Culture

SlimCados Are A Thing In Florida And They Are Being Promoted As Better Than California Avocados

In a world ravaged by the avocado mania that brought us $12 avocado toast and $6 avocado ice cream, non-Floridians are perplexed by the very existence of the “SlimCado.” This variety of avocado is actually much bigger than the typical Hass avocado, but is more watery and has 30 %percent less fat. As a recovering Floridian myself, it’s quite unsurprising to see what I’ve always known as the “Florida Avocado” become the “SlimCado.”

The USDA reports that, of the 1,000 varieties of avocados, 95 percent of the avocado market is represented by Hass avocados. Some say its popularity is a result of its thick skin which is more resistant to bruising while in shipping. Mexicans say it’s because of the Hass avocado es hecho en Mexico. 

The SlimCado has much thinner and shinier skin than the Hass.

Credit: @Buck_Tallman / Twitter

Growing up, we used to just slice the stone fruit up and eat it with our steak and arroz con frijoles. It was a refreshing taste of sweetness to add to an otherwise very savory and spicy cena.

Frankly, I never saw a Hass avocado until I moved out of Florida.

Credit: @skeptic74 / Twitter

That’s because we have an overabundance of Florida avocados. These avocados are born of a West Indian variety that does better in humid swamps like Florida, where they proliferate.

The Florida avocado has a new name – SlimCado – meant to attract misinformed weight watchers.

Credit: @DianaRuggOnTV / Twitter

The USDA reports that Florida avocados have 25 percent fewer calories per cup than the Hass variety. Florida avocados also have more vitamin C and E and less fiber than the Hass avocados. Ultimately, studies show that eating healthy fats like those from avocados actually help with weight management.

The Internet seems to have a singular opinion on the subject:

Credit: @NancyAFrench / Twitter

Many people worry that this is the product of a Franken-fruit experiment gone wrong. GMOs–it’s a thing. In fact, this lineage of avocados is completely natural. Think of Hass and Florida avocados as green and red apples. There’s a wide variety of red apples and a wide variety of green apples, but it’s easy to tell green and reds apart.

Meanwhile, Floridians are yawning at this “news.”

Credit: @rainforestgardn / Twitter

Okay, so this person is a hater, but you just can’t expect a Florida avocado to perform like a Hass avocado. Having sliced Hass avocado in your casamiento isn’t “refreshing.” It’s rico.

If you walk into eating a Florida avocado expecting it to be a “healthy avocado,” you’ll be like Jeremiah and say, “The Slimcado is a mushy cucumber. Avoid at all costs.”

Floridians are basically teaching the rest of America how to eat avocados outside the box.

Credit: @fernmayne / Twitter

I can vouch for that. They’re far too water to enjoy on toast or as guacamole. While mashed Hass avocados serve as a great replacement for butter, SlimCados are anything but buttery. Mexico made guacamole out of Hass avocados, and y’all better keep it that way.

It is a huge mistake to even try to compare Florida avocados as “healthy” avocados.

Credit: @NancyAFrench / Twitter

You’re setting yourself up for failure, Brooks Tropicals. There should be a warning label: do not use these avocados to make guacamole. Already, Twitter users like Charles Crevequer are publicly suggesting this name change: “Since they turn into a watery mess if used in guacamole, perhaps “slime-cado” would be more accurate?” 

Non-Floridians are just throwing mad shade at Florida right now.

Credit: @PettrucioOrtiz / Twitter

Rightfully so, Patrick. We might agree that the “SlimCado” brand should have never been born. We’re tired of seeing food marketed as low-calorie. Whatever happened to getting the best bang for your buck? Calories keep us going. Fat feeds our brains. These Florida avocados belong in a salad, alongside juicy Florida mangos.

Meanwhile, Californians are getting themselves confused with Mexicans.

Credit: @kenjbarnes1 / Twitter

Imagine breaking it to Ken that California didn’t invent guacamole or the Hass Avocado. Hecho en Mexico, baby. That said, these marketing tactics have Florida written all over them, and for that, I apologize on behalf of the Sunshine State.

Conclusion: Eat when thirsty, not when hungry.

Credit: @_clumsybeans / Twitter

From this Floridian to you, dear reader, our avocados are like actual fruit to us. We cut them up like we cut up our mangos and we eat them when we’re un poquito hungry but mostly thirsty and too lazy to drink water. Don’t expect the extravagance of avocado toast or guacamole from us. We’re just thirsty.

READ: This New Facility Cost $12 Million And It’s All Designed To Stop Rampant Avocado Theft

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Naked Woman Is Stuck In Storm Drain For Weeks But How She Got There Is Even More Strange

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Naked Woman Is Stuck In Storm Drain For Weeks But How She Got There Is Even More Strange

Rescuers are still scratching their heads after helping a woman out of a storm drain, where she had allegedly been trapped for weeks. Although her family is glad that the woman has been rescued, they have more questions than answers about the woman’s past few weeks.

