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Here’s How You Can Give Her The Best V-Day Gift Without Spending A Dime

PitbullVEVO/Zi0nHD
jlolove
Jennifer Lopez/Vevo/Youtube

Fly girl/philosopher Jennifer Lopez once said, “My love don’t cost a thing.”

A feminist sentiment any woman will get behind — until Valentine’s Day, when, according to Time.com, the going rate on love is around $146.84 as men spend more on stuffed bears and heart-shaped chocolates than on groceries.

Greeting card companies created this holiday to empty your pockets, but fear not: here are a bunch of ways you can show her that your love is true without losing the shirt off your back. Take it from me, I’m just another cheap thrifty creative guy trying to get laid on Valentine’s Day.

1. Send flowers on the cheap.

Eddie Guerrero/Chyna/WWE

Want to send flowers to your sweetheart’s work, but can’t scrape together the $60 most floral services charge? No problemo. Purchase your posies from a corner store for as little as $6 and then have a friend of yours that she doesn’t know deliver them for you.

2. Take in a matinee.

lobby
youtube.com

Movie theaters charge less for admission during the day, I think as a way to stick it to vampires. Look it up. JK, don’t, because I made that up and there’s no way it’s true.

3. Or Netflix and SAVE!

Giphy/metro.co.uk

You’ve got your little brother’s password and you’re not afraid to use it. After watching an episode or two of “Stranger Things,” she’ll be ready to crank it up to 11 and do some “stranger things” with you. But if she decides to leave, at least you have those two Fluffy specials sitting in your queue.

4. Think ahead: Buy THIS YEAR’S Valentine’s Day gifts LAST YEAR.

Pitbull/Vevo/Youtube

Beginning February 15th, everything with hearts on it goes on clearance, so stock up on everything for next year and put it away like the majestic gray squirrel hiding his nuts for winter. When you whip ’em out next year, she’ll be overcome with joy. ?

5. Mami always said, “It’s the thought that counts.”

nacho
Nacho Libre/Paramount Pictures

But she also proudly wore the macaroni necklace you made her, so what does she know, right? More than you. You made that macaroni necklace last year, then “borrowed” it and ate it because you had the munchies “real f*ckin’ bad.”

6. Train woodland creatures to help you — and they will (if you’re pure of heart).

cinderella
Cinderella/Disney

It’s a fact of nature that mice and birds make the most beautiful dresses. They’re the only wildlife I’ll let measure my inseam (fool me once, honey badger). Like you, they know what it’s like to be broke. You ever see a bluejay fly first class? Never. Not even once. #peta

7. On second thought, maybe not. How many times have we been warned about when animals attack?

The Simpsons/Fox

They can be temperamental af. Perhaps it’s best to leave the stupid pet tricks to trained professionals like magicians and crocodile hunters.

8. If all else fails, fake your own death, tough guy!

Parks and Rec/NBC

HEAR ME OUT: you’re a deadbeat and she’s gonna kill you anyway because you’re too cheap to spend on V-Day. But if you fake your own death, your sweetheart will be too overcome with emotion to even remember what years of capitalist conditioning have forced her to expect from you.

9. BEWARE: dying isn’t enough to shake some women…

The Notebook/Warner Bros.

Let’s be honest, if you’ve even considered faking your own death just to keep her from being disappointed on Valentine’s Day, you’re probably an amazing person, so she has zero chance of ever moving on.

10. Even if you did die and came back as a zombie, she’d still try to make it work.

Zombie Apocalypse/Youtube 

Women love a dude they can “fix.”

11. Or you could just break up with her.

Ash Vs Evil Dead/Starz

I’ll admit this one’s harsh, but so is blowing the rent on candy hearts and scratch tickets just because the fat cats at Big Greeting Card brainwashed everyone! Don’t let the fake news tell you how to live one day a year. Let me just ask you this: who needs the love and understanding of a partner when you’ve got TWO Fluffy specials STILL sitting in your brother’s Netflix queue?!

12. Just remember, it doesn’t really matter what you get her because she’s gonna give you the greatest gift of all: sex.

The 40 year old virgin/Universal Pictures

Even if you empty your bank account and go all out on dinner at a fancy restaurant where you pay the in-house violinist to play her favorite song (“Butterfly” by Crazy Town) as the lobster comes out, she’s still going to one-up you by letting you have sex inside her.

13. So just regift it to her, bigly.

The 40 year old virgin/Universal Pictures

Sure, when her mom asks how she celebrated the most romantic of occasions, she might mention the horse-drawn carriage ride through the park, but when her friends and primary care doctor ask, she will absolutely tell them about the you-drawn futon ride through Pleasuretown.


READ: 9 Ways You Can Tell Your Novio Forgot It Was Valentines Day

I Sent 10 DIY Valentine's Day Cards To Strangers To Get Out Of My Love Funk

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I Sent 10 DIY Valentine’s Day Cards To Strangers To Get Out Of My Love Funk

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I’ve been obsessed with Valentine’s Day ever since I was a kid. But this year, with all of the political turmoil, I didn’t feel like celebrating a day of love — until I heard about Handmade Valentine Exchange.

Giphy
CREDIT: Giphy

My friend told me about this project that was launched three years ago by Julia Parris, which basically entails mailing Valentine’s Day cards to strangers. The thought of sending real Valentine’s Day cards to people I had never met helped get me out of my funk.

Here was a real way to spread love remind people that we’re not alone; that despite all the bullshit happening in the world, love will always matter.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BQTV4PBhUtu/?tagged=handmadevalentineexchange


So here’s how it works: By signing up, you commit to making 10 Valentine cards for people around the world. You’ll provide your mailing address and you’ll receive a list of names and addresses from people from around the world to send Valentines to. By signing up, you’ll get 10 cards, too!

Parris started this project five years ago, but she said this year more people were eager to participate.


“This year we received overwhelming participation from countries including U.S., Mexico, Canada, UK, Spain, Germany, Italy, France, Poland, South Africa, India and New Zealand!” wrote Parris, a Brooklyn-based photographer and art director, via email.



The project first began simply because Parris loves receiving mail the old-fashioned way — you know, in a mailbox. Participation has grown to include over 2,000 people worldwide.

For inspiration, I checked #handmadevalentineexchange  to see what people were creating.

Facebook/Caitlin LeMoine
CREDIT: Facebook/Caitlin LeMoine

People are so creative!

Some creations sent messages of hope.


While others reminded strangers how beautiful they are.


I turned to Lotería for my inspo.

Araceli Cruz
CREDIT: Araceli Cruz

I used the cards to send messages of empowerment and love.

I wanted my culture to be reflected in my card, while reminding people how beautiful love is. What do you think of the finished product?

Araceli Cruz
CREDIT: Araceli Cruz

I know they’re not as elaborate and stylish as the other ones, but I sent them with the best of intentions, lots of love, and that’s what counts, right?

READ: Forgot To Get The Valentine’s Day Cards? We Got You Covered With These Hilarious Cards

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