bad hombres

The Kinds Of Dads You Meet While Dating

For any guy navigating the uncharted waters of a new relationship, there are necessary obstacles that must be contended with, but none more for formidable than meeting the parents — specifically, her father:

The George Lopez Show / Warner Bros.

What is this, Shawshank State Prison? Dads can be real ballbusters sometimes.

But why should I give a sh*t about that old dude?

Coming to America / Paramount Pictures

Getting in with him is the most effective way to get with her — I mean, if that’s your goal. Also, it’s a nice bonus to have someone you can watch games with if you get stuck going to your girl’s family parties.

Because her dad can end up being the father that you always wanted…

Home Improvement / Wind Dancer Productions

He could give you the “birds and bees” talk with more power.

…or, just as easily, a barrel-throwing gorilla hell-bent on keeping you away from his princess.

Donkey Kong / Nintendo

In this scenario, you’re a plumber. That’s a great job and her old man’s still not happy! Dads, am I right?

Determining which dad she has starts by learning what kinds there are.

Three Men and a Baby / Disney

There are more than three types of dads and really only one kind of mustache.

1) The Overprotective Dad

Fools Rush In / Sony Pictures / Youtube

When you met this dad, he was conveniently in the middle of cleaning his guns. He mentions that you look like the guy who killed his best friend whenever he sees you holding hands with his daughter, so sex in his house is definitely out of the question. To get around this, do it somewhere he won’t find you: the backseat of a car in the graveyard parking lot.

2) The Too Cool Dad

Modern Family / ABC

The opposite of the Overprotective Dad. He prefers that you do it in his house, where he knows you’re safe, rather than the backseat of a car in the graveyard parking lot. He’ll even offer condoms. This guy’s cool af.

3) The Dad Who Just Wants To Be Buddies

American Pie / Universal Pictures

The difference between the last dad and this one is that this dude always wanted a son and is willing sacrifice his daughter to get one. He’ll invite you to help yourself to the beers in his fridge and will even go so far as to offer you pot if he thinks it’ll get you out back for a game of catch.

4) The Unhappy Dad

Jaws / Universal Pictures

This dad is just exhausted from the rigors or being a father. He sees a lot of you in him. Real exchanges with this guy are few and far between because he’s up for work at 5am and goes to bed right after dinner. He loves his family, but during parties, he takes you aside and warns you like the Ghost Dad of Christmas Future to run for your life before you make the same mistakes he has. Take his advice.

5) The Negligent Dad

The Simpsons / Fox

Your girlfriend likes to party all the time, but she didn’t get to be so fun without this dad’s (lack of) help. His hands-off approach to parenting forced his daughter to grow up fast. If you ever meet him, he’ll ask to bum a cigarette and need a ride somewhere that’s open in the middle of the night. You get to become the responsible guy that your girlfriend never had — all you have to do is be there for her, forever. No pressure.

6) The Funny Dad

Mrs. Doubtfire / 20th Century Fox

My favorite kind. He’s hilarious in a corny dad-joke way. Watch in amazement as this master of puns performs bits that are sometimes just inside jokes he has with himself. His daughter may have stolen your heart, but this man has stolen your nose.

7) The Racist Dad

Gran Torino / Warner Bros.

The only jokes this dude knows are the kind where he has to look around first to make sure it’s “safe” to whisper. While he’s not technically funny-funny, he IS loud — and boy howdy, is he uncomfortable around brown people. He’s got a lot of opinions and they all come from a bad place. There’s an #AllLivesMatter bumper sticker on his truck and he clutches a concealed carry whenever he drives through what he considers a “bad neighborhood.”

8) The NPR Dad

Clarissa Explains It All / Nickelodeon / Thunder Pictures

The opposite of the Racist Dad. When he’s not complimenting you on the rich history of your culture, he’s over-empathizing with the plight of “your people.” He’s always talking your ear off about world events, so you gotta study a newspaper or follow C-SPAN on Twitter just to hold a conversation with this dude. He’ll offer up his Tesla because he doesn’t want you creating a bigger carbon footprint when you take his daughter out in that “gas guzzler” you’re driving.

9) The Old Ass Dad

Lethal Weapon / Warner Bros. / Giphy

Don’t break the news to your girlfriend, but she’s probably an “accident,” because this dad was already supplementing with Metamucil and flexing an AARP discount by the time she was born. He’s pretty uninvolved with her life; it’s not that he doesn’t care about his little girl, it’s just 7pm, so he ate supper an hour ago and is ready to go down for the night. His daughter’s changed his diapers as much as he has hers.

10)  The Dad Who Looks Like You, But Older

Nova / Sigmund Freud the Father of Psychoanalysis / Youtube

Your girlfriend won’t call you “papi” because it’s “too weird” and you didn’t know how right she was until you met her dad. It’s like looking into a Freudian mirror, or that one Snapchat filter. He’s noticed that you look like the young version of him — and so has his wife! If you play your cards right, it seems only logical that you could make a play for her, too.

11) The Red Flag Dad

Shameless / Showtime

You wouldn’t have even noticed that your girl’s drinking was cause for concern without this dad. He puts the D-U-I in the sentence “My dad got another DUI.” He learned the alphabet backwards, “just in case.”  He’s deceivingly smart for a guy you first met while his head was stuck in a doggy door. He smells like a brewery and is always a little too close to you when he talks, but he’s nice even if he doesn’t like you because he never knows if he’ll need to borrow some “clean” pee in a pinch.

