Things That Matter

Yes, People Are Tanning Their Buttholes And Here’s Why That’s Not At All A Good Idea

People are tanning their buttholes to regulate hormones and sleep patterns, at least that’s what some practitioners say. The new trend is called “perineum sunning” where people lay down in the sun, lift their legs, spread them open, and let their genitals and anus sunbathe. The Avengers: Endgame actor Josh Brolin seemed to have some experience. He shared his story on Instagram claiming he sunburned his “pucker hole.” 

It appears that while the world has death spiraled into horrific levels of income inequality, the planet is heating up at alarming temperatures, and the president of the United States is being impeached for bribery — some people just have nothing better to do than tan their anuses. 

Josh Brolin burns his butthole in the sun. Then tells the whole world about it. 

Credit: JoshBrolin / Instagram

“Tried this perineum sunning that I’ve been hearing about and my suggestion is DO NOT do it as long as I did,” Brolin wrote on Instagram.

Perhaps the most alarming part is that Brolin is not telling his impressionable followers not to do perineum sunning, but rather to not do it as long as he did. Wow, thanks for the advice Mr. Brolin, but you did not in any way even indicate how long you did it for, so how is anyone supposed to know how long to do it for? The problem is all the more obscured by the fact that you’re still encouraging people to do it. 

“My pucker hole is crazy burned and I was going to spend the day shopping with my family and instead I’m icing and using aloe and burn creams because of the severity of the pain. I don’t know who the fuck thought of this stupid sh– but f— you nonetheless. Seriously,” he wrote with the hashtag #blackholesun (I chuckled). 

One might ask Mr. Brolin, if his regular skin gets sunburned why would he think his “pucker hole” would be an exception? Secondly, how dare he condemn the person who thought of this “stupid sh–” and not the people dumb enough to try it. But actors aren’t historically known for being the brightest crayons in the box. 

No need for actors to worry their pretty little buttholes about things like sunscreen in the year 2019 where the sun is the literal thing that might kill all of humanity. Throw your anus in the air, wave ’em like you just don’t care. What’s the difference we’re all going to die anyway? Oh, is that not a song…

Influencers want you to heat up that perineum, baby!

Credit: ra_of_earth / Instagram

There is a viral video that contains nudity where the process of butthole tanning takes place. One of the men explains how it works. I would request some peer-reviewed research before listening to these influencers, but that’s just me, a person with neurons in their brain. 

“In a mere 30 seconds of sunlight on your butthole, you will receive more energy from this electric node than you would in an entire day being outside with your clothes on,” the man who goes by Ra of Earth says in the video. 

If I exposed my anus to the sun in this here New York City, there would be a warrant out for my arrest. I would love to see a person with melanin try this and then have to explain to law enforcement that Thanos told them to do it. 

Many of the influencers cite researching Taoism as the reason they’re all doing this. Sure, OK. 

“For the past few weeks I have included sunning my bum and yoni into my daily rising routine,” an influencer named Metaphysical Meagan wrote on Instagram

She said instead of drinking coffee she tans her genitals in the sun. I don’t think any of these people know how photosynthesis works. 

Obviously medical professionals think this is stupid as hell. 

“There is no evidence that sunbathing in this way has any effect on physical well-being,” Dr. Diana Gall of UK-based online doctor service Doctor 4 U told Insider. “Practicing mindfulness comes in many different and safer forms, and there are no extra benefits of doing this naked in the sun.” 

Getting vitamin D from the sun is great, your butthole isn’t more sun absorbent, though. Meditation is great, you don’t need to break public nudity laws in order to do so. In fact, this technique might actually be worse for you in the longterm. 

“A sustained period of doing so could lead to long term sun damage,” Chemist 4 U founder, Shamir Patel told Insider. “I would suggest that going on a long walk in the sun is much more beneficial, and if you’re in need of a boost, then taking a supplement is much more practical than perineum sunning.”

Please don’t do this. Thank you.

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She Moved Up The Ranks From Janitor To Nurse Practitioner, Now She’s Viral

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She Moved Up The Ranks From Janitor To Nurse Practitioner, Now She’s Viral

Talk about a dream fulfilled.

For ten years, Jaines Andrades harbored her desire to move up from her custodial position at Baystate Medical Center in Springfield, Massachusetts to nurse. Now, ten years later, as an RN she’s excelled well past her drams.

Andrades worked her way through nursing school while working at Baystate Medical in Springfield, Massachusetts, as a janitor.

