Things That Matter

11 Real Life Wedding Cancellations And Why You Should Never, Ever Judge Women For Pulling The Plug

Some people seem to forget what weddings really are. Weddings are not about the canapés, the first dance or the ties the groomsmen wear, but about the beginning of a long life together. Yes, that means morning dragon breath, sickness, laundry, bills and maybe snotty bundles of smelly cuteness called babies. The wedding goes by fast and the laughs, drama, and hangovers are soon forgotten. What remains is the discovery of oneself and of the other. So unless you are 100% sure you want to take on that joyous but often rocky path of discovery, you have the right to change your mind right up to the last minute. Sometimes women are forced into marriage, either through violent means or by partners who are passive aggressive and basically guilt their girlfriends into marriage.

However, popular culture and la pinche sociedad machista have demonized those who cancel a wedding, particularly if the one who took the brave but uncomfortable choice is a woman. From romcoms (which stink of heteronormativity by the way) like Julia Roberts’ Runaway Bride to crappy reality shows, the groom is often seen as the victim and the bride as a coward runaway. Why not change the discourse, question choices and think that perhaps it was a bad relationship that needed to end? An engagement ring is not a death sentence and even if you have sent out the invitations, it is your life, your future, your corazón and your body that need to matter the most.

Here are stories of eleven wedding cancellations (for tips on what to expect if you do this, read here). If you wanna keep reading just make a vow: I shall not judge. If you feel the urge to judge these women, and men, who decided to take back their lives instead of committing to a marriage that would not have been a happy one, then please piensa bien en tus ideales en la vida.

1. This queen who lay the rules right from the start: no te metas en lo que no te importa.

Credit: Instagram. @paidcable

This woman has a very clear message. You never know what is going on in a person’s life. If you felt offended because you had already bought a gift and an outfit for the canceled wedding and need to vent out andando de chismosa, well, dude, just stop. Good on you @paidcable!

2. This chap who no perdió el estilo and who has some amazing friends

Credit: Instagram. @gunnerss

This guy is totally right: when you cancel a wedding, emotions run high, and some people actually take it as an act that affects THEM! As if… @gunnerss knows that real friends are there in sickness and in health until death do us part.

3. Now repeat after us: #justsayno #noshame

Credit: Instagram. @evesturges

We love it when women stick together and just say “it is all OK, your life will go on” and, most importantly, “NO SHAME”. Yes, there is no shame in canceling a night, but there is shame in not being true to yourself and getting into a marriage that might be doomed from the start. You might not really love the dude, y se permite, no pasa nada. The hardest word to say is sometimes a simple “no”, but saying it can be life-defining.

4. This lady and her life partner who decided to press the PAUSE button

Credit: Instagram. @misspilsner

We love this post about a couple who canceled the wedding and decided to seek help, get counseling and be at a better place before tying the knot. Sometimes it is not about the person not being right for you, but about the relationship needing more work before the ultimate “I do”.

5. This woman who was rescued by her boyfriend’s female friend

Credit: Twitter. @SanMar0714

This woman basically dodged a womanizer. A Twitter user who had been wooed by the groom contacted the bride, telling her that she had been receiving texts of a not-so-innocent nature from him. The rest, as they say, is history. The bodorrio was cancelled and the bride even ended up at the hospital. Her life with this jijodesu would have been even worse though, so she made the brave, wise choice.

6. But the infidelidad can be even worse when it involves the bride’s family

Credit: Twitter. @pedromurillojr

We hate the manera burlona in which this story is presented, but we decided to include it as it shows how vicious men can be about stories of failed weddings, what toxic masculinity looks like (if you are a dude reading this, take not on what NOT to do). It is no laughing matter: the groom cheated on the bride with her cousin. A relationship and a family relationship shattered. The matrimonio would have been a house of deceit, though.

7. A good end to a failed wedding

Credit: Twitter. @aciprensa

We love what a woman from Indiana, whose $30,000 wedding was canceled, didn’t want it all to go to waste… so she decided to host a grand banquet for the homeless. What a great action. This is a lot of good karma and brownie points in her future life as a strong, independent, single woman. Te amamos.

