Things That Matter

These Drug Smugglers Left The Internet Laughing At Their Less Than Intelligent Attempts At Smuggling Drugs

The drug trade is supported by a global criminal network of diverse cells that connect consumer markets such as the United States, Europe and Australia to producers in the Global South, in countries such as Bolivia, Mexico, Colombia or war-torn Afghanistan. Some trafficking routes are well laid out and involve chains of corruption and death across the whole continent, in the case of America. 

But sometimes amateur smugglers make crazy attempts at taking drugs on planes, boats, buses or across an international border. Now, the drug trade and the countless tragedies it has triggered is nothing to laugh at, but we gotta admit that these over the top smuggling attempts that make us go “Que chingaos estaban pensando?”. 

The Australian dude who hid a joint between his butt cheeks.  ????

Credit: Minions / Universal Pictures

A man in the Australian town of Ingham, in Queensland, hid a marijuana cigarette between his cheeks, as reported by police. Office Don Auld told the Herbert River Express: “He had drugs secreted in his buttocks, his bottom”. The police were called to a pub where the offender, who goes by the name of Thomas Mow, punched a window. Todo un caballero… not! 

Dream Catchers that were much more than meets the eye!

Credit: dreamcatcher1, dreamcatcher2. Digital image. US Customs and Border Protection.

The United States Costumes and Border Protection found liquid meth inside the hoops of these dream catchers. This happened at the Columbus port of entry back in 2016. In an official release, CBP Columbus Port Director Robert Reza said: “This is one of the most unusual smuggling episodes we have ever encountered. Smugglers will try to conceal their drug loads in everyday items like soft drink cans, framed artwork, and other seemingly innocent items. CBP utilizes numerous inspection techniques that help identify and stop these shipments.”

What about a mesa de futbolito full of Mary Jane?

Credit: foosball 2. Digital image. US Customs and Border Protection.

Wow, these dudes got just a bit too optimistic in stocking 50 bags of marijuana in a Foosball table. The amazing discovery happened in 2016, when U.S. Customs and Border Protection officers at Lewiston Bridge, in the US-Canada border, suspected a Canadian woman because of inconsistencies in her story. “This is an excellent seizure that demonstrates our officers’ dedication to enforcing the CBP mission and protecting the public from illegal narcotics,” said Acting Port Director Cary Frieling in an official statement. See, the border with Mexico is not the only entry point for drugs. 

Meth stuffed bra at Nogales!

Credit: Anonymous / Giphy

If you think about it, the places that are the most logical to try to smuggle drugs might be the first that the police search! A woman was stopped at the border in Arizona only to be arrested for having stuffed her bra with meth. She was carrying nearly two pounds, so about $6,000 USD of the drug that would have made much more on the streets. 

Coconut, anyone? Oops, is that a bag of MJ?

Credit: PHR cocunut MJ- 1423 lbs 05102016 Courtesy CBP Hidalgo (1) Digital image. US Customs and Border Protection. 

On May 9, 2016, CBP officers working at the Pharr International Bridge cargo facility found a trailer hauling a commercial shipment of coconuts from Mexico. On closer inspection, they discovered 2,486 packages of marijuana. Those would have been some nightmare-inducing pina coladas! Yes, it might be amusing to read these stories, but we got to consider how it affects farmers in Mexico and the reputation of the country at large. 

These tacos taste a bit funny… officers found methamphetamine inside packets of tortillas!

Credit: 10312016 TFO NOG Meth Tortillas 1. Digital image. US Customs and Border Protection

What a waste of good corn tortillas. Officers at the port of Nogales found a whopping $87,000 USD worth of meth inside tortilla packages. The tortillas were being carried by a 62-year-old man who attempted to cross the border on foot.

Cocaine pants!

Credit: Fashgif / Giphy

As reported by The Telegraph, two men were caught at JFK Airport with vast amounts of cocaine inside their pants. The packets were attached to their legs and basically created a cocaine pair of pantalones. The two men were coming on a flight from the Dominican Republic. Did they really think they would get away with it? This has to be one of the dumbest attempts ever. They must have been walking like robots or charros after riding an untamed horse!

Watermelons were full of drogas.

Credit: watermelon_trans. Digital image. US Customs and Border Protection

Officials in Pharr, Texas, found 3,000 pounds of marijuana inside a shipment of watermelons. It happened in January 2017 and almost 300 watermelons were taken into custody. Is there a single fruit that hasn’t been used for trafficking purposes?

And bananas in Spain were filled with cocaine!

Credit: xandxyz / Giphy

Spanish authorities made yet another fruit-related discovery. As The Telegraph Online reported back in 2017: “Smugglers appear to be getting more creative after authorities foiled an alleged fake banana smuggling attempt in Spain. The Guardia Civil police have uncovered 17 kilos of cocaine hidden in fake bananas and flaps of cardboard boxes in Valencia and Malaga”. The smugglers went great lengths in trying to consummate their crime: they manufacture fake bananas made with resin and thrown together with real fruit. That is some dedication, and also some excellent police work.