Ten years ago, Andrades accepted a position as a custodial staff member at Baystate Medical Center with big dreams of being a nurse. Born to Puerto Rican parents Andrades moved from her family home in Springfield, MA in 2005 when she was 14 years old. From there she and enrolled as a student at Putnam Technical-Vocational Academy with hopes of moving up the ranks as a nurse.

“As I got older and approached graduation I just didn’t see how a little girl like me could ever become a lawyer. I didn’t see it as something that was possible for me, so I got discouraged from the idea,” Andrades explained according to Masslive.com.

That all changed after she struck up a conversation with a nurse during a doctor’s visit for her mother. According to Andrades, the nurse tipped her off on the benefits of nursing. “He told me about the program to become a nurse, and, the more he talked, I just thought, ‘Yeah, I can do this.’ It’s a respectable profession, and I could provide for myself financially, so the idea grew from there.”

Soon after she enrolled at Holyoke Community College, ticked off all of her pre-requisites and a handful of introductory nursing classes. Then, in 2010, she transferred to Elms College.

The same year she transferred, Andrades applied for a job in Baystate’s Environmental Services Department and became a custodian at the hospital.

Facebook

“It’s tough to be the person that cleans. If I had to go back and do it again, I would. It’s so worth it,” Andrades explained in an interview with WBZ-TV.

In a Facebook post, Andrades wrote about her journey from hospital custodian to nurse practitioner and posted a picture of all three of her IDs.

Andrades’ story went viral after she shared her experience to Facebook.

Speaking about her journey from custodian to nurse practitioner, Andrades shared a picture of all three of her IDs.

“Even if it was cleaning, as long as I was near patient care I’d be able to observe things. I thought it was a good idea,” the RN explained in her interview before sharing that her favorite part of being a nurse has been her ability to provide patients with comfort. “I just really love the intimacy with people.”

“Nurses and providers, we get the credit more often but people in environmental and phlebotomy and dietary all of them have such a huge role. I couldn’t do my job without them,” she went onto explain. “I’m so appreciative and like in awe that my story can inspire people,” Andrades told WBZ-TV. “I’m so glad. If I can inspire anyone, that in itself made the journey worth it.”

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There’s A Reason This Brutally Honest Adoption Ad For A ‘Demonic Man-Hating Chihuahua’ Named Prancer Went Viral

Things That Matter

There’s A Reason This Brutally Honest Adoption Ad For A ‘Demonic Man-Hating Chihuahua’ Named Prancer Went Viral

Adopter be ware.

That’s the message that a desperate New Jersey foster mom shared in a recent plea to animal lovers potentially interested in adopting a Chihuahua named Prancer. In a viral post shared on Facebook, animal foster mom Tyfanee Fortuna attempted to make an appeal to adopters on behalf of the dog whom she describes as a “haunted Victorian child in the body of a small dog that hates men and children.”

The post didn’t take long to go viral.

In a shockingly honest post, Fortuna spoke on the personality traits of the dog named Prancer on social media.

“There’s not a very big market for neurotic, man-hating, animal-hating, children-hating dogs that look like gremlins,” Fortuna underlined in the post shared to Facebook. “But I have to believe there’s someone out there for Prancer, because I am tired and so is my family. Every day we live in the grips of the demonic Chihuahua hellscape he has created in our home.”

It didn’t take long for Fortuna’s comedic Facebook post about Prance to amass nearly 64K shares.

“Prancer only likes women. Nothing else,” another portion of the post explained. “He hates men more than women do, which says a lot. If you have a husband don’t bother applying, unless you hate him.”

Smitten viewers of the post who were interested in Prancer were thankfully quick to request a chance to adopt him.

https://twitter.com/HLMongoose/status/1380505940265463818/photo/4

“We are still accepting applicants who are within a 3- to 4-hour radius of New Jersey, as we are still sifting through applications and trying to pick out his best fit,” Fortuna explained to Today in an interview. “A lot of people have applied who have husbands and pets, and we’d prefer he go to a home with just women and no other pets.”

Fortuna works as foster mom for the Oak Ridge, New Jersey-based Second Chance Pet Adoption League and is hopeful that someone will help Prancer find a suitable and loving home. 

WhileFortuna was sure to underline some of Prancer’s more intense traits, she also listed those that plenty would find loveable.

“He is loyal beyond belief, although to tell you a secret his complex is really just a facade for his fear. If someone tried to kill you I can guarantee he would run away screeching. But as far as companionship, you will never be alone again,” she wrote of the sweetie. “He likes to go for car rides, he is housebroken, he knows a few basic commands, he is quiet and non-destructive when left alone at home, and even though we call him bologna face he is kind of cute to look at.”

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