Things That Matter

The Average Cost Of Dating In The U.S. Is Out Of Control And People Have Some Thoughts

As a happily married person, please let me pass on a few words of advice for those looking for love. If you’re looking for love or at least a relationship of some sort, please do not let the status of your wallet hold you back. In other words, if you are poor, you can still date! You can I promise, and I will show you how in a minute. But first, the reason for my encouraging words comes after reading a finance report that may make you think twice about asking someone out. 

Dating in the U.S. can be rather expensive, depending on where you live.

Credit: Unsplash

Match.com, one of the largest dating websites, released a report that shows the average cost of a date. So if you take someone out for a movie and dinner, it might set you back a couple of hundred bucks. Before you think I’m exaggerating think about it: dinner for two, a bottle of wine, and two movie tickets.  Oh, were you thinking of only getting one drink and going to McDonald’s? Come on now. Dating is a serious business, and we’re not talking about average slackers looking just to hook up. We’re talking dating like what real people do. 

The most expensive city in America for a date is probably where you guessed it, New York. 

New York came in at No. 1 on the list for the highest average cost for one date night at $297.27. New Jersey came in at second with $259.60, then Hawaii and Connecticut. California came in at No. 5 with $226.35. We actually found that quite surprising because we thought it would be more expensive in California than other states. 

The least expensive city to go out on a date is…South Dakota!

Credit: Unsplash

Anyone up for moving to middle America? Because it’s not just South Dakota where the cost of living is low, but so is North Dakota, Nebraska, and Iowa. The average price for a date in South Dakota is just $38.27. That is some bargain, and don’t think for a second that they’re not going out in style. There’s some incredible 5-star dining in these states. 

Here is their official break down state-by-state. 

Credit: Twitter/@ninjaeconomics

How does your home state stack up next to the others? Good, or bad?

People on social media weren’t too pleased with these results. Here’s how they responded to these dating costs.

California came in fifth place, but it’s still too expensive for some. In fact, another report by Match shows that some people aren’t dating at all because they can’t afford it. The report, according to the New York Post, shows that “30 percent of adults between the ages of 22 to 37 feel their financial instability is hampering their dating game. And 21 percent of the millennials think they don’t even deserve love until they’ve reached a certain level of income, according to the study, which analyzed the dating habits of more than 5,000 U.S. adults.” That is so depressing! 

Others are finding alternatives to going out, but not giving up dating.  

Dating when you’re married is still very important. 

This person is just rude and gross. 

I bet you a million bucks this person isn’t married, and if they are, they’re not happy. 

Times have changed, and inflation changes everything. 

Millennials are in more debt than in generations past, which means they just don’t have the spending capabilities as others once did.  

This person doesn’t have to pay for a date, because he’s dating his hand. 

I’m happy to know that at least no one is wasting their time on this guy. 

So here’s my dating advice for people living on a small budget.

Credit: Unsplash

First off, do some research. You don’t need to go to the most expensive place and you don’t need to go to a drive-through. Find a well-reviewed hole-in-the-wall eatery, perhaps that is BYOB, and instead of seeing a movie, go to a movie in the park or see an independent movie. Sometimes theater tickets are less expensive than a movie ticket, especially if it’s an independent play. 

Or take your date for a sundae! Or a walk in the park! The point is being spontaneous and adventurous is so much better than spending the evening at a stuffy restaurant. I’ve dated in all parts of the country (sorry, not sorry) and some of the best dates weren’t at a restaurant or a movie. They were spent walking around the Lower East Side or Chinatown in New York, or the mercardos of Los Angeles. Be creative and you’ll get that second date without a doubt. Good luck!

READ: Fed Up With Tinder And Instagram DM Slide-Ins This Latina Decided It Was Time To Give Up On Dating And Marry Herself

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There’s A Reason This Brutally Honest Adoption Ad For A ‘Demonic Man-Hating Chihuahua’ Named Prancer Went Viral

Things That Matter

There’s A Reason This Brutally Honest Adoption Ad For A ‘Demonic Man-Hating Chihuahua’ Named Prancer Went Viral

Adopter be ware.

That’s the message that a desperate New Jersey foster mom shared in a recent plea to animal lovers potentially interested in adopting a Chihuahua named Prancer. In a viral post shared on Facebook, animal foster mom Tyfanee Fortuna attempted to make an appeal to adopters on behalf of the dog whom she describes as a “haunted Victorian child in the body of a small dog that hates men and children.”

The post didn’t take long to go viral.

