Puerto Ricans Are Low Key Wishing Trump Follows Through With His Plan To Trade The Caribbean Island For Greenland
In case you missed it, Trump recently assumed the United States could purchase Greenland, an autonomous territory of Denmark. When the prime minister of Denmark publicly denounced that even the idea that Greenland was for sale was “absurd,” Trump took to Twitter to call her “nasty.”
Last year, a former White House official reportedly heard President Trump joke about trading Puerto Rico for Greenland in a meeting. Ever since the former official leaked the story, Boricuas are the ones cracking all the jokes.
Boricuas are daring Trump to make the trade, given Denmark allowed for Greenland to govern themselves in 1979.
In 2008, Greenland voted for the Self-Government Act which transferred even more power from the Danish government to its own local government. Since then, Greenland has gradually assumed responsibility for its local laws, law enforcement and finances. Plus, for Puerto Ricans on Twitter,”the Danish cookie tin cans will finally have cookies instead of sewing thread and needles.”
Now, Boricuas are seeing Denmark’s influence everywhere.
We always knew our abuelas were brujas, seeing into the future. It’s like they knew that the only way we could repair (though, not with needle and thread) Puerto Rico’s government would be with the Danes.
Are Puerto Ricans soon-to-become a “Product of Denmark?”
“Toda una vida en training,” tweeted one Boricua. Puerto Ricans are taking to Twitter to discuss how they might already be culturally primed to become part of Denmark.
They have already started calling themselves the “Caribbean Vikings.”
“You can hear the Caribbean Vikings coming from the dembow beat over the horizon,” tweets one Puerto Rican. Can you imagine? ????
Except, they’ve made some changes to the traditional Viking gear.
Don’t underestimate what Boricuas can do with a plantain. You might know us for our mofongo, but you won’t survive an encounter with a plantain-wielding Puerto Rican out for vengeance.
Puerto Ricans have googled their new queen, and they approve.
“She looks so much better than Trump,” tweets one Puerto Rican. “Count me in, too!” Another says, “love the idea. Denmark will definitely treat us better. Long live the Queen!” The #DinamarcaPR movement is alive and well, y’all.
That said, Puerto Ricans are divided on having to learn another language.
When Spain colonized Puerto Rico, the indigenous peoples’ (Tainos) were brutally killed, along with their language. With Spaniard rule, Spanish became the most spoken language on the island. Now, as a territory of the United States, English is also an official language. Some folks are tired of colonialism, while others are down to learn a new language in exchange for free healthcare and respect.
Some have joked that they’d be trading up from Captain America to Thor.
“We’re trading in Captain America for Thor #DinamarcaPR,” tweeted on Boricua. The funniest part about all of this, is that the Danes want Puerto Rico. A Danish person replied to this tweet saying, “You’re more than welcome to join Denmark. It’ll be an honor to have Puerto Rico be a part of our country.”
The Nordic people actually really want Boricuas to join their country.
Another Dane laid it all out for Boricuas:
“Love you guys, you are more than welcome to join our little kingdom. *Free health care
*Free education and you get government support while doint it.
*Work week 37 hours
And the best thing, we do not have Trump and Obama are visiting next month!”
The merch is already in production.
“You guys bring the beaches we bring the beer,” one Dane tweets to the #DinamarcaPR. Another Puerto Rican is just keen on the idea that “Denmark’s PM won’t throw power towels at their brown citizens.”
At the end of the day, #DinamarcaPR is a joke, but government autonomy isn’t.
Some folks are serious about this, tweeting “And they think we are joking!” Others acknowledge that #DinamarcaPR is just one way that Puerto Ricans are expressing their desire for a government that takes care of them. “I kind of am [joking] about joining Denmark. That’s absurd. But that we want actual functioning government with real policies that help people. No one is joking about that.”
Just weeks after forcing their Governor out of power, Puerto Ricans aren’t quitting until they get health care, free education and some respect.