Things That Matter

Here Is A List Of Christmas Gifts That Latinos Will Find Funny

mitú

Ah, Christmas, Nochebuena, Navidad…. the night of useless presents and crazy tías with their weird traditions. Life is full of mysteries and one of those just totally inexplicable things is why people keep gifting each other strange and useless things. But well, es Navidad y todo se vale, right?

1. A Guacardo Christmas Pin! GUACAMOLE!

This is absolutely cute and it yells I am Latino and love a cheesy Christmas. If you are dating a non-Latino give it to them to make them part of the familia!

2. Best flans pin pack…

The best gift for that mejor amiga who loves kitschy but fashionable gifts with a twist. Now we want abuela’s famous flan de cajeta.

3. Let’s be honest…. ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS OTRO PLATO AND WE HAVE A SWEATER TO PROVE IT!

Oh, Christmas, a time for family, joy, and overeating!

4. A conchas sweatshirt…. cover those tetas, mija

The little mermaid has conchas de mar, but you can gift conchas de pan dulce. What a gift!

5. We are head over heels over this Guacardo Pom Pom Beanie

The ideal gift for that hipster primo who is proudly Latino but loves his avocado brunch at the precio moderado de un chingo.

6. No jodan aunties, I am better off alone. Mejor sola sweatshirt.  

For that independent young woman in the family who dreads Christmas because people don’t leave her alone asking her about galanes. This sweatshirt makes it loud and clear: don’t mess with me!

7. A San Marcos blanket

Credit: http_%2F%2Fo.aolcdn.com%2Fhss%2Fstorage%2Fmidas%2Fd786070deacf0420a73639b7f3467a28%2F206054090%2Fsan+marcos . Digital image. HuffPost Mexico

We are sure you have seen one of these cobertores printed with wild animals and super ñero landscapes. We all had one as kids.

8. A six pack of Nochebuena beer

Credit: 1482108036_582789_1482109542_noticia_normal. Digital image. Verne El Pais

A classic Mexican holiday beer that doesn’t really taste that good, but everyone is afraid to admit that fact. Drinking one of these chelas is that the holiday spirit is all about.

9. An ugly abuelita sweater

Credit: Kitty-Puppy-Hay-Ride-Tacky-Cat-Lady-Ugly-Sweatshirt-Plus-Size. Digital image. The Ugly Sweater Shop

Thanks, but no thanks. Navidad sweaters tend to be conservative and super stuffy in all their polyester glory. Guácala.

10. Yet another tortilla container

Credit: s-l640. Digital image.eBay

Every Mexican-American household has a tortillero that sports some horrible flower pattern or an Aztec-themed adornito. One is enough, gracias por nada.

11. A kitsch as hell nacimiento 

Credit: 1c4c9bfc70419e086ce8a4c75cb4f477. Digital image. Pinterest

Ya, no más porfavor. Nativity scenes are big for Latinos and even though they won’t be used until the following year, if ever. Some of these nacimientos are ungodly in their ugliness (pun intended).

12. Baby Jesus clothes… yes, they are a thing

Credit: Divino-Nino-GalaVestido-Nino-DiosRopa-Nino-DiosBaby-Jesus. Digital image. PicClick

Nothing worse than the tías that gift each other weird Barbie-like clothes for their Niño Jesús. There are even versions with soccer jerseys.

13. DVD collections of telenovela classics…. there’s streaming you know…

Credit: Cuna_De_Lobos__Cradle_Of_Wolves__DVD_Cutversion_W__English_S. Digital image. Bukalapak

Please, mamá, no one uses DVDs anymore and I can just stream Corazón Salvaje or Silvana Sin Lana!

14. A hideous bufanda badly knit by your aunt

Credit: Photo Oct 28, 3 26 38 PM. Digital image. Memoirs of an Old Soul.

Tía Cholita is terrible at knitting but in three decades of ugly and uneven scarfs no one has been brave enough to tell her.

