We Can Tell You What Your Abuela Makes You For Breakfast Based On Her Zodiac Sign
Abuelas are universally loved by all Latinos lucky enough to grow up with them. Virtually all of them make the most delicious food we’ve ever tasted. They all kiss you on the cheek and call you gordita as you walk in the door, and if you try and reject your second helping of food, they call you flaquita and give you more. Of course, our abuelas offer so much more than just food. They likely left their generations-long home country to give their descendants a different start in life. They’re trailblazers and all so unique.
Pero, like, when it comes to desayuno, one thing is certain: they will cook up a feast. Here’s how the stars have influenced their breakfast of choice. See if we guessed right.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
There’s no recipe for this one. It’s just a straight mixto de cositas leftover and somehow, your Abuela makes it work. It’s the talent of the Aries to go with the flow and make casamiento out of nothing (air).
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Mama, you’re having whatever it is your abuelita has had for breakfast every day for the last half century. Taurus’ abuelas are all about security and comfort, and they make that feeling contagious with Huevos Rancheros.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
We bet your abuela is either a genius in the kitchen or just plain wrong. Gemini’s are known for being on the pulse of trends and creative. Your abuela probably thinks she invented the Jibarito.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Cancers are super nostalgic and probably have the deepest emotional connection to food out of any of the other signs in the zodiac. Your abuela makes you what her abuela made her for breakfast, and she tells you that every single time. ❤️The answer to this depends on your abuela’s nationality, but we’re going to guess some kind of yucca (or plantain) with frijoles and leftover pegao. Maybe an egg if you’re lucky.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Leos make for very fun, generous abuelas. We bet your abuela actually asks you what you want for breakfast, and will actually make you pancakes if you ask. Claro, she’s using Bisquick [beez-kwhick], and adding diced mangos, but you love her for it.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Our reliable Virgo abuelas love a neat egg-in-the-hole. Is there any other name for it? It’s the best way to use stale bread while making a super satisfying breakfast cada vez.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Resourceful Nana’s are going to make you the most simple and pure breakfasts of all time: Huevo con Arroz Blanca. It’s the cheapest meal to make using anoche’s leftover rice and a runny egg, and it satisfies.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Scorpio abuelas are so meta, they would make their nenas an egg-in-the-hole jamón style. At the very least, she’s making these for her grandsons because they’re growing boys. Us granddaughters might be stuck with the buttery bread version and it’s patriachy’s loss.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Sagittarius abuelas are a rarity because the sign breeds folks who are here for a good time, not a long time. Your abuela has stories and she’s going to tell you every single one of them as she mashes together some mangú.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Capricorn abuelas want to adore you with a masterpiece of thrifty ingredients made rico with love and care. Molletes: it’s what’s for breakfast. ????
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Your Aquarius abuela is in her most evolved state when she feels she’s tapped into the world around her. She might be trying to make substitute classic mantequilla with a non-dairy butter, or try out soyrizo. We’re not mad about it.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Honey, there’s no telling what your Pisces abuela is going to do this morning. She might just skip breakfast to go tend to her garden, or meet with her new social club. You’re taking her out para desayunar. ????
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