Burritos con todo, porfavor.

Credit:  drugs-trending_trans_NvBQzQNjv4BqTpQNkEsZM9dtjYvDPpd1c2o7J_TCyqxZ1Oc-nHCR2rk. Digital image. US Customs and Border Protection

Poor burritos, as if their reputation as “not Mexican food wasn’t enough” now they are related to ill smuggling attempts. The Telegraph reports: “A 23-year-old woman has been arrested for attempting to smuggle methamphetamine-stuffed burritos at the United States-Mexico border, authorities say.” Sniffer dogs realized that there was something wrong with the burritos, and the inspectors discovered no guacamole, meat or sour cream was stuffed in the tortillas. 

We cannot forget about the dude that tried to smuggle drugs under his toupee.

Credit: @Policia / Twitter

The Spanish National Police arrested a Colombian man at  Barcelona’s Josep Tarradellas Airport with cocaine stashed under his toupee. The photos show just how silly this attempt was. We mean, it is clear that something is going on debajo de esa peluca. How could he probably think that he was going to get away with it?

Fake nalgas don’t fool anyone!

Credit: _99957657_b32f68e8-561f-4a8d-9f06-2e82497514b1. Digital image. BBC

Ha! A Brazilian man tried to smuggle drugs inside a pair of fake buttocks attached to his swimming suit. The man was arrested when attempting to enter Portugal with one kilogram of cocaine. The European market is coveted by smugglers because prices are much higher than in the United States. 

A very artful attempt at smuggling.

Credit: Anonymous / Giphy

Colombian police found cocaine mixed into the clay of three replicas of sculptures by artist Fernando Botero. The sculptures were found in a Bogota warehouse and were due to be shipped to Madrid. A police statement said, as reported by BBC: “This is a sophisticated concealment system for the drugs in replicas of sculptures by a renowned Colombian artist.” At least the smugglers had moderately good taste (Botero is a bit kitsch, to be honest).

READ: This May be the Craziest Drug-Smuggling Attempt Ever

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This Hilarious Viral Video is Being Called the Latino Version of ‘Get Out’

comedy

This Hilarious Viral Video is Being Called the Latino Version of ‘Get Out’

Screenshot via xgabsterz/Twitter

We’ve all experienced it before–the nervousness of meeting your partner’s parents. And if you’re in an interracial relationship, that nervousness grows exponentially.

That’s why this video of a young Latino man who is hesitant about entering his white girlfriend’s Trump-supporting family’s house has gone viral.

It’s #relatable.

The video starts off with the unnamed boyfriend narrating what’s happening to him as his girlfriend practically drags him into her parent’s home.

In Spanish, he says “I’m going to visit my girlfriend’s parent’s house. The house is very beautiful and she wants me to go inside. But I’m not going to do that because there’s a problem.”

At this point, he pans up to focus on a “Trump” sign prominently displayed on the front lawn.

He turns the camera around to show his own very worried face. The young man’s girlfriend tries to assure him that everything is okay, promising him that her parents are “going to like you”.

The young man tells her to go on without him because he “doesn’t want to die” today. “Maybe tomorrow, yes. But today–no,” he says.

His girlfriend keeps insisting he follow her in until he finally says: “They don’t like me!” before zooming in on the “Trump/Pence” sign one final time. The comedic timing is *chef’s kiss* impeccable.

The video is captioned “This Spanish remake of ‘Get Out’–a witty nod to the 2017 horror film.

As a refresher, “Get Out” centers on a young Black man in an interracial relationship who visits his white girlfriend’s family for the weekend. Soon, he realizes the family is not quite as idyllic as they’re pretending to be. Before long, he realizes his life is in danger.

The movie accurately depicted the real-life horror of racism and white supremacy through a cinematic lens. Phrases like “the sunken place” (the place the main character went when he’s paralyzed by his girlfriend’s mother) became cultural shorthand for: the “place an oppressed person goes when they have become silent or compliant to their own oppression” (thanks Urban Dictionary).

Internet commentators chimed in with their own thoughts and opinions about the super relatable video.

One Reddit user knew exactly how the young man felt. “As a biracial person who dated a girl from a very conservative Republican family, they never let me forget that I was biracial,” he said. “They brought it up almost every day.”

Another knew the struggles of having family members with different views from their own: “I have friends and family members that have been radicalized.. it’s very difficult to have a conversation about anything anymore that doesn’t end with vitriol.”

Another Reddit user had more sympathy for the man’s girlfriend. “I feel bad for the girl honestly,” they said. “We may be able to choose who we befriend, but we can never choose our parents.”

