bad hombres

Here’s How You Can Give Her The Best V-Day Gift Without Spending A Dime

PitbullVEVO/Zi0nHD

jlolove
Jennifer Lopez/Vevo/Youtube

Fly girl/philosopher Jennifer Lopez once said, “My love don’t cost a thing.”

A feminist sentiment any woman will get behind — until Valentine’s Day, when, according to Time.com, the going rate on love is around $146.84 as men spend more on stuffed bears and heart-shaped chocolates than on groceries.

Greeting card companies created this holiday to empty your pockets, but fear not: here are a bunch of ways you can show her that your love is true without losing the shirt off your back. Take it from me, I’m just another cheap thrifty creative guy trying to get laid on Valentine’s Day.

1. Send flowers on the cheap.

Eddie Guerrero/Chyna/WWE

Want to send flowers to your sweetheart’s work, but can’t scrape together the $60 most floral services charge? No problemo. Purchase your posies from a corner store for as little as $6 and then have a friend of yours that she doesn’t know deliver them for you.

2. Take in a matinee.

lobby
youtube.com

Movie theaters charge less for admission during the day, I think as a way to stick it to vampires. Look it up. JK, don’t, because I made that up and there’s no way it’s true.

3. Or Netflix and SAVE!

Giphy/metro.co.uk

You’ve got your little brother’s password and you’re not afraid to use it. After watching an episode or two of “Stranger Things,” she’ll be ready to crank it up to 11 and do some “stranger things” with you. But if she decides to leave, at least you have those two Fluffy specials sitting in your queue.

4. Think ahead: Buy THIS YEAR’S Valentine’s Day gifts LAST YEAR.

Pitbull/Vevo/Youtube

Beginning February 15th, everything with hearts on it goes on clearance, so stock up on everything for next year and put it away like the majestic gray squirrel hiding his nuts for winter. When you whip ’em out next year, she’ll be overcome with joy. ?

5. Mami always said, “It’s the thought that counts.”

nacho
Nacho Libre/Paramount Pictures

But she also proudly wore the macaroni necklace you made her, so what does she know, right? More than you. You made that macaroni necklace last year, then “borrowed” it and ate it because you had the munchies “real f*ckin’ bad.”

6. Train woodland creatures to help you — and they will (if you’re pure of heart).

cinderella
Cinderella/Disney

It’s a fact of nature that mice and birds make the most beautiful dresses. They’re the only wildlife I’ll let measure my inseam (fool me once, honey badger). Like you, they know what it’s like to be broke. You ever see a bluejay fly first class? Never. Not even once. #peta

7. On second thought, maybe not. How many times have we been warned about when animals attack?

The Simpsons/Fox

They can be temperamental af. Perhaps it’s best to leave the stupid pet tricks to trained professionals like magicians and crocodile hunters.

8. If all else fails, fake your own death, tough guy!

Parks and Rec/NBC

HEAR ME OUT: you’re a deadbeat and she’s gonna kill you anyway because you’re too cheap to spend on V-Day. But if you fake your own death, your sweetheart will be too overcome with emotion to even remember what years of capitalist conditioning have forced her to expect from you.

9. BEWARE: dying isn’t enough to shake some women…

The Notebook/Warner Bros.

Let’s be honest, if you’ve even considered faking your own death just to keep her from being disappointed on Valentine’s Day, you’re probably an amazing person, so she has zero chance of ever moving on.

10. Even if you did die and came back as a zombie, she’d still try to make it work.

Zombie Apocalypse/Youtube 

Women love a dude they can “fix.”

11. Or you could just break up with her.

Ash Vs Evil Dead/Starz

I’ll admit this one’s harsh, but so is blowing the rent on candy hearts and scratch tickets just because the fat cats at Big Greeting Card brainwashed everyone! Don’t let the fake news tell you how to live one day a year. Let me just ask you this: who needs the love and understanding of a partner when you’ve got TWO Fluffy specials STILL sitting in your brother’s Netflix queue?!

12. Just remember, it doesn’t really matter what you get her because she’s gonna give you the greatest gift of all: sex.

The 40 year old virgin/Universal Pictures

Even if you empty your bank account and go all out on dinner at a fancy restaurant where you pay the in-house violinist to play her favorite song (“Butterfly” by Crazy Town) as the lobster comes out, she’s still going to one-up you by letting you have sex inside her.

