relationships

You Will DEF Want To Read Some Of These Racy And Funny IRL Friends With Benefits Stories

In the age of dating apps and trying hard to ‘act chill’ to hide your real ~FeELinGs~, things aren’t always clearly defined when it comes to relationships.

Enter: situationships and the ever-popular, friends with benefits scenario.

‘The talk’ is alwayyss hard to initiate, but before you go cry into a Michelada and turn the volume hasta arriba on Paquita la del Barrio, here are some interesting and funny FWB stories that will make you jajaja 😂 and help you feel *a little* better after asking your (potential) chikibaby situation, “What are we?” 😬 😬     

1. Special Delivery!

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“When I was 18 I took a girl to a motel and after sex I ordered a pizza and my ex’s mom delivered it.” – Emilio, 35

But was the pizza good tho? 🍕 🍕 Real talk.

2. Water or Vodka?

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“I was once getting to a know a girl and had a casual sexual relationship. Then one night after we hooked up she was laying face down in my bed not really talking much. Mumbling. So I asked her if she was okay and wanted water. She said yea so I went to get her water bottle out of her purse. Her water bottle was full of pure vodka.

Homegirl was an alcoholic and I didn’t realize it because she was pre-dental and always used mouthwash and mint gum. So I had to call her parents who were an hour away to come and pick her up at 2AM on a Sunday night because she couldn’t drive home. That was how I met her parents.” – Christian, 28

NOT how we want to ‘meet the parents!’ #AyYaiYai

3. Dirty Laundry

“My friend dated a guy (in their early twenties) and they had been going out for a while. She would come over to his place and forget a t-shirt or bra from time to time. One day, they were watching TV in his room and his mom walks in with his laundry and a separate pile of “her” stuff and holds up a racy piece of lingerie, saying “I bet this is yours.” Her face turned red! 😳 😳 The mom walked out and she turned to him and says, “That’s not mine!” – Alejandra*, 28

😲 😲

4. Shake your Groove Thing

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“[We] used to go to a hotel. It was great because there was a rotating disco ball and we always put it on. We’d always buy a bottle of wine and crack it open and it was awkward if it (the disco ball) stopped midway because we’d have to put it back on.” -Jessica, 30

Casual 🍑 🍆 with a disco ball? That’s called sophisticated fun. 😉

5. Unexpected visitor

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“During the time my brother and I were roommates, he was hooking up for years with this one girl. One day our mom stopped by and went into his room to clean. She pulled the bed covers down and this girl was just hiding under there trying not to be noticed! Needless to say, my mom stopped dropping by unannounced.” Fernando*, 39

This is why a courtesy knock is muy importante.

6. Bi-Curious

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“Richard was around 42 years old when I met him on a gay dating website, not an app. He was single at the time and bi-curious. After asking him to meet up and f***, we casually continued to hook up with each other for a year and a half.

One day, Richard told me he now had a girlfriend and was living with her. I then distanced myself from him, but he would hit me up asking for some guy-on-guy action.

I thought, ‘Is this cheating? I am giving him something his gf can’t give him.’

We would see each other once every 2-3 months. Every time I left, I would feel bad because of his girlfriend, but the sex was good.

Richard eventually asked me to do boyfriend-like things, and that’s when I put my foot to the break and decided to not take it further.” —Chris, 29

Put your apuestas—who thinks the girlfriend eventually found out? 😱 😱

7. The No F*ckbois Diet

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“I had to lose weight and I went to see a nutritionist. I was basically the human 😍 emoji once I laid eyes on my nutritionist. He was a tall guy with an athletic build. We broke the ice when he asked me how many alcoholic drinks I had a week and I answered, “That depends with which friends I am going out with.” He began to crack up.

At the end of our monthly sessions, he would walk me to my car and talk about his travels. Sadly I found out he had a girlfriend and we just would talk. Then, he told me had broken up with his gf and we began to go out.

There was a lot of chemistry and it seemed we were starting to become more than friends with benefits, however he never told me those magic words of being boyfriend and girlfriend.

One day I found out that he was continuing to talk with his ex and when I asked him about it, he said he was still talking to her. That’s when I started to distance myself from him. We continued to be friends although we stopped kissing each other.

Lesson of the story: Don’t be with guys who are barely ending a relationship. It doesn’t work for something serious.”

*Takes out notes section on iPhone to remember that quote.*

Did any of these FWB stories make your g-a-s-p?! Share this article with your friends!

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Zoe Saldana And Her Husband Are Creating The Most Beautiful, Gender Fluid Atmospheres For Their Kids

relationships

Zoe Saldana And Her Husband Are Creating The Most Beautiful, Gender Fluid Atmospheres For Their Kids

zoesaldana / Instagram

Zoe Saldana-Perego, born Zoe Yadira Saldaña Nazario, is the Dominicana we’ve loved to love since her film debut in “Center Stage” (2000), where she played a Latinx ballet dancer, whose culture defied that of the fictional American Ballet Academy. Since then she’s gone one to star in “Star Trek,” “Avatar,” “Guardians of the Galaxy,” and “Colombiana.”

One of her most stunningly beautiful personal accomplishments is how she chooses to raise her kids–without gender norms. Meet Bowie, Cy and Zen.

1. Saldana is married to Italian artist Marco Perego.

CREDIT: @zoesaldana / Instagram

Perego is also a rugby player whose nickname is The Pirate because of his long locks, and some interesting art pieces. He actually created a massive gum ball sculpture where instead of gum balls, there were human skulls inside.

