Things That Matter

These Drug Smugglers Left The Internet Laughing At Their Less Than Intelligent Attempts At Smuggling Drugs

The drug trade is supported by a global criminal network of diverse cells that connect consumer markets such as the United States, Europe and Australia to producers in the Global South, in countries such as Bolivia, Mexico, Colombia or war-torn Afghanistan. Some trafficking routes are well laid out and involve chains of corruption and death across the whole continent, in the case of America. 

But sometimes amateur smugglers make crazy attempts at taking drugs on planes, boats, buses or across an international border. Now, the drug trade and the countless tragedies it has triggered is nothing to laugh at, but we gotta admit that these over the top smuggling attempts that make us go “Que chingaos estaban pensando?”. 

The Australian dude who hid a joint between his butt cheeks.  ????

Credit: Minions / Universal Pictures

A man in the Australian town of Ingham, in Queensland, hid a marijuana cigarette between his cheeks, as reported by police. Office Don Auld told the Herbert River Express: “He had drugs secreted in his buttocks, his bottom”. The police were called to a pub where the offender, who goes by the name of Thomas Mow, punched a window. Todo un caballero… not! 

Dream Catchers that were much more than meets the eye!

Credit: dreamcatcher1, dreamcatcher2. Digital image. US Customs and Border Protection.

The United States Costumes and Border Protection found liquid meth inside the hoops of these dream catchers. This happened at the Columbus port of entry back in 2016. In an official release, CBP Columbus Port Director Robert Reza said: “This is one of the most unusual smuggling episodes we have ever encountered. Smugglers will try to conceal their drug loads in everyday items like soft drink cans, framed artwork, and other seemingly innocent items. CBP utilizes numerous inspection techniques that help identify and stop these shipments.”

What about a mesa de futbolito full of Mary Jane?

Credit: foosball 2. Digital image. US Customs and Border Protection.

Wow, these dudes got just a bit too optimistic in stocking 50 bags of marijuana in a Foosball table. The amazing discovery happened in 2016, when U.S. Customs and Border Protection officers at Lewiston Bridge, in the US-Canada border, suspected a Canadian woman because of inconsistencies in her story. “This is an excellent seizure that demonstrates our officers’ dedication to enforcing the CBP mission and protecting the public from illegal narcotics,” said Acting Port Director Cary Frieling in an official statement. See, the border with Mexico is not the only entry point for drugs. 

Meth stuffed bra at Nogales!

Credit: Anonymous / Giphy

If you think about it, the places that are the most logical to try to smuggle drugs might be the first that the police search! A woman was stopped at the border in Arizona only to be arrested for having stuffed her bra with meth. She was carrying nearly two pounds, so about $6,000 USD of the drug that would have made much more on the streets. 

Coconut, anyone? Oops, is that a bag of MJ?

Credit: PHR cocunut MJ- 1423 lbs 05102016 Courtesy CBP Hidalgo (1) Digital image. US Customs and Border Protection. 

On May 9, 2016, CBP officers working at the Pharr International Bridge cargo facility found a trailer hauling a commercial shipment of coconuts from Mexico. On closer inspection, they discovered 2,486 packages of marijuana. Those would have been some nightmare-inducing pina coladas! Yes, it might be amusing to read these stories, but we got to consider how it affects farmers in Mexico and the reputation of the country at large. 

These tacos taste a bit funny… officers found methamphetamine inside packets of tortillas!

Credit: 10312016 TFO NOG Meth Tortillas 1. Digital image. US Customs and Border Protection

What a waste of good corn tortillas. Officers at the port of Nogales found a whopping $87,000 USD worth of meth inside tortilla packages. The tortillas were being carried by a 62-year-old man who attempted to cross the border on foot.

Cocaine pants!

