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Here’s How Telenovelas Lied To Us About Men, Sex, And Basically Everything

It’s not the way they make it seem. 

The sheets are always perfectly tangled and show just enough.

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Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

Like where are those curtains hanging from? Where is the wind coming from? And what is he doing upside down? The bed you lay on is always a hot mess with heavy blankets and pillows thrown everywhere. You hardly have any space to lay.

Men never know how to unstrap a bra like this.

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Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

Ugh, just let me do it.

No woman would let a man do this.

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Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

I spent too much money on my shirt.

You don’t finish with perfect hair.

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Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

And if you did, he didn’t do it right.

Or perfect makeup.

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Credit: Telemundo / hotnovelas / Tumblr

If you did, girl, quit that.

The boom boom room never looks like this:

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Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

Where did those candles come from?

The girl always comes.

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Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

Big. Fat. Lie.

The guy never finishes first ?.

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Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

Another lie. Which also never prepared us for the awkward and ugly faces guys make.

It’s always nice and slow on TV.

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Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

Why didn’t they warn us about those weirdos that think f*cking like a jackrabbit is sexy?

Speaking of sexy, sex on the beach is anything but.

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Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

Ten days later and you’re still finding sand in places it doesn’t belong.

What about all the other awkward moments?

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Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

This never goes as planned.

At what point do they put condoms on?

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Credit: Telemundo / hotnovelas / Tumblr

Are telenovelas low-key condoning unprotected sex? He doesn’t even pull out.

One last observation: If he has that big of muscles chances are, he has a small steroid-sized peen.

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Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

Just sayin.

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This Woman Says La India Maria And Raul Velasco Are Her Parents, Gave Her Away Upon Her Birth

Entertainment

This Woman Says La India Maria And Raul Velasco Are Her Parents, Gave Her Away Upon Her Birth

As far as cultural icons in Mexican television you can’t get much bigger than Raúl Velasco and La India María. The former was the host of the huge show Siempre en Domingo, which saw stars such as Luis Miguel, Emmanuel and Timbiriche first reach the upper echelons of Latin American pop culture. His power as a gate keeper, a sort of padrino for musicians and almost all Mexican showbiz personalities in the second half of the twentieth century is unparalleled. Think of Velasco a Don Francisco a la décima potencia. On the other hand, La India María was the film persona of María Elena Velasco-Fragoso, who through her character used comedy to talk about the struggles of indigenous women in Mexico City and paisanos in Los Estates. 

Both Raúl Velasco and La India María have passed away (him in 2006, her in 2015), but this story and the echo it has generated in Spanish-speaking media revels their lasting popularity in the collective Latino memory. But we gotta remember that public figures, particularly those aligned with the Mexican media monopoly Televisa, are helped in showing their best face to the audience. Even though this story is surprising, it isn’t a complete shock.

So the bombshell news was quite surprising: a woman called Mirna Velasco claims to be their daughter.

Credit: Twitter. @raulbrindis

Showbiz journalists on both sides of the border just drooled at the potential scandal. The 50-year-old woman, who lives in Los Angeles, revealed her claimed identity during the YouTube show Chisme No Like

Her story is quite heartbreaking and if true would make us look at her presumed biological parents in a new light.

Credit: Siempre en Domingo / Televisa

MIrna claims that she was given away as a child and that she is product of an affair between Raúl, who was married, and María Elena. The story goes that La India María gave her baby away to one of her domestic workers. Sounds like straight out of a telenovela but stories like these are plausible and more common than one would imagine. Mirna says that her adoptive parents were “not very nice people” and that she vowed to have a large family and be different from them. If Mirna’s story is true, her biological father would have been 36 and La India Maria 29. Mirna was born on the same year that Siempre en Domingo first aired: 1969. 

¿Les da un aire a ambos? She kinda does, hey?

Credit. Instagram. @mirna.velasco

Mirna has eight children. She told journalist Javier Ceriani that as a teenager she would wonder why she didn’t look like her mom, so her adoptive mother told her the truth. But the truth was revealed in a horrible way: her stepdad was accused of molesting Mirna’s younger sister, and it was all revealed during the court case, according to MSN News. She never looked for her biological parents because, she was told, they didn’t want her then and didn’t want any further contact. Just wow. This makes the fact that she built a career as an actress even more amazing.

So who is Mirna Velasco? Well, she is a pretty big deal actually, a self-made Latina queen.

Credit. Instagram. @mirna.velasco

She is an actress and working mom. She is pretty active on Instagram, where she announced her interview and the big reveal. She has said that she doesn’t need money and is only revealing the truth to set an example for her kids. 

She is an exemplary United States Latina working hard for her community.

Credit: YouTube. @ChismeNoLike

And she is very active in building bridges between Latino communities and the City of Los Angeles. She has even been recognized by city officials as an outstanding citizen who works to create connections. 

The Mexican Internet is heartbroken.

Credit: Twitter. @GuillermoRuiz

Raúl Velasco and La India María were the epitome of wholesome entertainment for millions of Spanish-speakers all throughout the Americas, so this story shatters the innocent public persona that was carefully tailored by both. We of course cannot confirm Mirna’s story (perhaps no one really can), but this case leaves a stain of doubt on their reputations. 

Let’s get one thing straight: we have no right to doubt her.