13. So just regift it to her, bigly.

The 40 year old virgin/Universal Pictures

Sure, when her mom asks how she celebrated the most romantic of occasions, she might mention the horse-drawn carriage ride through the park, but when her friends and primary care doctor ask, she will absolutely tell them about the you-drawn futon ride through Pleasuretown.


READ: 9 Ways You Can Tell Your Novio Forgot It Was Valentines Day

The Real-Life ‘Hustler’ Isn’t Thrilled Over J.Lo’s Depiction Of Her and Said Cardi B Should Have Played Her

Entertainment

The Real-Life ‘Hustler’ Isn’t Thrilled Over J.Lo’s Depiction Of Her and Said Cardi B Should Have Played Her

Jennifer Lopez cannot believe the incredibly positive reviews she’s getting over her lead role in the film “Hustlers.” She was so moved that she cried on national TV. Last week while being interviewed by Hoda Kotb, Lopez expressed her emotional reaction over the surprising reviews for her role, which some critics say could get her an Acadamy Award nomination. Here’s just a snippet of what film critics are saying about the film that made a big debut this weekend. “Hustlers asks what a movie like Goodfellas looks like with women at the center of the story,” one film critic said. “If nothing else, we get to see Jennifer Lopez command the screen as easily as Ramona does the stage, offering up a seductive awards-worthy performance that makes us remember why she became a movie star in the first place,” another said

There is at least one person who isn’t raving about Lopez’s role, and that’s the one who inspired the film. 

Samantha Barbash, the woman who inspired “Hustlers,” said she would have liked to have seen Cardi B in the lead role instead of Jennifer Lopez. 

Credit: Instagram/@iam_missfoxita

The 45-year-old said in an interview with Hollywood Life that rapper Cardi B should have portrayed her instead of the veteran actress, even though this is Cardi’s first film. “I said it from day one, even to the producer. Cardi doesn’t have the acting skills that Jennifer does, but Cardi could relate more to who I was because even though she wasn’t in the same club, we were in the same industry,” she told the lifestyle website. “If Cardi took some acting lessons and shadowed me, I’m sure that she would have played a better role for my character.”

Barbash goes on to say that she is flattered that Lopez wanted to play her in a movie but stresses that the film got several things wrong about her. 

Credit: Instagram/@iam_missfoxita

For starters, Barbash wasn’t a stripper at all. The film, based on a 2015 New York magazine article, shows Lopez as a stripper who ends up drugging wealthy bankers and robs them of their money. However, Barbash said she was never a stripper. Barbash actually worked at a strip club in New York City as a hostess. Yes, the other stuff about the drugs and taking their money is correct, but seeing Lopez play her a stripper didn’t sit well with her. Barbash also said that Lopez never reached out to her in order to learn about her mannerisms, which is what actors do when they’re portraying real-life characters. Even when the real-life character is deceased, actors still study old footage to learn more about the role they are playing. You may recall the extensive research Lopez said she did to portray Selena Quintanilla. She even slept in her bed to get into deep character.  

Earlier this year, Barbash said she would release her own memoir about the ordeal (which she did) that got her 5 years probation and said she planned to sue the filmmakers. 

Credit: Instagram/@iam_missfoxita

“This is a living nightmare,” Barbash said in April in the New York Post after videos leaked of Lopez on a stripper pole. “So now I’m going to have to do a lawsuit. I’m getting a gag order.” Bruno Gioffre, also said back then, that Barbash was “considering all legal avenues with the possibility injunctive relief, including a lawsuit.” The movie was made despite her legal threats. Today, Barbash is an entrepreneur and owns her own spa business. 

We can see why she would have preferred to see Cardi B in the title role. 

Credit: Instagram/@iamcardib

The Bronx rapper did admit to drugging men and robbing them, just like the characters did in the movie “Hustlers.” In 2017, Barbash was charged for conspiracy, assault, and grand larceny in exchange for five years probation

In March, Card admitted on social media that during her stint as a stripper in New York she too did what the “Hustlers” did in the movie. “I had to go strip, I had to go, ‘Oh yeah, you want to f*ck me? Yeah, yeah, yeah, let’s go to this hotel,’ and I drugged n*****s up and I robbed them. That’s what I used to do.” 

Soon after that post, Cardi said she it was wrong of her to do that and has since tried to make a better life for herself. 

