relationships

We Listed 21 Reasons Why Being Single Is The Best.

Full disclosure: I’m not single anymore, which makes me uniquely qualified to tell you all the reasons being single is the best. Trust, you won’t be single forever, and in fact, will probably be single for only the smallest fraction of your life.

As Latinos, we feel enough pressure to couple up from our family and even friends. Lighten your load and lean into one of the most special, light, and free times of your life! Here are all the perks to being single, in case you need a refresher.

1. You can indulge yourself in self-love and self-care.

CREDIT: Snacks Cupcakes / GIPHY

Cheesy, but true. You don’t have to compromise your own self-care to allow your partner space to take a bath, or watch their favorite telenovela.

2. Make loving yourself your religion, already.

CREDIT: “Cardi B Celebrity Prayer Candle – Funny Saint Candle – 8 inch Glass Prayer Votive – 100% Handmade in USA – Novelty Celebrity Gift (Cardi B)” Digital Image. Amazon. 23 May 2018.

Because you should always prioritize your self-care, and doing it religiously in your single life will make it a given in your future relationships.

3. Eat the f*cking pan dulce if you want it.

CREDIT: @adri_hugnkiss / Instagram

Ditch your diet. Whatever you’re looking for: the right f*ckboy, partner, wife…they’ll be attracted to your self-confidence, not your bod. Ok, probably also your bod, but respect its sexiness as is and never stop!

4. Go on trips with your friends.

CREDIT: The Wizard Fun / GIPHY

In the first honeymoon years of your next relationship, you’ll want to go places together. Love on your true friends and enjoy the liberation of no obligations to anyone but yourself.

5. Go on a trip by yourself.

CREDIT: @DynamiteDiDi23 / Twitter

I mean, you don’t have to go all Reese Witherspoon, but take a day trip to the beach, or commit to a staycation day.

6. You can put the love and work into making 100 croquetas and not share a single one.

CREDIT: @breadmanmiamibakery / Instagram

True love is sharing your croquetas. Show yourself some love and cherish the days you don’t have to explain the labor of love these are.

7. You finally have the time to channel your past lives like your mama wanted you to.

CREDIT: Unlock Your Life / YouTube

Spend your Friday night watching this Past Life Regression YouTube vid that will help reveal your past lives, loves, and … well, you’ll find out!

8. If you want to commit to being single, set a reasonable time frame.

CREDIT: Judge Judy / GIPHY

It’s kind of the best when you can give yourself time to give none of the f*cks about attracting someone and just lean into what it’s like to live solo. The best perk? Read on…

9. YOU CAN THROW AWAY YOUR RAZOR.

CREDIT: @voguemagazine / Instagram

My single days = my hairy days, and what a true, true freedom. While your mom might try to Nair you in your sleep, hopefully you get the chance to really love yourself as you are, and not as anyone else expects it to be.

10. You can eat banana peppers straight from the jar.

CREDIT: @vic_athome / Twitter

Don’t play like you don’t do that when you think you’re alone. This is a life free of façades and mothers telling you you look like a slob. This is  l i f e.

11. You can listen to your friends’ love drama without projecting a damn thing.

CREDIT: Shady Basketball Wives GIF by VH1 / GIPHY

Because you’re single!! No relationship drama over hurr, OK?

12. Just focus on meeting your Cardi B. needs.

CREDIT: Untitled. Digital Image. The Muse. 23 May 2018.

Like binging Love & Hip Hop New York without judgement, or listening to Invasion of Privacy on repeat with A-Z Lyrics open wide screen. Nobody’s here to judge you. 🙂

13. And marinate in Cheeto dust and watch Jane the Virgin all day long.

CREDIT: @nhdmnsrrt / Twitter

Bottom line: nobody is here to judge you, least of all you. You’ll miss these freedoms, and sometimes you need to let go for an afternoon…or weekend.

