bad hombres

Here’s How You Can Give Her The Best V-Day Gift Without Spending A Dime

PitbullVEVO/Zi0nHD
jlolove
Jennifer Lopez/Vevo/Youtube

Fly girl/philosopher Jennifer Lopez once said, “My love don’t cost a thing.”

A feminist sentiment any woman will get behind — until Valentine’s Day, when, according to Time.com, the going rate on love is around $146.84 as men spend more on stuffed bears and heart-shaped chocolates than on groceries.

Greeting card companies created this holiday to empty your pockets, but fear not: here are a bunch of ways you can show her that your love is true without losing the shirt off your back. Take it from me, I’m just another cheap thrifty creative guy trying to get laid on Valentine’s Day.

1. Send flowers on the cheap.

Eddie Guerrero/Chyna/WWE

Want to send flowers to your sweetheart’s work, but can’t scrape together the $60 most floral services charge? No problemo. Purchase your posies from a corner store for as little as $6 and then have a friend of yours that she doesn’t know deliver them for you.

2. Take in a matinee.

lobby
youtube.com

Movie theaters charge less for admission during the day, I think as a way to stick it to vampires. Look it up. JK, don’t, because I made that up and there’s no way it’s true.

3. Or Netflix and SAVE!

Giphy/metro.co.uk

You’ve got your little brother’s password and you’re not afraid to use it. After watching an episode or two of “Stranger Things,” she’ll be ready to crank it up to 11 and do some “stranger things” with you. But if she decides to leave, at least you have those two Fluffy specials sitting in your queue.

4. Think ahead: Buy THIS YEAR’S Valentine’s Day gifts LAST YEAR.

Pitbull/Vevo/Youtube

Beginning February 15th, everything with hearts on it goes on clearance, so stock up on everything for next year and put it away like the majestic gray squirrel hiding his nuts for winter. When you whip ’em out next year, she’ll be overcome with joy. ?

5. Mami always said, “It’s the thought that counts.”

nacho
Nacho Libre/Paramount Pictures

But she also proudly wore the macaroni necklace you made her, so what does she know, right? More than you. You made that macaroni necklace last year, then “borrowed” it and ate it because you had the munchies “real f*ckin’ bad.”

6. Train woodland creatures to help you — and they will (if you’re pure of heart).

cinderella
Cinderella/Disney

It’s a fact of nature that mice and birds make the most beautiful dresses. They’re the only wildlife I’ll let measure my inseam (fool me once, honey badger). Like you, they know what it’s like to be broke. You ever see a bluejay fly first class? Never. Not even once. #peta

7. On second thought, maybe not. How many times have we been warned about when animals attack?

The Simpsons/Fox

They can be temperamental af. Perhaps it’s best to leave the stupid pet tricks to trained professionals like magicians and crocodile hunters.

8. If all else fails, fake your own death, tough guy!

Parks and Rec/NBC

HEAR ME OUT: you’re a deadbeat and she’s gonna kill you anyway because you’re too cheap to spend on V-Day. But if you fake your own death, your sweetheart will be too overcome with emotion to even remember what years of capitalist conditioning have forced her to expect from you.

9. BEWARE: dying isn’t enough to shake some women…

The Notebook/Warner Bros.

Let’s be honest, if you’ve even considered faking your own death just to keep her from being disappointed on Valentine’s Day, you’re probably an amazing person, so she has zero chance of ever moving on.

10. Even if you did die and came back as a zombie, she’d still try to make it work.

Zombie Apocalypse/Youtube 

Women love a dude they can “fix.”

11. Or you could just break up with her.

Ash Vs Evil Dead/Starz

I’ll admit this one’s harsh, but so is blowing the rent on candy hearts and scratch tickets just because the fat cats at Big Greeting Card brainwashed everyone! Don’t let the fake news tell you how to live one day a year. Let me just ask you this: who needs the love and understanding of a partner when you’ve got TWO Fluffy specials STILL sitting in your brother’s Netflix queue?!

12. Just remember, it doesn’t really matter what you get her because she’s gonna give you the greatest gift of all: sex.

The 40 year old virgin/Universal Pictures

Even if you empty your bank account and go all out on dinner at a fancy restaurant where you pay the in-house violinist to play her favorite song (“Butterfly” by Crazy Town) as the lobster comes out, she’s still going to one-up you by letting you have sex inside her.

13. So just regift it to her, bigly.

The 40 year old virgin/Universal Pictures

Sure, when her mom asks how she celebrated the most romantic of occasions, she might mention the horse-drawn carriage ride through the park, but when her friends and primary care doctor ask, she will absolutely tell them about the you-drawn futon ride through Pleasuretown.


READ: 9 Ways You Can Tell Your Novio Forgot It Was Valentines Day

The Debut Trailer For ‘Hustlers’ Opens With J.Lo Showing Constance Wu How To Pole Dance And It’s Already The Sexiest Scene I’ve Seen In A Movie In A Long Time

Entertainment

The Debut Trailer For ‘Hustlers’ Opens With J.Lo Showing Constance Wu How To Pole Dance And It’s Already The Sexiest Scene I’ve Seen In A Movie In A Long Time

STX Entertainment / YouTube

How badly do you want to see Jennifer Lopez, Constance Wu, Lizzo, and Cardi B dancing, stripping, and racking up pyramids of cash from unsuspecting dudes? A lot? Perfect: keep scrolling.

