can send this emoji right to your phone so you can drop everything and rush over to adjust those settings one more time!

I’m Staying Out Of This Emoji

Staying Out Of This One - Frame 0

This emoji is perfect for when your dad wants you to know that he’s staying out of whatever problems you’re having with your mother. If you need him, he’ll be in his favorite chair, pretending to read the same page of the newspaper over and over again until you both stop screaming.

Kids’ Table EmojiKids Table

When your teenager tries to act like they know everything, send them this emoji. It’s a nice reminder that they still sit at the kids’ table for every family function. This one really cuts deep, though, so don’t use it too often.

Formal Event / Bolo Tie Emoji

Bolo Tie

Your tía had three front-row tickets to last year’s fireworks display and you showed up looking like a bum. This emoji will remind you to wear something nice to this year’s event. Oh, and get a haircut while you’re at it.

Still Not Pregnant, Huh? Emoji

Not Pregnant Yet

PARENTS: Any time you feel you like your daughter is embracing the independence that comes from being a happy, single, child-free woman in 2016, send her this emoji to remind her that when you were her age, you already had a spouse, a couple of kids, a house, a top-of-the-line beeper, and also more kids, plus did you mention that you had kids? You’ll be a grandmother in no time.

READ: 15 Things Latino Parents Have Definitely Threatened Us With

Got suggestions for other emojis we should add? Let us know. But ask your mom permission first, ok?

Family Identifies 20-Year-Old Guard Who Worked At El Chapo’s Prison

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Family Identifies 20-Year-Old Guard Who Worked At El Chapo’s Prison

Credit: amylou / Twenty20

Capturing El Chapo may have felt like “game over” for the Mexican government, but this drug war rages on. One of Joaquín “El Chapo” Guzmán’s prison guards was found dead late last week. His body showed signs of serious torture, including stab wounds and a final, fatal blow to the head. His family identified the body after they reported him missing.

Jorge Mauricio Meléndez Herrera, who was just 20 years old, was discovered outside the prison in Ciudad Juarez.

Hundreds of soldiers have been deployed from nearby barracks to protect the prison. Still, the U.S. wants El Chapo transported over the Rio Grande to El Paso where they can keep a closer eye on him.

The U.S. has concerns El Chapo could escape from prison in Mexico, given that he has already escaped twice before. Mexico has agreed to allow the cartel leader to stand trial in the States, though Chapo’s lawyer will do everything he can to keep the legal proceedings South of the Border.

Read more about the guard here.

READ: No Sex for El Chapo’s Brand New Penis

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