relationships

This Valentine’s Day I Am Treating My Husband To The Same Love He Gives Me Year-Round

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My husband and I had our first date on Valentine’s day — cheesy, I know. We didn’t intend on having some romantic time on that specific day, but it turned out that was the only day we could actually meet. So we agreed to go out on that day knowing full-well that first dates on Valentine’s Day are not only loaded with so much pressure but also super corny. However, we didn’t let that baggage stop us from meeting up. Thankfully it turned out to be one of the best dates I’ve ever had — and two years later we got married.

While he acknowledges our wedding date as our real anniversary, I cannot help but still think about our first date five years ago. One of the biggest reasons why I fell in love with him was because of his romantic sensibility.

I love romantic comedies and those over-the-top mushy love stories. However, when it comes to me embracing love, or allowing someone to love me is another story. Despite my drawbacks, I genuinely try to let my husband be romantic even though I am always suspicious of it, or worse become distant simply because how much mush can someone take? When I get like this — bitchy and annoying toward my husband when he wants to be loving — I try to remember how my life would be if he weren’t in it. That’s when I take control of anxiety (as best as I can) and give him the love that he deserves.

This year, for our first-date anniversary on Valentine’s Day, I’m making a conscious effort to do something very different.

CREDIT: Unsplash

I am taking charge of the day he came into my life by showering him with all the love he gives me year-round. I think it’s ridiculous how much social pressure it is for a man to be the one that makes all of the grand gestures. Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to get special gifts like flowers and be taken out on romantic dinners, but it’s rare that that kind of pressure or obligation is placed on me, the woman. Relationships take work from both parties, so it’s only fair that I should put in as much work as he does. Also, Valentine’s Day is already loaded with so much anticipation that includes wondering “what will he get me this year” or “he better not forget today is Valentine’s Day because if he does…” No one has time for that kind of stress. So my advice to you is not to take the love that you share for granted because that is only a problem waiting to happen.

Take control of your Valentine’s Day and show him how much he truly means to you with no strings attached.

CREDIT: Unsplash

Do not treat him like your king only to get something in return. That is just cruel and insincere. (Again, my advice is for women, who like me, get moody a lot and have a difficult time being loved.) Let your guard down and be there for him. It doesn’t have to be on Valentine’s Day, but try to show him love as much as he loves you at least once a day. Here are some easy things you can do.

Make him his favorite meal.

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Who doesn’t love good food? So if he’s into gooey casseroles, make it (or buy premade), or if he desires Arby’s, then go through the drive-thru and surprise him with his favorite meal. Just pair a nice glass of bourbon, or whatever he’s into. He will be floored with just that.

Give him a day at the spa or relaxing beach time.

CREDIT: Unsplash

This is probably a gift for you more than it is for him. There are a ton of men’s grooming salons that will greet him with a complimentary glass of wine and make him feel like he just won the lottery.

Let him compliment you and don’t question it.

CREDIT: Unsplash

Now, this gift is free, but hard to do for some of us (at least for me). When my husband is all cutesy or loving, it’s super easy for me to roll my eyes. Instead of being jaded, let the love take over.

If he’s into sports, get him tickets to a game of his choice.

CREDIT: Unsplash

If you’re not into sports, tell him he can take his friend. But really, try and bear one game, it won’t kill you.

Get him a box of chocolates.

CREDIT: Unsplash

If you’re not the lovey-dovey type, fake it for just one day at least. Your boo will adore you for putting in some real effort.

My point is, don’t expect him to treat you like a queen when you treat him like a peasant. Now, if your husband isn’t as romantic as mine…perhaps you should let him read this essay to clue him in on things he should be doing for you.


READ: I Started Yearly Trips To Mexico With My White Husband So We Could Better Understand Each Other

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This 107-Year-Old Woman Tells Joke Of The Year By Saying Secret To Longevity Is Staying Single

Fierce

This 107-Year-Old Woman Tells Joke Of The Year By Saying Secret To Longevity Is Staying Single

This one is for all the single ladies out there. For those who have an aversion to f*ckboys, f*ckgirls, and f*ckpeople, and for all the little homies out there that prefer the company of their own damned selves to anyone else, you’ll love this abuela-in-age-only. It turns out the secret to a long life isn’t some fad diet, magic pill, or even exercise, apparently. A woman who is older than a century — that means she’s lived long enough to see Jim Crow, the moon landing, World War II, AOL, Y2K, and every Pitbull music video ever made (including features) — revealed her secret to a long life. 

Hint: trust no man! 

So what are you doing for your big 1-0-7? 

