comedy

Here Are The 11 Stages People Who Can’t Handle Weed Go Through When They Get High

Unai Mateo/FLICKR / Mark Angel Comedy/YOUTUBE

Well it’s 4/20 and I know what that means: I’m going to have to explain to everyone I meet why I can’t partake. It’s not that I have a problem with weed. It’s that I never have a good time while high. I’ve tried, many times, and every time, I end up regretting it with every part of my soul. If you’re like me, you might be able to relate to the stages I’ve gone every time I’ve ever been high.

Usually a few friends are hanging out. One of them passes me a joint. It’s been a while, and I’m like…

The Kids Are Alright / Focus Features

What’s the worst that could happen? This isn’t “Reefer Madness,” right?

So I take a hit and…

PINEAPPLE EXPRESS / COLUMBIA PICTURES

?BOOM? It’s “Reefer Madness.”

Stage 1: I’m, like, instantly too high.

FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS / UNIVERSAL PICTURES

Yeah, not like “fun high” either. I’m knee-deep in bat country, if you know what I mean. And I can’t help but feel like my throat is on fire.

And immediately I regret my decision.

Family Feud

Whyyy did I do this to myself? AGAIN.

Stage 2: Everything feels different.

THE SIMPSONS / FOX

Something is terribly wrong.

My friends are having a great time as I start to melt down.

LIL DICKY – TOO HIGH / YOUTUBE

They’re having the time of their life, in fact.

So I remind myself: “You never get high, that’s why it feels so bad. Just act normal.”

YOUNGER /  TV LAND

Yeah, that’s it. I’ll just act normal. I look totally normal, right? You’re not that high. You got this.

Stage 3: I try to sober up by focusing on something.

CYRIAK / YOUTUBE

But I realize I’m way higher than I originally thought.

I don’t remember my hands doing that before.

UGLY BETTY / ABC

Yeah, it’s just weed, but I see and hear things that aren’t there when I’m high.

Stage 4: Someone tries to talk to me and it goes terribly.

THE DARK KNIGHT / WARNER BROS.

I am so not ready to make small talk.

My attempt at verbal communication leaves a lot to be desired.

MARK ANGEL COMEDY / YOUTUBE

The words I make with my mouth don’t match the voices in my head.

So I try blinking out some morse code.

Giphy.COM

My attempts at communication have failed and I’m not having fun.

Stage 5: I’m so done with being high.

MODERN FAMILY / ABC

Please go away stoned feeling.

But I can’t just get un-high. It’s only going to get worse before it gets better.

GOOD MYTHICAL MORNING / YOUTUBE

This is supposed to be fun?

Stage 6: Mid freakout, my friends realize I’m not okay.

TRUE DETECTIVE / HBO

Everything is too overwhelming.

They ask me if they can do something to make me feel better. I respond:

HAPPY GILMORE / UNIVERSAL PICTURES

SOS

They tell me to relax, close my eyes, or meditate. But that just makes things worse.

MAD MEN / AMC

Anxiety is at an all time high and I can’t even remember what I was thinking about two minutes ago.

Stage 7: Now I believe all conspiracies I’ve ever heard.

Warp Records / YouTube

This is supposed to be fun and all I can think about is how there’s probably going to be a

And I’m getting super paranoid and suspicious of everyone.

SHEEP FILMS

WHICH ? FRIEND ? IS ? READING ? MY ? THOUGHTS? And why is this cat my spirit animal?

Stage 8: The munchies?

IT’S ME OR THE DOG / ANIMAL PLANET

My friends offer me food, but I’m still too paranoid to eat it.

That sounds amazing, actually.

DISNEY.COM

Stage 9: Fetal position. For me, this is the best part of being high so far.

Parks And Recreation / NBC

Life hack: curling up can protect you from bears and bad highs.

Stage 10: Making it to the other side.

THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION / CASTLE ROCK ENTERTAINMENT

I’m over the hump. I can feel my senses returning to me and the fear and anxiety are washed away and I feel like I’m finally crawling out of the pit of despair. It’s great!

Stage 11: Short-term memory loss. Usually a few friends are hanging out. One of them passes a joint to me. It’s been a while, and I’m like…

The Kids Are Alright / Focus Features

What’s the worst that can happen?

READ: Our Childhood Dreams Have Come True: Gina Rodriguez Is Playing Carmen Sandiego On Netflix

Share this because chances are you or someone in your group is as paranoid as me.

Mexican Marijuana Traffickers Are Behind The Poisoning Of California Forests Caused By A Banned Pesticide

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Mexican Marijuana Traffickers Are Behind The Poisoning Of California Forests Caused By A Banned Pesticide

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There are growing concerns in California’s Sierra Nevada mountains due to illegal pesticides that are being used for illegal marijuana-growing sites in the area. Law enforcement officials on Tuesday announced major operations are underway targeting these sites. Officials say that Mexican drug traffickers are the culprits behind the marijuana grows and have already discovered close to 25,000 marijuana plants cultivated illegally within California’s national forests in the last month. 

“These are federal lands, and they are being systematically destroyed through clear-cutting, stream diversion, chemicals, and pesticides,” U.S. Attorney McGregor Scott said at a news conference

Law enforcement is most concerned about the pesticide, carbofuran, that is being used on these plants. The pesticide is toxic to wildlife and humans and can cause permanent reproductive damage. 

Credit: @LATimes / Twitter

While the large marijuana grow is enough to cause concern for law enforcement, the banned pesticide, Carbofuran, being used is making matters worse. According to Quartz, the substance was very common for farmers as it was once sprayed on American corn, cotton, potatoes, sunflowers, and other crops. The pesticide in question was pulled off the legal U.S. market more than a decade ago due to its deadly harm. It’s also been known to cause permanent damage to human nervous and reproductive systems and is toxic to wildlife and waterways. 