Woman is rescued from storm drain after being missing for three weeks.

A 43-year-old woman who had been missing for three weeks was rescued Tuesday after she was found trapped inside a storm drain just a few feet away from a busy street in the Florida city of Delray Beach. She was naked and unable to stand on her own.

The bizarre rescue began when a good Samaritan heard yelling coming from a drain and called 911, according to Delray Beach Fire Rescue. How she ended up in the drain is even more unusual:

The woman told officers she went for a swim in a canal near her boyfriend’s home in West Delray Beach on March 3, according to Delray Beach police.

“While she was swimming, she came across a doorway near a shallow part of the canal. She stated she entered the doorway and noticed a tunnel,” reads the March 23 incident report. According to the report, she became curious and began walking down the tunnel, which led to another tunnel and so on until she became lost.

Thanks to the good Samaritan, the woman is now recovering.

Credit: DELRAY BEACH FIRE RESCUE / FACEBOOK

If it weren’t for the compassion of one bystander, the woman could still be trapped. “There’s a lady stuck in a sewer, yes ma’am, she cannot get out. She’s screaming for help … she don’t have no clothes,” a woman told the 911 operator, according to a recording of the call the Miami Herald obtained through a public record request. The woman told the operator she was in her car, with her windows down, when she heard the screams.

The woman will now undergo a mental assessment. Her mother told police she has a history of mental illness and is known for “doing odd things and making bad decisions when she is high on drugs,” according to the report. Police said she is a Methadone patient and that her last dose was the day prior to her disappearance.

Her boyfriend had reported her missing three weeks before her rescue.

The woman had been reported missing by her boyfriend on March 3, after 9 p.m., when he spoke to the Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office.

Police say they don’t know how long the woman was in the tunnels. The woman claims she was walking in the tunnels, lost, for about three weeks until she “saw some light” and decided to sit there because she saw people walking by, according to the report. It’s unclear how long it took for someone to notice her.

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Florida Moves To Ban Iguanas (Among Other Animals) As They Start Showing Up In People’s Toilets

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Florida Moves To Ban Iguanas (Among Other Animals) As They Start Showing Up In People’s Toilets

There’s never a dull moment in Florida. The state is well known for its fondness for all things exotic and/or strange, it has a long history of accommodating religious cults and now the ex-President Trump calls the state home. But now the state is trying to clamp down on another unwanted resident – invasive reptiles that are overrunning the state and literally showing up in people’s toilets.

Florida moves to ban iguanas as they become an invasive species in the state.

The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission has ruled that within the next few weeks the breeding and dealing of 16 of the most ecologically-damaging non-native species must be brought to a halt. The ban will apply to several types of python that have proliferated to crisis point in the Everglades, as well as all types of tegu lizards, anacondas, Nile monitor lizards and green iguanas.

Green iguanas have multiplied in Florida to such a degree since they were first spotted there in 1960 that they are regarded as an environmental hazard. They puncture seawalls, tear up sidewalks and carry salmonella.

An animal once prized as an exotic curiosity is now widely decried as a pest. The iguanas hang out on roofs, dig under houses and to the horror of home owners can crawl into sewers only to emerge, thrashing around, in the toilet bowl.

The state conservation commission now encourages Floridians to humanely kill the lizards, which can grow up to 5ft and 17lbs, on their own property. No hunting licenses are required.

Iguanas are just one of many exotic animals that have become a problem for the state.

In an effort to protect local ecology, economy, and human health, the state is making it illegal for Floridians to breed or sell such animals as Burmese and scrub pythons, Green anacondas, Nile monitors, green iguanas, and tegus, among several other invasive species. Finalized on February 25, the new rules are meant to improve the regulations on the ownership of invasive reptiles in Florida, and they’re expected to go into effect later this summer. 

“Stringent biosecurity measures are required for those entities in possession of Prohibited species to limit escapes,” declares the Florida wildlife commission in its guidelines. 

These reptiles are becoming a major menace in the state, ravaging sensitive ecosystems and wreaking havoc in urban environments. The Burmese python, for example, is now endemic in the Everglades, where it consumes a wide variety of prey. 

But not everyone is onboard with the idea of banning the sale of these animals.

When the commission debated the rules last month it was inundated with comments, many from exotic pet owners and breeders pleading for the ban not to go ahead. As the Washington Post reported, one woman burst into tears over the idea of losing her pet iguanas and pythons.

“If you take them away, I would be really messed up,” she wailed.

But the spread of invasive species through sensitive ecosystems such as the Everglades is happening at such speed that the state felt duty bound to act. The reptiles are also causing havoc in urban areas.

To soften the blow to pet owners, a concession has been tucked into the new regulations. Anyone who cannot contemplate the thought of being parted from their iguana or tegu can apply for a free permit. But the reprieve will last only for the life of the animal. Once the critter is gone, it cannot be replaced by a new pet from the list of banned species.

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