This Is The One Thing That Unites All Children Of Immigrants
If you’re the kid of immigrants or exiles, there’s a good chance you’ve noticed one particular ~quirk~ that unites us all, no matter where our families came from:
You have napkins. All of the napkins.
Think about it. Look around your home. Your car. Inside your bag. There are napkins there, right? Well, you’re not alone, my friend.
Studies show* that, if you’re the offspring of immigrants, your car is 82% napkins.
*(this is a lie)
However, you would be pretty hard pressed not to find an immigrant or child of an immigrant who doesn’t hoard napkins. You just never know when you are going to need to clean something up in an instant.
Because how can you drink something if it’s not wrapped in napkins? I mean. It’s the civilized way.
— PK ???? (@ThisCharmingEgg) April 18, 2016
The car is the best place to hoard your napkins. That’s just a fact. The glove compartment gives you the perfect place to hide your napkins for an emergency.
And you never know when you’ll need one. Or 872. So better keep a ton around.*
*Please note that this is also true for ketchup packets. There is no shame in this game at all. It might seem odd but when you need the napkins, it is a great thing you kept them all.
Because “glove compartment” actually stems from the ancient term for “napkin house.”
True fact. But don’t get discouraged. You can hoard and hide your napkins anywhere and everywhere. That is what makes them so magical.
You were trained in the napkin arts from a young age…
I cannot remember the number of times I have been told by my mom to keep taking napkins until she said stop so we could have some for the car. As a good child, I listened and did as I was told.
…learning from true masters.
I mean, why not? It saves money and ensures you’re clean and neat at all times. It is definitely something people need to do more of. It isn’t our fault they just leave the napkins out there to be taken.
And your desk? Is basically just a hotel for napkins.
So next time you find yourself drowning in napkins, just remember: It’s cultural. And it unites us. Keep taking and hoarding them. They are going to come in handy and you will end up using them all.
Now. Does anyone have a napkin I can borrow?
Click below to like us on Facebook, where we will trade napkins and ketchup packets together.
Notice any needed corrections? Please email us at firstname.lastname@example.org