comedy

Here Are The 11 Stages People Who Can’t Handle Weed Go Through When They Get High

Well it’s 4/20 and I know what that means: I’m going to have to explain to everyone I meet why I can’t partake. It’s not that I have a problem with weed. It’s that I never have a good time while high. I’ve tried, many times, and every time, I end up regretting it with every part of my soul. If you’re like me, you might be able to relate to the stages I’ve gone every time I’ve ever been high.

Usually a few friends are hanging out. One of them passes me a joint. It’s been a while, and I’m like…

The Kids Are Alright / Focus Features

What’s the worst that could happen? This isn’t “Reefer Madness,” right?

So I take a hit and…

PINEAPPLE EXPRESS / COLUMBIA PICTURES

?BOOM? It’s “Reefer Madness.”

Stage 1: I’m, like, instantly too high.

FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS / UNIVERSAL PICTURES

Yeah, not like “fun high” either. I’m knee-deep in bat country, if you know what I mean. And I can’t help but feel like my throat is on fire.

And immediately I regret my decision.

Family Feud

Whyyy did I do this to myself? AGAIN.

Stage 2: Everything feels different.

THE SIMPSONS / FOX

Something is terribly wrong.

My friends are having a great time as I start to melt down.

LIL DICKY – TOO HIGH / YOUTUBE

They’re having the time of their life, in fact.

So I remind myself: “You never get high, that’s why it feels so bad. Just act normal.”

YOUNGER /  TV LAND

Yeah, that’s it. I’ll just act normal. I look totally normal, right? You’re not that high. You got this.

Stage 3: I try to sober up by focusing on something.

CYRIAK / YOUTUBE

But I realize I’m way higher than I originally thought.

I don’t remember my hands doing that before.

UGLY BETTY / ABC

Yeah, it’s just weed, but I see and hear things that aren’t there when I’m high.

Stage 4: Someone tries to talk to me and it goes terribly.

THE DARK KNIGHT / WARNER BROS.

I am so not ready to make small talk.

My attempt at verbal communication leaves a lot to be desired.

MARK ANGEL COMEDY / YOUTUBE

The words I make with my mouth don’t match the voices in my head.

So I try blinking out some morse code.

Giphy.COM

My attempts at communication have failed and I’m not having fun.

Stage 5: I’m so done with being high.

MODERN FAMILY / ABC

Please go away stoned feeling.

But I can’t just get un-high. It’s only going to get worse before it gets better.

GOOD MYTHICAL MORNING / YOUTUBE

This is supposed to be fun?

Stage 6: Mid freakout, my friends realize I’m not okay.

TRUE DETECTIVE / HBO

Everything is too overwhelming.

They ask me if they can do something to make me feel better. I respond:

HAPPY GILMORE / UNIVERSAL PICTURES

SOS

They tell me to relax, close my eyes, or meditate. But that just makes things worse.

MAD MEN / AMC

Anxiety is at an all time high and I can’t even remember what I was thinking about two minutes ago.

Stage 7: Now I believe all conspiracies I’ve ever heard.

Warp Records / YouTube

This is supposed to be fun and all I can think about is how there’s probably going to be a

And I’m getting super paranoid and suspicious of everyone.

SHEEP FILMS

WHICH ? FRIEND ? IS ? READING ? MY ? THOUGHTS? And why is this cat my spirit animal?

Stage 8: The munchies?

IT’S ME OR THE DOG / ANIMAL PLANET

My friends offer me food, but I’m still too paranoid to eat it.

That sounds amazing, actually.

DISNEY.COM

Stage 9: Fetal position. For me, this is the best part of being high so far.

Parks And Recreation / NBC

Life hack: curling up can protect you from bears and bad highs.

Stage 10: Making it to the other side.

THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION / CASTLE ROCK ENTERTAINMENT

I’m over the hump. I can feel my senses returning to me and the fear and anxiety are washed away and I feel like I’m finally crawling out of the pit of despair. It’s great!

Stage 11: Short-term memory loss. Usually a few friends are hanging out. One of them passes a joint to me. It’s been a while, and I’m like…

The Kids Are Alright / Focus Features

What’s the worst that can happen?

READ: Our Childhood Dreams Have Come True: Gina Rodriguez Is Playing Carmen Sandiego On Netflix

Share this because chances are you or someone in your group is as paranoid as me.

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Kamala Harris Pledges That, If Elected, She and Joe Biden Would Decriminalize Marijuana Use

Things That Matter

Kamala Harris Pledges That, If Elected, She and Joe Biden Would Decriminalize Marijuana Use

On Monday, Vice Presidential nominee Kamala Harris vowed that a Biden-Harris administration would “decriminalize” the use of marijuana.