15. Horrible Acapulco souvenirs made out of shells

Credit: 3-a-animals-e1402328730919. Digital image. Travel Blog

Everyone has a pariente who visits the motherland and buys horrible souvenirs but only gift them when it is time for the intercambio de Navidad. 

16. Fake Cuban cigars…. do not try at home!

Credit: cohiba-2-1024×768. Digital image.  Havana Times

Repeat after me: Cuban cigars are legal now, no need to gift those Cohiba wannabes that taste like an ashtray as soon as you light them.

17. Yet another rosario

Credit: 3d2b18b2d64b37dc8c139316fa2caa58. Digital image. Pinterest

No abuelita, praying doesn’t make me un buen muchacho.

18. Red chones to get you ready for New Year’s

Credit: h37-1459.pycc_heidi-klum-intimates_217_velvet-orchid-thong-brief_poppy-red-cafe-creme_ff.1531783963 . Digital image. Bendon Ligerie

Nothing more embarrassing that having your family see that red thong a cheeky cousin gave you to wish you a healthy sex life for the upcoming year.

19. Decoraciones de Navidad: seriously, it is Xmas already, why would I need more decorations? Duh.

Credit: adornos-navidad-fieltro. Digital image. Manualidades

It is already Christmas, why would you give me even more decorations? Makes no pinche sentido.

20. A San Antonio so you can put it upside down to see if you finally stop being a solterona. Those people can’t understand that women can be single and independent! Ya déjenme en paz!

Credit: NwYU4 . Digital image. SDP NOTICIAS

Any single woman over 25 is judged by nosy relatives as a quedada, a spinster. Legend has it that you have to put this saint upside down to attract buenos partidos. Just don’t, I am dating myself thank you very much.

22. A bottle of cheap rum with a bow that probably cost more than the booze itself

Credit: ronjamaica. Digital image. The Clinic Online

One of those last minute gifts picked up at the corner shop. The cheap tío will probably beg you to open the chupe and drink it himself. No es justo!

23. An ugly handwoven table runner…. really, who uses those?

Credit: camino-de-mesa-en-crochet_7_900. Digital image. Facilisimo

No one uses table runners. Period. Chances are they will be forgotten in a kitchen drawer, pero no importa. 

24. Rompope filled chocolates that are bound to give you a terrible sugar cruda

Credit: 41QGyFZ8PFL. Digital image. Amazon

Those damn chocolates filled with eggnog are so damn sweet and addictive that they give you a sugar rush and then a bad hangover the next day. We love to hate them and hate to love them.

25. Super kitsch jewelry de fantasía

Credit: 616Fu9iM4pL._SY500_ . Digital image. Amazon.

Do you really think I will go out clubbing wearing that? These pieces of bisutería are generally a season or ten too old…

26. Stop it with the Navidad themed toilet covers

Credit: 3-unid-set-Navidad-elfos-Cubiertas-de-inodoro-higi-nico-Sets-Navidad-Decoraci-n-Ba-eras.jpg_640x640. Digital image. Ali Expres

They are not hygienic and no one wants to have Santa looking into their private toilet business. No one who is on their right mind puts what is basically a plush toil on the escusado, come on!  Qué asco.

27. A Luismi CD. Yes, un pinche cé dé!

Credit: lm. Digital image. RoMaNo

Some older relatives just do not get that CDs are a thing of the past and keep gifting these relics with the same recycled Luis Miguel songs… yes, we know the Netflix show was a big hit, but that doesn’t make these cool…. chances are they will end up as decoration for el arbolito de Navidad next year.

28. A Spanish-English dictionary that is oh so passive aggressive

Credit: 038427_FB7C506F5EC34FBD82C30195BA61EF50. Digital image. School Speciality

Being pushed by the relatives to perfect your español? This might be the best cachetada con guante blanco in the book. So you now know, mijitos, better polish your language skills or face the bilingual police!

29. What you gave them on the intercambio the previous year

Credit: 1513271683_590677_1513272873_noticia_normal. Digital image. W Radio

Yes, it is not uncommon for extended families to just keep recycling the same old regalitos for generations. But that is what Christmas spirit is all about!


