Things That Matter

Someone Created America’s Scariest Teddy Bear: The Trumpy Bear

There is a Trump Bear because Republicans are weird and some seem to straight up hate children (they put them in cages, remember). Staring into the abyss of Trump Bear, all I can hear are the haunting lyrics of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.” You know the ones: “He sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake.” 

While I am sure this bear is fitted with a listening device from the NSA, I am even more certain that instead of a lump of coal, Santa Claus gives you one of these for being a naughty kid. 

My first sentence ever, according to my mother was, “Mommy, the dolly killed the lady.” My mother, who loves horror movies, didn’t think it was a big deal to show me a Chucky film when I was 2 years old, but that’s another story. Here I am, on the cusp of turning 30 and all I can say when I look at Trump bear is, “Mommy, the dolly killed this ladySee you in hell. Don’t forget to water my plants while I’m gone!”  

Meet Trumpy Bear

The brown bear made in Donald Trump’s image sadly is still the most attractive version of Donald Trump. Although, as an Afro-Latinx I can only help but snicker because you know Trumpito has always wanted to be black. It’s apparent in his decade-long fixation with President Obama. If it’s not jealously, then why is this racist so obsessed with one-upping and undoing Obama’s successes

Trumpy Bear has a hideous blond combover (accurate), hideous bushy blond eyebrows (accurate), an inappropriately large tie to conceal his misshapen body (accurate), eyes as blue as Adolf Hitler’s dream Nazi (accurate), and a face made for the ninth circle of hell (accurate). The only thing inaccurate is that the hands are proportional to the body, and we all know Trumpito has teeny tiny hands only slightly larger than his brain. I’ll leave descriptions of the size of his other body parts up to my girl, Stormy Daniels. 

But we haven’t gotten to the creepiest part of all. When you unzip his back, you can pull out an American flag blanket. As Vogue writer Michelle Ruiz put it, the flag is “perfect for watching the president mock sexual assault survivors on national television or, according to the official Trumpy commercial, serving as a hood ornament on your golf cart.” Enjoy!

Is Trump Bear real? 

Upon its launch, many wondered if Trumpy Bear was real? Snopes did some investigating and discovered that for two payments of $19.95 + shipping and handling, you can actually purchase this bear to burn in your local bonfire. According to Snopes, the product trademark is owned by Exceptional Products (“Exceptional,” OK. SureJan.gif) which Snopes uncovered by searching U.S. Patent and Trademark Office records. 

Several social media posts revealed that some people unironically and willingly received Trumpy Bears as gifts. Imagine if your workplace secret Santa gave you this? I would go to HR. 

But we haven’t even gotten to the craziest part yet. There is a commercial. The gift that keeps on giving… me ominous flashes of the looming apocalypse. 

Trumpy Bear Official Commercial

If you’re still alive after watching that commercial, I assume anyone who watches it will die within seven days, you might find many things odd about it. For starters, this teddy bear is clearly being marketed to adults over 50? In an advertisement for a stuffed animal, there is not a child in sight. The commercial says Trumpy Bear is great for the front of your motorcycle, the back of your golf cart, and to honor fallen soldiers who probably died because of his policies. 

A try-hard male voiceover says, “Even the toughest guys will love Trumpy Bear,” because you know, asserting “masculinity” is so important for Trump supporters who are categorically a part of the demographic where the Venn diagram for “Rape Apologist” and “Viagra User” is just one circle. 

Trumpy Bear for true patriots

The bear also suggests that it will help you “show your patriotism.” This is coming from the same people who convinced themselves the previous President was the secret leader of ISIS just because he was half black — true patriots of American values.

But I would argue the commercial is right, there is nothing more patriotic in America than spending money on a product you don’t need, manufactured by poor people of color overseas, to remind the poor people of color where you live that you hate them so much you would waste money, destroy the environment, and hurt people. Perhaps, the only bigger patriot is the person selling the symbol of hate. 

Trump Ignores Constitution To Target Undocumented Residents In 2020 Census Once Again

Things That Matter

Trump Ignores Constitution To Target Undocumented Residents In 2020 Census Once Again

Justin Sullivan / Getty Images

Despite losing his battle to put a citizenship question on the 2020 Census (the case made it all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court), Trump’s attack on undocumented residents isn’t over yet. This time, the president is targeting states who have large undocumented communities by excluding them from Congressional reapportionment. In particular, Trump wants to exclude them from the numbers used to determine how many seats in Congress each state will have for the next 10 years.

