Things That Matter

These 20 Pieces of Dating Advice from my Latina Mother Shaped My Love Life

Navigating the dating world is tough on your own. Thank the Lord for our Latina moms that shower us with (mostly) sound advice. The trick to this advice is following it without becoming a mojigato. I  remember my mom singing the praises of Bibaporu whenever we felt ill as kids. Now, when my boyfriend is sick I take care of him with this magical formula. Maybe my mom was on to something. Here are some other tidbits of advice I’ve received over the years from my beloved mama.

Leave the Pursuing to Him

Credit: Twitter @Godlycourting

It is true that women are equal to men. However, there’s something honorable in the old-fashioned nature of a man asking you out. As much as you may like him, don’t ask him out. Cojetocon take it easy. Show your interest in subtle ways and let him handle the rest. This could set the tone for the entire relationship.

Embrace Your Sexuality, but Maintain Your Modesty

Credit: Instagram @mpalafox15

Ask anyone to describe Latina women and the most common word you may hear is “sexy”. My mom taught me that every Latina women has a fiery vixen(her words, not mine) inside of them. The secret of embracing this power lies in reigning the beast. You should strive to catch a man’s attention without letting it all hang out. Show him a hint of skin without ruining the impression that he can take you home to mom.

Always Wear High Heels

Credit: @danteov_seen

High heels will forever be a Latina’s best friend. My mom practically taught me to walk as a toddler in heels. In her opinion, they are the finishing touch on the perfect date night outfit.  My mom also told me to never date a man who ended up shorter than me while wearing my heels–or, at the very least, never date a man who has a PROBLEM with being shorter than me in my heels.

Highlight Your Coqueta Side–but Don’t Go Overboard

Credit: Twitter @FanMeagan

Men love a woman with confidence. However, there is a fine line between confident and cocky. My mom taught me to never hold myself above others. We are all equals. With this in mind, you should know your strengths and play them to your advantage. Show off your assets(but never your ass).

Give Your Fierce Love Only to Those that Deserve It

Credit: @lauramtipper

I learned from my mom that part of being Latina is loving deeply with a burning passion. There’s no doubt this keeps things interesting, but it’s important to slow down these instincts in the beginning stages of a relationship. You don’t want to drive them away, or worse–allow them to take advantage of your love. It is something that should be cherished and given away only when you determine the person is worth it. How do you determine this? By judging what their actions tell you.

Contain Your Crazy

Credit: Twitter @Fresh_Logic

Along with a Latina’s fiery, passionate love, comes a trait some may refer to as… crazy(Hey, there is such a thing as a good kind of crazy!). Every Latina has a slightly loco side. The trick is to contain it in order to nail a great first impression. If you let it out too soon, your man may end up running for the hills.

Wear Makeup, But Not Too Much

Credit: @haleyriv Haley Rivera

Makeup is a first date essential, but it’s important to not go overboard. Sure, you want him to see your bombshell self, but my momma taught me to think about the first morning spent together (“After the wedding, right nina?” she’d say). The last thing you want your man to be is shocked by your au natural face. A little correction and enhancement here and there never hurt, but make sure you’re recognizable.

Brush Up On Your Salsa Skills

Credit: @scottbroomephotography

This advice could apply to both men and women. Dancing is such an important part of courtship for Latinos. Practice your skills regularly to avoid embarrassment and impress your date.  In my experience it is a fantastic way to bond with your partner and get back in touch with your Spanish roots. Time to hit up that salsa club!

Practice Your Cooking Skills

Credit: Twitter @Nervousjr

My mom taught me everything she knows in the kitchen(once I was an adult and could appreciate it). Even though I believe cooking is in my blood, I had to practice regularly to enhance my skill set. What better motivation to practice than the opportunity to eat delicious food? My mom taught me to never be the type of woman who just serves confle for a meal(THE HORROR). There’s no better music to a Latina’s ears than hearing her man say, “Estay full.”

Always Keep a Clean House

Credit: Twitter @BigDaddyCane420

My mother remains infamous in my mind as the only person I know who hates candles. In her opinion, the singular way to make a home smell good is to keep it clean. Cooking and cleaning go hand in hand in proving you are “wife” material. Plus, keeping your house tidy relieves any stress of unannounced boyfriend or family visits.

