relationships

Here Are The 20 Things That Trigger Latina Moms Like Nothing Else

Whether it’s something that you did, said or forgot to do or say, there are many things guaranteed to piss your mom off. Here’s a list so that you can try to avoid them.

If there’s one thing that drives your mom crazy, it’s when she sees you using your phone all day instead of helping her clean.


Hint hint: put that phone away and start cleaning.

So if you haven’t cleaned your room from top to bottom, don’t even think about asking her if you can go out.

The cleaner your room is, the higher the chances of your mom letting you go out.

But if she does give you permission to go out, you better answer her phone calls… Or she’ll lose it.

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CREDIT: WE ARE MITÚ

For your mom it’s not just a missed phone call – it’s life or death.

Also make sure to get home by the time she tells you to, OR ELSE…

You can expect her to be waiting at the foot of the door, pissed AF.

If you really want to test your mom’s patience, tell her “qué” instead of “mande.”

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CREDIT: WE ARE MITÚ

I dare you.

Even worse, go ahead and get a tattoo without telling her.

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Just some advice, make sure you wear running shoes.

When it comes to dinner time, keep in mind that the last thing your mom wants to hear is “no tengo hambre.”

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CREDIT: WE ARE MITÚ

There’s no way she’s going to let you put any food to waste.

She also never wants to hear you complain about her food.

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CREDIT: BUZZFEED YELLOW / YOUTUBE

It’s probably best if you just stay quiet and eat.

If she gets mad at you for saying these things, maybe helping her out in the kitchen will make her happy.

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CREDIT: WE ARE MITÚ

Unless you burn the rice.

If you burn the frijoles, your life is basically over.

My mom forgot to turn off the frijoles ????????

Posted by Roberto Palomo on Monday, October 10, 2016

This is probably your mom’s worst nightmare.

Even the little things, like finding an empty gallon of milk in the fridge, will drive your mom crazy.

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CREDIT: WE ARE MITÚ

Just throw the empty gallon away. It’s not that difficult.

She’ll also get pissed if you leave all of the lights on.

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CREDIT: WE ARE MITÚ

Because you’re not paying for the electricity bill.

But the worst thing you can do to her is forget to take meat out of the freezer.

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At this point, just be prepared to get yelled at.

Second to that is asking if you can eat out for dinner.

Or wondering out loud why you can’t have McDonald’s.

And let’s never forget every time you asked to spend the night at a friend’s house.

Why would you ever want to sleep in someone else’s bed?

When you try to walk around ungroomed…

CREDIT: mitú

Stop plucking my eyebrows. Stop fiddling with my hair. JK-you’ll never actually tell them to stop unless you want to be smacked or make them cry.

Or trying to get sympathy for something that was clearly your fault. Like falling?

CREDIT: mitú

They’re never going to comfort you after you take a fall because you should have known better. And now you do. #parenting

Being out late.

CREDIT: @ocampo408 / Twitter

They will worry themselves sick and then expect you to “know what you did.” We can only assume motherhood makes your mind go to crazy places.

Anytime they hear you question having to go to church.

CREDIT: @hermionepothead / Twitter

Not going to church is not even an option in my house. The day I broke my ankle, I was forced to hobble in there. Gimme a mom that reads me Bible pages. ????

READ: Latina Moms Will Hate This, But Going Abroad Was The Best Thing You Could Do

Julio Torres Gives Us An Update On What He And His Shapes Have Been Up To In Quarantine

Entertainment

Julio Torres Gives Us An Update On What He And His Shapes Have Been Up To In Quarantine

Paper / YouTube

Julio Torres is one of our favorite comedians. We first learned about him when he started to share his unique comedy on “The Late Show starring Jimmy Fallon.” Torres’s delivery is what gives him comedy that extra punch.

“I am Julio and this is what my shapes and I have been doing during the quarantine.”

Like all of us regular people, Julio Torres has been in quarantine to combat COVID-19. His quarantine included him being stuck with people he thought he knew well. Fortunately, Torres gave a little video to Paper Magazine to let us all know how he is doing in quarantine and what he and his shapes have been up to since the quarantine started.

