Things That Matter

Yes, People Are Tanning Their Buttholes And Here’s Why That’s Not At All A Good Idea

People are tanning their buttholes to regulate hormones and sleep patterns, at least that’s what some practitioners say. The new trend is called “perineum sunning” where people lay down in the sun, lift their legs, spread them open, and let their genitals and anus sunbathe. The Avengers: Endgame actor Josh Brolin seemed to have some experience. He shared his story on Instagram claiming he sunburned his “pucker hole.” 

It appears that while the world has death spiraled into horrific levels of income inequality, the planet is heating up at alarming temperatures, and the president of the United States is being impeached for bribery — some people just have nothing better to do than tan their anuses. 

Josh Brolin burns his butthole in the sun. Then tells the whole world about it. 

Credit: JoshBrolin / Instagram

“Tried this perineum sunning that I’ve been hearing about and my suggestion is DO NOT do it as long as I did,” Brolin wrote on Instagram.

Perhaps the most alarming part is that Brolin is not telling his impressionable followers not to do perineum sunning, but rather to not do it as long as he did. Wow, thanks for the advice Mr. Brolin, but you did not in any way even indicate how long you did it for, so how is anyone supposed to know how long to do it for? The problem is all the more obscured by the fact that you’re still encouraging people to do it. 

“My pucker hole is crazy burned and I was going to spend the day shopping with my family and instead I’m icing and using aloe and burn creams because of the severity of the pain. I don’t know who the fuck thought of this stupid sh– but f— you nonetheless. Seriously,” he wrote with the hashtag #blackholesun (I chuckled). 

One might ask Mr. Brolin, if his regular skin gets sunburned why would he think his “pucker hole” would be an exception? Secondly, how dare he condemn the person who thought of this “stupid sh–” and not the people dumb enough to try it. But actors aren’t historically known for being the brightest crayons in the box. 

No need for actors to worry their pretty little buttholes about things like sunscreen in the year 2019 where the sun is the literal thing that might kill all of humanity. Throw your anus in the air, wave ’em like you just don’t care. What’s the difference we’re all going to die anyway? Oh, is that not a song…

Influencers want you to heat up that perineum, baby!

Credit: ra_of_earth / Instagram

There is a viral video that contains nudity where the process of butthole tanning takes place. One of the men explains how it works. I would request some peer-reviewed research before listening to these influencers, but that’s just me, a person with neurons in their brain. 

“In a mere 30 seconds of sunlight on your butthole, you will receive more energy from this electric node than you would in an entire day being outside with your clothes on,” the man who goes by Ra of Earth says in the video. 

If I exposed my anus to the sun in this here New York City, there would be a warrant out for my arrest. I would love to see a person with melanin try this and then have to explain to law enforcement that Thanos told them to do it. 

Many of the influencers cite researching Taoism as the reason they’re all doing this. Sure, OK. 

“For the past few weeks I have included sunning my bum and yoni into my daily rising routine,” an influencer named Metaphysical Meagan wrote on Instagram

She said instead of drinking coffee she tans her genitals in the sun. I don’t think any of these people know how photosynthesis works. 

Obviously medical professionals think this is stupid as hell. 

“There is no evidence that sunbathing in this way has any effect on physical well-being,” Dr. Diana Gall of UK-based online doctor service Doctor 4 U told Insider. “Practicing mindfulness comes in many different and safer forms, and there are no extra benefits of doing this naked in the sun.” 

Getting vitamin D from the sun is great, your butthole isn’t more sun absorbent, though. Meditation is great, you don’t need to break public nudity laws in order to do so. In fact, this technique might actually be worse for you in the longterm. 

“A sustained period of doing so could lead to long term sun damage,” Chemist 4 U founder, Shamir Patel told Insider. “I would suggest that going on a long walk in the sun is much more beneficial, and if you’re in need of a boost, then taking a supplement is much more practical than perineum sunning.”

Please don’t do this. Thank you.

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Cardi B And Sister Sued Over Video Claiming To Show ‘Racist MAGA Supporters’

Entertainment

Cardi B And Sister Sued Over Video Claiming To Show ‘Racist MAGA Supporters’

iamcardib / Instagram / @iamcardib / Twitter

Cardi B and her sister are being sued for defamation of character after a viral video taken by Hennessy Carolina Almánzar. The video shows two men, one wearing a MAGA hat, and one woman telling Hennessy to move her car, which is parked on the beach.