READ: Critics Think Jennifer Lopez Gave An Oscar-Worthy Performance In ‘Hustlers’

 
 
 

Our FIERCE Readers Share Some of the Most Outrageous Lies They’ve Told To Get Some Time Away With Their Boo

Fierce

Our FIERCE Readers Share Some of the Most Outrageous Lies They’ve Told To Get Some Time Away With Their Boo

@theromantictravelers / Instagram

Vacationing with your significant other is a big step in a relationship. It isn’t just the shared travel or the expense that can be the most trying. Many times, it’s figuring out a cover story to tell the padres. Don’t got it wrong, we’re grown. However, Latinx folk still have to answer to our parents when we leave the house. So if we want to vacay with the novio, we need an alibi. 

With this in mind, we asked our FIERCE readers what their go-to lies are whenever they need to cover up a vacation with their significant other. You might want to jot these excuses down for the next time you need a justification for a weekend away.

1. The mandatory vacay.

Instagram / @happilyeveradventures

“I told my parents I would be out of town (only an hour away from home) for work and that my job was paying for everything and that it was mandatory we all stay there in the hotel because my dad said I could just drive everyday I needed to go. We ended up vacationing 12 hours away from home 😂 they still haven’t found out lol.” — @baerenis 

2. Technically, she still went to Disney.

Instagram / @aprilroselb

“I had a summer job that involved church and I told my mom I was going to stay an extra week because a bunch of us were going to Disneyland. My boyfriend ended up picking me up and we did technically go to Disneyland, but it was just him and me. Lol” — @lilpeaches_12 

3. Total fail but still worth it. 

Instagram / @theromantictravelers

“Went to Rosarito w/ex to a wedding and told my mom I was going to visit girlfriends in San Francisco. One of my moms friends lives in Rosarito and recognized me at wedding. Total fail. Lady memorized my license plate # y todo 😂😂🇲🇽”   @vidajuicebar_

4. The abuela alibi. 

Instagram / @bestwestern_plus_suitcase

“My now husband is from a town 2 hours away from Houston, and the only way my parents would let me stay the weekend over there, was if I stayed and slept with his grandmother. We would actually stay in a hotel room from Friday – Sunday in downtown, 4 miles away from my parents house. This was back in 2003, there’s no way I could get away with that now with smart phones! 😂” @areal1982

5. Staycation, all she ever wanted.

Instagram / @kvadventuretravel

“Lol I would just tell them I was working a long shift and leave for a stay-cation.” @jenoemi87

6. When white lies become second nature.

Instagram / @alinadelcaru 

“I lied until I got married at 31 😂 now my instinct is to lie but stop my self because – wait a minute I’m married now! 😂” — @deerayv

7. This lie came with a lot of work.

Instagram / @el_palauet

“My husband and I had been dating for almost a year he wanted to take me to Puerto Vallarta for my birthday I didn’t know how to tell my parents my husband was like how old are you I said were Mexican we don’t sleep over nobody’s house ever we sleep at home. I told my dad my job needed me to travel to mexico since they were branching out to Puerto Vallarta and they needed a fluent Spanish speaker he was so excited they picked me. He said go tell me what hotel your staying at so I can tell your primos from El Rancho to meet you there… 🤦‍♀️ I gave him the wrong hotel name each time he called I would say were in meetings or were looking at property I’ll call the primos when I have time. We met 1 time to show I wasn’t with anybody I shouldn’t have been with… 😂”  — @melliesemily  

8. You need to go to confessional after this one.

Instagram / @theromantictravelers

“I told my mom I was going on a church retreat and got a text free number to pretend I was one of the people at church verifying I was attending 😩💀 I’m going to hell.” — @aimechinchilla

9. An educational experience.

Instagram / @theromantictravelers

“So I’ve always been super involved on campus and sometimes for student government we would travel and once we went on a trip to a conference for 2 days but I told my parents it’s was for 5 so the other 3 days estaba de pata larga 😉😂 later on that always became my excuse que tenía una conferencia para la escuela (btw i would tell them they were at other sister schools so you know it’s educational ) en total I probably actually had like 5 conferences my whole college career but to them it was like every other month 🤷🏻‍♀️😂” — @anythingforcelinaaas

10. That’s what friends are for.

Instagram / @fairmontsanfrancisco

“I was 20 and had been dating my bf for a year and he had the house for himself one weekend. I told my parents I was sleeping over at my friend’s house and got my dad to drop me off there (about a 20 minute drive away). My bf was waiting for me around the corner and came and picked me up. My friend even played the game and came and said hi to my dad 😂” — @laviajeraporvida

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRJdv6QJ7Nc