It’s a blatant attempt to subvert the constitutional requirement that the census conduct “an actual enumeration” of the “whole number of free persons” in the U.S. There have been legislative and regulatory tweaks over the years to accommodate unusual situations — omitting, say, foreign diplomats and their families in the country at the time of the count — but there is nothing in the Constitution that says people must be citizens to be counted for purposes of reapportionment

Trump targets undocumented residents once again in a new executive order.

Trump issued an executive order that calls for an unprecedented change to the constitutionally mandated count of every person living in the country. His directive instructs the U.S. Census Bureau to not count undocumented immigrants for purposes of apportioning seats in the House of Representatives, targeting states like California, Texas and New York with large communities of residents who lack a legal immigration status.

If enacted, however, the policy could have a seismic political impact, as states can gain or lose seats in the House every 10 years after the census, depending on how their populations compare to others. The census data is also used to allocate federal resources to states and local communities, however, Trump’s order doesn’t target this funding.

Dale Ho, an ACLU attorney who fought against Trump’s proposed citizenship question, signaled that a new lawsuit could be in the works against Tuesday’s directive. 

“The Constitution requires that everyone in the U.S. be counted in the census. President Trump can’t pick and choose. He tried to add a citizenship question to the census and lost in the Supreme Court,” Ho said in statement. “His latest attempt to weaponize the census for an attack on immigrant communities will be found unconstitutional. We’ll see him in court, and win, again.”

Congress represents all people in their states – not just citizens.

The U.S. has long counted non-citizens, including undocumented residents, for the purpose of congressional apportionment. The Constitution says that each state must have at least one representative, and that the apportionment of others should be based on an enumeration of the population.

Therefore, Trump’s authority to exclude unauthorized immigrants is expected to face court challenges, as it appears to be a direct attack on the constitution and the 14th Amendment.

Until the 14th Amendment was ratified in the 1860s, enslaved African Americans were counted as three-fifths of a person for congressional apportionment. American Indians “not taxed” were excluded until 1940.

The 14th Amendment also requires the enumeration of “the whole number of persons in each State.”

The new order comes after the Trump administration has repeatedly tried to change the 2020 Census.

Trump’s new order is part of an ongoing effort to exclude undocumented residents, and part of his campaign to fundamentally change how the government conducts its census every 10 years.

Late last year, the Trump administration proposed including a question on U.S. citizenship during the 2020 census. But its efforts do so, which it said were aimed at enforcing the Voting Rights Act of 1965, elicited a flurry of legal challenges that ended up at the Supreme Court, which blocked the administration from adding the question in time for the questionnaires to be printed.

During the litigation over the question, it was revealed that Thomas Hofeller, a now deceased conservative political operative, played a role in helping the administration craft the justification for the citizenship question addition, which he said in a 2015 study would allow officials to draw electoral maps advantageous to “Republicans and Non-Hispanic Whites.”

Trump’s order could have a major impact on several states’ representation in Congress.

Several U.S. states have large undocumented residents populations and many of them regularly vote Democratic. This order, if enacted, would have a major effect on congressional representation and would shift political power away from reliably blue states to reliably red states.

Two of the states losing electoral votes — California and New York — are reliably Democratic. Two states gaining — Alabama and Ohio — usually vote Republican.

Ivanka Trump Promoted Goya’s Canned Beans And The Memes Are Good For Your Heart

Things That Matter

Ivanka Trump Promoted Goya’s Canned Beans And The Memes Are Good For Your Heart

@fukaren1 / Twitter

Earlier this week, President Donald Trump’s favorite daughter Ivanka, who also acts as one of his senior presidential advisers, posted a photo of herself holding a can of Goya black beans. With a toothy smile, she held the can before a caption with the Goya brand’s slogan: “If it’s Goya, it has to be good. Si es Goya, tiene que ser bueno.”

It didn’t take long for users on Twitter to take reasonable issues with the image. After all, her promotion of Goya products is in direct violation of government ethics laws which states federal employees cannot use their position or title to “endorse any product, service or enterprise.” Still, as woeful as her promotion is of a product that supports her father’s administration at least the memes will give you a good laugh.

Check them out below!

Proof that even the Trump’s would promote hell in a handbasket.

And nothing is quite as hilarious as this meme promoting “sprout juice.”

Please, someone, give her a job at Price is Right and get her out of the White House

And this meme is just proof that the Trumps just drink weirdly.

But actually would love to see this added to the Nancy Drew series

And finally, this book because it sounds like a pretty great read.