Earlier this month, Cardi B shared a video taken by her sister showing a confrontation over where a car was parked.

Cardi B, who is notorious for having widely broadcast Twitter feuds with people, posted the video in response to a tweet from Candace Owens. Owens is a controversial conservative figure whose brand is all about shock and awe. Owens famously said she thinks it would be okay if “Hitler just wanted to make Germany great and have things run well.”

Immediately, there was skepticism about the incident since the video starts during the confrontation.

Responding to nay-sayers, Cardi B shared a video of her sisters voice messages sent to her IG DMs. Hennessy claims in the messages that the white men were the aggressors against her and her girlfriend while they were on the beach.

The videos did not convince some people that her sister wasn’t in the wrong.

Cardi B’s tweet is filled with responses questioning the video and denying its authenticity. The argument immediately turned political because of the mention of Trump and Trump supporters. The conversation on Twitter is divided among people who believe Cardi B and her sister and those who don’t.

Now, Cardi B and Hennessy are being sued by the beachgoers in the video.

“These peaceful Suffolk County residents were quietly enjoying a Sunday at the Smith Point beach with their families, when rap celebrity Hennessy Carolina suddenly approached them, raging, spitting, insulting, assaulting, defaming and threatening them, all the while videotaping them because one of them wore a MAGA hat,” beachgoers’ Miller Place attorney John Ray said, according to ABC7NYC.

The lawsuit claims defamation of character because of the language used in the video against them.

According to Billboard, plaintiffs Peter Caliendo, Pauline Caliendo, and Manuel Alarcon claim that they had approached Hennessy and her girlfriend, Michelle Diaz, blocked them in with how she parked her car. The lawsuit states that the men asked for Diaz to move her car and that’s when Hennessy started to record the video and hurl names and insults at them.

This story is developing and mitú will be updating as the story unfolds.

READ: Cardi B Is, Once Again, Fed Up With Trolls Trying to Body Shame Her With Edited Photos

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Peeing On Escalators: The Curiously Gross Case Of Mexico City’s Subway System

Culture

Peeing On Escalators: The Curiously Gross Case Of Mexico City’s Subway System

ThatGayGringo / Instagram

Mexico City subway users often complain about malfunctioning escalators that keep breaking down continually. In any given CDMX metro station, you’ll find that escalators are out of order more often than they are functioning. And city officials have offered an explanation that shocked no one—people are peeing on them so much that escalators are corroding. Yup, you read that right.

Of the system’s 467 escalators, 22 are out of service on any given day.

Travelers on the Mexico City subway system often blame authorities for broken-down escalators at subway stops, but Metro officials have another explanation. Somehow, urine is penetrating and corroding the drive wheels and mechanisms of the escalators that carry riders up from underground stations.

One-quarter of escalator breakdowns on the Mexico City Metro are caused by people urinating on them, according to authorities.

The deputy manager of mechanical installations, Fermín Rafael Ramírez Alonso, said that Tacubaya and Chabacano are among the most affected stations.

Maybe—just maybe— stop peeing on escalators?

Ramírez urged users not to urinate on escalators or other Metro installations, because of the damage it causes. “When we open up escalators for maintenance, there is always urine,” Ramírez said.

But another issue is that there are no public bathroom facilities available.

Most stations have no public bathroom facilities, a fact Twitter users were quick to point out, noting there are not even any pay toilets. “More than this being an issue about ethics or manners, I think that this is happening because of a lack of free and accesible bathrooms in the city,” tweeted one user.

Ramirez also said that other causes for breakdowns include excessively heavy loads, running on the stairs, imbalance on the stairs and objects falling between them.

“There are even users who cut the stairs with knives or other sharp objects, of which we have examples in Tacubaya,” he said, surprising absolutely not one of Mexico City’s users. Many metro users know that vendors even sell knives on subway carriages, as was noted by this tweet.

The biggest problem, subway authorities admit, is that many escalators are old, or have been damaged by rough use.

The city plans to replace about 55 escalators over the next two years. With over 1.6bn rides per year, the Mexico City subway is considered the eighth largest in the world by some measures, and one of the cheapest: a 25¢ ticket will get you a single ride to any destination on the 140-mile (226km) system. Just remember to use the bathroom before setting out.

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