bad hombres

Here’s How You Can Give Her The Best V-Day Gift Without Spending A Dime

jlolove
Jennifer Lopez/Vevo/Youtube

Fly girl/philosopher Jennifer Lopez once said, “My love don’t cost a thing.”

A feminist sentiment any woman will get behind — until Valentine’s Day, when, according to Time.com, the going rate on love is around $146.84 as men spend more on stuffed bears and heart-shaped chocolates than on groceries.

Greeting card companies created this holiday to empty your pockets, but fear not: here are a bunch of ways you can show her that your love is true without losing the shirt off your back. Take it from me, I’m just another cheap thrifty creative guy trying to get laid on Valentine’s Day.

1. Send flowers on the cheap.

Eddie Guerrero/Chyna/WWE

Want to send flowers to your sweetheart’s work, but can’t scrape together the $60 most floral services charge? No problemo. Purchase your posies from a corner store for as little as $6 and then have a friend of yours that she doesn’t know deliver them for you.

2. Take in a matinee.

lobby
youtube.com

Movie theaters charge less for admission during the day, I think as a way to stick it to vampires. Look it up. JK, don’t, because I made that up and there’s no way it’s true.

3. Or Netflix and SAVE!

Giphy/metro.co.uk

You’ve got your little brother’s password and you’re not afraid to use it. After watching an episode or two of “Stranger Things,” she’ll be ready to crank it up to 11 and do some “stranger things” with you. But if she decides to leave, at least you have those two Fluffy specials sitting in your queue.

4. Think ahead: Buy THIS YEAR’S Valentine’s Day gifts LAST YEAR.

Pitbull/Vevo/Youtube

Beginning February 15th, everything with hearts on it goes on clearance, so stock up on everything for next year and put it away like the majestic gray squirrel hiding his nuts for winter. When you whip ’em out next year, she’ll be overcome with joy. ?

5. Mami always said, “It’s the thought that counts.”

nacho
Nacho Libre/Paramount Pictures

But she also proudly wore the macaroni necklace you made her, so what does she know, right? More than you. You made that macaroni necklace last year, then “borrowed” it and ate it because you had the munchies “real f*ckin’ bad.”

6. Train woodland creatures to help you — and they will (if you’re pure of heart).

cinderella
Cinderella/Disney

It’s a fact of nature that mice and birds make the most beautiful dresses. They’re the only wildlife I’ll let measure my inseam (fool me once, honey badger). Like you, they know what it’s like to be broke. You ever see a bluejay fly first class? Never. Not even once. #peta

7. On second thought, maybe not. How many times have we been warned about when animals attack?

The Simpsons/Fox

They can be temperamental af. Perhaps it’s best to leave the stupid pet tricks to trained professionals like magicians and crocodile hunters.

8. If all else fails, fake your own death, tough guy!

Parks and Rec/NBC

HEAR ME OUT: you’re a deadbeat and she’s gonna kill you anyway because you’re too cheap to spend on V-Day. But if you fake your own death, your sweetheart will be too overcome with emotion to even remember what years of capitalist conditioning have forced her to expect from you.

9. BEWARE: dying isn’t enough to shake some women…

The Notebook/Warner Bros.

Let’s be honest, if you’ve even considered faking your own death just to keep her from being disappointed on Valentine’s Day, you’re probably an amazing person, so she has zero chance of ever moving on.

10. Even if you did die and came back as a zombie, she’d still try to make it work.

Zombie Apocalypse/Youtube 

Women love a dude they can “fix.”

11. Or you could just break up with her.

Ash Vs Evil Dead/Starz

I’ll admit this one’s harsh, but so is blowing the rent on candy hearts and scratch tickets just because the fat cats at Big Greeting Card brainwashed everyone! Don’t let the fake news tell you how to live one day a year. Let me just ask you this: who needs the love and understanding of a partner when you’ve got TWO Fluffy specials STILL sitting in your brother’s Netflix queue?!

12. Just remember, it doesn’t really matter what you get her because she’s gonna give you the greatest gift of all: sex.

The 40 year old virgin/Universal Pictures

Even if you empty your bank account and go all out on dinner at a fancy restaurant where you pay the in-house violinist to play her favorite song (“Butterfly” by Crazy Town) as the lobster comes out, she’s still going to one-up you by letting you have sex inside her.