2. They secretly got married in June 2013 in London.

CREDIT: @zoesaldana / Instagram

Going against traditions, Perego took Saldana’s last name, making him Marco Perego-Saldana, and her Zoe Saldana-Perego. Their kids’ names will be Perego-Saldana.

3. All their kids are bilingual in Spanish and English.

CREDIT: @zoesaldana / Instagram

Hubby learned to speak Spanish so that they, as a family, can all speak the language together. Good husband. 🐶

Caption: “Seeds of our Great Tree. Mi manchi tanto 📷 @finnjk”

4. Bowie and Cy are twins.

CREDIT: @zoesaldana / Instagram

They were both (obviously) born in 2014. The Perego-Saldanas are a private family, that’s for sure, and Zoe kept her first pregnancy under wraps for the first three months. We’re glad we get to see her beautiful family grow via Instagram.

5. Basically, Zoe is the only woman in the house.

CREDIT: @zoesaldana / Instagram

She is surrounded by dudes of all shapes and ages. In an interview with US Magazine, Zoe confessed, “I’m learning a lot about male biology. Boys are insane…but they’re sensitive, too.”

6. There is no male or female role in the house.

CREDIT: @zoesaldana / Instagram

Zoe does a lot of the repair work, like setting up the TV, and Marco does some household chores, making for a gender-fluid environment. We could all use a lot more of that.

7. “We’re so of a very gender fluid household. I think it’s important to raise boys in that environment and girls as well.”

CREDIT: @zoesaldana / Instagram

Amen, mami. I love that these niños are bringing their wisdom to their schools, and growing up to be people who respect women just as equally as men. We imagine that they’re probably also getting every opportunity to define their own gender since there is no prescription.

8. The only thing prescribed in their household? Fun.

CREDIT: @zoesaldana / Instagram

Zoe says her kids have taught her a lot, too. “We’re caught raising and teaching and disciplining and cooking and cleaning and not enough time to play. I think that my kids always remind me when I’m being too boring. They go, ‘Mama, be nice, sit down and play with me.’ That’s what they’re teaching me.”

9. Being a mom can be hella sucio though.

CREDIT: @zoesaldana / Instagram

When asked what her grossest moment was Zoe responded, “Oh, you know, when you’re talking to a total stranger and you smell something and look down and are covered in sh*t.”

🙊

10. And a working mom is a whole other ballgame.

CREDIT: zoesaldana / Instagram

Caption: “You do what you have to do to be there…. Haces lo que tienes que hacer para estar ahí. #workingmom#madresquetrabajan”

11. With artists for parents, these kids are already getting down to business.

CREDIT: @zoesaldana / Instagram

The Latino household I grew up in was all about following the rules, cleaning up after yourself, and never doing anything that might make the floors dirty, including walking on them on Saturdays.

12. La Cultura is very alive in these ones.

CREDIT: @zoesaldana / Instagram

We have a feeling that Bowie and Cy didn’t color these Día de los Muertos masks in, but they’re definitely confused about where their mom went. Same. #BringBackZoe

13. And la abuelita is always your #wcw.

CREDIT: @zoesaldana / Instagram

For Zoe at least. Si tengo un elote por cada vez Zoe se pone una #wcw de su mami, I’d be fat af.

14. Oh, and the Saldana-Perego’s also work to end child poverty.

CREDIT: @zoesaldana / Instagram

Caption: “We’ve got our #NosesOn… help end child poverty for @RedNoseDayUSA by visiting RedNoseDay.org to learn more + find out how you can help. You can also snag your own Red Nose shirt designed by @victoriabeckham! 🔴🔴🔴”

15. What is an ideal day in the life of Zoe Saldana-Perego?

CREDIT: @zoesaldana / Instagram

She told US Magazine, “An ideal day is when the kids wake up happy, they eat all their breakfast, take a nap, everybody poops and pees, they drink water and they go to sleep on time so I can at least have an evening with my husband.”

16. But fame doesn’t make you immune to blowouts.

CREDIT: @zoesaldana / Instagram
“Blowouts always happen in the most inconvenient time. I’ve had all of those. I’ve checked every box. Airport, public places, in the car, sitting and talking to people that you barely know.” 

17. Her proudest moment as a mother is when her kids’ first communicated.

CREDIT: @zoesaldana / Instagram

Whether that was with a word, or baby sign language, the moment she was able to communicate with each of her sons was a treasure moment of many to come.

18. All we know, is that these babies are growing up in a mystical new cultura.

CREDIT: @zoesaldana / Instagram

And we’re here for it.

Caption: “I thought the earth remembered me, / She took me back so tenderly / Arranging her skirts / Her pockets full of lichens and seeds. / I slept as never before / A stone on the riverbed, / Nothing between me and the white fire of the stars, / But my thoughts. / And they floated light as moths / Among the branches of the perfect trees. / All night I heard the small kingdoms / Breathing around me. / The insects and the birds / Who do their work in darkness. / All night I rose and fell, / As if water, grappling with luminous doom. / By morning I had vanished at least a dozen times / Into something better. / SLEEPING IN THE FOREST By Mary Oliver”


READ: Leave It To Zoe Saldana To Take Something As Dark As Her Character’s Baggage And Turn It Into A Message Of Strength And Redemption

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