In a shockingly honest post, Fortuna spoke on the personality traits of the dog named Prancer on social media.

“There’s not a very big market for neurotic, man-hating, animal-hating, children-hating dogs that look like gremlins,” Fortuna underlined in the post shared to Facebook. “But I have to believe there’s someone out there for Prancer, because I am tired and so is my family. Every day we live in the grips of the demonic Chihuahua hellscape he has created in our home.”

It didn’t take long for Fortuna’s comedic Facebook post about Prance to amass nearly 64K shares.

“Prancer only likes women. Nothing else,” another portion of the post explained. “He hates men more than women do, which says a lot. If you have a husband don’t bother applying, unless you hate him.”

Smitten viewers of the post who were interested in Prancer were thankfully quick to request a chance to adopt him.

https://twitter.com/HLMongoose/status/1380505940265463818/photo/4

“We are still accepting applicants who are within a 3- to 4-hour radius of New Jersey, as we are still sifting through applications and trying to pick out his best fit,” Fortuna explained to Today in an interview. “A lot of people have applied who have husbands and pets, and we’d prefer he go to a home with just women and no other pets.”

Fortuna works as foster mom for the Oak Ridge, New Jersey-based Second Chance Pet Adoption League and is hopeful that someone will help Prancer find a suitable and loving home. 

WhileFortuna was sure to underline some of Prancer’s more intense traits, she also listed those that plenty would find loveable.

“He is loyal beyond belief, although to tell you a secret his complex is really just a facade for his fear. If someone tried to kill you I can guarantee he would run away screeching. But as far as companionship, you will never be alone again,” she wrote of the sweetie. “He likes to go for car rides, he is housebroken, he knows a few basic commands, he is quiet and non-destructive when left alone at home, and even though we call him bologna face he is kind of cute to look at.”

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Women Are Talking About Why They Settled For Partners They Knew Weren’t “The One”

Fierce

Women Are Talking About Why They Settled For Partners They Knew Weren’t “The One”

So often we hear the words “never settle” from our own mamas and father. Never settle. Not on our dreams and hopes, not on our hearts’ most desires. And while, oftentimes, settling isn’t an option for those without certain privileges a recent post on Reddit is highlighting what happens when you DO settle in love. When you settle for someone who isn’t The One.

Like Mary Fiore almost did for Massimo in The Wedding Planner, these women settled on love.

Check out their feelings on it, below.

“Finally ended it just under three years ago, after a decade of on and off. Now living a happy life with someone, who is definitely the one.”- messyaurora

“Similar situation. Spent many years in a meh relationship, on and off. Finally ended it and now I am very much in love in a healthy relationship. Ladies, don’t settle! On the long run is better to change.”- Messageinabottle17

“Decently well. We have some communication issues to work on (as well as emotional maturity on my partner’s side), but otherwise it’s functional and I’m mostly happy.”-GoddessOfPlants

“I’m kinda in your camp. I don’t know if I really fit in this question. Let’s just say… I had doubts. Serious ones. But I also thought he had strong potential to be a really great dude for me and I knew I loved him so I married him 6 months after we met.

3 years in we’re still going strong. We started a business together, got two dogs, went through infertility together, moved into a new house that were in the process of turning into our dream home. He’s really worked on fixing the parts I had doubts about, and we’ve really worked on our communication. I also work on not being so demanding and being better about my admittedly short temper. We still have struggles from time to time but every month gets easier.

He’s kinda like Captain America. He isn’t a perfect husband but he’s a good man, and that makes him work to be the perfect husband and as long as he’s putting in the effort (and I am too!) we’ll make it.”- frostysbox

“I kinda relate. I love my significant other and I know he loves me but we clash and see life in two different ways. He is more down to earth and stays to himself while I may be more likely to be caught in a spontaneous adventure. We do go well together though and coexist well. Sex is far and in between but I have adapted to that. We do show random appreciations, or obviously celebrate birthdays and milestones together but Sometimes we seem more like roommates than lovers- but it isn’t a bad thing. Being friends with your significant other over romantic isn’t the worst thing on the world is it?”-idk_about_this_J

“I will be amicably divorced and officially single on 4/19/21. It’s insane to think I’ll be single again after 13 years. I’ve been living alone for the last year and once I get my second dose in a week or two I will be back on the dating scene (that is scary!)