13. So just regift it to her, bigly.

The 40 year old virgin/Universal Pictures

Sure, when her mom asks how she celebrated the most romantic of occasions, she might mention the horse-drawn carriage ride through the park, but when her friends and primary care doctor ask, she will absolutely tell them about the you-drawn futon ride through Pleasuretown.


READ: 9 Ways You Can Tell Your Novio Forgot It Was Valentines Day

Latinas Say Don’t Get Married Until You’ve Confirmed These Things

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Latinas Say Don’t Get Married Until You’ve Confirmed These Things

Hulton Archive / Getty

When it comes to getting married, just about everyone has opinions and advice. Of course, while input on dos and don’ts of considering marriage can be overwhelming, they’re also so important to listen. Recently, we came across a Tweet by Twitter user @cxkenobxkery⁠ who posted a thread called “Don’t get married before…” We reposted the question and asked our FIERCE readers what advice they had for other Latinas who were considering marriage and the answers were pretty eye-opening.

So here goes, if you’re thinking about getting married consider pumping the breaks unless you’ve…

Worked out your parenting styles

Too strict? Too soft? Balance and teamwork is crucial. It comes down to what kid of little humans do you BOTH want to raise.” – ramfamfour

Discussed mental health stuff

“ANY mental health issues. My ex husband was not verbally or physically abusive, but his mental health issues were at the core of our marriages demise. I would also add to pay attention to how compatible you are when the ‘feeling’ of being in love isn’t tinting your glasses. He hated new foods and I loved to cook. He didn’t understand hyperbole, sarcasm, analogy, humor, etc. And those are all native to me. Otherwise, this is a great list.” – dinneronmylap

Learned how you plan to grow together

“I think asking how a person plans to continuously seek knowledge during their lifetime is important.” – lachullavida

Have underlined your boundaries

“Speak about the boundaries you plan on having with your families as you create one of your own. TRUST ME, you don’t want a spouse who doesn’t know or understand how important this is. Nobody wants their in laws overstepping. If their parents or yours are doing this now, it will only get worse once you are married and it will create so much drama. People have divorced over this.” – taialvarez

Talked about credit scores

“And CREDIT SCORE, family health history, twins?”- liani9

Seen them when they’re angry

“Other tips: See how this person reacts when angry, see how this person treats strangers, see how this person faces a difficult dilemma. This will tell you a lot about a person.” –mariar09_

Have self-appreciation on both sides

“Don’t get married before you truly know, love and have appreciation for yourself.”- moni.gram

Know their family

“You absolutely need to know about family, how they were raised and around who… she’s wrong on that one.”- your_phoenix_

Have the age experience

“Don’t even THINK about it until you’re in your 30s.” – arlee_la

Sorted out cleaning habits

“The cleanings habits.” – nancyesquivel

Know how their parents fight

“Parenting / disciplining! Questions about in laws expectations. Alone time vs quality time – are you someone who needs a lot of time away or close to your partner? How fairly do you fight? How did your parents fight growing up? How do you negotiate with one another?” – melmor

Lived on your own

“The best thing I did for myself: Live away from family. I had a whole year to live with roommates and I learned so mhch about myself. If at all possible, consider doing this!!!” – dj_enamoured

Asked how their prior relationship ended

“Always ask how the prior relationship ended, been almost marry for 5 years and I never asked and I found out that he got 7 women pregnant and all of them got an abortion, also ask about mental health issues with the family I never did and found out his mother was bipolar without treatment now I know why he is the way he is cause he is bipolar… I thought things would changed but nothing has changed and don’t marry a men that has a lot of guy friends cause his priority are his friends… Yes I know don’t need to tell me to get divorce I m already working on it.” – suequte_yoginyc

Figured out how to spend time alone and apart

“Date/Outing expectations – is one a home-body vs outdoorsy? This made for some very uncomfortable situations for both if us in a prior relationship. Would lead to full on arguments. But if both aren’t comfortable with group dates or don’t consider a quiet dinner at home as romantic then someone is going to become resentful.” – rosanam1978

Been genetically tested

“On having children, it best to get a gene-carrier (gene disease testing) before marriage. It makes me so angry when hearing that married couple… MARRRIED, do it after marriage. What if both of them are carriers? Then having a kid with their gene disease is on its way, if they have 1 biological.” – officialdarlin

Sex During A Global Pandemic: What Do The Experts Say?