14. Focus on who really needs you: your dog.

CREDIT: @bellathorne / Instagram

You’ll never go on a trip alone again! What want for love? Bella Thorne is living her best life with her dog, Tampon. Why aren’t you?

15. When you go home for Christmas, you don’t have to be embarrassed about your family for anyone but yourself.

CREDIT: Aubrey Plaza Alcohol Gif / GIPHY

Or change your strategy of heavy drinking (for FREE) to get through it! Cling, cling, Mama!

16. Revel in the feminist joy of disappointing your “Todavía no tienes un novio?” tias.

CREDIT: GINA TORRES LATINA GIF BY HISPANIC HERITAGE MONTH / GIPHY

“Sí, señora and you better find value in me, myself, and I because I don’t need anybody to define my self worth.”

17. You can try the things that interest you.

CREDIT: Clay Hobby Gif / GIPHY

The world is your oasis, mija. When you’re with someone, you both end up taking on the others’ interests. Go jump off a cliff if you want to! Spend hours reading on the beach if you want to. Get yourself where you want to be.

18. Make a big change you’ve been curious about.

CREDIT: @thekatvond / Instagram

Been meaning to join Crossfit? Do it. Want to go vegan? Dale. For whatever reason, it feels harder to make a lifestyle change when you have to convince someone else that it’s worth uprooting your shared routines. Carpe diem, mama.

19. Flirt with whoever you damn well want.

CREDIT: Jane the Virgin GIF / GIPHY

You already are thinking of three people that you flirt with on the reg that feels fun and safe because you know it isn’t going anywhere. When you’re in a relationship, that might be problematic. For now, you can revel in the attention.

20. You can sing Selena as loud as you want in the shower.

CREDIT: SELENA QUINTANILLA DANCING GIF / GIPHY

And who knows, maybe launch your singing and dancing career? YOLO and you have so much more time without an S.O., and don’t forget the little people who encouraged you along the way. 😉

21. Find your chill.

CREDIT: LIN MANUEL MIRANDA CULTURE GIF BY TEAM COCO / GIPHY

I promise you, whatever drama you think you have going on with casual dating, it is nothing to the deep, dark, family of origin issues that come up when you get close enough to someone.

These are the light and breezy days, when drama becomes a good story later (for someone that isn’t your therapist). DISFRUTE.

Are You A Victim Of Abuse? Use This Checklist To Help You Determine The Truth

Fierce

Are You A Victim Of Abuse? Use This Checklist To Help You Determine The Truth

ET / Twitter

If you feel that you are experiencing an abusive relationship, please seek help. Call The National Domestic Violence Hotline on 1800 799 7233 for assistance. Please take care if you feel that your internet or mobile phone device use is being monitored.

There are three ways that abuse can be identified. By the way your partner treats you physically, by the way they treat you emotionally, and by how you feel about the relationship. This checklist of twenty signs of abuse is one tool that you can use to see if you, or someone you know, is a victim of abuse. And remember, more resources for dealing with abuse can be found by calling The National Domestic Violence Hotline on 1800 799 7233.

1. They have grabbed you and refused to let go.

gabkaphoto / Instagram

This falls into the category of physical abuse. No-one should grab you to make you feel threatened and unsafe. No-one.

2. They have pulled your hair.

Instagram: @theerinblythedavis

This is another form of physical abuse. Sure, a bit of hair pulling in the act of passion is fine. But when it happens as part of an argument, or when your partner is deliberately trying to hurt you or make you feel threatened, that is abuse.

3. They have thrown things at you and/or destroyed your belongings.

Instagram: @beatfreak1996

One way your significant other may try to control you is through your belongings. Throwing things at you and destroying your belongings is designed to hurt you physically and emotionally. Threatening to do so also falls under this category of behavior, too.

