Things That Matter

The Average Cost Of Dating In The U.S. Is Out Of Control And People Have Some Thoughts

As a happily married person, please let me pass on a few words of advice for those looking for love. If you’re looking for love or at least a relationship of some sort, please do not let the status of your wallet hold you back. In other words, if you are poor, you can still date! You can I promise, and I will show you how in a minute. But first, the reason for my encouraging words comes after reading a finance report that may make you think twice about asking someone out. 

Dating in the U.S. can be rather expensive, depending on where you live.

Credit: Unsplash

Match.com, one of the largest dating websites, released a report that shows the average cost of a date. So if you take someone out for a movie and dinner, it might set you back a couple of hundred bucks. Before you think I’m exaggerating think about it: dinner for two, a bottle of wine, and two movie tickets.  Oh, were you thinking of only getting one drink and going to McDonald’s? Come on now. Dating is a serious business, and we’re not talking about average slackers looking just to hook up. We’re talking dating like what real people do. 

The most expensive city in America for a date is probably where you guessed it, New York. 

New York came in at No. 1 on the list for the highest average cost for one date night at $297.27. New Jersey came in at second with $259.60, then Hawaii and Connecticut. California came in at No. 5 with $226.35. We actually found that quite surprising because we thought it would be more expensive in California than other states. 

The least expensive city to go out on a date is…South Dakota!

Credit: Unsplash

Anyone up for moving to middle America? Because it’s not just South Dakota where the cost of living is low, but so is North Dakota, Nebraska, and Iowa. The average price for a date in South Dakota is just $38.27. That is some bargain, and don’t think for a second that they’re not going out in style. There’s some incredible 5-star dining in these states. 

Here is their official break down state-by-state. 

Credit: Twitter/@ninjaeconomics

How does your home state stack up next to the others? Good, or bad?

People on social media weren’t too pleased with these results. Here’s how they responded to these dating costs.

California came in fifth place, but it’s still too expensive for some. In fact, another report by Match shows that some people aren’t dating at all because they can’t afford it. The report, according to the New York Post, shows that “30 percent of adults between the ages of 22 to 37 feel their financial instability is hampering their dating game. And 21 percent of the millennials think they don’t even deserve love until they’ve reached a certain level of income, according to the study, which analyzed the dating habits of more than 5,000 U.S. adults.” That is so depressing! 

Others are finding alternatives to going out, but not giving up dating.  

Dating when you’re married is still very important. 

This person is just rude and gross. 

I bet you a million bucks this person isn’t married, and if they are, they’re not happy. 

Times have changed, and inflation changes everything. 

Millennials are in more debt than in generations past, which means they just don’t have the spending capabilities as others once did.  

This person doesn’t have to pay for a date, because he’s dating his hand. 

I’m happy to know that at least no one is wasting their time on this guy. 

So here’s my dating advice for people living on a small budget.

Credit: Unsplash

First off, do some research. You don’t need to go to the most expensive place and you don’t need to go to a drive-through. Find a well-reviewed hole-in-the-wall eatery, perhaps that is BYOB, and instead of seeing a movie, go to a movie in the park or see an independent movie. Sometimes theater tickets are less expensive than a movie ticket, especially if it’s an independent play. 

Or take your date for a sundae! Or a walk in the park! The point is being spontaneous and adventurous is so much better than spending the evening at a stuffy restaurant. I’ve dated in all parts of the country (sorry, not sorry) and some of the best dates weren’t at a restaurant or a movie. They were spent walking around the Lower East Side or Chinatown in New York, or the mercardos of Los Angeles. Be creative and you’ll get that second date without a doubt. Good luck!

READ: Fed Up With Tinder And Instagram DM Slide-Ins This Latina Decided It Was Time To Give Up On Dating And Marry Herself

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Have A Virtual Hot Date? Here’s How To Make Sure It Doesn’t Suck

Culture

Have A Virtual Hot Date? Here’s How To Make Sure It Doesn’t Suck

MixMedia / Getty Images

For the single introverts among us, lockdown might seem like the perfect opportunity to re-charge our social batteries and have some much needed alone-time. But no, thanks to the wonders of technology and just how damn adaptable human beings are, virtual dating has totally become a thing. 

For better or for worse, people are dating just as much as ever – albeit through a screen. So if you’re using dating apps during lockdown, arranging video dates and looking for virtual date ideas, here’s a handy guide on how to stay safe and how to ace virtual dating.

Make a damn effort

Act as if the date was in person and get ready accordingly. Shower if you haven’t already that day — it’ll make you feel a lot better — and put on your favorite outfit. Even if it’s not seasonally appropriate, who cares? Wear the sundress pushed all the way back in your closet. Put on makeup if that’s your thing, and do your hair. 

It makes all the difference not only in how you present yourself but by how you perceive yourself. You’ll feel better on the date, more like your “usual” self. 

Figure out your camera setup beforehand

Pro-tip: Do all this the day before, or at least an hour before, the date starts. That way you’re not scrambling and worrying about your angles. Decide if you’re going to use your phone or computer. Put it at eye-level, if possible. If you’re using a laptop, you can place it on a stack of books, but you can also DIY it by leaning your phone against your laptop screen (which can have its own book stack setup) or anything else you can find. 

And…lighting…lighting….lighting! Set yourself up with some good, flattering lighting before you start the call. Find a place that’s the most flattering in your house. Be sure you’re not backlit by a window which can wash out your face.