Credit: Fashgif / Giphy

As reported by The Telegraph, two men were caught at JFK Airport with vast amounts of cocaine inside their pants. The packets were attached to their legs and basically created a cocaine pair of pantalones. The two men were coming on a flight from the Dominican Republic. Did they really think they would get away with it? This has to be one of the dumbest attempts ever. They must have been walking like robots or charros after riding an untamed horse!

Watermelons were full of drogas.

Credit: watermelon_trans. Digital image. US Customs and Border Protection

Officials in Pharr, Texas, found 3,000 pounds of marijuana inside a shipment of watermelons. It happened in January 2017 and almost 300 watermelons were taken into custody. Is there a single fruit that hasn’t been used for trafficking purposes?

And bananas in Spain were filled with cocaine!

Credit: xandxyz / Giphy

Spanish authorities made yet another fruit-related discovery. As The Telegraph Online reported back in 2017: “Smugglers appear to be getting more creative after authorities foiled an alleged fake banana smuggling attempt in Spain. The Guardia Civil police have uncovered 17 kilos of cocaine hidden in fake bananas and flaps of cardboard boxes in Valencia and Malaga”. The smugglers went great lengths in trying to consummate their crime: they manufacture fake bananas made with resin and thrown together with real fruit. That is some dedication, and also some excellent police work.

Burritos con todo, porfavor.

Credit:  drugs-trending_trans_NvBQzQNjv4BqTpQNkEsZM9dtjYvDPpd1c2o7J_TCyqxZ1Oc-nHCR2rk. Digital image. US Customs and Border Protection

Poor burritos, as if their reputation as “not Mexican food wasn’t enough” now they are related to ill smuggling attempts. The Telegraph reports: “A 23-year-old woman has been arrested for attempting to smuggle methamphetamine-stuffed burritos at the United States-Mexico border, authorities say.” Sniffer dogs realized that there was something wrong with the burritos, and the inspectors discovered no guacamole, meat or sour cream was stuffed in the tortillas. 

We cannot forget about the dude that tried to smuggle drugs under his toupee.

Credit: @Policia / Twitter

The Spanish National Police arrested a Colombian man at  Barcelona’s Josep Tarradellas Airport with cocaine stashed under his toupee. The photos show just how silly this attempt was. We mean, it is clear that something is going on debajo de esa peluca. How could he probably think that he was going to get away with it?

Fake nalgas don’t fool anyone!

Credit: _99957657_b32f68e8-561f-4a8d-9f06-2e82497514b1. Digital image. BBC

Ha! A Brazilian man tried to smuggle drugs inside a pair of fake buttocks attached to his swimming suit. The man was arrested when attempting to enter Portugal with one kilogram of cocaine. The European market is coveted by smugglers because prices are much higher than in the United States. 

A very artful attempt at smuggling.

Credit: Anonymous / Giphy

Colombian police found cocaine mixed into the clay of three replicas of sculptures by artist Fernando Botero. The sculptures were found in a Bogota warehouse and were due to be shipped to Madrid. A police statement said, as reported by BBC: “This is a sophisticated concealment system for the drugs in replicas of sculptures by a renowned Colombian artist.” At least the smugglers had moderately good taste (Botero is a bit kitsch, to be honest).

READ: This May be the Craziest Drug-Smuggling Attempt Ever

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Customs Officials Discover 44 Pounds Of Cocaine-Coated Corn Flakes

Things That Matter

Customs Officials Discover 44 Pounds Of Cocaine-Coated Corn Flakes

Even as governments and customs officials increase their capacity and improve their tools to catch and seize illegal shipments, cartels are continuing to innovate when it comes to getting their shipments from Point A to Point B.

However, this time their idea to coat corn flakes in cocaine didn’t get past inspectors at an Ohio airport. The rather ingenious attempt at hiding their cocaine-laced cereal couldn’t get past a drug sniffing dog, however.

Border officers in Cincinnati reported finding 44 pounds of cocaine cornflakes.