Louise Signore, a resident of the Bronx, New York (editor’s note: yerrr), celebrated her 107th birthday on Wednesday. She had a lit party at the JASA Bartow Community Center in Co-Op city with over 100 of her closest friends and loved ones.

OK to be fair, Signore does maintain a healthy diet and does in fact exercise on the regular. But lots of people lead healthy lifestyles and they kick the bucket a lot younger than Signore. 

“If they have exercise, I do the exercise. If they have dancing, I dance. I still do a little dancing. After my lunch, I will play bingo, so I had a full day,” Signore, who is Italian American, told WCBS. “Italian food. Italian food is very good for you. I was brought up with very good food. No soda, no cake.”

The secret of the century… 

Signore believes the key to her youthful glow and longevity is never marrying. Do you hear that? The key to a long life is staying single and living your best life. As the saying goes: the most important relationship of your life is the one with yourself. 

“I think the secret of 107: I never got married. I think that’s the secret. My sister says, ‘I wish I never got married,” she said.

Perhaps, Signore feels she got a little more out of life than other people who had to prioritize their children and partners over other experiences. With duties more equally split amongst partners nowadays, things might be different for women who choose to marry in 2019 and beyond. 

Signore’s sister is 102 years old. It sounds like she was once married, but she is also over a century old like Signore. I am starting to think Signore’s theory might fall apart under greater scientific scrutiny. You hate to see it! But we love to see a woman who is proud of her life choices either way. (It’s also possible Signore just wanted to drag her sister’s marriage a little bit. Don’t make it hot, abuela.) 

Laughing at all those memes might grant you a long life too. 

“I said I’ve had enough parties,” Signore joked. In Signore’s community, she’s known for her dry sense of humor and being agile as ever. Fun fact: Destiny’s Child wrote a song about Signore it’s called “Independent Women.” 

“She’s got no walking cane, no wheelchair. She does all her shopping. She’s awesome,” said her friend Deborah Whitaker. 

While her sister doesn’t take any prescription medicine, Signore admits she takes one high blood pressure pill. 

Things were really popping off in 1912.

Born in Harlem, New York in 1912, Signore moved to the Bronx when she was 14 and has called it home ever since. The year she was born Woodrow Wilson took office, the Titanic hit an iceberg, and Mexico was embroiled in a revolution that would last another eight years; women still wore pantaloons under their dresses, the Dominican Republic was ending its bloody civil war, and people would have to wait another 92 years to hear Pitbull’s M.I.A.M.I. 

Abuelita is a survivor.

While Signore believes she has been lucky in life, her time on this earth has not been without challenges. She is legally blind, recently had a close call with pneumonia, and survived an assault and robbery at 103 years old. 

Life is the longest thing any of us will ever do no matter when it ends. Some of us like to be cuffed up, others prefer to go it by themselves. Just remember, being single doesn’t mean you are ever alone. Signore has a community of over 100 people to celebrate her life with. However way you choose to go through it, Signore shows that it’s the relationships we form  — platonic or romantic — that matter most. 

Fed Up With Tinder And Instagram DM Slide-Ins This Latina Decided It Was Time To Give Up On Dating And Marry Herself

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Fed Up With Tinder And Instagram DM Slide-Ins This Latina Decided It Was Time To Give Up On Dating And Marry Herself

@janispvaldez / Instagram

Our recent social platforms have made it certain that dating in today’s era is tough. Talk to your abuela about dating in her age, and she’ll probably tell you a story of waiting by a phone for a call and meeting up with a suitor at the local sock hop. She didn’t have to: swipe right and left on her Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, and OkCupid profiles. Or, check her DMs on Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat to find out if someone she was interested in was down to “hang out” on a Friday night. Nope. Not like we have to. 

One woman in Los Angeles became so fed up with the dating game and committing herself to the chase of apps that she decided it was time to commit to herself. So she did just that. On her 25th birthday.  Over the weekend, 25-year-old Janis Valdez said, “yes” to a life of putting herself first.

In a recent post to her Instagram page, the Mexican-American revealed to family and friends that she’d gotten married. To herself. 

“Sometimes you just gotta vow to love yourself cause no one else will do it for you. Nothing more I could of wanted from this birthday 👰🏻💕💍 #MarriedToMyself,” she captioned her post. 

This woman also isn’t the only one to have gone this route in recent years. It’s beginning to become a trend that experts have coined “sologamy” –– but heck, call it whatever you want. 

Last year, on Valentine’s Day an Australian woman married herself in a beach ceremony in front of her three close friends. In 2017, another Italian woman put on a white veil and walked down the aisle to marry herself. And so on. 

