In the age of dating apps and trying hard to ‘act chill’ to hide your real ~FeELinGs~, things aren’t always clearly defined when it comes to relationships.
Enter: situationships and the ever-popular, friends with benefits scenario.
‘The talk’ is alwayyss hard to initiate, but before you go cry into a Michelada and turn the volume hasta arriba on Paquita la del Barrio, here are some interesting and funny FWB stories that will make you jajaja 😂 and help you feel *a little* better after asking your (potential) chikibaby situation, “What are we?” 😬 😬
1. Special Delivery!
“When I was 18 I took a girl to a motel and after sex I ordered a pizza and my ex’s mom delivered it.” – Emilio, 35
But was the pizza good tho? 🍕 🍕 Real talk.
2. Water or Vodka?
“I was once getting to a know a girl and had a casual sexual relationship. Then one night after we hooked up she was laying face down in my bed not really talking much. Mumbling. So I asked her if she was okay and wanted water. She said yea so I went to get her water bottle out of her purse. Her water bottle was full of pure vodka.
Homegirl was an alcoholic and I didn’t realize it because she was pre-dental and always used mouthwash and mint gum. So I had to call her parents who were an hour away to come and pick her up at 2AM on a Sunday night because she couldn’t drive home. That was how I met her parents.” – Christian, 28
NOT how we want to ‘meet the parents!’ #AyYaiYai
3. Dirty Laundry
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“My friend dated a guy (in their early twenties) and they had been going out for a while. She would come over to his place and forget a t-shirt or bra from time to time. One day, they were watching TV in his room and his mom walks in with his laundry and a separate pile of “her” stuff and holds up a racy piece of lingerie, saying “I bet this is yours.” Her face turned red! 😳 😳 The mom walked out and she turned to him and says, “That’s not mine!” – Alejandra*, 28
4. Shake your Groove Thing
“[We] used to go to a hotel. It was great because there was a rotating disco ball and we always put it on. We’d always buy a bottle of wine and crack it open and it was awkward if it (the disco ball) stopped midway because we’d have to put it back on.” -Jessica, 30
Casual 🍑 🍆 with a disco ball? That’s called sophisticated fun. 😉
5. Unexpected visitor
“During the time my brother and I were roommates, he was hooking up for years with this one girl. One day our mom stopped by and went into his room to clean. She pulled the bed covers down and this girl was just hiding under there trying not to be noticed! Needless to say, my mom stopped dropping by unannounced.” Fernando*, 39
This is why a courtesy knock is muy importante.
“Richard was around 42 years old when I met him on a gay dating website, not an app. He was single at the time and bi-curious. After asking him to meet up and f***, we casually continued to hook up with each other for a year and a half.
One day, Richard told me he now had a girlfriend and was living with her. I then distanced myself from him, but he would hit me up asking for some guy-on-guy action.
I thought, ‘Is this cheating? I am giving him something his gf can’t give him.’
We would see each other once every 2-3 months. Every time I left, I would feel bad because of his girlfriend, but the sex was good.
Richard eventually asked me to do boyfriend-like things, and that’s when I put my foot to the break and decided to not take it further.” —Chris, 29
Put your apuestas—who thinks the girlfriend eventually found out? 😱 😱
7. The No F*ckbois Diet
“I had to lose weight and I went to see a nutritionist. I was basically the human 😍 emoji once I laid eyes on my nutritionist. He was a tall guy with an athletic build. We broke the ice when he asked me how many alcoholic drinks I had a week and I answered, “That depends with which friends I am going out with.” He began to crack up.
At the end of our monthly sessions, he would walk me to my car and talk about his travels. Sadly I found out he had a girlfriend and we just would talk. Then, he told me had broken up with his gf and we began to go out.
There was a lot of chemistry and it seemed we were starting to become more than friends with benefits, however he never told me those magic words of being boyfriend and girlfriend.
One day I found out that he was continuing to talk with his ex and when I asked him about it, he said he was still talking to her. That’s when I started to distance myself from him. We continued to be friends although we stopped kissing each other.
Lesson of the story: Don’t be with guys who are barely ending a relationship. It doesn’t work for something serious.”
*Takes out notes section on iPhone to remember that quote.*
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