4. They have left you with bruises, black eyes, bleeding, and/or broken bones.

Instagram: @veeegooose

While abuse doesn’t necessarily have to leave marks on your body, a sure sign of physical abuse in your relationship is when your partner does leave marks. Research shows that once it happens the first time, a “threshold” of sorts has been crossed, and an abuser is more likely to hurt their partner again.

5. They have threatened to hurt or kill you.

Instagram: @raquelitt

It may not seem like abuse, since there are no physical marks left from a threat to hurt or kill you. However, these threats are still part of the arsenal of tools that abusers use. How? Because these threats are designed to control your behavior, and make you feel powerless. Abuse in a relationship is about the abuser gaining and maintaining power, and death threats are a way of emotionally controlling you.

6. They have threatened to take your children away or harm them.

Instagram: @stephaniemaurasanchez

Even if you have children together, children shouldn’t be used as a bargaining chip in your relationship. Even more importantly, your children’s safety is non-negotiable: no partner of yours should threaten it. By the way, this doesn’t just apply to children. Pets can also be used to manipulate and control you in a relationship.

7. They have forced you to have sex.

Instagram: @jennylikesjewellery

Sex is not a “duty” to be fulfilled in a loving, equal relationship. Nor should your partner guilt trip or manipulate you into participating in sex acts after you have refused sex. Consent needs to be freely given! It doesn’t matter how long the two of you have been together. Otherwise, it’s classed as sexual assault.

8. They try to control you and treat you like a child.

Instagram: @silvia_almanza

Abusive relationships are about control and power. Part of treating you like a child is making you feel like you don’t have any control in the relationship, or even your life, so that you continue to stay and endure the abuse.

9. They make you feel like you need permission to make decisions or go somewhere.

Instagram: @kreeturefeature

This applies when you feel like you have to text at every moment to update your partner about where you are. And when you can’t spend time with friends or family without getting permission from your partner. This is because abusers commonly try to isolate their partner from other, platonic relationships with other people.

10. They try to take complete control of the finances and how you spend money.

Instagram: @loudmouthbruja

Controlling how money is earned and spent is known as financial abuse. People suffering from this type of abuse are commonly denied access to money by partners for doing simple tasks like grocery shopping. Or, sometimes the abuser decides whether and when their partner is allowed to work.

11. They cannot admit to being wrong.

Instagram: @abs_ter

Part of being in a respectful and loving relationship is being able to say sorry and to admit fault. An abusive partner refuses to apologise, because doing so would threaten their position of power in their relationship.

12. They accuse you of things that you know are not true.

Instagram: @estephaniaabarca

This is about control, and manipulating you. After all, if you’re spending your time trying to prove your innocence, then you’re not going to spend your time planning to leave the relationship, are you?

13. They do not take responsibility for their behavior.

Instagram: @lu.pazmi

The reality is, it’s not too much to ask someone to take responsibility for their behavior – even more so when it’s someone you’re in a relationship with. However, your partner doesn’t take responsibility for their behavior because doing so would threaten their position of power in the relationship.

14. They use “The Silent Treatment” to get their way.

Instagram: @yappaririri

Chances are you may have experienced “The Silent Treatment” before, in elementary school. And that’s where that behavior should stay. An equal, loving relationship is not built on one person using silence to manipulate the other person into conceding a point.

15. They make subtle threats or negative remarks about you.

Instagram: @noshophotography

Of course, there’s always room for some friendly sledging in a loving, respectful relationship. But, it turns into abuse when your partner does this on a regular basis to frighten, or control you. It’s possible they may even pass it off as a “joke”, or say that you’re “overreacting”. But again, if you’re in a loving relationship, then your partner should respect the fact that you’re hurt by a “joke”. They should not continue to make these types of comments.

16. You feel scared about how your significant other will act.

Instagram: @erikakardol

Repeat after us: you should have no reason to fear your partner in a loving, respectful relationship. You should have no reason to fear your partner in a loving, respectful relationship.

17. You feel that you can help your partner to change their behavior.

Instagram: @amnesia.r

But, only if you have changed something about yourself first.

