So you don’t want to get robbed, but you’re too cheap to buy a security system. Well, here are some creative ways to make sure you keep those ratas out.

Plant nopales inside your walls.

They might get over the wall, but they’ll regret it instantly.

Buy resorteras for all your kids.

You’re probably gonna need new windows though.

Hire a velador to watch over your stuff.

You can trust Don Gaspar… to fall asleep every night.

Get a “Beware of Dog” sign.

Maybe it’ll boost her confidence. Maybe.

Make sure you have the biggest chismosa as your neighbor.

She’ll stop any burglar in his tracks… and tell him all your secrets.

Hang saints and crucifixes all over your house.

It might not stop them from robbing you, but at least they’ll feel really guilty about it.

If you don’t have barbwire, make your own.

It works because they’ll immediately know how broke you are.

Put up a Donald Trump sign.

Cause nobody fucks with the crazies.

Put a cut-out of Vicente Fernández on your front porch.

It’ll bring all the burglars to their knees outside your house.

Blast “La Macarena” on repeat.

Trust me, it’s torture. I mean sure, it’s fun… for like a minute… when you’re 12… in the 90s.

Hire a Curandera to get rid of evil spirits.

She’ll get rid of all the malas vibras… and your place will smell like sage.

Get a Chupacabra.

Oh wait, never mind, this thing only scares goats… and isn’t real.

Add more frijoles to your diet.

The nuclear option. This will keep EVERYONE out. Nice knowing’ ya!

READ: Moments You Know are Too Real If You Were Raised By Abuelita

Well, there you go, you’re all taken care of. What else would you do to keep your place safe? Let us know in the comments below!

Notice any needed corrections? Please email us at corrections@wearemitu.com