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No Sex for El Chapo’s Brand New Penis

FYI, this might be TMI, but while El Chapo was on the run just recently, he took a little detour to Tijuana, Mexico and had penis enhancement surgery!

Joaquin Guzman is a very powerful drug lord, so we’re guessing he was probably feeling a bit insecure about his little problem — ?? — and had to leave his beloved Sinaloa, home to his cartel, and risk getting caught to fix it.

That’s not all, after the feds caught him and raided his compound, they found “injectable testosterone, syringes, antibiotics, anti-inflammatories, and a prescription for more than 4,000 pesos in drugs to improve sexual performance,” according to journalist Carlos Loret.

READ: How El Chapo Makes $80K from a $5K “Investment”

The sad news for El Chapo is that he’s not allowed to receive conjugal visits from his new wife Emma Coronel. In the past, she used to visit about every nine days while he was incarcerated. When he was incarcerated a previous time, his ex wife, girlfriends and sex workers used to pay him visits like it was NBD.

Since the prison no longer recognizes his marriage with Coronel, arguing that he’s still married to his former wife, Alejandrina Maria Salazar Hernandez, El Chapo will spend his days alone.

What about Kate tho?

Read more about El Chapo’s surgery from Complex here.

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You’ve Been Mistaking These Things For Mexican Your Whole Life

#mitúVOICE

You’ve Been Mistaking These Things For Mexican Your Whole Life

Credit: @guess3538 / Instagram

There’s nothing more annoying to Mexicans than to hear others refer to certain things as Mexican. Unless you want the paliza of your life, let’s make sure this never happens to you, shall we? After all, Mexicans always prefer to make love not war.

1. Every Latino… Ever.

CREDIT: @roselyn_sanchez / Instagram

WE’RE NOT ALL MEXICAN! We see why people would love to be confused with being Mexican ?, but speaking Spanish, having brown hair and unlimited sass doesn’t make everyone Mexican. There are over 20 Latin American countries in the world and Mexico is just one of them.

2. The Most Interesting Man in the World

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CREDIT: gif-007 / Tumblr / DOSEQUIS

Interesting? Yes. Mexican? No. This macho actor that many young men aspire to be is actually a Jew from New York. His badass-ness is certainly Mexican, but his roots reside in The Big Apple.

READ: Things You Didn’t Know About “The Most Interesting Man”

3. Piñatas

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CREDIT: LIQUIDIFIKADOR / Tumblr

Many people associate piñatas with Mexicans; they’re extravagant and super fun. But these multi-colored vessels are actually Chinese. The tradition of breaking piñatas arrived to Europe in the 14th century and made its way to Mexico two centuries after that. Sorry to break it to you (get it?).

4. Tacos Al Pastor

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CREDIT: foodffs / Tumblr

Tacos come from Mexico, no doubt about it. But the method of cooking “al pastor” actually originated in Lebanon. If you are one of the five Latinos who ever ate a shawarma, you are probably dumbfounded with a big “ooooooo” expression on your face. If you are not, just look it up: S-H-A-W-A-R-M-A.

5. Tapatío

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Credit: Modern Family / ABC / alversluisa / Tumblr

This salsa picante brand has a Mexican name, a cute charro on the label and Spanish all over it: very clever. BUT it originated in Maywood, California. Not Mexico. The creator however, is from Mexico. It’s a win-win.

READ: The Complete List of Bro Codes Every Mexican Is Down With

6. Serenatas

CREDIT: REDDIT

When you think about the romantic serenatas you picture a mariachi holding a guitar while his beloved is listening from a balcony up above; don’t you? Wrong… again. serenatas come from Europe and became popular with compositions from Mozart and Beethoven.

7. The Hottest Chile in the World

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CREDIT: scoobydooislife / Tumblr

Mexican food is known to be hot… hot, hot! But the delicious peppers used in Mexican cuisine are no competition for the current hottest one: the Carolina Reaper with 2.2 million SHU (Scoville Heat Units). It can literally kill you. Are you game?

8. “Jajaja”

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CREDIT: Selena / Warner Bros. COMO-LA-FLORR / Tumblr 

It’s “jajaja” and not “hahaha” for all Latinos. And it was Spanish novelist José María de Pereda who first wrote it in his book “Tipos trashumantes.” I guess the “jajaja” is on you.

9. La Macarena

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CREDIT: 80s-90smusic-gifs / Tumblr

The original Macarena that inspired Spanish pop duo Los Del Río to write the infamous song is actually about a flamenco dancer from Venezuela… “Aaay!”

10. Limón

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CREDIT: gifsboom.net

We add them to everything and margaritas can’t live without them and they keep Mexican avocados from turning brown, but limes were first cultivated in Persia and Asia. Mind blown.

READ: Foods Mexicans Cannot Eat without Limón

11. Zorro

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CREDIT: JACKNICHOLSON / TUMBLR

Guy Williams, the original Zorro from Disney’s 1957 blockbuster film, was actually born in New York. None of the actors that played the part have ever been Mexican, including Antonio Banderas who…wait for it… Is from SPAIN.

Lupita Nyong’o

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CREDIT: mtv / Tumblr

Just kidding, she was born in Mexico… And no one can steal her! ?❤️

Can you think of others? MiTú wants to know. Leave a comment below.

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