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Sex During A Global Pandemic: What Do The Experts Say?

Mauro Pimental / Getty Images

We’re all social distancing right now. And that begs the question: how do you have sex in the era of COVID-19 self-isolation? Is it even safe to have sex during the pandemic?

According to several public health agencies, the answer really depends.

Let’s start off with the facts about Coronavirus and sex.

Coronavirus, which causes Covid-19, is spread by direct person-to-person contact or by people who are close to (within six feet) each other—as it’s believed that the virus is expelled in respiratory droplets from a cough or sneeze, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). You can also pick it up from contaminated surfaces if you then touch your face without washing your hands properly first and therefore introduce the pathogen into your body.

So, yes, sex can contribute to spreading the coronavirus. You’re clearly close enough to someone when you’re naked on top of each other, and you are also probably kissing, or at least breathing heavily. (

But let’s be clear: Covid-19 is not contracted directly from sex – it’s not an STI. That distinction matters, because safe sex during the pandemic depends on your current relationship situation and, well, why you’re having sex in the first place.

So what are some best practices according to experts? Start with some self-love.

Since the start of the pandemic, online sales of sex toys have skyrocketed. So you can take solace in the fact that you’re definitely not the only one enjoying a bit of self-pleasure.

According to EDC Retail, which calls itself Europe’s market leader in erotic toys, the sales of vibrators, dildos and other sex toys were 162 percent higher than in the same period last year. In fact, sales have been so strong that the supply of toys and accessories from factories in China threatened to dry up – leaving consumers high and dry. EDC Retail even warned of a possible shortage of sex toys in February.

Masturbation also ensures that you’ll be safe from contracting the virus as you’re following social distancing guidelines.

Some public health agencies have even suggested making sex a little more ‘kinky’ to make it safer.

Most public health agencies have released safe sex guidelines for the pandemic. In fact, just this week, “glory holes” was trending in Canada because the BC Centre for Disease Control listed it among the tips for safer sex during the Covid-19 pandemic.

Their guidelines say to “choose sexual positions that limit face-to-face contact. Use barriers, like walls (e.g., glory holes) that allow for sexual contact but prevent close face-to-face contact.”

And “glory holes” aren’t only recommended in British Columbia. In New York, health officials suggest to make sex “a little kinky.” The city’s public health agency suggests getting “creative with sexual positions and physical barriers, like walls, that allow sexual contact while preventing close face to face contact.”

Folks on social media are having a field day tweeting creative ways to use walls and barriers, even suggesting things like plexiglas shields (like those in grocery stores), holes in sheets, mail slots, doggy doors and donuts.

But if glory holes sound a little too raunchy for you, don’t worry, experts also recommend sexual positions that limit face-to-face contact, such as as doggy style.

And if you’re single or dating – you should definitely not be having sex right now.

Because of social distancing and state-mandated shelter-in-place guidelines, it’s not okay to go out on dates right now—unless those dates are over FaceTime or some other video chat app.

The New York City Health Department recently issued guidelines on Covid-19 safe sex practices, recommending against having sex with anyone outside of your household. (In other words, someone you already live with.)

And sorry but having a “quarantine sex buddy,” where you and they only have sex with each other during the pandemic, is not recommended, First of all, the idea goes against social distancing, and you don’t actually know how closely (if at all) they’re staying away from other people.

Or maybe, like so many others, you’re just not having much sex these days – and that’s totally normal.

According to an NBC News poll of roughly 11,000 people, at least 50% said that the coronavirus has negatively impacted their love life. That’s a lot of people not dating, not being intimate with others, and most likely not having sex.

According to Ian Kerner, PhD, a psychotherapist and sex counselor, “A lot of people in quarantine aren’t feeling their best, or feeling as sexy. If you’re home all day and you’re not changing out of your pajamas or applying as much self-care or going to the gym, your sexual self-esteem can start to go down.”

But that’s OK. You’re not the only person feeling this way. Between being stuck in tiny apartments or around family, working longer hours and feeling the mental and financial effects of the coronavirus pandemic, on top of anti-racism uprisings, our libidos have had way more lows than highs.

But if you do decide to engage in sexual activity, make sure you follow these expert tips on how to reduce the risk of contracting or spreading Covid-19 along with following all other safer sex practices.