The one shape that has been doing the most is Krisha.

Yes. That Krisha. According to Torres, she has really gone wild since she was forced into a quarantine. Not in a good or bad way. She is just really doing the most and it is all catching up with her. But don’t worry. Krisha is still filled with confidence. She has an OnlyFans page and is supposed to be donating the proceeds to charity. However, we are still in the dark about the charity.

“Krisha, you know, Krisha, true to her Scorpio nature, has been… I mean, I don’t want to generalize on all Scorpios, but she’s been waking up at around 2 p.m. and then being awake for a little bit,” Torres says. “Then taking a nap. Then waking up again and then taking another nap from 10 p.m. to 4 a.m. Then waking up again and going to bed for good at 5 in the morning. She hasn’t been removing her blue contacts lenses the whole time, which is causing her this infection I think. At first we thought that it was something serious but it was just an eye infection caused by her not moving her blue contact lenses which I didn’t even know that she wore till I was quarantined with her.”

To be fair, we all assumed a lot about Krisha when we saw her in the HBO special.

As for her love life, well, let’s just say that Krisha is not where she wants to be. Who would have expected that being in quarantine would be so detrimental to your love life? Seems Krisha might be the only person who didn’t realize that she would be lonelier than normal at this time.

“She has been DM’ing up a storm just like flirting all day, which is great, but then when they don’t respond quickly enough,” Torres says. “I can tell when her suitors are not responding quick enough because she’ll just like throw her phone. Then she’ll look at me and goes, ‘What?!’ So, that’s what Krisha’s been up to.”

READ: Here’s How Julio Torres Convinced Lin-Manuel Miranda To Play A Little Cactus On An HBO Special

These Stand-Up Routines Will Keep You Rolling With Culturally Relevant Laughter

Entertainment

These Stand-Up Routines Will Keep You Rolling With Culturally Relevant Laughter

matteolane / anjelahjohnson / Instagram

Laughter is the best medicine, right? For decades, there have been Latino comedians who have made us laugh because they just connect to us on a cultural level. We laugh because they are speaking directly to our experience and we see our family in their stories. Now, more than ever, we need them to keep us laughing. Here are some fun stand-up routines to give you a little jajaja.

Cristela Alonzo

Dating is a nightmare on its own. Dating someone who isn’t Latino can bring a whole slew of moments you’d never expect. Alonzo lets the rest of the world in on the trials and tribulations of finding fun outings with you date someone who isn’t Latino. You’ll laugh because it’s true.

Aida Rodriguez

Rodriguez goes right for the elephant in the room: racism in the Latino community. The comedian, who is Dominican and Puerto Rican with a Cuban stepfather, truly represents the Caribbean. As someone who represents the Caribbean, she knows the strifes that exist within the Latino community. Tbh, she isn’t wrong.

Julio Torres

Torres is one comedian who really delivers something unique and out-of-the-box. His “My Favorite Shapes” routine is one of the most inventive and comical. The young man just can’t wait to show us his favorite shapes and how they are truly more than just some old shapes. If you don’t know Torres, you should.

Matteo Lane

For the LGBTQ+ Latinos, Lane is a breath of fresh air. The Italian-Mexican comedian mixes both of his identities into his stand-up routines. Being a gay Latino comes with its own unique sets of challenges and observations along with the typical Latino experience. Imagine being able to handle a religious and brutally honest family, which you love, as a gay child or grandchild of immigrants.

George Lopez

If you prefer something a little more old-school, Lopez is a solid choice. The man was one of the first major Latino comedians that reach that mainstream success. He kept it real to in his stand-up routines when it came to describing his Mexican family.

Anjelah Johnson

Johnson, of MADTv’s Bon Qui Qui fame, gives you moments to remember with her comedy. You probably still quote the nail salon jokes with your friends. It was one of those early viral videos that really imprinted on us.

READ: Here Are Some Latino Comedians To Brighten Up Your Instagram Feed With Some Good Jajas