relationships

Miami Airbnbs To Keep You Cozy While You Avoid Your Family During the Holidays

Deborah / Airbnb

If it hasn’t already started happening, pretty soon the nagging about buying your plane tickets back home to Miami will be cada hora, at the top of the hour. If you’re like me and you love your thriving, absurd, no-place-like-home Puerto Rican and Cuban family in Miami but you also just learned about self-care, there is a middle ground. Tell your Mami you’re coming home so she can stop lighting all the candles in the house and book an Airbnb. Check out these places to hide away while visiting family if you need a moment to breathe.

Treehouse Canopy Room: Permaculture Farm | $65 per night

CREDIT: Leslie / Airbnb

Is your family time so crazy that you need to be one with nature to relax? Hang in the Florida canopy in Little Haiti with fresh produce, eggs, and honey on hand. When your family is driving you loco, you can feed some goats and rent a kayak.

Relaxing Cottage in Coconut Grove | $90 per night

CREDIT: Ronni & Becca / Airbnb

Treat yourself to a place of solitude in Coconut Grove. The guest house shares a pool, waterfall and koi pond with the family in residence. Find your zen.

Charming Cottage Great Location Close to Center | $77 per night

CREDIT: Ines / Airbnb

Stay local to Little Havana and away from the MAGA familia by supporting Ines, who says it like it is: “Together we will not build walls but a magnificent future for our children and future generations.”

CHARMING STUDIO @ THE BEACH | $79 per night

CREDIT: Christian / Airbnb

You know when you make your mami promise you que nos vamos a la playa and then you never do? Make it your home base.

New 15th Floor Beachfront 180º Oceanview Apartment | $49 per night

CREDIT: Shane And Maru / Airbnb

Always wanted to experience living inside a modern minimalist Instagram aesthetic? This is a super cheap way to do it within walking distance of Miami Beach. That’s right. You can see the beach from here.

New Artistic & gorgeous cottage with private yard | $79 per night

CREDIT: Ana / Airbnb

Artists, escuchen. This loft is full of supplies for crafting and is used as a studio when desocupado. Plus, there’s an avocado tree in the backyard.

Amazing Penthouse with private pool stunning view | $2,500 per night

CREDIT: Luxury Property / Airbnb

Maybe you’re Cardi B. Maybe you’ll enjoy seeing this to know how the other side lives. Rent this 5,600 sq foot two-story penthouse with 7 bedrooms, sauna, private gym, and indoor pool. Invite me. K, thanks.

Centrally located resort style Miami home | $269 per night

CREDIT: Evelyn / Airbnb

You might have to go in on this with your primos, but it’ll be worth it. The 3-bedroom home is built around the pool, meaning rest and relaxation takes center stage.

Oasis Pool Home in the heart of Miami | $200 per night

CREDIT: John / Airbnb

If you think that pool is insane, wait until you see the rest of this Balinese style home. Located in the heart of Coconut Grove, the place is big enough for you to invite your favorite cousins.

Beautiful Poolside Studio, Heart of Miami | $72 per night

CREDIT: Deborah / Airbnb

OK, so that whole casa Azul is not yours, but you get the guest house which has access to that glorious pool. This is perfect if you want to stay close to the family in Little Havana, but have some separation.

Amazing Brickell Bay Penthouse | $99 per night

CREDIT: Gustavo / Airbnb

Embody the mental state of “everyone is beneath me” this holiday season by staying in this modern, luxurious penthouse. If your people play their cards right, they may get access to the two pools, gym and spa you’ll have available to you.

Ocean Drive Luxury Beachfront Studio. Ocean View Pool | $104 per night

CREDIT: Catalina / Airbnb

We’re here for the bathtub. Also the status symbol of staying at Congress Hotel in South Beach. Chill on the rooftop by the pool, overlooking the ocean and then soak in your majestic tub after. Tell your family you’re staying with friends.

Gorgeous & Spacious Mid Miami Beach | $80 per night

CREDIT: Sandra / Airbnb

Hurry up! Sandra is booking up fast. Probably because of its tasteful ambience located right across from the boardwalk, its private pool and nearby beach available at all times.

Beachy Chic South Beach Studio Apt | $40 per night

CREDIT: Keith and Connie / Airbnb

Mis amigos desperados. You’re not looking for a vacay. You’re on a budget and investing in your mental sanity. You canasta in South Beach for $40. ‘Nuff Said.

