Here Is A List Of Christmas Gifts That Latinos Will Find Funny
Ah, Christmas, Nochebuena, Navidad…. the night of useless presents and crazy tías with their weird traditions. Life is full of mysteries and one of those just totally inexplicable things is why people keep gifting each other strange and useless things. But well, es Navidad y todo se vale, right?
1. A Guacardo Christmas Pin! GUACAMOLE!
This is absolutely cute and it yells I am Latino and love a cheesy Christmas. If you are dating a non-Latino give it to them to make them part of the familia!
The best gift for that mejor amiga who loves kitschy but fashionable gifts with a twist. Now we want abuela’s famous flan de cajeta.
3. Let’s be honest…. ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS OTRO PLATO AND WE HAVE A SWEATER TO PROVE IT!
Oh, Christmas, a time for family, joy, and overeating!
4. A conchas sweatshirt…. cover those tetas, mija
The little mermaid has conchas de mar, but you can gift conchas de pan dulce. What a gift!
5. We are head over heels over this Guacardo Pom Pom Beanie
The ideal gift for that hipster primo who is proudly Latino but loves his avocado brunch at the precio moderado de un chingo.
6. No jodan aunties, I am better off alone. Mejor sola sweatshirt.
For that independent young woman in the family who dreads Christmas because people don’t leave her alone asking her about galanes. This sweatshirt makes it loud and clear: don’t mess with me!
7. A San Marcos blanket
We are sure you have seen one of these cobertores printed with wild animals and super ñero landscapes. We all had one as kids.
8. A six pack of Nochebuena beer
A classic Mexican holiday beer that doesn’t really taste that good, but everyone is afraid to admit that fact. Drinking one of these chelas is that the holiday spirit is all about.
9. An ugly abuelita sweater
Thanks, but no thanks. Navidad sweaters tend to be conservative and super stuffy in all their polyester glory. Guácala.
10. Yet another tortilla container
Every Mexican-American household has a tortillero that sports some horrible flower pattern or an Aztec-themed adornito. One is enough, gracias por nada.
11. A kitsch as hell nacimiento
Ya, no más porfavor. Nativity scenes are big for Latinos and even though they won’t be used until the following year, if ever. Some of these nacimientos are ungodly in their ugliness (pun intended).
12. Baby Jesus clothes… yes, they are a thing
Nothing worse than the tías that gift each other weird Barbie-like clothes for their Niño Jesús. There are even versions with soccer jerseys.
13. DVD collections of telenovela classics…. there’s streaming you know…
Please, mamá, no one uses DVDs anymore and I can just stream Corazón Salvaje or Silvana Sin Lana!
14. A hideous bufanda badly knit by your aunt
Tía Cholita is terrible at knitting but in three decades of ugly and uneven scarfs no one has been brave enough to tell her.
15. Horrible Acapulco souvenirs made out of shells
Everyone has a pariente who visits the motherland and buys horrible souvenirs but only gift them when it is time for the intercambio de Navidad.
16. Fake Cuban cigars…. do not try at home!
Repeat after me: Cuban cigars are legal now, no need to gift those Cohiba wannabes that taste like an ashtray as soon as you light them.
17. Yet another rosario
No abuelita, praying doesn’t make me un buen muchacho.
18. Red chones to get you ready for New Year’s
Nothing more embarrassing that having your family see that red thong a cheeky cousin gave you to wish you a healthy sex life for the upcoming year.
19. Decoraciones de Navidad: seriously, it is Xmas already, why would I need more decorations? Duh.
It is already Christmas, why would you give me even more decorations? Makes no pinche sentido.
20. A San Antonio so you can put it upside down to see if you finally stop being a solterona. Those people can’t understand that women can be single and independent! Ya déjenme en paz!
Any single woman over 25 is judged by nosy relatives as a quedada, a spinster. Legend has it that you have to put this saint upside down to attract buenos partidos. Just don’t, I am dating myself thank you very much.
22. A bottle of cheap rum with a bow that probably cost more than the booze itself
One of those last minute gifts picked up at the corner shop. The cheap tío will probably beg you to open the chupe and drink it himself. No es justo!
23. An ugly handwoven table runner…. really, who uses those?
No one uses table runners. Period. Chances are they will be forgotten in a kitchen drawer, pero no importa.
24. Rompope filled chocolates that are bound to give you a terrible sugar cruda
Those damn chocolates filled with eggnog are so damn sweet and addictive that they give you a sugar rush and then a bad hangover the next day. We love to hate them and hate to love them.
25. Super kitsch jewelry de fantasía
Do you really think I will go out clubbing wearing that? These pieces of bisutería are generally a season or ten too old…
26. Stop it with the Navidad themed toilet covers
They are not hygienic and no one wants to have Santa looking into their private toilet business. No one who is on their right mind puts what is basically a plush toil on the escusado, come on! Qué asco.
27. A Luismi CD. Yes, un pinche cé dé!
Some older relatives just do not get that CDs are a thing of the past and keep gifting these relics with the same recycled Luis Miguel songs… yes, we know the Netflix show was a big hit, but that doesn’t make these cool…. chances are they will end up as decoration for el arbolito de Navidad next year.
28. A Spanish-English dictionary that is oh so passive aggressive
Being pushed by the relatives to perfect your español? This might be the best cachetada con guante blanco in the book. So you now know, mijitos, better polish your language skills or face the bilingual police!
29. What you gave them on the intercambio the previous year
Yes, it is not uncommon for extended families to just keep recycling the same old regalitos for generations. But that is what Christmas spirit is all about!