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SlimCados Are A Thing In Florida And They Are Being Promoted As Better Than California Avocados

In a world ravaged by the avocado mania that brought us $12 avocado toast and $6 avocado ice cream, non-Floridians are perplexed by the very existence of the “SlimCado.” This variety of avocado is actually much bigger than the typical Hass avocado, but is more watery and has 30 %percent less fat. As a recovering Floridian myself, it’s quite unsurprising to see what I’ve always known as the “Florida Avocado” become the “SlimCado.”

The USDA reports that, of the 1,000 varieties of avocados, 95 percent of the avocado market is represented by Hass avocados. Some say its popularity is a result of its thick skin which is more resistant to bruising while in shipping. Mexicans say it’s because of the Hass avocado es hecho en Mexico. 

The SlimCado has much thinner and shinier skin than the Hass.

Credit: @Buck_Tallman / Twitter

Growing up, we used to just slice the stone fruit up and eat it with our steak and arroz con frijoles. It was a refreshing taste of sweetness to add to an otherwise very savory and spicy cena.

Frankly, I never saw a Hass avocado until I moved out of Florida.

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That’s because we have an overabundance of Florida avocados. These avocados are born of a West Indian variety that does better in humid swamps like Florida, where they proliferate.

The Florida avocado has a new name – SlimCado – meant to attract misinformed weight watchers.

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The USDA reports that Florida avocados have 25 percent fewer calories per cup than the Hass variety. Florida avocados also have more vitamin C and E and less fiber than the Hass avocados. Ultimately, studies show that eating healthy fats like those from avocados actually help with weight management.

The Internet seems to have a singular opinion on the subject:

Credit: @NancyAFrench / Twitter

Many people worry that this is the product of a Franken-fruit experiment gone wrong. GMOs–it’s a thing. In fact, this lineage of avocados is completely natural. Think of Hass and Florida avocados as green and red apples. There’s a wide variety of red apples and a wide variety of green apples, but it’s easy to tell green and reds apart.

Meanwhile, Floridians are yawning at this “news.”

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Okay, so this person is a hater, but you just can’t expect a Florida avocado to perform like a Hass avocado. Having sliced Hass avocado in your casamiento isn’t “refreshing.” It’s rico.

If you walk into eating a Florida avocado expecting it to be a “healthy avocado,” you’ll be like Jeremiah and say, “The Slimcado is a mushy cucumber. Avoid at all costs.”

Floridians are basically teaching the rest of America how to eat avocados outside the box.

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I can vouch for that. They’re far too water to enjoy on toast or as guacamole. While mashed Hass avocados serve as a great replacement for butter, SlimCados are anything but buttery. Mexico made guacamole out of Hass avocados, and y’all better keep it that way.

It is a huge mistake to even try to compare Florida avocados as “healthy” avocados.

Credit: @NancyAFrench / Twitter

You’re setting yourself up for failure, Brooks Tropicals. There should be a warning label: do not use these avocados to make guacamole. Already, Twitter users like Charles Crevequer are publicly suggesting this name change: “Since they turn into a watery mess if used in guacamole, perhaps “slime-cado” would be more accurate?” 

Non-Floridians are just throwing mad shade at Florida right now.

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Rightfully so, Patrick. We might agree that the “SlimCado” brand should have never been born. We’re tired of seeing food marketed as low-calorie. Whatever happened to getting the best bang for your buck? Calories keep us going. Fat feeds our brains. These Florida avocados belong in a salad, alongside juicy Florida mangos.

Meanwhile, Californians are getting themselves confused with Mexicans.

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Imagine breaking it to Ken that California didn’t invent guacamole or the Hass Avocado. Hecho en Mexico, baby. That said, these marketing tactics have Florida written all over them, and for that, I apologize on behalf of the Sunshine State.

Conclusion: Eat when thirsty, not when hungry.

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From this Floridian to you, dear reader, our avocados are like actual fruit to us. We cut them up like we cut up our mangos and we eat them when we’re un poquito hungry but mostly thirsty and too lazy to drink water. Don’t expect the extravagance of avocado toast or guacamole from us. We’re just thirsty.

READ: This New Facility Cost $12 Million And It’s All Designed To Stop Rampant Avocado Theft

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