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Here’s How Telenovelas Lied To Us About Men, Sex, And Basically Everything

It’s not the way they make it seem. 

The sheets are always perfectly tangled and show just enough.

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Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

Like where are those curtains hanging from? Where is the wind coming from? And what is he doing upside down? The bed you lay on is always a hot mess with heavy blankets and pillows thrown everywhere. You hardly have any space to lay.

Men never know how to unstrap a bra like this.

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Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

Ugh, just let me do it.

No woman would let a man do this.

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Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

I spent too much money on my shirt.

You don’t finish with perfect hair.

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Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

And if you did, he didn’t do it right.

Or perfect makeup.

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Credit: Telemundo / hotnovelas / Tumblr

If you did, girl, quit that.

The boom boom room never looks like this:

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Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

Where did those candles come from?

The girl always comes.

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Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

Big. Fat. Lie.

The guy never finishes first ?.

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Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

Another lie. Which also never prepared us for the awkward and ugly faces guys make.

It’s always nice and slow on TV.

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Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

Why didn’t they warn us about those weirdos that think f*cking like a jackrabbit is sexy?

Speaking of sexy, sex on the beach is anything but.

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Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

Ten days later and you’re still finding sand in places it doesn’t belong.

What about all the other awkward moments?

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Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

This never goes as planned.

At what point do they put condoms on?

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Credit: Telemundo / hotnovelas / Tumblr

Are telenovelas low-key condoning unprotected sex? He doesn’t even pull out.

One last observation: If he has that big of muscles chances are, he has a small steroid-sized peen.

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Credit: hotnovelas / Tumblr

Just sayin.

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Superstitions All Latinos Know to Be Absolute Truth

#mitúVOICE

Superstitions All Latinos Know to Be Absolute Truth

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What is more Latino than over-the-top and confusing superstition? NOTHING. We’re superstitious about everything. This Friday the 13th, make sure you follow all the superstitions mami taught you or you might be in for a world of misery.

Keeping a full glass of water on the fridge or behind the bed absorbs evil spirits.

https://instagram.com/p/ijqSDPonV0/

I wonder how much this factors into the California drought…

Babies have to wear red to ward off bad energy.

But, like, red isn’t even my color, ma!

Keep an upside down broom behind the door if you want to prevent unwanted visitors.

Or, you could just use the broom to chase them out if they come over. Seems more effective IMHO.

If you put your purse or wallet on the floor the devil takes your money. ?

You know, because el diablo has NOTHING better to do.

READ: No One Knows Hot to Get Rid of Haters Like Curanderas

If you sweep a single woman’s feet, she will be single forever.

Girl, you better call your family Santero to fix this! #foreveralone

If you have a nightmare tell someone immediately or it will come true.

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Oh Dios Que #Pesadilla… 😓😓😓

A post shared by Darleni Robles (@darlenirobles) on

But if you have a good dream, keep your mouth shut or it won’t happen for you.

If a bright colored bug gets in the house it is good luck.

However, if you get a dark bug is stuck in the house you better do whatever you can to get that damn thing out before all hell falls on you.

Staring at a dog while it poops mean you are going to get an eye pimple.

Me: Are you done yet?

If you cut a baby’s hair before they turn 1 it is bad luck.

Poor baby, they might’ve just ruined his life.

READ: 11 Latin American Legends Our Parents Used to Scare the Sh*t Out of Us

You NEVER ask someone to pass you the salt or you’ll get all their bad luck.

So it is totally OK to crawl across the table to get it on your own, right?

If they look at your baby and smile, they have to touch them or the baby will get sick.

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#malojo

A post shared by Trisha (@trishadeeeee) on

Only way to cure this mal de ojo is with an egg.

If a fork falls, a woman will visit you and if a knife falls, a man will.

And if they both fall I assume your in-laws are around the corner. #theworstluck

Pinching a red-head could give you good luck.

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Happy Friday😚🌟 have a good weekend 😘

A post shared by BELLA (@bellathorne) on

Because they are rare? Either way, cuidado Bella Thorne.

If you put your shirt on inside-out it means that someone is going to give you a gift soon.

https://instagram.com/p/m_9yhiijlC/

You know, like abuelita might be buying you shoes or something.

If you are pregnant and rub your belly, the baby will get a mole in that place.

Which means you should stop letting Juanito touch your tummy whenever he walks by.

If you are pregnant during a lunar eclipse you need to stay inside or the baby will have a birth defect.

https://instagram.com/p/90l6Okyu4E/

OK, guys. I think we have gone too far with all these superstitions.

Share this story because it is important to make sure your friends are safe and it is up to you to educate them. ✊

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