bad hombres

Here’s How You Can Give Her The Best V-Day Gift Without Spending A Dime

jlolove
Jennifer Lopez/Vevo/Youtube

Fly girl/philosopher Jennifer Lopez once said, “My love don’t cost a thing.”

A feminist sentiment any woman will get behind — until Valentine’s Day, when, according to Time.com, the going rate on love is around $146.84 as men spend more on stuffed bears and heart-shaped chocolates than on groceries.

Greeting card companies created this holiday to empty your pockets, but fear not: here are a bunch of ways you can show her that your love is true without losing the shirt off your back. Take it from me, I’m just another cheap thrifty creative guy trying to get laid on Valentine’s Day.

1. Send flowers on the cheap.

Eddie Guerrero/Chyna/WWE

Want to send flowers to your sweetheart’s work, but can’t scrape together the $60 most floral services charge? No problemo. Purchase your posies from a corner store for as little as $6 and then have a friend of yours that she doesn’t know deliver them for you.

2. Take in a matinee.

lobby
youtube.com

Movie theaters charge less for admission during the day, I think as a way to stick it to vampires. Look it up. JK, don’t, because I made that up and there’s no way it’s true.

3. Or Netflix and SAVE!

Giphy/metro.co.uk

You’ve got your little brother’s password and you’re not afraid to use it. After watching an episode or two of “Stranger Things,” she’ll be ready to crank it up to 11 and do some “stranger things” with you. But if she decides to leave, at least you have those two Fluffy specials sitting in your queue.

4. Think ahead: Buy THIS YEAR’S Valentine’s Day gifts LAST YEAR.

Pitbull/Vevo/Youtube

Beginning February 15th, everything with hearts on it goes on clearance, so stock up on everything for next year and put it away like the majestic gray squirrel hiding his nuts for winter. When you whip ’em out next year, she’ll be overcome with joy. ?

5. Mami always said, “It’s the thought that counts.”

nacho
Nacho Libre/Paramount Pictures

But she also proudly wore the macaroni necklace you made her, so what does she know, right? More than you. You made that macaroni necklace last year, then “borrowed” it and ate it because you had the munchies “real f*ckin’ bad.”

6. Train woodland creatures to help you — and they will (if you’re pure of heart).

cinderella
Cinderella/Disney

It’s a fact of nature that mice and birds make the most beautiful dresses. They’re the only wildlife I’ll let measure my inseam (fool me once, honey badger). Like you, they know what it’s like to be broke. You ever see a bluejay fly first class? Never. Not even once. #peta

7. On second thought, maybe not. How many times have we been warned about when animals attack?

The Simpsons/Fox

They can be temperamental af. Perhaps it’s best to leave the stupid pet tricks to trained professionals like magicians and crocodile hunters.

8. If all else fails, fake your own death, tough guy!

Parks and Rec/NBC

HEAR ME OUT: you’re a deadbeat and she’s gonna kill you anyway because you’re too cheap to spend on V-Day. But if you fake your own death, your sweetheart will be too overcome with emotion to even remember what years of capitalist conditioning have forced her to expect from you.

9. BEWARE: dying isn’t enough to shake some women…

The Notebook/Warner Bros.

Let’s be honest, if you’ve even considered faking your own death just to keep her from being disappointed on Valentine’s Day, you’re probably an amazing person, so she has zero chance of ever moving on.

10. Even if you did die and came back as a zombie, she’d still try to make it work.

Zombie Apocalypse/Youtube 

Women love a dude they can “fix.”

11. Or you could just break up with her.

Ash Vs Evil Dead/Starz

I’ll admit this one’s harsh, but so is blowing the rent on candy hearts and scratch tickets just because the fat cats at Big Greeting Card brainwashed everyone! Don’t let the fake news tell you how to live one day a year. Let me just ask you this: who needs the love and understanding of a partner when you’ve got TWO Fluffy specials STILL sitting in your brother’s Netflix queue?!