But overall, I’m so excited to see what comes next!”- EarthtoLaurenne

“Same. I thought my ex-husband was a good person. Turns out he wasn’t. I was finally able to get away 9 years ago. Soon after realizing that I deserve better I did meet someone who I knew I was meant to be with and we have been happy ever since.”-princessducky11

“Same. I never thought he was “the one,” but I would have stayed with him till death do us part had he remained a good, kind, caring person. I think my “one” was an ex from a while back, but I was unwell and he had a drinking problem. Perhaps I will meet another one in the future or perhaps I will find a man who stays good.”- DeSterrennacht

“This is what I’m trying to do. We have a cat that I absolutely adore and mostly care for and I’m terrified that I might have to leave her with him, which is honestly one of the main reasons I haven’t been able to move forward with this.”-Selthien

“It became clear after 8 months in that he never wanted a relationship, just a girlfriend as a sign of successful “adulting” and to not show up at family functions alone anymore. All the time, I was completely committed to the relationship even though I knew he wasn’t the one from the get-go.

My saving grace was that I found my dream job roughly 2 hours away from where we lived (we lived in the same town, just not together). I was eager to move away and finally pull the plug. I still would have broken up with him anyway, but I was glad to be moving far (enough) away.

Two weeks before I officially ended it, he told me that if one of his friends was dating someone like me, he would tell him to run and never look back. So I quoted this in the breakup and asked him what exactly he thought would happen? If he felt that I would want to stay after being told something like this? He said, and I kid you not, that he thought that by saying this to me that I would try to be a better girlfriend 

The audacity.

Edit: he was otherwise a decent guy, but he wasn’t honest with himself. He does not want to make the effort to build and maintain a relationship. My interactions with his family especially made me realise that there was some pressure or expectation for him to be in a relationship and have children. But I never got the idea that this was what he wanted for himself.”- Watto_007

“My dad married my mom for the same reason – he was insecure and just wanted to show off to the world that he could “score” a smart and beautiful woman. After they got married and had three kids together, my dad became increasingly controlling and abusive until my parents got divorced 15 years later. The deadbolt on my mom’s bedroom door is still there today and reminds me of the terrifying nights when he’d pick the lock and beat and rape her in her room. You dodged a huge bullet, friend. I’m glad you saw the red flags early enough.”- TheYellowBuhnana

“Don’t get me wrong, my SO and I definitely make fun of each other, but we would never make fun of each other for being a bad partner. That’s a serious disrespect and boundary issue, I’m glad you got out and found someone hopefully who treats you the respect.”-alilminizen

“Fairly well, ups and downs for six years now. He works long hours and I love spending time on my own! It’s harder when we have his kids as I have no desire to be a mother, but I’m better at organizing than him, so take on a child minder role anyway. Hoping for the world to open up soon, as one of the things we enjoy is a romantic get-away. I love him, but I’m not in love with him. But that’s enough for me, as he is one of three men I have ever been interested in. I don’t(and have never) get crushes. I think I’m a bit asexual. Oh and even greater now as we found a rental house instead of a flat and I have gotten cats!!!”-SunshinePipper

“Married for 28 years! We have had our ups and downs, but to be honest he was the one, I just didn’t know it at the time. Sometimes “the one” is an ideal based on youthful priorities, but with maturity, you realize some of those qualities aren’t as important anymore. My husband is my best friend, but whether you marry “the one” or someone else, a good relationship requires hard work and give and take. We have been through many events together, and we grew closer as a result. We are a team!”- LoopyLadyCA

“Something my therapist said to me a while ago completely changed my perspective on my current partnership: “usually what makes a relationship exciting and dramatic is not what makes a good long term partner, those are the tradeoffs.” A lightbulb went off in my head, and that put to rest so many of the lingering demons I had about whether my partner and I were good matches for each other.. or if he was my “one.” Now that I’ve let those obsessions go, our relationship is so much better. I’m so, so happy.”-wabisabister

“I don’t like the idea of “the one”. When I met my ex, our eyes literally met across a crowded room, it felt like he had a spotlight on him, and the world stopped still and moved at the same time. I knew I had met “the one” I was going to marry.

Turns out my gut feeling is a pretty bad judge. We lasted a couple years, mostly because I was so hung up on not losing the one. He isn’t even a bad dude, just not somebody with my life goals, my sense of humor or anything that would be compatible with me.