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Show Your BFF How Much You Care With These Super Thoughtful Gifts

relationships

Show Your BFF How Much You Care With These Super Thoughtful Gifts

mitú

Family is everything, but having a BFF you can tell anything to, who understands the social complexities of having a huge family, being first gen, and trying to make it in this world is something everyone deserves.

These comadres keep you grounded. They shower you with love, apoyo and laughs year round. So what do you give your besties who’ve always been there for you? Here are a few gifts that’ll remind them how much you appreciate them.

CHISMOSAS 4 EVER PIN PACK $14.99

CREDIT: mitú

Mujeres who chismean together stay together. Send this to your better half and let her know how much you appreciate your talks with this Chismosas 4 Life pin set.

COMADRES Hat | $25

CREDIT: we are mitú

Because she’s not just your BFF, she’s your comadre. Get one for all your comadres here at mitú.

Juicyy Chisme Keychain Purse | $5

CREDIT: DreamHeauxApparel / Etsy

For that bestie that’s always making you go back to the club to find her purse.

MEJOR SOLA SWEATSHIRT $39.99

CREDIT: mitú

A sturdy and warm sweatshirt bound to keep you warm in the colder months. A pre-shrunk, classic fit sweater that’s made with air-jet spun yarn for a soft feel.

3Doodler Create+ Pen | $80

CREDIT: “3Doodler Create+ Pen” Digital Image. Urban Outfitters. 15 November 2018.

It’s a steep gift, but it’ll feel like a kid’s Christmas for your non-stop doodling BFF. Yes, it’s a glorified hot glue gun, but a very dreamy gift for the Frida Kahlo-to-be in your life.

“Tesoro” by Yesika Salgado | $13.50

CREDIT: we are mitú

If you’ve already absorbed the poderosa of Salgado’s first anthology, “Corazón,” you know that her second born is set to ignite a generation of mujeres uprising. Nourish your BFF’s heart and Latinidad in a way only Salgado can.

Mazapan Phone Case | $25

CREDIT: DreamHeauxApparel / Etsy

Por la mujer in your life that won’t take anything from no pendejo but whose ready to fall to pieces when the right one gets close. Tell her you’re just helping out with a portable disclaimer.

Conchas Camiseta | $25

CREDIT: we are mitú

For the Mexicana whose not afraid to be proud of her conchas, this camiseta es perfecto. Exclusive to we are mitú.

P.F. Candle Co. Geranium Terra | $48

CREDIT: Untitled. Digital Image. Amazon. 15 November 2018.

For the BFF that you know will one day have a yard full of terra cotta plants and terra cotta mujeres. It’s her aesthetic. Go with it.

MojiPower Avocado Portable Power Bank | $28

CREDIT: “MojiPower Avocado Portable Power Bank” Digital Image. Urban Outfitters. 15 November 2018.

Get it? For the BFF powered by guac. Make that a reality for her internet persona támbien.

Kahlo By Andrea Kettenmann | $15

CREDIT: “Kahlo By Andrea Kettenmann” Digital Image. Urban Outfitters. 15 November 2018.

For the BFF you know is ready to pour over this comprehensive collection of Kahlo’s work, the significance of her work as a feminist, Latinx, gender-bending queer icon. Observe the tears spill. You did that.

Mujer Power” Pin | $10

CREDIT: we are mitú

We’re not taking trips anywhere together unless it’s to shake up D.C. Pair this with Sonia Sotomayor’s latest memoir and you’re going places together.

Frida Kahlo Meditation Poster | $13

CREDIT: Untitled. Digital Image. Posterazzi. 15 November 2018.

Feminism is a daily practice. We’re all extra fired up this year. Fan the fire and the self-care all at once in that feminista poderosa amiga querida.

BARK Festival Flower Crown Dog Toy | $12

CREDIT: “BARK Festival Flower Crown Dog Toy” Digital Image. Urban Outfitters. 15 November 2018.

