Let’s Be Real, When Neymar Dives In A Fútbol Game, It’s A Work Of Art

Fútbol, or soccer, is as much a team sport as it is an expression of the individual. I dare say it’s a form of art. And within the big picture of wins and losses and high scoring, there’s an element to the game that is one of the highest forms of art: the dive. Every player dives, but not every player truly captures the essence of the dive. Here now, let’s look at a few examples of the greatest flop artist the sport has known!

Luis Suárez

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Credit: MAA-Prod / YouTube

This is Luis Suárez’s brilliant postmodern example of a flop, demonstrating the fleeting nature of pain. One moment you are knocked in a complete 360-degree tumble, the next you’re up and sprinting towards victory. While most would retire after a traumatic close call like this, Luis shows us pain is ephemeral. Bravo!

Alexis Sánchez

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Credit: Watch Actual Football Dives Here / YouTube

Here we see a man who has spent years as a professional player, paid handsomely to run around like a competent adult. And yet, in spite of his years of his experience, he still succumbs to toddler-style stumbles. This flop reveals on a complex and artistic level the fact that no one ever truly masters their craft. Good show!

Neymar

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Credit: Who Ate All The Pies / Univision

Here we see a young artist at the top of his game. Most people choose to flop downwards in compliance with the laws of physics. Neymar is not most people. Notice how he exploits gravity’s weakness, choosing to explode with an upwards thrust, as if commenting on what a “dive” actually is. Truly a visionary!

James Rodríguez

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Credit: Univision Deportes / Giphy

This clip exhibits the elegance of a straightforward flop. Stripped of its theatrics, Rodríguez comments on how simplicity in and of itself is an often under-appreciated art form. Let the stumble speak for itself. These qualities are the true hallmarks of the genius!

Arturo Vidal

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Credit: Super GP / YouTube

In what most critics refer to as Arturo’s Tribal Period, we see the young master fling himself wildly through the air in a style similar to the Vanuatu ritual land diver. Vidal’s technique is both primitive and innovative in that it confuses rivals and baffles referees to the point of success. Breathtaking!

Nicolás Otamendi

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Credit: Drong63 / YouTube

Like the giants of the silent film era, Otamendi knows that exaggeration is a powerful tool of the thespian! Were he not seriously afflicted with talent, one might assume there was something seriously wrong with his weak chin. But only a truly gifted master could make acting like a buffoon with a glass jaw look so raw and vulnerable. Acting!

David Luiz

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Credit: Darragh Connolly / YouTube

What would a list be with out the infamous David Luiz. The Banksy of the Futbol world, Luiz’s performance here shows that breaking down the fourth wall is the best way to draw even the most casual viewer into your world. Although there’s definitely contact on the play, Luiz embellishes his agony to get his opponent kicked out of the game. Notice how he gives a knowing wink to the camera at the very end, as if to say, “Don’t worry. I’m in on the joke!” The scoundrel!

ANONYMOUS

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Credit: Dat Hair Doe O / YouTube

This young prodigy comes from the school of absurdist diving. Notice there are no wasted moments in his performance. Even after falling to the ground, out of position, he grabs at his back as if the calamity has hurt him so profoundly that his entire body must writhe in agony. Will this young man become the next Neymar? Only time will tell!

The Future Of Diving?

Once the cyborgs take over, they too will see that diving is an art worth preserving. This right here might just be a glimpse into the future of diving.


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