18. You watch your behavior carefully so that you do not start a conflict in your relationship.

Instagram: @cmirandads

An abuser does not abuse all of the time. They maintain a cycle of abuse in the relationship. Things go from being tense, where you feel like you have to watch your own actions, to an incident which involves verbal, emotional, financial and physical abuse. Then, your partner attempts reconciliation or denies the abuse occurred, and the relationship goes into a calm stage. However, tensions will begin to build before long, starting the cycle once again.

19. You stay with your partner because you are afraid of what they would do if you broke up.

Instagram: @msstefniv

In other words, you feel trapped in your relationship because of your partner’s current, or potential, behavior. This can range from hurting you, your kids, your pets, your friends, and your family. Or, destroying your belongings, compromising access to your finances, or hurting themselves.

20. They don’t pass “The No Test”

Instagram: @kaitlyn_laurido

“The No Test” is pretty simple. Observe what happens the next time you tell your partner “no”. This could be in response to being asked out on a date, or maybe doing them a simple favor. Disappointment is a normal response to being told “no.”  However, pure outrage, violence, and/or emotional manipulation is not a reasonable response, and may indicate an abusive relationship.

If you feel that you are experiencing an abusive relationship, please seek help. Call The National Domestic Violence Hotline on 1800 799 7233 for assistance. Please take care if you feel that your internet or mobile phone device use is being monitored.

Women Share What It’s Really Like Growing Up With A Single Mom

Fierce

Women Share What It’s Really Like Growing Up With A Single Mom

Netflix

If you’ve had the unique, and very very special, experience of being raised by a single mother, you know that it comes with all kinds of lessons. Amidst the struggles of single parenthood, you learn at a young age what true strength and perseverance mean. And above all, you learn from la jefa de jefas what it means to not only run a household but be a leader.

Recently we asked Latinas on Instagram to share what they valued most from their years being under a single-parent roof run by their mother. The responses proved to be touching, reflective and all at once unique.

The woman who helped raise eachother.

“My mom was a single mom, but my grandma raised me and my Nina influenced me. My grandma was a single mom too, so it came naturally for her to raise me herself. She’s the strongest woman I know💕 she always made sure I had food to eat and clothes on my back, she took me everywhere she could. Our weekends were filled with “browsing” and we’d be out from sunup to sundown no más en la calle 😁 she would start conversations with everyone anywhere. She was able to be a grandma to my baby and the only person I could fully rely on 100% to help me raise my own. There will never be words to say how much that meant to me. She’s turning 94 this year and still my heroe.” – moneekers

The mom who never let her children be home alone.

jasminasb / Instagram

“One thing I learned to appreciate as I became an adult is that my mom never let my sister and I be home alone; she made us play every sport offered at school so that she could be out of work and waiting in the parking lot when we got out of practice.” –just_phdcounselored

The woman raised by Wonder Woman herself.

sofiasaraiyt / Instagram

“My mother is Wonder Woman in the flesh and it is an honor to be her child my mother is the most amazing pain in my ass but absolutely best person in my life. I love her so much and value her for all her sacrifices and that she still stands by my side and my sisters through thick and thin. Proud to say I am my mother’s daughter. Single moms are warriors.” – ladycinnamon_90

The mama who had something to say.

pdromi_fotografia / Instagram

“I was a single mom to my oldest who is now 28. For the most part of her life. I have been single to my youngest now 14 for the last 11 years. I’ve had decent relationships with their fathers. I never stopped to think about how, as a single mother I helped to shape their world. I see myself in the comments on here as a single mama. Single moms just it it done!” –mimarria

The mom who found a way to give everything when she didn’t have a lot herself.

“My mom raised me and my 2 siblings since we were under the age of 5. She always made sure we had everything, even when we didn’t have a lot. Her hard work and dedication have made me the resilient woman I am today.” – gaby_armenta23