The pesticide also happened to kill more birds in the U.S. than any other pesticide ever known. It would also be banned in Europe, Canada, and Brazil, shortly after. 

Carbofuran has been a continuing problem in California despite its ban. The pesticide has been a known favorite for illegal pot operators, nine out of every 10 illegal pot farms raided in California were found to be using it last year, according to the Associated Press

Another issue that has risen is the water usage that these illegal cannabis farms in California are wasting. The LA Times notes that on average one illegal farm uses a minimum of 5.4 million gallons of water annually to cultivate 6,000 plants. 

“Water is the most important issue in California, and the amount being used to grow an illegal product in the national forest is mind-boggling It’s a vitally important issue,” Scott said. 

Investigators say there’s been a spike in illegal marijuana grows in California that is being operated by Mexican drug traffickers. 

Credit: @pablorodas / Twitter

The news conference came less than two days after two men from Michoacan, Mexico, Lester Eduardo Cardenas Flores, and Luis Reyes Madrigal, were caught operating an illegal marijuana-growing site in the Sierra Mountains. Both men were formally charged Tuesday in Fresno federal court with conspiracy to manufacture and distribute large quantities of marijuana.

Scott says illegal immigrants from Mexico have been a common theme when it comes to finding these marijuana operations. Both Madrigal and Flores were illegal immigrants and were linked to other Mexican marijuana traffickers. The penalty for both of their charges could be anywhere from 10 years to life in prison.

“We’ve prosecuted hundreds of person, without exception..they’re all here illegally and all undocumented from Mexico,” Scott said.”We want to find the people funding these operations.”

There is hope that these latest arrests send a signal to traffickers and legislative change follows as well.

Credit: @MarilynM / Twitter

Marijuana-growing sites being connected to Mexican drug groups have been a growing issue for years. But Scott says with the recent spike of chemical use being found it only adds to the urgency of shutting these operations down. Back in July, agents and officers from the California Department of Fish and Wildlife closed in on another illegal grow operation deep within the Stanislaus National Forest. The raid turned up with over 2,500 marijuana plants and one loaded handgun.

While this has been an issue for years, officials says with the legalization of recreational marijuana in California back in 2016. Environmentalists and scientists agree that legalization of the cultivation of marijuana could be the best solution to prevent this from happening in the future. But for now, this is an issue that law enforcement doesn’t see stopping anytime soon. 

“I want to be perfectly clear, none of what we are talking about is legal under anyone’s marijuana laws,” Scott said. “This isn’t about the marijuana, it’s about the damage that’s being done. What is happening here is illegal under anybody’s law. Everything that we are talking about is as equally illegal under California law as it under federal law.”

READ: A Judge In Mexico City Has Approved One Couple’s Request For Recreational Cocaine

This Shipment Of Jalapeños Turned Out To Be One Of The Year’s Biggest Marijuana Busts

Things That Matter

This Shipment Of Jalapeños Turned Out To Be One Of The Year’s Biggest Marijuana Busts

@high_times_mag / Twitter

OK…so recreational marijuana is now legal in 10 states (plus D.C.) and medical marijuana is legal in even more – 34 to be exact. But that doesn’t mean that cartels from south of the border aren’t continuing their trade here in the US since they often offer less expensive marijuana to customers across the US.

And as the Trump administration’s increased enforcement at the border continues, we are seeing more frequent drug busts like this one at ports of entry from San Diego to Brownsville, Texas.

Nearly four tons of marijuana were packed alongside red hot jalapeños.

Border patrol officers at a port of entry in San Diego discovered nearly four tons of marijuana hidden beneath a shipment of jalapeños, officials said.

Officers assigned to the Otay Mesa cargo facility in California discovered the large amount of weed, worth about $2.3 million, wrapped in green packaging and stashed under a mountain of red jalapeño peppers, according to US Customs and Border Protection.

A CBP officer referred the truck to secondary check when a canine team alerted to them to the shipment of peppers. 

The officer then discovered and extracted 314 large wrapped packages of marijuana, weighing 7,560 pounds, within the shipment of jalapeño peppers.

But as more states legalize marijuana, we are seeing fewer and fewer drug busts like this one.

The decline in marijuana seizures at the US-Mexico border started in 2014, the year that Colorado and Washington became the first states in the US to legalize the sale of recreational weed to adults. Nine other states, including California, the country’s most populous and wealthiest state, as well as DC, have since legalized recreational use, further eating away at cartels’ market share.

CBP congratulated the officers on the bust.

“I am proud of the officers for seizing this significant marijuana load,” Otay Mesa Port Director, Rosa Hernandez, said in a statement.

“Not only did they prevent the drugs from reaching our community, they also prevented millions of dollars of potential profit from making it into the hands of a transnational criminal organization.”

Of course, upon news of the major pot bust, Twitter erupted with plenty of reactions.

Many were excited to for a possible new strain of spicy pot…or hot pot. Some were taking ideas from this seizure and hoping growers would take advantage and maybe soon offer up a jalapeño flavored marijuana strand at dispensaries in states with legal weed.

While others were just in awe of the amount of weed found.

I mean 4 tons of weed…that’s more than 125,000 ounces of bud. Do the math and figure out how many joints that is…it’s a lot that’s for sure.

While some speculated that maybe the smugglers were hoping to create an entirely new market.

I mean it would definitely be a new product on the market and one that could do really well, especially in Southern California – where weed and jalapeños are as American as baseball and apple pie.