8. This woman who experienced the most awkward moment of all time

Credit: Instagram. @thespacenymph

Do yourself a favor and read this woman’s story. She likes trying on wedding dresses ever since she was bound to get married. She was doing this with her current BF and surprise… she bumps into her ex-suegros. Ouch! What a way to go down memory lane… or rather, highway to hell!

9. This lady who wants to wear that gorge smile and not that wedding dress

Credit: Instagram. @mecmcgie

The hashtags say it all: #almostabride #dodgedabullet #cancelledwedding #happilyeverafterthebreakup. She knew deep in her heart that she would be better off without the dude. In her own words, she dodged a bullet. We hope she treated herself with the $450 she sold the dress for!

10. Wow, this story of self-care and inspiration

Credit: Instagram. @melbay86

We love this success story: it is bittersweet because of the breakup and the fact her mother is no longer here, but it is inspiring in that she took the life-changing event of a canceled wedding as the first step towards discovery and personal betterment. We can only say “te mereces eso y todo lo bueno que venga, reina”. 

11. This tale of deceit and a brave woman who faced the truth


Credit: image. Digital Image. She Said.

A common mistake for people who are about to get married is overlooking the evident flaws that a partner can have. Nadie es perfecto and we can all be better, but sometimes you don’t want to put up with certain things. And that is fair and you have the right to say no. If you are in a similar situation, read the story by Julia Park Tracey in which she accepts being blown away by the sparkles. She writes in her essay” Why I Cancelled My Wedding At The Last Second”: “I didn’t notice the drinking and overlooked the drugs, which he said he didn’t do anymore and went ahead with plans for a big wedding; it was part of the fantasy of marrying Prince Charming”. As we said, the wedding is not the most important part of that night, but the actual “ever after” that follows.

 
 
 
 

Readers Share Adorable Stories of How Their Parents and Abuelos Met

Culture

Readers Share Adorable Stories of How Their Parents and Abuelos Met

@JulianFdo /Twitter

In the era of hookup culture and online swiping, it’s comforting to look back on the days when dating was a straight-forward affair: boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy marries girl. End of story. But, times have changed and finding your other half can feel more impossible than every Luckily, we can always look to older generations to give us hope. Their romantic stories of days past are always inspiring.

Readers of FIERCE by mitu shared their cute stories of how their parents and abuelos met. Check out some of our favorite ones below!

1. The old bait-and-switch

@ChrisRAlonso/Twitter

“My abuelos met eachother while they were living in Cuba. Abuelo pretended to be 5 years older than her to get her attention but was actually 2 years younger. He asked her out for ice-cream on their first date.”

2. The Cinderella Story

@JulianFdo/Twitter

“My Dad was rich & Mom poor, he chose her and was disowned by his family and lost his inheritance. They lived happily ever after working their asses off once they came to the United States. Love my parents”. -@mrs.jaypeeonenine

3. Love Letters Gone Wrong

@kathleenlights1/Twitter

“My dad was playing basketball at my moms high school. He saw my mom and asked her if he could write her. 1953. Mom told dad to write his address on the locker that he was using for the basketball game ( girls lockers). He did. On Monday morning the principal of moms school called to complain to the principal of my dads high school and was angry his basketball team had written all over the lockers. My dad and his team were punished and had to go back to my moms school to clean up the lockers. I still have the first letter my dad sent my mom. Mom passed away 10 years ago. I’m 64 and will never forget their love story”. – @dollycardenas50

4. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach

@cokythelad/Twitter

“My mom and dad both immigrated here from Argentina when they were kids. My dad was 9 and my mom was 2. My dad ended up going to high school with my mom’s little brother and they got super drunk one night together when they were 16. They were scared to go back to their houses (the wrath of a Latin mother!!) so they tried to sleep in a park. It got too cold, so they went back to my uncle’s place and decided to wake my mom up by throwing rocks at her window. At 3am, my mom let her hermanito and my dad crawl through her window. My dad and uncle set up camp in my uncle’s room to sleep everything off, but they were starving. My uncle sent my dad to knock on my mom’s door and ask if she could make pancakes (bc they’re legendary). She thought he was so cute, that she made them pancakes at 3am. They’ve been together ever since (they’re 52 now).” -@bryduca