Cottage Oasis on the Miami River Circa 1936 | $45 per night

CREDIT: Luis / Airbnb

This modern, little loft is on the Miami River and has a plunge pool right outside. You can also rent a long list of Porsche’s during your stay from the very same Luis.

Large Trendy 2 Bedroom in Arts District with Views | $100 per night

CREDIT: Randy / Airbnb

Step out of Hialeah and step into Miami’s Arts District with panoramic views of Biscayne Bay. This is where the after party happens after the abuelas say their prayers to Saint Anthony for your soul lost to la fiesta.

Bayfront 5-Star Luxury Hotel-Water View Studio | $104 per night

CREDIT: Catalina / Airbnb

This view alone is worth the dinero, but add the free beach cruiser, ocean kayaks and SUP boards, gym, yoga and Go Pro rental and you’ve invested in a Flamingo Park experience with just a taste of luchando over Longana.

Little Havana: Spacious Cottage with Beach Gear! | $79 per night

CREDIT: Allán / Airbnb

Stay in Little Havana but feel like you’re staying in the whitest of clouds. Walk outside and you’ve got Cuban Cafés, cigar shops, and Calle Ocho to keep you company (if your family ever leaves you alone).

*TROPICAL DECO APARTMENT – Steps From The Beach* | $29 per night

CREDIT: spb / Airbnb

Maybe you love your family? Maybe you want to return to your Miami roots for a minute. This 6 month rental is affordable, in the heart of the Art Deco district and five minute walk from the beach. Check out all those Miami sites you never did growing up. Disfrute.

30’ Sailboat, with kitchen | $76 per night

CREDIT: Alejandro / Airbnb

OR—plan your getaway in advance by renting this sailboat. JK—you’ll have to organize day trips with Alejandro, but in the meantime, you can enjoy the solar panel operated modern luxuries with a classic sea breeze.


READ: 21 Insane Miami Airbnbs To Vacation In Forever

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Remind Everyone That You Are The Prankster Of Your Familia With These Hilarious Gifts

relationships

Remind Everyone That You Are The Prankster Of Your Familia With These Hilarious Gifts

“Beardo Baubles” Digital Image. Firebox. 14 November 2018.

Cousinship keeps us so warm at the holidays from pranking the tías to just plain old glances of solidarity across the Buena Noche table. We all know primos are the generation of the family we can generally breathe easy around. Behold all of the ways you can spice up your White Elephant gift exchange and primo gifting overall.

Mazapan Shirt | $30

CREDIT: DreamHeauxApparel / Etsy

Who are you calling soft? For the bitter, brittle and proud prima who tells it like it is. She’ll love this.

ThumbsUp Bubble Costume | $20

CREDIT: ThumbsUp / Etsy

We all know the fragile primo who cries at everything and anything. Make sure they know what you think of their sensitivity by giving them this outfit to make sure no one offends them again. Bonus points if it is mocking their fragile masculinity.

Cafe Bustelo Air Plant | $45

CREDIT: HelloHappyPlants / Etsy

For my isla Latinos who have a primo whose house air chemistry is made so much of Café Bustelo, its where plants go to die. Except for this air plant. It’ll thrive with a mist of cafecito once weekly.

Evriholder FURemover Broom with Squeegee | $15

CREDIT: Untitled. Digital Image. Amazon. 15 November 2018.

This is perfect for the shedder of the group. Sure, it is meant for dogs but your prima with the long hair everywhere will get more use out of it.

Spring Loaded Glitter Bomb | $20

CREDIT: edamame / YouTube

What might be a hilarious, colorful delightful gift to non-Latinos, this is the gift from hell when you throw a Latina mom in. They going to be in so much trouble.

I Flexed and The Sleeves Fell Off Tank | $9

CREDIT: CteesTees / Etsy

For the Crossfit primo. Yeah, yeah, we know, all your stories start at Crossfit. Ratify that character development.

Swimming Olympic Sloth Shower Curtain | $14.99

CREDIT: Untitled. Digital Image. Amazon. 15 November 2018.

Alternatively, this is for the Jonathan Van Ness in your life. She loves the Olympics but is the laziest person in existence. Proof you can have both.

