relationships

This Valentine’s Day I Am Treating My Husband To The Same Love He Gives Me Year-Round

My husband and I had our first date on Valentine’s day — cheesy, I know. We didn’t intend on having some romantic time on that specific day, but it turned out that was the only day we could actually meet. So we agreed to go out on that day knowing full-well that first dates on Valentine’s Day are not only loaded with so much pressure but also super corny. However, we didn’t let that baggage stop us from meeting up. Thankfully it turned out to be one of the best dates I’ve ever had — and two years later we got married.

While he acknowledges our wedding date as our real anniversary, I cannot help but still think about our first date five years ago. One of the biggest reasons why I fell in love with him was because of his romantic sensibility.

I love romantic comedies and those over-the-top mushy love stories. However, when it comes to me embracing love, or allowing someone to love me is another story. Despite my drawbacks, I genuinely try to let my husband be romantic even though I am always suspicious of it, or worse become distant simply because how much mush can someone take? When I get like this — bitchy and annoying toward my husband when he wants to be loving — I try to remember how my life would be if he weren’t in it. That’s when I take control of anxiety (as best as I can) and give him the love that he deserves.

This year, for our first-date anniversary on Valentine’s Day, I’m making a conscious effort to do something very different.

CREDIT: Unsplash

I am taking charge of the day he came into my life by showering him with all the love he gives me year-round. I think it’s ridiculous how much social pressure it is for a man to be the one that makes all of the grand gestures. Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to get special gifts like flowers and be taken out on romantic dinners, but it’s rare that that kind of pressure or obligation is placed on me, the woman. Relationships take work from both parties, so it’s only fair that I should put in as much work as he does. Also, Valentine’s Day is already loaded with so much anticipation that includes wondering “what will he get me this year” or “he better not forget today is Valentine’s Day because if he does…” No one has time for that kind of stress. So my advice to you is not to take the love that you share for granted because that is only a problem waiting to happen.

Take control of your Valentine’s Day and show him how much he truly means to you with no strings attached.

CREDIT: Unsplash

Do not treat him like your king only to get something in return. That is just cruel and insincere. (Again, my advice is for women, who like me, get moody a lot and have a difficult time being loved.) Let your guard down and be there for him. It doesn’t have to be on Valentine’s Day, but try to show him love as much as he loves you at least once a day. Here are some easy things you can do.

Make him his favorite meal.

CREDIT: Unsplash

Who doesn’t love good food? So if he’s into gooey casseroles, make it (or buy premade), or if he desires Arby’s, then go through the drive-thru and surprise him with his favorite meal. Just pair a nice glass of bourbon, or whatever he’s into. He will be floored with just that.

Give him a day at the spa or relaxing beach time.

CREDIT: Unsplash

This is probably a gift for you more than it is for him. There are a ton of men’s grooming salons that will greet him with a complimentary glass of wine and make him feel like he just won the lottery.

Let him compliment you and don’t question it.

CREDIT: Unsplash

Now, this gift is free, but hard to do for some of us (at least for me). When my husband is all cutesy or loving, it’s super easy for me to roll my eyes. Instead of being jaded, let the love take over.

If he’s into sports, get him tickets to a game of his choice.

CREDIT: Unsplash

If you’re not into sports, tell him he can take his friend. But really, try and bear one game, it won’t kill you.

Get him a box of chocolates.

CREDIT: Unsplash

If you’re not the lovey-dovey type, fake it for just one day at least. Your boo will adore you for putting in some real effort.

My point is, don’t expect him to treat you like a queen when you treat him like a peasant. Now, if your husband isn’t as romantic as mine…perhaps you should let him read this essay to clue him in on things he should be doing for you.


READ: I Started Yearly Trips To Mexico With My White Husband So We Could Better Understand Each Other

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Latinas Shared Their Best Bits Of Marriage Advice And The Comment Section Got REAL

Fierce

Latinas Shared Their Best Bits Of Marriage Advice And The Comment Section Got REAL

Pinterest

Recently, a FIERCE reader posed a pretty poignant question on Twitter: “If you could give me advice on marriage, what would it be?”

Married folks and mujeres that were once married offered up their best bits of advice! Check them out below!

View marriage as a bonus not the piece to a missing puzzle.

My advice: don’t do it!! JUST KIDDING. my mom says, view marriage as an additional bonus to your life not as a completion . You’re an amazing complete woman on your own.” –pelucaazul

Beware the red flags.

“As someone going through a divorce: make a list of all the red flags (small and big) and play each one out and truly determine if any are problematic. The small red flags now always come back up later. Some can be worked on, some can be communicated through , but some are a sign of unsettled trauma/machismo/addictions/narcissism etc.”- _ashlyndarling

Keep up the dating game.