To pair with your Kahlo gifts, obviously. She’s trying to instill her patriarchy smashing values into su hijos.

HAIR FULL OF CHISME MUG | $15

CREDIT: we are mitú

For la chismosa: give her something to spill that tea with. She will love the “Mean Girls” reference and totally be grateful for another way to sip that tea.

CAFECITO & CHISME Tank | $25

CREDIT: we are mitú

Because you can’t have one without the other when you throw a BFF in there. Package this with a coffee date IOU and all the chisme you can muster.

Self Conchas Towel | $35

CREDIT: we are mitú

This is the perfect gift for that friend who lives somewhere warm enough to enjoy it on Christmas day. Believe it or not, there are so many of us in warm, tropical climates for Christmas.

Cheeky Stamp Blendable Blush | $24

CREDIT: Untitled. Digital Image. Sephora. 15 November 2018.

For the Makeup Guru amiga who already has Fenty Beauty’s entire line, and then some. I think America might be ready for this future age goodness, or your friend can just blend that blush right in.

Decolonize Your Diet: Plant-Based Mexican-American Recipes for Health and Healing by Luz Calvo and Catriona Rueda Esquibel | $18

CREDIT: Untitled. Digital Image. Amazon. 15 November 2018.

For your newly vegan comadre who you know will scream to find out what doesn’t taste like grass. These authors look back hundreds of year before Spain colonized Mesoamerica. They found that the healing properties of plant-based traditional diet is more important than ever. Read it and feast.

Selena Gomez Cookie Cutter | $34

CREDIT: Copypastry / Etsy

Because, guapa, we’re making more than just sugar cookies this year. It’s the Eucharist of our generation.

Preciosa Camiseta | $30

CREDIT: DreamHeauxApparel / Etsy

You already know exactly who to get this for because you know she’s going to wear that ish proud in the club. Support your local Latina Etsy artist and your local loca all at the same time.

Bruja Beanie $15

CREDIT: EladaniStudio / Etsy

She’s bad y bruja and she needs everyone to know it. It’s the kind of crown you don’t buy for yourself. Crown her.

SHE SE PUEDE TEE $24.99

SHE SE PUEDE, every day!

NADIE ME AYUDA EN ESTA CASA $24.99

CREDIT: mitú

Moms favorite quote of the day EVERYDAY. Get your mom her next favorite tee! 💓💓💓


READ: 21 Adorable Gifts You Should Buy For The ‘Coco’ Fan In Your Life

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You Can Always Count On Christmas In Miami To Be Warm And Sunny

Culture

You Can Always Count On Christmas In Miami To Be Warm And Sunny

jaydream26 / Instagram

There is truly no better place to grow up Caribbean in the U.S. than Miami. You have 24/7 access to fresh croquetas, the street signs in Hialeah are in Spanish and that always the feeling of belonging.

The only white Christmas you’ll find in Florida is on the white sand beaches. The tropical climate does not dampen the Christmas spirit at all. In fact, it is just as magical to see the palm trees covered in Christmas lights.

Miamian’s love to decorate for the holidays like nobody else.

CREDIT: @aurangzebniazi / Twitter

Opinion: it’s because there’s no other way to tell what season it is outside. It looks the same year-round with the same humidity. Christmas lights are how you know it’s supposed to be winter.

Every shopping plaza is legally required to string lights around the palm trees.

CREDIT: @aurangzebniazi / Twitter

Okay, it’s not a law, but it might as well be. A naked palm tree is a neglected palm tree at Christmastime.

Kids are taught that these are Santa’s helpers:

CREDIT: @angeljr1973 / Instagram

When we start seeing them out there with their electrical sleigh, we get very emotional. They’re helping prepare for Santa’s return.

Everyone makes a point to post photos at the beach.

CREDIT: @visitmiamiflorida / Instagram

Why? Just because we can. It just fells extra good to know that most of the country is frozen and you’re living your best beach life.

You’ll probably get a Christmas card from a half-naked family by their pool at some point.