When I met my fiancé in grad school I didn’t even notice him until we had to do a project together. Now I couldn’t wish for a better partner, I’m so much in love with him and so excited to go through life together.”- AlternativeCover3379

“It went bad. Staying in a relationship like that for me felt like giving up a piece of me. It’s mature to compromise yes, but do it for the rights reasons with the right person for you. If your truth is to feel safe, if that’s the most important always, then go for it. I personally felt a void, something missing..I felt ultimately lonely and we broke up.”- tinaple

“Hmm to offer a different perspective — my partner (of a little over a year) recently told me that he doesn’t feel intensely in love with me/sexually infatuated with me, and hasn’t since after about a month into the relationship (which is when we began cohabitation, thanks covid). But he does love me, very much, and of that I have absolutely no doubt.

We are definitely best friends, have no shortage of emotional and intellectual intimacy, go on countless adventures together. We both really think our partnership is awesome and want to build lives together. Which means we are having a lot of tricky conversations about what this (intense romantic/sexual attraction imbalance) means for us.

Practically, we are monogamous (each has gone on a date or two since meeting) but are more philosophically aligned with ethical nonmonogamy.

This has spurred on a lot of conversations about “the one”. For people struggling with this, I really recommend the book “Designer Relationships”. Even if you’re monogamous, it’s a hugely helpful book (& short! Like 120 pages) for reflecting on your various relationships.

A takeaway is that the invention of the romantic ideal as our life partner is a fairly new one, like as recent as the last century. Prior to this, marriage and life partnership was often based around a “shared goal or project” and romantic fulfillment was sought beyond the relationship (helloooo affairs).

There’s another really good book on the conflict between the domestic and the erotic, called “Mating in Captivity” and it proposes that often times familiarity can cause difficulties in erotic spaces in the relationship and that maintaining a strong sense of independence allows you to maintain erotic energy.

Anyhow, we are both in therapy but have a lot of working theories about the imbalance. Part of it is due to me being attracted to what I can’t have (I could always tell he was a little less sexually thrilled by me, we’ve had some difficulty where he wants sex every couple weeks and I could go every other day, it’s not due to a low libido on his part hahah), part of it is the guilt he put on himself for not being “as in love with me”, part of it is that we spent every freaking minute together since this pandemic started and while familiarity and platonic love breeds sexual desire in me, he likes distance in his erotic relationships.

But honestly, I’ve never grown so much from a relationship. We continue to amaze each other with our ability to navigate this. I’ve cried a good bit, because yeah, it hurts, but our conversations always end with each of us feeling more emotionally intimate and empathized with.

Seeing all of these comments, I’m really wary of people believing they need to find “the one”. No relationship is perfect and takes absolutely no work, and oftentimes, you can cultivate a relationship that is fulfilling and adds a richness to life for both parties. The expectations we put on finding a life partner are honestly ridiculous and downright damaging.”-toomanyblankspaces

“I was convinced the one was going to give me butterflies and be overwhelmed by my presence, when I met my current partner none of those things were true. I kept questioning it being like somethings wrong I don’t know if he’s the one. We’ve been together for a while and I’m glad I didn’t listen to those shreds out doubt. Butterflies are overrated, my partner shows up for me everyday and we have built a really strong and solid foundation. He isn’t overwhelmed by my presence, and turns out it’s a good thing. He pushes me to be a better person everyday and is willing to push himself to be better too. He’s completely changed my understanding of what love is and is supposed to be. I never grew up with a good role model and took my understanding of love from mass media. Turns out that mass media love isn’t real for a reason. I’m incredibly happy with my partner now even though there were times in the beginning where I really thought he wasn’t the one. I’m not saying stick with people you aren’t right for, but that definitions of love change as you get older. And passionate flame sparking loves with no foundation don’t last for a reason.”- killerwheelie

“You are so right with the statement it’s “easy after every issue to think I knew I never should have stayed with him”. There’s something in our brains I think as humans that really makes us goto to that negative area ABOUT US. Like, your husband does something to hurt the relationship intentionally, or unintentionally, and your first thought is to be mad at yourself because you didn’t leave X amount of time ago? Why do our brains do that?!

This is something that my husband pointed out to me was a really unhealthy way that I think. Its not only hurting the relationship because it if we voice that, it seems like we’re always one foot out the door…. but it’s beating me up AND letting him off the hook for any responsibility in the matter, when it should be us against the issue.

It’s been a struggle to recondition my brain to stop thinking like that, and I’ll admit I still struggle especially during big issues (we struggle from libido mismatch as well! I’m so sorry and feel your pain!!) but I’ve got to tell you, working on that has been one of the single biggest improvements on my side for my self worth, our relationship, and well being.”-frostysbox

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