The sickening trailer for the badass film ‘Hustlers’ is finally here.

The trailer dropped Tuesday night at midnight and fans of strippers, fierce women, and especially Cardi B, we’re all totally here for it.

The film follows the story of a group of women who have formed their own extended family. They’re all strippers in the NYC area but then they decide to go bigger and start drugging and robbing ultra-wealthy Wall Street types.

The movie is actually inspired by a true story from a now-viral magazine story.

Credit: @TheCut / Twitter

The article, titled “The Hustlers at Scores” by Jessica Pressler, chronicles the real-life, modern Robin Hood story of a ring of strippers who ripped off wealthy clients.

The film is centered on two badass women, Destiny (Constance Wu) and Ramona (Jennifer Lopez).

Destiny is struggling to make ends meet and is helping to take care of her abuelita so she turns to stripping. This is how she meets Ramona who takes her under her wing and teaches Destiny everything she knows.

I mean Jennifer Lopez, on a pole, showing Constance Wu the moves. I. Am. Here. For. This!

Together with their extended family, these women decide to rob from the rich to help care for their loved ones.

Credit: @hustlersmovie / Giphy

Based off true events, J.Lo’s, Constance Wu’s, Cardi B’s, and Lizzo’s characters step up their hustle to include drugging men and robbing them of thousands of dollars.

In one scene, J Lo’s character explains it away as simply taking money from bad Wall Street guys who stole money from everyone during the financial crisis.

Things start to get real cray cray real quick.

Credit: @hustlersmovie / Twitter

The women end up drugging many of their clients to complete their heists…so you can see how things could quickly take a turn for the unexpected.

The plotline is amazing but many fans are here to support this gorgeous, talented, diverse cast of incredible women!

The casting director for this movie 100% deserves some serious stanning.

In addition to Jennifer Lopez and Constance Wu in badass lead roles but fans will also see Cardi B, Keke Palmer, Lizzo, and Usher on the big screen. Like what did we do deserve this masterpiece?!

Some in the Bardi-gang took to Twitter to say they’re kinda disappointed by the trailer.

They wanted more Cardi.

But whoever is running the Hustlers’ Twitter account was quick to calm their nerves.

According to the ‘Hustlers’ Twitter feed, “Cardi B is this movie.” Apparently, they didn’t wanna give it all away so soon. So Cardi B fans better get ready for her big screen acting debut.

Overall, ‘Hustlers’ looks like it just may be one of the fiercest movies of 2019.

See you at the movies!

Click below to check out the full trailer!

READ: Cardi B’s ‘Press’ Is Being Praised As A Look Into The Judicial System And Its Reliance On Old White Men

The Internet Is Thirsting For Maluma And J.Lo As A Couple Following News They’ll Star In A New Movie Together

Entertainment

The Internet Is Thirsting For Maluma And J.Lo As A Couple Following News They’ll Star In A New Movie Together

maluma / JLo / Instagram

It looks like Maluma is ready to add actor to his resume. The “Felices Los 4” singer has just been confirmed to play Jennifer Lopez’s cheating husband in the new film, Marry Me.

And the Internet let out a collective..uffff.

It’s confirmed that Maluma and Jennifer Lopez, two giant Latino icons, will play alongside each other in a new movie.

Credit: @viralrosariook / Twitter

Translation: Maluma is on his way to the big screen. He’ll play a Rockstar in “Marry Me” and Jennifer Lopez will be his wife. And there will be a third played by Owen Wilson will be a math teacher.

They’ll be playing an engaged couple in the new film, Marry Me.

Credit: @Glucmx / Twitter

The plotline sounds like it has hints of Selena, Lopez’s breakthrough, plus 2018’s A Star Is Born—which recently found another pop star (Lady Gaga) playing a…pop star. And considering Lopez just recovered from an epic power outage at Madison Square Garden in real life, she’s bound to take this role on as a natural.

But since he cheats on her and J.Lo marries someone else…we can’t help but wonder how big Maluma’s part will be.

Credit: @clubcritica / Twitter

In it, a pop star (here, played by Lopez) gears up to take the stage and marry her famous fiancé (Maluma) at New York City’s Madison Square Garden—only to find the man being unfaithful with her assistant. As the official description for the movie states, she then proceeds to have a meltdown on stage…and then picks a random guy from the audience (Owen Wilson) to say “I do” to instead.

Some on Twitter were giving a shout out to J Lo for helping get more Latinos on the big screen.

Credit: @JustJared / Twitter

Films, especially big Hollywood films need wayyyy more Latino representation and including a Colombian singer in the mix is a great move on behalf of STX Studios.

After his record with Madonna and collaboration with J Balvin, among others, Maluma is quickly becoming a household name and this role with J Lo will only help propel him to even more success.

While others were just happy (read: thirsty) to see Maluma up there on a big giant screen.

Credit: @JustJared / Twitter

Maluma already gives his fans plenty to see on his Instagram but imagine all of that man up on the big screen?! Yea, we are too.

READ: Here Are 25 Maluma Thirst Posts That We Definitely Double Tapped

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