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‘Size Fits All Tags’ And ‘Great Clickbait’— People Name The Worst Things That Are Legal

Things That Matter

‘Size Fits All Tags’ And ‘Great Clickbait’— People Name The Worst Things That Are Legal

Beeldbewerking/ Getty

The world is plagued with some crazy and unfair laws, no doubt about it. But what about the things that exist and legal? Why are, for instance, spam callers allowed to trick you by calling from similar numbers to yours? Or, why is it impossible to criminally convict your roommate from keeping you up all night or dipping into your ice-cream and lie about it?

Users on Reddit are asking similar questions and the answers are pretty hilarious but also intriguing.

“I’m just gonna have to say little girl’s beauty pageants. It just doesnt sit right with me. And not only because of the fact it’s creepy, but I feel like it’s stressful on the kid and on their body image.” –kitty-cult

“College book prices and practices. Change a few words in a math book, that’ll be another $100 please. Oh you realized that you can use the book from 10 years ago and succeed? Actually we require you get the new book. Oh you realized you can get the book cheaper from a friend? Actually we’re doing online books now and you need the personalized code. We change it every year even though there have been no breakthroughs in this subject! Knowing the college struggle i have no fucking clue how this is allowed to exist. It should literally be illegal.” –WitlessMean

“Puppy mills.” –thechronicwinter

“Sending letters to home owners labeled ‘IMPORTANT MORTGAGE / FINANCIAL INFO’ or ‘LAST WARNING / NOTICE’ and having the inside look exactly like a bill, letterhead and little box in the corner with figures inside… all to then say ‘refinance with us’ or ‘don’t miss this opportunity for etc etc’ Makes me heart skip every time thinking I’ve forgotten some critical bill until I open it.”- IDUU

“The fact car radio commercials are allowed to have police sirens or car crashes in them as a way to Get your attention.”- jagfanjosh3252

“The size of the ‘x’ button on pop-up ads.” –_Denes_

“Socks: ‘Fits size 6-12.'” –klitorisaurus

“Spice/K2/Synthetic Weed. This may have changed in the last few years but I found it embarrassing that our country locks up thousands for actual marijuana but allowed that shit to be sold at every gas station and liquor store knowing damn good and well that it was hurting and killing people.”-m0ndayisb0ng0day

“You can look up where any one lives because it’s public record. But can we please not have entire websites with data bases full of every person in the country?? I mean think about people who get denied restraining orders and try to move away from their abuser. Six months later and their abuser can just look up their name and find them all over again. This could be detrimental for spouse abuse victims, stalking victims, etc. something should be done about them. It’s terrifying.” –21DrunkPilots

“Lying through your teeth on “news” shows because you claim you’re actually “entertainment”. Even while it has “news” in the title of the station. Being able to lie through your teeth on an opinion show just bc it’s an opinion show. Opinions should be opinions about facts. Opinion should not be an excuse for slander or making knowingly false statements in the media.” –jseego

“No-knock warrants. We’ve seen time and time again where Law Enforcement has the wrong address and some innocent person ends up dead because of a logistical mistake.” –Mr-and-Mrs

“Impossibly hard to cancel subscriptions.” –ungFu-omega-warrior

“Putting unrelated crap into bills to sneak it into law. I know they’re supposed to follow some kind rules related to germaneness, but they clearly don’t, and clearly need actual laws with actual punishments for pulling this crap.” –Gr1pp717

“Multi level Marketing.” –whyykai

“Civil Asset Seizure by Police – No Crimes Needed!”- vegetarianrobots

“The troubled teen industry. Parents pay a company to kidnap kids while they’re sleeping and send them off to ‘therapeutic’ boarding schools where they are abused in every conceivable way.”- MyDongIsAWiFiHotspot

“Sweatshop labor outsourced by tech and Fortune 500 companies. It’s essentially contemporary slavery we collectively allow.”- crumpledForeskin

“Being penalized for calling out sick from work. Edit. Even while the whole world is trying to survive this pandemic, we’re still dealing with this major issue by employers. I work in health care, and I feel like I get shamed by my managers and coworkers when you call out. Especially when you work night shift.” –pongomer

“I (f) bought a car recently. During the process of negotiation I decided I wanted to do more research and the salesman refused to give me the keys to MY car so I could leave. Literally saw me looking for my keys and withheld them while repeatedly saying, ‘But what could I do to get you into this car today?’ I finally demanded my keys but bought the car anyway (they met my asking price and got me the financing I wanted) but I’m SO mad at myself for not making a scene. For allowing that man to hold me hostage and not being outraged. I don’t understand why I didn’t humiliate him and instead meekly just sat and took it. I called the manager the next day. But still. So disappointed in myself…” – UncomonShaman

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