Culture

Anyone Who Ever Hated Going To Church Will Relate To Doing These 9 Things

Church was the worst for me as a child, so I did everything I could so that mami would change her mind about bringing me. Eventually, she did. But not before I left my mark on the congregation with the following sins.

1. Lit every single prayer candle. All of them.

Credit: Giphy / Shameless / HBO

It’s so tempting. I couldn’t help it.

2. I snapped the pew “hat clips” as loudly as I could.

3. Lifting, dropping, standing, sitting and then balancing on church pew kneelers.

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You saw a place to kneel and pray. I saw a balance beam to practice for the Olympics.


4. Playing with the Holy Water.

Translation: God bless everyone #lol #holywatergun #yuhh

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Using a water gun would have been the best way. Too bad I didn’t think of it. Either way, I would splash and mess with Holy Water. Mostly flicking it at other kids from my dripping finger tips.


5. Giggling, coughing, burping and sneezing louder than I had to.

6. Left no donations whatsoever.

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Even though I had no money to give it was still “Bye, donation plate! DAB!”


7. I would never sit still.

Credit: Rainer Vogel / Youtube / Blues Brothers

As long as I was forced to be there, the church was going to be my playground. I ran, jumped and climbed.


8. I played rough with the other kids.

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Some of the other boys were as bored as I was. We needed to spice things up. A little rumble got the juices flowing.


9. And when all else failed, I slept.

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There’s no way to know if I snored on command or not, but I sure hope I did, because I was trying to.


Eventually, mami wised up and stopped bringing me. I’m sure she and the congregation got back to enjoying themselves.

Credit: Giphy / reactiongifs / Reddit / Sister Act

And I got back to sleeping in late. ???


READ: How Churches Are Helping Immigrants


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