Impress His Family

Credit: @mendesvtop

It’s commonly known when you date a Latino, you are dating his family. Don’t shy away from them and do your best to make a good first impression when you are introduced. Smile often and be genuine. If you happen to get a stamp of approval from his mom, well, the rest of the relationship will be smooth sailing.

Show Off Your Partner

Credit: Shelby Miller @ shelbsmiller

Your boyfriend may see your fiery, passionate side, but does the rest of the world? While I’m not advising for a public make-out session at every opportunity, it’s important the world sees how lucky you are. Show your boyfriend you are proud to be with him.

Embrace Your Faith

Credit: Ben White @benwhitephotography

Having common religious goals is important in any long term relationship. It provides an important foundation to build values on. The religion talk is not one to have on the first date, but it is important to discuss before things turn serious.

Speak Your Mind…

Credit: Christin Hume @Christinhumephotography

There are few and far between Latinas that have trouble expressing how they feel. Don’t shy away from your feelings. The right partner especially will honor them and do everything to make you happy.

…But Don’t Be Afraid to Compromise.

Credit: Twitter @JustinGuarini

It is one of the most important parts of any relationship. Be careful to control your stubborn attitude and bend on any minor disagreements that won’t matter in the long run. Your relationship will strengthen from these tests.

Balance Your Relationship and Your Friends

Credit: Twitter @omgrelatable

My mom always stressed the importance of never dumping friends for a guy. During the initial phase, of course, you and your man are going to be slightly obsessed with each other and wanting to spend every waking moment together, but resist the urge. You may need your friends later on(of course, you will need them anyway where you get married or not–

Growing up, I also heard some advice from my mom to my brothers about dating.

Don’t Let Your Machismo Take Over

Credit: Mike Fox @thefoxicon

Sure, it’s important for men to protect their loved ones–but never to the point it becomes degrading. My mom used to say, “Be sure you are thinking with the head that is ON YOUR SHOULDERS.”

Take Care of Your Car

Credit: Clement M @cmreflections

A Latino’s car is the chariot for his dates, and he will forever be judged by the look of it. Keep it clean and working well so it doesn’t give you a bad name.

Treat Her Like a Princesa 

Credit: Twitter @RichardTorres

Don’t be afraid to show your girl how you truly feel about her. Any woman loves to be spoiled, whether it be through gifts, attention, or acts of service. Don’t ever let her stop feeling appreciated.

Finally, the last piece of advice is one I think we should all hold dear:

Be Proud of Your Heritage

Credit: Twitter @sincerelyjexi

Embrace your Latina side and never let anyone dull your pride. They are eternally lucky to be dating you!

Readers Share Adorable Stories of How Their Parents and Abuelos Met

Culture

Readers Share Adorable Stories of How Their Parents and Abuelos Met

@JulianFdo /Twitter

In the era of hookup culture and online swiping, it’s comforting to look back on the days when dating was a straight-forward affair: boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy marries girl. End of story. But, times have changed and finding your other half can feel more impossible than every Luckily, we can always look to older generations to give us hope. Their romantic stories of days past are always inspiring.

Readers of FIERCE by mitu shared their cute stories of how their parents and abuelos met. Check out some of our favorite ones below!

1. The old bait-and-switch

@ChrisRAlonso/Twitter

“My abuelos met eachother while they were living in Cuba. Abuelo pretended to be 5 years older than her to get her attention but was actually 2 years younger. He asked her out for ice-cream on their first date.”

2. The Cinderella Story

@JulianFdo/Twitter

“My Dad was rich & Mom poor, he chose her and was disowned by his family and lost his inheritance. They lived happily ever after working their asses off once they came to the United States. Love my parents”. -@mrs.jaypeeonenine

3. Love Letters Gone Wrong

@kathleenlights1/Twitter

“My dad was playing basketball at my moms high school. He saw my mom and asked her if he could write her. 1953. Mom told dad to write his address on the locker that he was using for the basketball game ( girls lockers). He did. On Monday morning the principal of moms school called to complain to the principal of my dads high school and was angry his basketball team had written all over the lockers. My dad and his team were punished and had to go back to my moms school to clean up the lockers. I still have the first letter my dad sent my mom. Mom passed away 10 years ago. I’m 64 and will never forget their love story”. – @dollycardenas50

4. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach

@cokythelad/Twitter

“My mom and dad both immigrated here from Argentina when they were kids. My dad was 9 and my mom was 2. My dad ended up going to high school with my mom’s little brother and they got super drunk one night together when they were 16. They were scared to go back to their houses (the wrath of a Latin mother!!) so they tried to sleep in a park. It got too cold, so they went back to my uncle’s place and decided to wake my mom up by throwing rocks at her window. At 3am, my mom let her hermanito and my dad crawl through her window. My dad and uncle set up camp in my uncle’s room to sleep everything off, but they were starving. My uncle sent my dad to knock on my mom’s door and ask if she could make pancakes (bc they’re legendary). She thought he was so cute, that she made them pancakes at 3am. They’ve been together ever since (they’re 52 now).” -@bryduca

5. A Tale of Two Heights

@joeytovar_ /Twitter

“My grandparents went to school together. He asked her to be his partner for a dance performance once. Grandpa says he would have asked her sooner but didn’t see her. He’s 6ft she’s 4’10.” -@danhely

6. Love at first sight

@lcarreradesign/Twitter

“My abuelos met each other on a bus in Chicago while Guelo was studying to be a priest. He was a light skinned, fiery haired Mexican man with a friendly smile. Guela’s golden brown Puerto Rican glow was accented by her elegant black ringlets and graceful summer dress. He was smitten the moment he saw her! They conversed about spirituality, faith, and love for something greater than self.Less than one year later, Guelo traded one sacrament for another so that we, our family, could be born.” -@e.m.castro

7. Flirting By Throwing Rocks?

@keithmburke/Twitter

“My abuela would fill up her cantaro with water & whenever she walked by, my abuelo would through small rocks. She hated him for making her dump the water & he loved how beautiful she looked angry”. -@mija_por_favor

8. Life-long dance partners

@babybellabb/Twitter

“My abuelos ran into each other multiple times in one day. They had gotten onto the same bus two different times. Later that night when my abuelo saw my abuela at a dance he decided seeing her a third time that day was a sign and asked her to dance. And they were dancing partners the rest of her life”. -@thetiffanyandco

9. The Bashful Beginning

@leticiasaurus /Twitter

“My dad was friends with my mom’s brothers but he never met her despite always being around. One day, my mom was cleaning the floor outside her house & saw my dad walking from a distance towards the house. She dropped the broom & ran inside. The rest, is history”. -@lifeasingrid

10. The Whirlwind Romance

@ohmy_itsyza/Twitter

“My grandma and grandpa met while being migrant workers. Grandma was 15 and he was 18. My grandma’s sisters were trying to get with my grandpa but grandma wasn’t having it. Their time at that location was almost over and they were going to be separated so after two weeks of knowing each other, they decided to marry. They were married 62 years before my grandma passed.” – @amorettenoel

11. A Military Marriage

@prietitaV/Twitter

“My grandfather was in the marines and was stationed in the Dominican Rep. training the Dominican Air Force. At a party he meet my abuelita and fell in love. He had to asked his superiors for permission to see her, then my great grandfather to court her. They both passed away one right after each other after being 50 years together” -@claudia_teresa1

12. A Meeting of Cultures

@TheHernandezLab/Twitter

“Mi abuela, Soledad, or Chole, was a very attractive and creative woman. Soon after high school she was dancing in a women’s Mexican folklorico troup at the 1933 Chicago World’s Fair. Mi abuelo Modesto, was selling Cuban cigars as a traveling salesman. They met at the Fair, fell in love and eventually had my mom, Rosalia.” -@fridadina

13. An arranged marriage with a happy ending…

@brina_la_nica/Twitter

“In my dad’s side of the family my grandma had to marry my grandpa because a chismosa saw her talking to him outside the grocery story, so my great-grandparents arranged the marriage to restore their honor. In my moms side of the family my grandma had to marry my grandpa to pay off a debt of his family take care of hers after my grandmas parents passed away when she was young. They loved each other and lived happily ever after.#arrangedmarriages” -@iris_herndz

14. An Irresistible Passion

@daiciamestas

“My parents met at a dance in Durango, Colorado. Durango is a college town perfectly located in the middle of my parent’s hometowns. My mother was promised to someone else through engagement, but my father won her heart before leaving for the Navy.” -@daiciamestas

Our FIERCE Readers Share Some of the Most Outrageous Lies They’ve Told To Get Some Time Away With Their Boo

Fierce

Our FIERCE Readers Share Some of the Most Outrageous Lies They’ve Told To Get Some Time Away With Their Boo

@theromantictravelers / Instagram

Vacationing with your significant other is a big step in a relationship. It isn’t just the shared travel or the expense that can be the most trying. Many times, it’s figuring out a cover story to tell the padres. Don’t got it wrong, we’re grown. However, Latinx folk still have to answer to our parents when we leave the house. So if we want to vacay with the novio, we need an alibi. 