Cardi B Quote Notebook | $8

CREDIT: Untitled. Digital Image. Amazon. 15 November 2018.

For the troubled prima who needs to do a little more self-work. Meet them where they’re at, which may be this Cardi B mantra. “I’m being nice to you. Have I stabbed you? No.” Cross your fingers and hope they start writing their feelings.

Blobfish Slippers | $40

CREDIT: “Blobfish Slippers” Digital Image. Firebox. 14 November 2018.

Got a cousin who’s dropping hints about wanting Christmas slippers? Nah? This gift needs no explanation. It’s just hilarious.

Creepy Doll Heads Vinyl Sticker Sheet Assorted Car and Laptop Decals $20

CREDIT: Untitled. Digital Image. Amazon. 15 November 2018.

For the cousin that works through every Buena Noche like a crazy person, gift ‘em early. Creepy baby head decals all over their laptop before they even open it.

Wacky Waving Inflatable Tube Guy | $13

CREDIT: “Wacky Wavy Mini Tube Guy” Digital Image. Urban Outfitters. 15 November 2018.

We all have that cousin that is a proud car salesman. Well, if you live in Miami, then you do. While you’re tired of hearing him brag about his year-end sales, you know he’s the guy that would keep this guy on his desk. Make a guy happy.

Letters for a Year of Gratitude: Write Now. Keep in Touch Always. | $12

CREDIT: Untitled. Digital Image. Amazon. 15 November 2018.

This gift is perfect for the cousin who’s forever off the grid and hard to get a hold of. You can joke that this is the only way you know you’ll be able to reach them.

Ray Gun Nose Trimmer | $16.89

CREDIT: “Ray Gun Nose Trimmer” Digital Image. Firebox. 14 November 2018.

This gift is not gendered. We’re all hairy and while I’m here to support the free reign of body hair it can just be too much some times.

Beardo Baubles | $13

CREDIT: “Beardo Baubles” Digital Image. Firebox. 14 November 2018.

For the primo you only see at Christmas so you can’t imagine what their life is like any other day of the year.

Sleepy Head – Personalized Pillow Case | $26

CREDIT: “Sleepy Head – Personalised Pillow Case” Digital Image. Firebox. 14 November 2018.

We all know how to use social media to find the worst photos of our primos. Take them and make these hilarious pillows. They might be upset but the whole family will love it.

Personalized Hot Heads | $20

CREDIT: “Personalised Hot Heads” Digital Image. Firebox. 14 November 2018.

Put their face to use and gift these to each of your primitas suffering through the PMS they inherited from our mamas.

The Happy (happy!!!) Holiday Pot Cookie Cookbook + Cookie Cutter Gift Set | $17

CREDIT: “Slide View: 1: The Happy (happy!!!) Holiday Pot Cookie Cookbook + Cookie Cutter Gift Set” Digital Image. Urban Outfitters. 15 November 2018.

The real prank comes after you gift this on Noche Buena and start baking the following morning and the tias all start sneaking the cookies. Strategize accordingly.

Ben & Jerry’s Euphori-Lock Ice Cream Pint Combination Lock Protector | $35.95

CREDIT: Untitled. Digital Image. Amazon. 15 November 2018.

Think carefully about who you’re trying to prank here because it’s going to be indirect. Choose your favorite primo and prank their hermanos.

Crafting With Cat Hair | $15.59

CREDIT: “Crafting With Cat Hair” Digital Image. Firebox. 14 November 2018.

For the primo that is married to their cat. A small part of you knows they’ll be excited by this.

Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark: The Complete 3-Book Collection By Alvin Schwartz | $20

CREDIT: “Slide View: 1: Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark: The Complete 3-Book Collection By Alvin Schwartz” Digital Image. Urban Outfitters. 15 November 2018.

We all read these books as kids, and there was always one cousin who was petrified. Hype this one up as something they’re really going to love and watch their sweet face drop in terror when they realize what you’ve just given them.

Naughty Prima Camiseta | $24.99

CREDIT: we are mitú

Check out our collection of the naughty and nice prima shirt so you can once and for all make everyone’s roles clear. Our family collection is no joke (unless you’re a prankster, then, yes, it’s all for you).


READ: For Less Than $25, You Can Be Better Than Your Siblings At Giving Gifts To Your Mom

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