U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP) officers in Cincinnati have reported seizing a shipment of corn flakes that they say is no ordinary package of cereal. According to officials, the 44 pounds of corn flakes are actually coated in cocaine instead of sugar.

While working on incoming freight from Peru, a CPD narcotic detector dog named Bico flagged the cereal shipment going to a private residence in Hong Kong. Upon further inspection, officers found and tested white powder on the cereal that was positive for cocaine.

“The men and women at the Port of Cincinnati are committed to stopping the flow of dangerous drugs, and they continue to use their training, intuition, and strategic skills to prevent these kinds of illegitimate shipments from reaching the public,” Cincinnati Port Director Richard Gillespie said.

On a typical day in fiscal year 2020, CBP said it seized 3,677 pounds of drugs at ports of entry across the nation.

Drug traffickers have long used creative methods to try to ship cocaine.

Over the weekend, CBP officers at Miami International Airport uncovered more than a pound of cocaine hidden in a pair of sandals. According to U.S. Customs and Border Protection officers, a drug balloon, or pellet, weighing 1.3 pounds of cocaine was found in the sandals last week.

The Jamaican traveler who was stopped also admitted to swallowing cocaine and was taken to a local hospital for an X-ray.

And last July, for example, police in Italy discovered cocaine stuffed inside individually hollowed-out coffee beans, after opening a parcel addressed to a fictional Mafia boss from a Hollywood movie.

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This Hilarious Viral Video is Being Called the Latino Version of ‘Get Out’

comedy

This Hilarious Viral Video is Being Called the Latino Version of ‘Get Out’

Screenshot via xgabsterz/Twitter

We’ve all experienced it before–the nervousness of meeting your partner’s parents. And if you’re in an interracial relationship, that nervousness grows exponentially.

That’s why this video of a young Latino man who is hesitant about entering his white girlfriend’s Trump-supporting family’s house has gone viral.

It’s #relatable.

The video starts off with the unnamed boyfriend narrating what’s happening to him as his girlfriend practically drags him into her parent’s home.

In Spanish, he says “I’m going to visit my girlfriend’s parent’s house. The house is very beautiful and she wants me to go inside. But I’m not going to do that because there’s a problem.”

At this point, he pans up to focus on a “Trump” sign prominently displayed on the front lawn.

He turns the camera around to show his own very worried face. The young man’s girlfriend tries to assure him that everything is okay, promising him that her parents are “going to like you”.

The young man tells her to go on without him because he “doesn’t want to die” today. “Maybe tomorrow, yes. But today–no,” he says.

His girlfriend keeps insisting he follow her in until he finally says: “They don’t like me!” before zooming in on the “Trump/Pence” sign one final time. The comedic timing is *chef’s kiss* impeccable.

The video is captioned “This Spanish remake of ‘Get Out’–a witty nod to the 2017 horror film.

As a refresher, “Get Out” centers on a young Black man in an interracial relationship who visits his white girlfriend’s family for the weekend. Soon, he realizes the family is not quite as idyllic as they’re pretending to be. Before long, he realizes his life is in danger.

The movie accurately depicted the real-life horror of racism and white supremacy through a cinematic lens. Phrases like “the sunken place” (the place the main character went when he’s paralyzed by his girlfriend’s mother) became cultural shorthand for: the “place an oppressed person goes when they have become silent or compliant to their own oppression” (thanks Urban Dictionary).

Internet commentators chimed in with their own thoughts and opinions about the super relatable video.

One Reddit user knew exactly how the young man felt. “As a biracial person who dated a girl from a very conservative Republican family, they never let me forget that I was biracial,” he said. “They brought it up almost every day.”

Another knew the struggles of having family members with different views from their own: “I have friends and family members that have been radicalized.. it’s very difficult to have a conversation about anything anymore that doesn’t end with vitriol.”

Another Reddit user had more sympathy for the man’s girlfriend. “I feel bad for the girl honestly,” they said. “We may be able to choose who we befriend, but we can never choose our parents.”

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