5. A Tale of Two Heights

@joeytovar_ /Twitter

“My grandparents went to school together. He asked her to be his partner for a dance performance once. Grandpa says he would have asked her sooner but didn’t see her. He’s 6ft she’s 4’10.” -@danhely

6. Love at first sight

@lcarreradesign/Twitter

“My abuelos met each other on a bus in Chicago while Guelo was studying to be a priest. He was a light skinned, fiery haired Mexican man with a friendly smile. Guela’s golden brown Puerto Rican glow was accented by her elegant black ringlets and graceful summer dress. He was smitten the moment he saw her! They conversed about spirituality, faith, and love for something greater than self.Less than one year later, Guelo traded one sacrament for another so that we, our family, could be born.” -@e.m.castro

7. Flirting By Throwing Rocks?

@keithmburke/Twitter

“My abuela would fill up her cantaro with water & whenever she walked by, my abuelo would through small rocks. She hated him for making her dump the water & he loved how beautiful she looked angry”. -@mija_por_favor

8. Life-long dance partners

@babybellabb/Twitter

“My abuelos ran into each other multiple times in one day. They had gotten onto the same bus two different times. Later that night when my abuelo saw my abuela at a dance he decided seeing her a third time that day was a sign and asked her to dance. And they were dancing partners the rest of her life”. -@thetiffanyandco

9. The Bashful Beginning

@leticiasaurus /Twitter

“My dad was friends with my mom’s brothers but he never met her despite always being around. One day, my mom was cleaning the floor outside her house & saw my dad walking from a distance towards the house. She dropped the broom & ran inside. The rest, is history”. -@lifeasingrid

10. The Whirlwind Romance

@ohmy_itsyza/Twitter

“My grandma and grandpa met while being migrant workers. Grandma was 15 and he was 18. My grandma’s sisters were trying to get with my grandpa but grandma wasn’t having it. Their time at that location was almost over and they were going to be separated so after two weeks of knowing each other, they decided to marry. They were married 62 years before my grandma passed.” – @amorettenoel

11. A Military Marriage

@prietitaV/Twitter

“My grandfather was in the marines and was stationed in the Dominican Rep. training the Dominican Air Force. At a party he meet my abuelita and fell in love. He had to asked his superiors for permission to see her, then my great grandfather to court her. They both passed away one right after each other after being 50 years together” -@claudia_teresa1

12. A Meeting of Cultures

@TheHernandezLab/Twitter

“Mi abuela, Soledad, or Chole, was a very attractive and creative woman. Soon after high school she was dancing in a women’s Mexican folklorico troup at the 1933 Chicago World’s Fair. Mi abuelo Modesto, was selling Cuban cigars as a traveling salesman. They met at the Fair, fell in love and eventually had my mom, Rosalia.” -@fridadina

13. An arranged marriage with a happy ending…

@brina_la_nica/Twitter

“In my dad’s side of the family my grandma had to marry my grandpa because a chismosa saw her talking to him outside the grocery story, so my great-grandparents arranged the marriage to restore their honor. In my moms side of the family my grandma had to marry my grandpa to pay off a debt of his family take care of hers after my grandmas parents passed away when she was young. They loved each other and lived happily ever after.#arrangedmarriages” -@iris_herndz

14. An Irresistible Passion

@daiciamestas

“My parents met at a dance in Durango, Colorado. Durango is a college town perfectly located in the middle of my parent’s hometowns. My mother was promised to someone else through engagement, but my father won her heart before leaving for the Navy.” -@daiciamestas

Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor Married A Gay Couple And It Was The Sweetest Thing

Fierce

Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor Married A Gay Couple And It Was The Sweetest Thing