“Never stop dating each other!”-mariaelena34

If you’re getting advice about your life, get it from the right people.

“Its between you two!!! . Dont try to fit your relationship into stereotypical molds… what works for you may not be what other ppl say! Also, dont bad talk your boo even if you’re mad and frustrated. What you feed, grows. And always remember to flirt with your husband lik y’all still dating. And, if you turn to someone for advice, make sure they understand healthy marriages. Soooooo many ppl in the world giving advice but dont have a healthy successful marrige…. be open wi th your boo, be honest, nd hve fun! Best wishes&blessings – AH.”-autumnhype

Don’t compare yourself. It’s not a tit for tat game.

“Never compare yourself to other marriages or your parent’s marriage. Your marriage is whatever you want it to be and cultivate together, this is completely up to you and your spouse. This is the most freeing thing I have ever heard and made me appreciate my marriage more!”-cathrinemolstad

Don’t put up with behaviors or treatments within marriage that your instincts are telling you are wrong.

“Married 20 years and my best advice is to trust your instincts. In my marriage what has worked is respecting my partner and expecting that same level of respect, that reciprocity goes for kindness, compassion, patience, and forgiveness too. But, ultimately, this is big, don’t marry someone if your instincts are telling you it’s wrong, don’t put up with behaviors or treatments within marriage that your instincts are telling you are wrong, and don’t stay if those same instincts are telling you it’s wrong. You know you, what you want, need, can and can’t handle. That’s the voice to defer to – not your friends, society, or family. The union should bring you and the other person great personal growth. I realize that all sounds like a high bar and it is. People get and stay married, settling for far less than they should, because there is (or they perceive) external pressures to do so. Resist this. Marriage is not for everyone and not every partner is a commit your life partner. Finally, though, it’s 2020. Marriage isn’t irreversible. If it’s not working, that’s okay and don’t take it as a failure, but an awareness of your worth and growth.”-sheexistshere

Grow with each other.

“Grow with each other. Ive been with mine for 8 years (married 2). We started dating at 16 and 19, and man have times changed. If we didn’t make mistakes, keep each other accountable, help each other figure out what we each wanted to do, we won’t be together after all this time.” –danielaherreranyc

Communication is key

“Always communicate even if it sounds like something silly and always find time for each other no matter how busy your day can be.”-lauraelnasser

We Asked Latinas Why They Are Waiting Or Waited To Have Sex Before Marriage

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We Asked Latinas Why They Are Waiting Or Waited To Have Sex Before Marriage

Ah celibacy. Whether it’s chalked up to religious beliefs or the age-old adage of “buying the cow when you can get the milk for free” everyone has opinions about staying away from sex before marriage. Interested in what Latinas think, we posed the question of why women are actually waiting an boy did we get a whole heck of a lot answers!

Christianity

“I’m about to turn 30 years old and I’m waiting due to my Christian beliefs.” –sweetascandy1990

Taking past relationships as a lesson learned.

“My spirituality. First I would like to say that I’m not a virgin I have a child. But after splitting with her dad I realize that sex is bigger than what I thought it was. That’s why I decided to be celibate and wait until marriage.” – thebeautyplugbymaria

Growing up in a household where this is scripture.

“I want to save myself for the person I am going to marry. 🙂 I don’t want to have been with multiple people before I get married. I want the person I will spend the rest of my life with to be my first and only…. i don’t know. I think that’s just my personal preference. I have grown up in a religious household and I feel just fine without the sex in my relationship. I just think that I wouldn’t want to sleep with a guy who has already been with a bunch of other women so I wouldn’t want to do the same to the person I end up marrying. It’s just my preference. I see nothing wrong with anybody else sex life but I personally practice abstinence and am happy with my decision!”-karls104

Yearning for a special bond and weeding out the wrong guys.

“It was a religious decision at first, but once I got older it morphed into a more personal decision. I wanted that special bond with the one person I would love and who would love me for the rest of my life. I didn’t want a bunch of memories with random men who didn’t value me for anything more than my body. And I knew I wanted my life partner to also be more than sex. I want someone dependable, and someone I can laugh with first and foremost. Of course you can find that even if you aren’t celibate while dating. But I think being a “celibate dater” helps put personality as the #1 priority to focus on. When a relationship is sexual before marriage you’re focused on more than just 1) can I laugh with them forever 2) are they dependable? 3) do they cross any of my non-negotiables?”- alfonsina_mj

The holy trinity.

“Catholic guilt”- brendapa89