12. Just remember, it doesn’t really matter what you get her because she’s gonna give you the greatest gift of all: sex.

The 40 year old virgin/Universal Pictures

Even if you empty your bank account and go all out on dinner at a fancy restaurant where you pay the in-house violinist to play her favorite song (“Butterfly” by Crazy Town) as the lobster comes out, she’s still going to one-up you by letting you have sex inside her.

13. So just regift it to her, bigly.

The 40 year old virgin/Universal Pictures

Sure, when her mom asks how she celebrated the most romantic of occasions, she might mention the horse-drawn carriage ride through the park, but when her friends and primary care doctor ask, she will absolutely tell them about the you-drawn futon ride through Pleasuretown.


READ: 9 Ways You Can Tell Your Novio Forgot It Was Valentines Day

Latinas Talk: Breaking Up And Sticking It Out During Quarantine

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Latinas Talk: Breaking Up And Sticking It Out During Quarantine

@maria_uve_ / Instagram

Whether quarantine has brought you and your boo closer together, broken the relationship or brought out some ugly, we all know that Quarantining while in a relationship isn’t totally ideal. After all, when the option of getting space away from each other is off the table certain aspects of your relationship can seem more dire and troubling. We asked Latinas on our Instagram page what dating has like been during the Coronavirus and boy did they deliver!

How are you managing your relationship with your s/o right now?

Are you quarantining together or separately? How is the distance affecting your relationship?⁠

Check out the answers to our a questions below!

Dealing with long-distance

“I’m in a long-distance relationship but the uncertainty of when will we be able to make it to each other’s country is killing me.” — chaser.of.wonders

When the relationship just got started

“We’ve been dating since November and we are each in our own homes. So the skin hunger is real. I’m out of work but he is still working because construction is considered en essential service. It feels like we’ve missed relationship milestones on one hand, but have been together way longer because the situation has made time feel eternal. Some days are good and I feel like we are super connected and some days, if he’s too busy or my anxiety is high or we keep missing each others calls, it feels like we are drifting apart. Overall we are just doing the best we can and working on communication.” —angiebsantana

Facetime for lovers

“FaceTime has been a lifesaver and we send each other food through uber eats or online shop for them to be surprised the next morning and that kinda thing. We maintain date nights and watch a movie through FaceTime. It’s been hard we only live 30 min away but our love language is physical touch so I mailed him one of my shirts that smells like me and he sent me one of his hoodies to help me out during these times. ❤️ kept the love alive.” — okaykat96

You could be closer than ever

“Quarantined together and we’ve grown closer spiritually, emotionally and more in love than ever before.” —gelseyes

Heartbreak hurts but it also means growth

“He said he needed distance from me.. and we were quarantined apart 😐 so we broke up.” — natmrte

Do nie things for eachother and together

“We will have been a couple for 7 years this August (married for 1.5) and this is the most time we’ve ever spent together bc we have had opposite work schedules our entire relationship. It’s been awesome. I get to see him when I wake up and he sees me when he wakes up. We make meals together, have done bike rides around the block, watched all kinds of movies etc.”–_hi_rose_

Communication is KEY

“Stronger 💞 we have been communicating more than ever. We both have busy schedules even during quarantine but manage to check in throughout the day.”–wanderess.v

J.Lo And Ex Diddy Got Together On Instagram Live And Things Got Heated

Entertainment

J.Lo And Ex Diddy Got Together On Instagram Live And Things Got Heated

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When in quarantine, why not spark up an old flame?

Jennifer Lopez and Diddy (formerly known as Puff Daddy, a.k.a. P Diddy a.k.a. Puffy a.k.a. Sean Combs) got back into old tricks over the weekend. The former couple reunited briefly on Instagram Live this past Sunday for the rappers Easter dance-a-thon to raise money for coronavirus efforts.

The couple dated from 1999 to 2001.

During the video chat the two joked and danced.