12) And Finally, The LEGIT Scary Dad

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Major Payne / Universal Pictures

Some dads act tough, but this one’s got the body count to back it up. He’s been to war and will casually drop his total number of confirmed kills into any conversation. He rarely speaks, but every time he does, you pee a little bit. Once, you saw him in a dream for like, a second, and then that was it — like, nothing noteworthy happened, but that alone was enough to make it a nightmare.

All dads are alike in that they weren’t fathers until suddenly, they were.

The Maury Povich Show / NBC Universal

I shudder to imagine how startling it must be to switch from selfish to selfless in the drop of a sperm. One day you’re swiping away with reckless abandon and the next you’re losing sleep to protect your little girl from the kinds of wolves that you used to be.

If you believe in karma, I’ve lived the sort of life that guarantees I’ll have a daughter.

How I Met Your Mother / CBS

This article was inspired by my own fears as I prepare to someday become a father. Looking at the list of dad types, maybe you’ll get a glimpse at which one you will be. Hopefully, it’s not the kind whose daughter has sex in the backseat of a car in the graveyard parking lot.



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Former ‘Teen Wolf’ Star Tyler Posey Admits That He Has Gone to ‘Sex Parties’ During the Pandemic

Entertainment

Former ‘Teen Wolf’ Star Tyler Posey Admits That He Has Gone to ‘Sex Parties’ During the Pandemic

Photo by Mike Coppola/Getty Images

Sounds like Tyler Posey isn’t taking social distancing too seriously! The actor recently revealed that he attended a “sex party” in recent weeks–smack dab in the middle of a global pandemic.

The “Teen Wolf” star talked about his sex party experience while being interviewed by Sirius XM’s “The Jason Ellis Show”.

The Mexican-American actor started the interview by being candid about his sobriety journey, saying he hadn’t been as social recently because he “went through a rough patch”. But, he has since changed his ways. “I’m sober now,” he revealed. “I’m 71 days sober.”

Posey then gave an example of how deeply uninterested he is in doing drugs now. “I was at a party the other night where they had a table of cocaine, just a table,” he said. “And they had Holy water, which was shots with Molly in it, and mushroom chocolate. And I didn’t give a s— at all.”

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The scent of a woman. Five North

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When Ellis asked him what kind of party this was, the “Jane the Virgin” actor admitted that it was a “sex party” where “people were hired to perform”.

Yes, Posey attended a sex party in the middle of a pandemic. Doesn’t exactly scream “safe”. Posey went on to explain that, although he did not have sex with any of the guests at the party this time, he had done so before.

“I have been to other sex parties, one other one, where it was like, uh….and I was like…” at this point, he broke into giggles before continuing. “I wasn’t part of the people who work there, but I was doing it.”

Tyler Posey has been making headlines recently for a myriad of reasons. In August, he came out on his Instagram page while condemning violence against trans women.

“I’ve been with trans women before. I’m confident with my sexuality,” he said in a wide-ranging series of Instagram stories. “I love everybody. I don’t give a s— what anyone thinks about me.”

Not only that, but Posey joined OnlyFans in September, where he has been further opening up about his sexuality and showing off his body for his fans.

While we’re all about being sex-positive and we’re happy that Posey is finding himself, any types of large gatherings right now are risky to public safety. And the likelihood that people were wearing masks at a sex party is…low. Let’s just hope they were safe in other ways!

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The ‘How It Started’ Memes Are Filled With The Funny And Wholesome Content We All Need In 2020

Culture

The ‘How It Started’ Memes Are Filled With The Funny And Wholesome Content We All Need In 2020

@xolei3 / Twitter

It is not a lie to say that 2020 has been a year of disappointment and high-stress scenarios. We’ve had to quarantine from a virus, wildfires are destroying a lot of land, and well, everything else going on has just made things worse. Fortunately, on Twitter trend is giving everyone a chance to see that things can get better.

Let’s face it, 2020 has been a tough year for everyone but one Twitter trend is making life a little better.

We’ve all seen the “How It Started” memes taking over social media in recent weeks. The memes are both funny and inspirational with some showing some amazing glow ups and others showing the crushing reality of everyday life. We have all felt like the man crying over 2020 at some point over the last 7 months. It’s like this year just doesn’t stop.

Relationships are a big part of this meme trend.

Oof. This is painful and so many of us know this to be true. 😭 Sure, we can all blame our relationship woes on the current state of the world. However, that would just be doing a disservice to ourselves and our love lives. Most of us who are single now have been single for a very long time pre-Covid. But, hey, no one knows that you’re lying if you blame Covid.

A few wonderful people highlighted their transition into their true selves.

Stunning. Show-stopping. Magnificent. We love to see it. There is nothing better to see in this world than someone living their authentic truth. Like, go and do your thing. Slay all of the hearts you see, honey, and take no prisoners. We are all better in their world to be surrounded by people living in complete honesty.

The Lil Nas X joined in on the fun and highlighted his own meteoric rise to fame.

The “Old Town Road” singer really did make a big name for himself. Not only did his song get made into a duet and remix with every artist imaginable, he beat Mariah Carey’s record. Lil Nas X went from someone that no one knew to unseating Mariah Carey for longest time spent at No. 1 on the Billboard Charts.

There are some very clever takes on this meme.

So, like, who else feels like they are being personally attacked by this meme? College might have been years ago but these memories linger. Tequila is just one of those things that so many of use have to learn the hard way and those lessons stick with you.

Simone Biles gave us one of the most memorable glow ups of the meme challenge.

Simone Biles is one of the most legendary women to ever walk this planet. The way she was able to make herself known around the world as the best gymnast is no short feat. She is and will always be one of the best women to represent the U.S. in the Olympics.

READ: President Trump Thinks Injecting Disinfectants Could Cure COVID-19 And The Memes Are Hilarious

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