“Under a Biden-Harris administration, we will decriminalize the use of marijuana and automatically expunge all marijuana-use convictions, and end incarceration for drug use alone,” Harris said during a Facebook Live virtual round-table.

“We need to deal with the system, and there needs to be significant change in the design of the system,” she continued.

The decriminalization of marijuana would be a boon for cannabis-rights activists who have long said that marijuana’s potential health risks “pale in comparison” to the harm that criminalization has done to communities of color in America.

We’ve known for a while that the U.S.’s drug policies disproportionately affect people of color. While the stats suggest that Americans across all demographics use marijuana at roughly the same rate, Blacks and Latinos are more likely to be arrested and charged for possession.

For example, in New York City in 2017, the NYPD arrested 17,000 people for marijuana-related offenses. 86% of those were Black or Latino.

via Getty Images

Historically, politicians on both the left and the right haven’t done much to fix this disparity. Although both Republicans and Democrats were responsible for the largely ineffective “War On Drugs” policies of the ’90s that left a large number of people of color incarcerated, the Dems have recently changed their tune.

In the ’90s, there was an erroneous belief that marijuana was a “gateway” drug to harder, more destructive drugs, like crack-cocaine. Cracking down on marijuana possession was seen as a preventative tactic to keep people from trying crack.

The decriminalization of marijuana would be a marked change for Biden in particular who has held quite stringent anti-marijuana positions throughout his career.

“The school of thought was that we had to do everything we could to dissuade the use of crack cocaine,” Biden said in 2008 Senate hearing. “And so I am part of the problem that I have been trying to solve since then.”

This falls in line with what Senator Harris’s policy stances have been of late. She recently spear-headed a bill called the MORE Act that, if passed according to Politico, would “remove cannabis from the Controlled Substances Act and erase some cannabis criminal records”.

It’s worth noting that there is a marked distinction between the decriminalization of marijuana vs its legalization.

via Getty Images

According to the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws, decriminalization means “no arrest, prison time, or criminal record for the first-time possession of a small amount of marijuana for personal consumption”. In essence, a marijuana-related offense would be treated similarly to a traffic violation.

Legalization, on the other hand, would mean a federal policy that “supports a legally controlled market for marijuana, where consumers can buy marijuana for personal use from a safe legal source.”

Whether it’s decriminalization or legalization, one thing’s for sure: the data shows that hyper-punitive laws towards cannabis possession has done the American people more harm than good. Especially in communities of color.

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Meet Manuel Mendoza, The Winner Of Netflix’s Cannabis Cooking Competition Show

Culture

Meet Manuel Mendoza, The Winner Of Netflix’s Cannabis Cooking Competition Show

lil_manofrom18th / Instagram

Netflix and Kelis teamed up to create a cooking competition show all about cannabis cooking. “Cooked with Cannabis” is giving cannabis chefs a chance to shine with some friendly competition and the ever-popular cannabis.

Kelis is here with a new kind of cooking competition show officially changing the game.

“Cooked with Cannabis” is elevating the use of cannabis in the kitchen. It is no longer something used by stoners and only stoners. “Cooked with Cannabis” makes cannabis a sophisticated and respectable ingredient in the kitchen. The show offers some insights as to the differences between different strains of pot that many of us just never understood.

The show has six episodes in the first season and there is a new cast of chefs every episode.

The premise of the show is three chefs battling it out for three judges to show what they can do with the cannabis they are given. The recipes look like culinary works of art and seem equally as appetizing. The winner of the episode is given $10,000 as a prize and that’s pretty grand.

One of the winners this season is Manuel Mendoza, a cannabis chef from Chicago.

Mendoza works for Herbal Notes, a Chicago-based cannabis collaborative project. According to the website, Herbal Notes hopes to destigmatize the practice of using cannabis in cooking by highlighting the medicinal properties of the natural ingredient. Herbal Notes is also trying to empower communities long vilified for their use of cannabis.

Mendoza won using the cannabis to create some deliciously relevant foods.

Mendoza won by giving the judges some pot leaf-shaped chilaquiles and marijuana-infused pupusas. The use of Mexican and Salvadoran foods not only highlights our community but also his own upbringing in Chicago as a Salvadoran kid. Mendoza is proud to say that he was raised by Pilsen, the famed Latino community in Chicago.

Congratulations, Mendoza. It is a victory well deserved.

Mendoza’s start in cannabis cooking came when he had a eureka moment with iced chocolate milk. The chef was fresh out of culinary school and was eager to try new things, including cannabis cooking. The cannabis cooking trend was just kicking off and he just wanted to play around. When he created that iced chocolate milk, Mendoza knew that he was on to something and the rest is his culinary career.

READ: Mexico’s Progressive Bill Legalizing Cannabis Stalled Again Because Of Pandemic

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