With this in mind, we asked our FIERCE readers what their go-to lies are whenever they need to cover up a vacation with their significant other. You might want to jot these excuses down for the next time you need a justification for a weekend away.

1. The mandatory vacay.

Instagram / @happilyeveradventures

“I told my parents I would be out of town (only an hour away from home) for work and that my job was paying for everything and that it was mandatory we all stay there in the hotel because my dad said I could just drive everyday I needed to go. We ended up vacationing 12 hours away from home 😂 they still haven’t found out lol.” — @baerenis 

2. Technically, she still went to Disney.

Instagram / @aprilroselb

“I had a summer job that involved church and I told my mom I was going to stay an extra week because a bunch of us were going to Disneyland. My boyfriend ended up picking me up and we did technically go to Disneyland, but it was just him and me. Lol” — @lilpeaches_12 

3. Total fail but still worth it. 

Instagram / @theromantictravelers

“Went to Rosarito w/ex to a wedding and told my mom I was going to visit girlfriends in San Francisco. One of my moms friends lives in Rosarito and recognized me at wedding. Total fail. Lady memorized my license plate # y todo 😂😂🇲🇽”   @vidajuicebar_

4. The abuela alibi. 

Instagram / @bestwestern_plus_suitcase

“My now husband is from a town 2 hours away from Houston, and the only way my parents would let me stay the weekend over there, was if I stayed and slept with his grandmother. We would actually stay in a hotel room from Friday – Sunday in downtown, 4 miles away from my parents house. This was back in 2003, there’s no way I could get away with that now with smart phones! 😂” @areal1982

5. Staycation, all she ever wanted.

Instagram / @kvadventuretravel

“Lol I would just tell them I was working a long shift and leave for a stay-cation.” @jenoemi87

6. When white lies become second nature.

Instagram / @alinadelcaru 

“I lied until I got married at 31 😂 now my instinct is to lie but stop my self because – wait a minute I’m married now! 😂” — @deerayv

7. This lie came with a lot of work.

Instagram / @el_palauet

“My husband and I had been dating for almost a year he wanted to take me to Puerto Vallarta for my birthday I didn’t know how to tell my parents my husband was like how old are you I said were Mexican we don’t sleep over nobody’s house ever we sleep at home. I told my dad my job needed me to travel to mexico since they were branching out to Puerto Vallarta and they needed a fluent Spanish speaker he was so excited they picked me. He said go tell me what hotel your staying at so I can tell your primos from El Rancho to meet you there… 🤦‍♀️ I gave him the wrong hotel name each time he called I would say were in meetings or were looking at property I’ll call the primos when I have time. We met 1 time to show I wasn’t with anybody I shouldn’t have been with… 😂”  — @melliesemily  

8. You need to go to confessional after this one.

Instagram / @theromantictravelers

“I told my mom I was going on a church retreat and got a text free number to pretend I was one of the people at church verifying I was attending 😩💀 I’m going to hell.” — @aimechinchilla

9. An educational experience.

Instagram / @theromantictravelers

“So I’ve always been super involved on campus and sometimes for student government we would travel and once we went on a trip to a conference for 2 days but I told my parents it’s was for 5 so the other 3 days estaba de pata larga 😉😂 later on that always became my excuse que tenía una conferencia para la escuela (btw i would tell them they were at other sister schools so you know it’s educational ) en total I probably actually had like 5 conferences my whole college career but to them it was like every other month 🤷🏻‍♀️😂” — @anythingforcelinaaas

10. That’s what friends are for.

Instagram / @fairmontsanfrancisco

“I was 20 and had been dating my bf for a year and he had the house for himself one weekend. I told my parents I was sleeping over at my friend’s house and got my dad to drop me off there (about a 20 minute drive away). My bf was waiting for me around the corner and came and picked me up. My friend even played the game and came and said hi to my dad 😂” — @laviajeraporvida

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRJdv6QJ7Nc