Ted Cruz Makes Machine Gun Bacon Because What Else Were Firearms Made For?

Ted Cruz machine gun bacon

Ted Cruz is a regular ol’ guy from Texas. And he wants to prove it to you. The Republican presidential hopeful took the IJReview on a trip to the firing range so he could show off one of his favorite recipes: machine gun bacon.

Wait… Machine gun bacon? How does that work?

machine-gun-bacon-card
Credit: IJReview / YouTube

Well, first you go to the market and buy a few packs of bacon.

bacon-market

Apparently three is the magic number.

Then you get a machine gun.

machine-gun

You know, just like the one you’ve got chillin’ in your living room.

You wrap bacon around the barrel of the machine gun.

bacon-machine-gun

This innovative technique will soon be copied by culinary schools across the world.

Add some aluminum foil…

bacon-foil

Just give it a good squeeze.

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Then you fire the machine gun.

cruz-firing

Does it matter if you hit the target?

Then you get this coil of delicious (?) bacon.

bacon-fork

Then you scrape it off and eat it.

machine-gun-bacon-caption

And there you have it. An truly efficient way to cook a single strip of bacon.

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Watch the full video here:

Would you try a strip of machine gun bacon? How does this make you feel about Ted Cruz? Tell us in the comments below. 

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