politics

Ted Cruz Makes Machine Gun Bacon Because What Else Were Firearms Made For?

Ted Cruz machine gun bacon
By August 4, 2015 at 12:08 pm

Ted Cruz is a regular ol’ guy from Texas. And he wants to prove it to you. The Republican presidential hopeful took the IJReview on a trip to the firing range so he could show off one of his favorite recipes: machine gun bacon.

Wait… Machine gun bacon? How does that work?

machine-gun-bacon-card
Credit: IJReview / YouTube

Well, first you go to the market and buy a few packs of bacon.

bacon-market

Apparently three is the magic number.

Then you get a machine gun.

machine-gun

You know, just like the one you’ve got chillin’ in your living room.

You wrap bacon around the barrel of the machine gun.

bacon-machine-gun

This innovative technique will soon be copied by culinary schools across the world.

Add some aluminum foil…

bacon-foil

Just give it a good squeeze.

READ: Danny Trejo: Machete Wielder, Coffee Shop Saver and American Hero

Then you fire the machine gun.

cruz-firing

Does it matter if you hit the target?

Then you get this coil of delicious (?) bacon.

bacon-fork

Then you scrape it off and eat it.

machine-gun-bacon-caption

And there you have it. An truly efficient way to cook a single strip of bacon.

READ: El Chapo Prison Footage Shows All You Need is an iPad and Toilet Paper

Watch the full video here:

Would you try a strip of machine gun bacon? How does this make you feel about Ted Cruz? Tell us in the comments below. 

Tags: ,
We recommend
Ted Cruz Has Held Onto Texas For Years As Senator And Here’s Why Texans Are So Hot And Cold With Him

It seems that Senator Ted Cruz of Texas has been able to maintain some sort of trust with voters across the spectrum despite his inconsistencies.
People Are Reporting Their Votes Are Being Switched. Here’s How To Properly Cast Your Vote

The good news is people are out there voting early, but the bad news is that some of their votes might go to a different candidate. We are just seven days away from the midterm elections, and people in Texas and Georgia have reportedly had their votes switched as soon as they cast their vote at the polls.
Protestors Forced Ted Cruz Out Of A Restaurant Demanding To Know His Thoughts On Brett Kavanaugh

On Sept. 24, Republican Senator Ted Cruz of Texas was publicly ridiculed and harassed for his support of President Trump’s Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh. Cruz, who’s in the middle of a campaign against Democrat Beto O’Rourke, was at an Italian restaurant in Washington with his wife.

Paid Promoted Stories