Chip Somodevilla / Getty Images

Catherine Pino and Ingrid Duran are not your typical Washington, D.C. bureaucrats. Not only are these powerful women two of the only Latinx women to own their own consulting firm, but they are definitely some of the only women to do so while being married to each other. Pino and Duran founded D&P Creative Strategies in 2004, long before the wave of acceptance of LGBTQ  swept the American consciousness. “We created our company in 2004 because we both really wanted to strengthen and advance the relationship between the LGBTQ and the Latino communities because at the time it was very different than it is today,” Duran said in an interview with Affinity magazine. “It was important for us to build a strong bridge between the two and change the narrative.”

Duran and Pino’s mission is one that doesn’t get enough attention within the Latinx community.

But according to Duran and Pino, they have methods to tackle that. Their consulting firm specifically aims to “[increase] the role of corporate, legislative and philanthropic efforts in addressing the concerns of Latinos, women, and gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (GLBT) communities”. When they founded their firm, they made waves for deciding to take the D.C. political world head-on as an out lesbian couple. “If businesses don’t want to work with us because we’re gay, then we don’t want to work with them,” said Duran to LGBTQ Nation.

But back in 2004, although Duran and Pino were out-and-proud, they were not legally allowed to authenticate their bond in the United States because, at the time, same-sex marriage was illegal. But in 2015, that all changed. Their friend Justice Sonia Sotomayor invited them to hear the landmark Obergefell v. Hodges case at the Supreme Court–the decision that ruled that marriage was a fundamental right of all Americans–including for gay couples. Four months later, they reunited with Justice Sotomayor. This time, however, the honorable judge was officiating their wedding.

Although they appear so comfortable with their identities now, navigating their identities as lesbian Latinas has not always an easy journey for Duran and Pino.

@LatinosLead / Twitter

When they were younger, their families’ struggled to come to terms with their daughters living a “non-traditional” lifestyle. Pino’s family, in particular, had trouble coming to terms with her sexuality. Raised in a conservative Catholic family, the idea of having a lesbian daughter was “unheard of,” according to Pino. 

As for Duran, while she thought her family would be understanding by virtue of them being progressive Chicano activists, their reaction was not as open-minded as she had hoped. Her mother believed that she had “done something wrong” in raising Duran and “struggled with what will people think”. “It was a journey for my mom to come around,” said Duran. “But when she did, she came full circle”. 

Perhaps their families’ ultimate changes-of-heart gave these women the confidence to believe the Latinx community was capable of change as well. These women are nothing but optimists about the future of America and the possibility of change. Speaking about the current administration’s policy towards Latinos, Pino doesn’t seem to be worried in the least. “Now is not the time to take the foot off the gas,” she said to LGBTQ nation. “I firmly believe in my heart that this too shall pass…We just both very much feel that we need to do as much as we can where we can and just keep working hard on these issues.”And working on the issues, they have. 

In 2015, the couple partnered with The Freedom to Marry initiative to create the campaign “Familia es Familia”. 

The campaign was “a national public education campaign” targeted towards the Latino community with the goal of normalizing the idea of marriage equality. According to the women, it is some of the work they are most proud of. As for what’s next, D&P Creative Strategies appears to be actively involved in campaigns promoting Digital Literacy, net neutrality, Latinx media representation, and supporting Latinx businesses. In this day and age of political grandstanding and empty promises, it’s inspiring to see Catherine Pino and Ingrid Duran walking the walk. 

Pino and Duran also use their platform to educate the Latinx community about issues that are close to their hearts. They created the production company “Brown Beauty Productions” as a means to “invite Latinos in the United States to tell their innovative and inspiring stories”. They have produced numerous documentaries for HBO regarding POC and LGBT issues like “The Latino List” “The Out List” and “The Trans List”. All of these happen to be projects providing information, insight, and a human angle to stories that aren’t always told in mainstream media. In other words, these ladies are working at changing the culture from every angle. They are an inspirational example to every queer Latinx person out there that the sky is the limit.