bad hombres

In Case You Didn’t Know: the Macarena is a song about the worst day of some poor dude’s life.

Tunis ByNightt/Youtube/RCA/Legend/Universal Pictures

If you were born after 1993, you remember the cultural phenomenon known as “the Macarena.”

Youtube/RCA

Unless you’re suffering from some kind of head wound, you probably still know all the moves that go with that catchy Spanish dance song. Don’t be embarrassed, it got everyone — even Hillary Clinton. The entire nation was swept up harder than the floor en la cocina when Abuela thinks “good” company is coming over.

IMO, it was the biggest not-translated-from-Spanish hit since “Tequila” by the Champs.

giphy-3
Pee-wee’s Big Adventure/Warner Bros.

For over two decades, its contagious rhythm and low difficulty have infected tacky weddings like a danceable version of the herpes virus. It reinvigorated America’s love for what it doesn’t understand and picked up where “the Electric Slide” left off–without even sounding like a ride for death row inmates at an execution-themed amusement park.

The song is a classic tale of ‘boy meets girl.’

La Bamba/Sony Pictures

It’s about a guy named Vitorino who has a girlfriend named Macarena. Stop me if you’ve heard this one–wait!

BUT there’s a catch!

NBATV/ESPN

Vitorino has been drafted! Our boy’s goin’ pro—oh, no! He’s going to Minnesota—wait! It’s even worse than that! How could that even be?!

Vitorino gets drafted into the military!

Across the Universe/Revolution Studios

—oh, no!

Then, while he’s away at war, Macarena cheats on him!

Credit: RCA

These are the ACTUAL lyrics in the song:


“Now, come on. What was I supposed to do? He was out of town and his two friends were sooo fine!”

Basically, she participated in a devil’s three-way while her boyfriend was in the trenches protecting her right to do so.

With TWO of his “friends!”

How I Met Your Mother/CBS

—a couple of draft-dodging Judases!

What a f*cking nightmare?!

Saving Private Ryan/Amblin Entertainment

Imagine that, by some miracle, Vitorino isn’t dismembered or killed in battle, so he returns home, unscathed by the mental horrors of war. Then, a car blasting Los Del Rio on the radio picks him up from the airport. The catchy melody of haunting betrayal triggers previously dormant PTSD symptoms as he hears “the Macarena” for the first time…

Suddenly, he realizes why his girlfriend stopped responding to his letters and then either reenlists or hangs up his dancing shoes forever.

Married With Children/Fox

I started writing this piece because I woke up with the song stuck in my head. Now that it’s finished, I hope to finally be rid of it — unlike Vitorino — the vet who’s still at war with the soundtrack to the battle inside his broken heart.

On Saturday, One California Coffee Chain Is Offering A Free Drink To DACA Recipients

things that matter

On Saturday, One California Coffee Chain Is Offering A Free Drink To DACA Recipients

While businesses nationwide closed yesterday in opposition to the Trump administration’s actions on immigration, one specialty coffee chain in California is giving back to the movement with a one-day offer. Tierra Mia announced Tuesday that its stores would offer a free drink to recipients of Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) at all its stores in California — the chain has two stores in Northern California and nine in Southern California. The offer is taking place this Saturday, February 18 from opening to 6 p.m.

Folks who bring in their DACA Employment Authorization Card can get one free drink.





With the majority of Tierra Mia’s stores in Latinx-majority communities and serving products that speak to its community’s palette (horchata frappes/lattes, Chocolate Mexicano mochas) it’s awesome to see Tierra take the lead this way.


Know any businesses you’ve seen supporting DACA, migrants or refugees in unique ways? Holla at us in the comments.

Paid Promoted Stories