Credit: Twitter. @PeriodicoAMNoticias

No one can attest to the validity of Mirna’s story unless DNA tests are conducted. If she is lying or her adoptive family gave her inaccurate information then that’s on them. But we are better than the chisme culture that doubts everyone and believes we all have the right de opinar on other people’s lives, right? So let’s not come to conclusions. It takes a lot of courage to do what Mirna did. 

‘My Mom Insisted My Hips Changed’ Latinas Talk About Their Moms Finding Out They Had Sex For The First Time

Entertainment

‘My Mom Insisted My Hips Changed’ Latinas Talk About Their Moms Finding Out They Had Sex For The First Time

There comes a time in a young woman’s life when she has to venture out into the world and experience everything out there that the world has to offer. And yes, “everything” includes sex. And while sex is a totally natural and expected step in a young woman’s coming-of-age journey, the Latinx community often holds notoriously conservative views about when it’s “okay” for a young woman to have sex for the first time.

This conservative attitude towards woman and sex is nowhere more prominent than it is in the minds of Latinx mothers. Many Latinx moms, especially from older generations, have been trained to believe that a young woman’s worth is tied to her virginity and that it’s a sin to have sex out of wedlock. This attitude makes it hard for girls to talk to their parents about sex, which means a large portion of the Latina population is uneducated about STIs, unwanted pregnancy, contraception, and how being sexually active can impact your emotions. Because of the shame surrounding extramarital sex in the Latinx community, many young women hide the fact that they’ve been having sex from their mothers in order to avoid conflict or avoid being shamed.

That’s why Fierce by mitú took to our Instagram page to ask our followers how their madres reacted when they found out their daughters were no longer virgins. We also wanted to know if our followers decided to keep their virginity statuses to themselves.

Check out the answers below!

1. This mom’s nosiness gave her more than she bargained for

@addictivestock/Instagram

“My mom found out I was having sex when I was 23 years old and she found my birth control (cringe!). This is a pretty common story I share with a lot of my friends but the way my mom found out was pretty mortifying. My novio, who I have been dating since I was 14 and who she has known for as many years, was over at the house. Because my mom has always been very nosey and a helicopter mom I would give him my birth control for safe keeping (For so many reasons Don’t DO THIS!!) Anyway. The birth control fell out of his bag and my mom flipped out. Any other scenario, had I hid it in a closet or sock drawer she would have found out sooner but I probably could have convinced her it was just for acne.” – Veronica, Chicago

2. This mama read between the lines and stayed silent

@lcdfotografia/Instagram

“I kind of had to fess up to my mom because I was moving in with my boyfriend. She’d been asking me since we started dating if I was using protection over and over again and I was too embarrassed to even say that we were having sex. I finally just told her that I was moving in with him and I think she got the deal.” Kathryn, Los Angeles

3. This mom insisted she could tell by just LOOKING at her daughter

@addictivestock/Instagram

“I told my mom years after, but she swears she knew the night I came home that it happened. I’m like c’mon, Mom. No way did you know. But, you know how they are–they know EVERYTHING.” – Laney, San Bernadino

4. The old “hyper-emotional” reaction

@addictivestock/Instagram

“My mom cried so so hard and then instantly got mad at me and gave me the silent treatment. She also claimed she “knew” that I wasn’t anymore anyhow ’cause I “started talking back”. But, I was 21 at that point!” – Yvette

5. The mom who doesn’t know…but c’mon: she knows

@precious.earth.nature/Instagram

“To [my mom] I’m still [a virgin] ’till I’m married….Nahhh I think she probably suspects I’m not by now”. – Connie, Southern California

6. The mom who lives in blissful ignorance

@maarjavahiphotography/Instagram

“I’m 30 years old and still haven’t told my mom. At this point she’s gotta suspect I’m not [a virgin]. But at least I waited until I was 19!” Anna, Chicago

7. The Suffocating Silence

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“Literally my current situation, lol. I want to tell her but, I’m afraid of her reaction. I don’t think she’ll be mad, but I really would hate for her to cry about it. Send help!” Darlene, Riverside

8. The “Live Your Life” Type of Mom

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“I keep it to myself, but I’m pretty sure she knows me better. 😉 ” – Belle, Puerto Rico

9. The “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” Policy

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“She never asked and I never told her… but for what it’s worth, I waited till I was at least 18.” Tania, Los Angeles

10. The Mom Who Tries and Fails to Guilt Trip

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“She said: ‘Why didnt [you] wait ’till marriage like [I] told over and over again?’. So, I said: “Who said I’ll ever get married?” Lizet, Bakersfield, CA

11. This mom who started crying when she walked in on the act

glam_.dps / Instagram

“I had skipped school to lose my virginity to my high school boyfriend. We had planned it out so that I would play sick and he would skip school and do it when my parents were out of the house. They boy work long hours so we figured we had some time. The actual act went well, but literally just as we finished we heard my front door open. No snuggling. We both jumped up to hide. I’ve always thought it took maybe 30 steps to get from my front door to my room, my mom took five. My boyfriend ducked out of the bathroom and somehow my mom got to the front of the house to confront him. I mean he had no shirt on and was pulling him his pants. She knew. She knew so much she cried.”  Ana, Austin, TX