CREDIT: @allaboutyou_photography / Instagram

There is nothing more Miami then sending poolside or beachside Christmas cards to all of your friends and family. Sure, they are living in freezing weather but you have a tropical oasis all year.

Or on the beach.

CREDIT: @femmefatale.xo / Instagram

Ayyy, go Heat. Miami does have all the heat anyone could need. We get to be outside, in the sun, soaking up Vitamin D and releasing endorphins all over the place. We’re happy sand people.

We still have our snow activities, though, okay?

CREDIT: @squalodivers / Twitter

Por favor. Don’t pity us for not having the joy of snowmen building and snow angels. That’s so pedestrian, we can do it all year long.

We won’t get too picky about what trees we adorn.

CREDIT: @apokemiami / Instagram

Palm trees are the tree of choice. Plus, those evergreens cost a lot more in the tropics than they do at their home base. We’re just being sustainable over here.

We don’t take down decorations until January 6th.

CREDIT: @MiamiTrees / Twitter

So it feels like tropical Christmas a solid extra two weeks longer than the rest of America. This is an elephant at the Miami Zoo playing with a tree. Notice how the photo feels hot and humid.

No need to go to a bar to warm up from the cold.

CREDIT: @dreamtoyflowers / Instagram

You can enjoy your frosty daiquiri at the beach. Maybe bring a sweater just in case it drops below 70.

It’s too warm for an ugly Christmas sweater party, but we’ll throw a good ugly tank party.

CREDIT: @ElizabethLazoPD / Twitter

That is a palm tree on her shirt instead of an evergreen. We’re happy with our tree of choice.

We’ll still go big on the fake trees.

CREDIT: @miami_feelings / Twitter

In all the places you’d imagine–The Grove, Bayside, Bal Harbour, Aventura, Miracle Mile–you get the picture. The trees can rarely get bigger than our year-long regal palm trees, but they try.

People go ham decorating the neighborhood.

CREDIT: @Mandimcca / Twitter

Probably because it’s not physically painful to be outside and decorate, so we can just go at it all day long.

The city views are everything.

CREDIT: @all_the_stuff_i_care_about / Instagram

Downtown Miami’s skyline is lit up green, red, blue and white, and the holiday cheer is contagious.

There’s something to decadent about seeing a Christmas tree in front of a warm beach.

CREDIT: @fancyhippie / Instagram

With so much shoreline, millions of Miamians have an ocean view. Including that lucky Frenchie, who is surprisingly not wearing reindeer antlers. Que pena.

The photo ops are abundant in Miami.

CREDIT: @jaydream26 / Instagram

From Santa’s Cabana on Lincoln Road to visits with tan Santa and the Hard Rock Winterfest boat parade, you can expect your Instagram feed to have a Christmas glow up.

Then, there’s the one and only Santa’s Enchanted Forest.

CREDIT: @florida_smart / Instagram

As a kid, it was this magical place full of lights, games and fair rides. As adults, it’s a magical place full of lights, elotes and funnel cake. Either way, you leave happy.

No child gets out of Enchanted without 200+ forced photos by their mami.

CREDIT: @sharealittlefun / Twitter

Say something and prepare to be asked, “Y que? You’re naughty now? You know what that means.” I feel so hard for the kids of this generation since the finite film cameras are no more.

If you’re visiting Miami, pack your shorts y gafas del sol.

CREDIT: @santasenchanted / Twitter

And a bathing suit. Your holiday pics this year are going to be sans-parka and all tan.

In Miami, you can spend the day a la playa and the night inside an Enchanted Forest.

CREDIT: @santasenchanted / Twitter

Visit any one of the 24 shopping malls and plazas in the city for just as many opportunities to watch lighting ceremonies, Christmas lit boat parades, the NightGarden Magical Light Spectacular at Fairchild Tropical Botanic Gardens and so much more. Merry Christmas to you and yours.


READ: These Christmas Pictures We Were Forced To Take As Kids Is What You Call Holiday Spirit

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