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You Thought Giving Up Chocolate Was Nuts, Look At These 9 Crazy Things My Family Endured For Lent

Most people give up sweets, smoking, excessive drinking or social media during Lent. But, because everything Puerto Ricans do is exagerado, my household during Lent got medieval. Between my religious grandmother and my mom, the ‘suffering’ part of Lent was… not symbolic. Here are the nine ways my abuela made us really suffer during Lent.

1. You’re giving up chocolate for 40 days? That’s cute. Once the sun set, our home was enveloped in darkness, because we gave up electricity.

Arrival
Arrival/ Paramount

This was especially cruel in a household where El Cuco was real. You know he comes out in the dark!

2. You gave up drinking? Nice. How about no TV, music or dancing?  Can’t laugh when you’re supposed to be suffering.

Literally abuela’s response when asked if dancing was allowed during Lent:

No GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY
The Office/ NBC

Keeping a group of Puerto Rican kids from dancing is like caging a bird. We just want to pop and lock, abuela!

3. Wearing less makeup for Lent is a smart move, but we just went ahead and covered all the mirrors. Examining your beauty was vanity — extremely disrespectful.

Mirror Mirror
Snow White/ Disney

“Magic mirror on the wall, who is the holiest of them all?”

4. Most families spend less money during Lent. My family was forced to attend live reenactments of the “Stations of the Cross,” where the real carnage of the story happened for free.

Reddit

Imagine seeing that when you’re in elementary. It’s a little traumatic.

5. Quitting porn for Lent? It’s easier if you’re in my family, because we were forced to watch films that reenacted the suffering of Jesus.

Watch Me Whip
The Da Vinci Code/ Sony Pictures

Mom referred to them as “horror movies,” and I agree — the only thing worse than this scene from “The Da Vinci Code” was Tom Hanks’ mullet in that movie.

6. Introducing more veggies into your diet? Solid choice. Because you couldn’t eat meat at all for Lent at my house.

No More Cookie Monster
Youtube

That’s 40 days of vegetarianism.

7. Giving up coffee? No problem! Ice showers will wake you up when you say goodbye to hot water, like my family did.

Cold Water
The Shining/ Warner Bros. /Giphy

After a while, your skin goes numb and you barely feel it!

8. Be more organized? Great idea. When I broke my grandma’s rules, she made us kneel on uncooked rice.

Uncle Phil
Fresh Prince of Bel Air/ NBC/ Tumblr

My grandma had el tío Phil on speed-dial.

9. Easter Sunday morning: put on your best duds and celebrate like you didn’t just experience 40 days of light torture. Yay!

Eye Twitch
Bob’s Burgers/ FOX

Nothing like actively repressing your memories with nice outfits, candy, and an egg hunt.

READ: Admit It, THIS Is The Most Fun Part Of Ash Wednesday

What kind of old school stuff did your parents do for religious holidays? Comment below and let us know!

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13 Thoughts You Have While Getting Ashes On Ash Wednesday

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13 Thoughts You Have While Getting Ashes On Ash Wednesday

Credit: @cesarminasoficial / Instagram

One of those religious events your parents absolutely made you attend was Ash Wednesday. It didn’t matter if you had work or had school, they sent you a church schedule with a list of service times all throughout the day, so you had no excuse not to go. There was no way you were getting out of the Ash Wednesday service, and this is what it was to attend that mass…

The first thing you notice is that the church is overflowing with people. People who clearly don’t go to church on the regular.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BBo02D5sl1a/


All of a sudden there are 874587234985749857 religious people in church. Who are they? Where did they come from? All of a sudden you’re religious? Cute.

Which explains why the entire church gets super muggy.

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And you really feel it when your church doesn’t have AC. Keep in mind, this mass runs long so thank you to all of those who decided to show up and are causing my face to melt.

So of course the line to get your ashes goes on for MILES.


Longer than the lines on Black Friday.

Once you finally get your ashes, you start sweating about what that black mark looks like on your forehead.

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Was it a tiny mark? Was it a huge blob? Was it even in the shape of a cross? I ?? need ?? to ?? know! ??

And having everyone stare while you walk back to your seat, only makes you feel even more self-conscious about it.

Nervous Chewing Gum GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

What is everyone staring at?? It’s not like you have a big black mark on your forehead…

Once you were sitting back down, you start debating about what you’re giving up for lent…


Video games? Chocolate? Wifi? Maybe I’ll just vow to become a better person… For 40 days.

The first thing that everyone does when they finally step out of church is check a mirror to see what the mark looks like.


Which led to comparing your ash mark with the ash marks of your friends.

Because not all ash marks are created equal.


There is a difference.

Since its Ash Wednesday, you still have to go back to school or work which means you have to deal with everyyyyone asking you, “What’s that black stuff on your forehead?”

naya
CREDIT: FOX

Not annoying at all…

Do people really think you have no idea?


Either way, you know you leave the ashes on your forehead for the rest of the day so mom knows you actually went to church.

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It was especially important for your grandma to see your ash marks so that she knew you didn’t skip church.

Most of the time you forget they’re even there.

https://twitter.com/mnmartinez18/status/837028736524554244


And you have black stuff on your face worse than messed up mascara.

But if you still had the mark of ashes on your forehead the following day, then people know you didn’t shower.

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CREDIT: GIPHY

It’s a fine line. At least wash your face at night.


READ: Giving Something Up For Lent? Check Out These 9 Medieval Ways My Family Celebrated Lent


How are your days like on Ash Wednesday? Comment and hit the share button below!