At one point, during the video when Diddy pulled off a dance ,Lopez quipped “I probably taught you that.”

Later, during the video Lopez’s fiancé, Alex Rodriguez, joined in on the fun and JLo revelaed Rodriguez is a huge fan of his. “Puffy, you have to know this because I don’t think you know this — this guy right here is your biggest fan,” she said explaining that her current flame often asks for his songs to be played at parties.

Things really took off when, Diddy broke out Presidente beers.

The bears are a favorite of A-Rods and come from his home country the Dominican Republic. Ultimately, the three toasted to each other and the hard work of healthcare providers currently tackling the Coronavirus pandemic.

Not only is Jennifer Lopez the most successful Latina entertainer of all time, she’s enjoyed a long, varied dating history.  Here’s a look at all of her beaus, from “Ohhh yeah” to the “Wait, what?”

1. Alex Rodriguez

Jennifer’s latest beau is one half of the hot new celebrity couple of 2017.  Vanity Fair has already dubbed them “J-Rod”, because you always want the media to combine your names and make your relationship A Thing.  That’s work so well in Jennifer’s past!

2. Drake

This was last year’s question mark on the celebrity dating scene.  Was JLo on with Drake?  Or were they just “hanging out”, as she described the above photo.  Maybe someday we’ll know, or maybe the answer is lost forever to time.

3. Calvin Harris

Jennifer and this somewhat popular EDM guy and former boyfriend of Taylor Swift were rumored to be dating based an Instagram post or two.  If we were Calvin Harris, we’d sure want people to think we were dating JLo, too.  Nice work, buddy!

4. Bradley Cooper

While never confirmed, photographs prove the momentary love that blossomed between Jennifer and “American Hustle” star Bradley Cooper.  Alas, all we have are these photos.

5. Marc Anthony

Source: Marc Anthony. Digital Image. E! Online. October 11, 2017.

Let’s marvel at the abject foreshadowing of the above photo.  The fact that Alex is in pinstripes and Marc in Mets blue, the smiles on their faces.  Are they thinking of what has transpired, or imagining what is to come?

Source: Marc Anthony. Digital Image. Today Show. July 30, 2017.

Jennifer and Marc were married for seven years, and have wins: Max and Emme.  Married the same year Jennifer broke off her relationship with Ben Affleck, Marc tied the knot with Jennifer just days after his divorce from his ex was final.  Was this the ultimate rebound?

6. Ben Affleck

So, if you’re not old enough to remember “Bennifer” you probably should not be on the internet.  This relationship was the talk of 2002 – 2003 (notice the Hollywood Video in the above photo).  But, like all couples, Bennifer had problems.  Continue to the next slide to hear about them.

Bennifer had two very specific problems, and their names were Gigli and Jersey Girl.  It’s hard for a relationship to survive one disastrous flop much less two.  More problems include the Boston Red Sox and that goatee on Affleck.  Maybe breaking up was the better option.

7. Sean Combs

Much of the JLo/Diddy romance has been lost to the mists of time.  But back in the day, this was a major one, prompting many a raised eyebrow from our moms, like in the above “green dress photo”.  The union ended in controversy (and tears) as we’ll see on the next slide….

….It all started with a jostle in a nightclub around New Year’s, 1999.  Drinks were spilled, then shots fired, then Jennifer and Diddy were arrested fleeing in a Lincoln Navigator with a gun in the trunk.  Jennifer was quickly absolved.  It took a little longer for Diddy, but they were never the same.

8. Tommy Mottola

Source: Tommy Mottola. Digital Image. People en Español. October  22, 2017.

Another unconfirmed oddball romance.  When Jennifer was just getting started, she was rumored to be dating Mariah Carey’s recent ex (and Michael Jackson foe) Tommy Mottola.  Jennifer went on to do great things while Tommy was never heard from again.

Read: Jennifer Lopez Is This Year’s MTV Video Vanguard, So Let’s Look Back At Her Video Looks