When asked about what led her to make the choice to give up on the dating scene – for now – and marry herself, Valdez told FIERCE by mitú: “After many ghosts, booty calls you thought were serious, and [people playing] catfish, you can only take so much. So I decided, I’m turning 25. It’s time for a quarter-life crisis moment.” (She’s only half-joking, y’all). 

Valdez said her decision to say “I do” to herself was in an effort to change her perspective and approach to life.

“It’s for a life change,” Valdez explained. “It’s time I actually love myself because clearly… looking for someone else to love you in a city of complete vapidness and ego, no one’s going to love you for you.” 

Speaking about her decision to marry herself, Valdez told us that she decided to have the ceremony on her birthday because “what’s a better way to bring in 25 than to fucking marry yourself? I thought it was pretty badass.” 

But remember, Valdez’s decision to mary herself is about commitment to herself, not necessarily about committing to a life without a partner.

 Writer Lea Rose Emery explained to Brides Magazine in the article Sologamy: Why More and More Women Are Marrying…Themselves that “some self-marriage proponents are bound to keep flying solo, many who choose to self-marry by no means plan on being alone. It’s not about replacing or preventing a potential partner. It’s not about being alone—it’s about being enough.”

Valdez  says she told her family a few years ago that she was “probably going to end up marrying herself because dating was not working out.” She says she sort of made a pact with her sister, that if they reached their thirties without being married they would marry themselves but still throw an extravagant and fabulous ceremony together so their parents could have that to look forward to. Of course, since then both sisters have been in relationships. Valdez’s sister is currently in a committed one and Valdez was in one that she describes as “a very serious long term relationship” for some time until things ended. Pursuing relationships after the breakup proved to be rough, however, as Valdez explains “dating since my break-up has been horrible.”

Valdez isn’t letting that experience completely take over her life and she seems to be taking matters into her own hands – prioritizing herself and learning to love herself first and foremost.

Valdez also creates videos on YouTube where she not only chronicles her life in the city with her friends but also has a series called, “Dating in L.A.” 

If you watch, she says, you’ll get a glimpse into how horrible dating in L.A. really is.

And she’s not the only one who feels this way about dating in L.A. or other huge cities for that matter. Los Angeles Magazine published an article earlier this year titled, “Dating in L.A. Sucks. We Did the Math.” 

In it, the writer states: “Relationships are hard. Relationships in Los Angeles are harder. Maybe the 405 is to blame for canceled dates? Perhaps Peter Pan Syndrome prevents substantive connections? No matter the cause, single Angelenos are approaching the dating game with apathy rather than intent, and that’s unpleasant.” You can say that again. 

Dating in L.A. can be a downer for many reasons. We’ve got a list longer than CVS receipts.

For Valdez, she says she isn’t much into the bar or clubbing scene and she’s a homebody. “I’m so closely tied to my friends that it’s honestly a hard position I put myself in to meet new people,” she explains. “So of course, I turned to apps. But [many times] people never looked like their pictures. [Other times] people are just looking for matches and validation.”

And the list goes on. She also says her experiences with dating apps meant that people were simply “matching with her” but not reaching out or just ghosting her straight up. She was fed up with those experiences that left a bad taste in her mouth. She says it was also harder for her to date around as a bisexual woman. 

To other bisexual women in the dating, she would say, “Be picky with the guys you date and when and how you tell them you’re bi. I’m sure I’m not the only one to get ‘threesome?’ A lot of the time, too, I’ll tell a guy that I’m bi and that immediately sexualizes me [in their eyes] and they can’t see me in any other light.”

So she advises other women in similar situations to “just do what feels right to you at the moment. So if you don’t have a feel for this person right off the bat, maybe try to get to know them a little more and make sure it’s not someone who’s going to be ignorant [about you and your feelings. But also be yourself.” 

But despite her experience with dating in L.A., Valdez isn’t letting that make her completely close off. 

If Valdez meets someone and there’s a genuine connection, she says she’s not going to turn that down just because she’s married. 

“I put myself first. That’s what’s different after marriage. I’m someone who maybe prioritized my significant others too much, or above myself. And marrying myself was the first step in really changing that behavior,” she explains. “I am the most important. I will do right by me and if I’m right by me then I can do right by others. All that stuff. But I’m done with the meaningless casualties of dating. I don’t feel like putting effort into people who couldn’t care less about me. I just feel empty when I do that. So if something genuine and deep and real and meaningful comes, I won’t shut it down.” 

Cheers to that! 

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