Simulate real date ideas

Credit: Luis Alvarez / Getty Images

Although you obviously can’t “grab a drink” together, you can simulate that. Text before the date and decide if you’ll be drinking wine, coffee, or eating dinner “together.” You can even do a twist on “Netflix and chill,” simultaneously using Netflix’s “party” function; if you go that route, choose something campy or that you’ve both seen before so you can chat easily during it.

Trust your instincts

“A nip slip may not be appropriate for a date with a new person,” Moraya DeGeare, a licensed marriage and family therapist, joked to Refinery 29. “It’s modern times, so I think there will be the temptation for people to be really bold and ask about FaceTime sex. People are horny and trapped in their houses. On one hand, that’s okay, but on the other, you’re risking someone taking screenshots,” she cautions. “Listen to your intuition and don’t do something you don’t feel comfortable with.”

She adds that you shouldn’t take the call from bed, because “you’re immediately sending all these other signals unintentionally.” Generally, she says you should conduct the date as you would in person.

Expect awkwardness to happen, because it will happen

Credit: Peter Dazely / Getty Images

Awkwardness isn’t necessarily a bad thing and, when dating is involved, it’s inevitable. First dates in real life have their own clumsy moments, so don’t beat yourself up if your camera freezes for a moment, or if you talk over the other person. It’s going to happen! Just laugh about it and move on.

Stay safe and comfortable

Although it may seem like common sense, being cooped up inside for so long has left many of us lacking some of the most basic people skills. Remember to not give out any of your personal details – think home address and bank details – and watch out for any suspicious links that might come through in the chat.

Before the date, it’s also a good idea to do some recon on your date’s social media to make sure they are who they say they are. Also, don’t show your face on camera if they’re not showing theirs, that’s a serious red flag.

And lastly, know that you can end the date whenever you want to. You don’t owe anybody anything and it’s totally fine if you’re feeling uncomfortable or in danger to just end the call. But remember, basic dating etiquete also still remains so don’t just close your computer screen without saying goodbye because you’re just not feeling the vibe.

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The Romance Between Frida Kahlo And Chavela Vargas Gets Renewed Attention As Long Lost Love Letters Are Uncovered

Entertainment

The Romance Between Frida Kahlo And Chavela Vargas Gets Renewed Attention As Long Lost Love Letters Are Uncovered

Jorge Silva / Getty Images

Frida Kahlo’s paintings perfectly show the artist’s whirlwind of emotions throughout her life. Her art gives a look into her passions, her pains and her loves, which went far beyond Diego Rivera. 

It’s long been known that the prolific artist had many loves throughout her life, both men and women, and including many major personalities of their time. Everyone from Tina Modotti and the politician León Trotsky were on that list in addition to her longtime companion, Diego Rivera. However, one of Kahlo’s great loves and of whom little is said was the singer Chavela Vargas.

Chavela, who was 12 years younger than Frida, spoke on several occasions about the love she had for Kahlo when her musical career began to take off, while she was “a child.” And thanks to recently discovered love letters we have a new perspective on this little known relationship.

New love letters give us details into the romance between Frida Kahlo and Chavela Vargas.

Although Chavela had claimed to have destroyed all of the love letters she received from Frida Kahlo, new love letters have recently been discovered that paint a new light on the romance.

There is one letter Kahlo had written to Carlos Pellicer, a Mexican poet, to express her feelings about the singer. She told him that after meeting Chavela she felt attracted to her from the very first moment – in some pretty steamy language.

“Today I met Chavela Vargas. Extraordinary, lesbian, what’s more, I wanted her erotically. I don’t know if she felt what I did. But I think she’s a liberal enough woman, that if she asks me, I wouldn’t hesitate for a second to undress in front of her. How many times do you not want to get laid and that’s it? She, I repeat, is erotic. Is it a gift that heaven sends me?”, wrote Kahlo.

It was shortly after Kahlo wrote that letter that Chavela went to live with her and Diego at La Casa Azul. In another recently discovered letter, Vargas writes – of her time at Casa Azul – that she felt very happy and in love, as well as loved by Kahlo.

“She taught me a lot of things and I learned a so much. Without giving away too much, I held the sky with my hands, with every word, every morning,” she said.

The lovers had an intense relationship that has fascinated fans to this day.

The two had met at one of the many parties Kahlo and Rivera would host at their home in Casa Azul. The couple were prolific entertainers and often threw extravagant parties.

Before her death, Vargas detailed that night’s meeting.

“A painter friend invited me. She said: ‘There’s a party at Frida’s house tonight. Shall we go?’ I went and the atmosphere was full of people. The night passed, we sang, everyone danced, everyone entertained,” Vargas says in the documentary Chavela, released in 2017.

“I was in a daze when I saw her face, her eyes. I thought she couldn’t be a being from this world. Her eyebrows together were a swallow in flight. Without yet having the maturity of a woman in me, since I was a very young girl, I sensed that I could love that being with the most devoted love in the world, the strongest love in the world,” said the singer about Frida.

Although the romance didn’t last long thanks in part to the painter’s relationship with Diego Rivera.

Credit: Keystone-France/Gamma-Keystone via Getty Images

Vargas confessed that the romance didn’t last for a long time on the account of having to share the painter’s love with Diego Rivera. According to Vargas, one day Kahlo simply decided to abandon her.

“My words possibly hurt her a lot when I told her I was leaving and she told me: ‘I know. It is impossible to tie you to anybody’s life. I can’t tie you to my crutches or to my bed. Go away!’ And one day I opened the door and didn’t come back,” Vargas said.

Although the singer never spoke about whether she had intimate relationships with the painter, the romance, as well as the great love and attraction they felt for each other is something that cannot be denied.

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