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If You Love Avocados, This Might Be Hard To Swallow

I hope you’ve got avocados stockpiled. This week, Mexican avocado farmers went on strike, creating a possible shortage in the U.S. Prices are expected to quadruple in the next few days, if not already, and everyone is freaking out. And why not? Considering we consume nearly 45 million pounds of avocados every week, it’s safe to say our way of life is *threatened* by this news. Let’s take a look at what your world might look like with out avocados. Warning, if you’re a food blogger or a fan of cultural appropriation, this might be difficult to digest.

Without avocado, guacamole would just be pico de gallo.

CREDIT: ashton.stacyashyjimenez / Instagram

Fun fact: The Nahuatl people of Central America called the avocado “ahuacatl,” which means “testicle.”

Without avocados, websites like Pinterest and Etsy would probably shut down.

How adorable is this Avacado love piece by by Ukranian #wool #crafter Hanna Dovahan?

A post shared by Saatchi Gallery (@saatchi_gallery) on

CREDIT: SAATCHI_GALLERY / INSTAGRAM

Fun fact: Young avocado trees can consume 80 gallons of water per week. Humans, on the other hand, consume about six gallons per week.

And these YouTube how-to videos wouldn’t be so adorable.

CREDIT: HEATHER ALLEN / YOUTUBE

Fun fact: The ground sloth, an extinct animal, loved avocados.

Without avocados, “Mexican Hamburgers” would just be “hamburgers.”

CREDIT: WOODLIFE883r / Instagram

Fun fact: In 2014, the U.S. consumed over 4 billion avocados.

And fast food restaurants wouldn’t be able to ironically make their food taste better.

CREDIT: SUBWAY

Fun fact: Over 50% of the worlds avocados come from Central and South America.

Without avocados, people wouldn’t be able to horrify babies on the internet.

CREDIT: Baby Love TV / YouTUBE

Fun fact: Putting an unripe avocado into a bag with a banana or apple will cause it to ripen faster.

Without avocados, your dad wouldn’t be able to scare the sh*t out of you with his new face mask.

CREDIT: Hanselhessohotrightnow / IMGUR

Fun fact: In South America, people create rat poison using the pit of an avocado as one of its main ingredients.

Without avocados, artists might not realize their true calling.

Avocado drawing

Credit: CREADOORM / IMGUR

Perhaps the next Bob Ross?

And the world would be a less beautiful place.

#Repost @bestofavocado with @repostapp ・・・ Wowza's! How incredible is @avantgardevegan's entry to our #bestofavocadotoast challenge!!! ? Grilled Multi Seed Toast Home-Baked, Avocado & Lemon Hummus, Avocado Rose, Asparagus, Sugar Snap Peas, Asparagus, & Cress. This looks too good to eat!!! To enter this challenge, post your avocado on toast photo and tag @bestofavocado and #bestofavocadotoast in the caption. The challenge will run for a month and we will be resharing our favs throughout, before annoucing the winner. Don’t forget that we only share vegan posts on this page, so all entries must only contain vegan ingredients. New posts only too! Tag your friends who would be up for the challenge in the comments below. Can’t wait to see what you guys come up with. ?

A post shared by Avocado Shirt Co. ? Guac ? (@avocadoshirtco) on

CREDIT: AVOCADOSHIRTCO / INSTAGRAM

Fun fact: Humans have eaten avocados since 8,000 B.C.

Without avocados, my dream car wouldn’t exist.

A new ride? Brings new meaning to #GuacGear, eh? 6 days to go on our @kickstarter!!

A post shared by Avocado Shirt Co. ? Guac ? (@avocadoshirtco) on

CREDIT: AVOCADOSHIRTCO / INSTAGRAM

I imagine this gets at least 50 smiles to the gallon.

Without avocados, this squirrel’s life would be incomplete.

In case anyone likes pics of squirrels or avocado

CREDIT: Markazali / IMGUR

And this turtle would just be a boring old turtle.

Fun fact: Recent scientific discoveries have shown that avocados have an anti-aging effect in lab mice.

A world with no avocados is a miserable world indeed.

CREDIT: GAME OF THRONES / HBO

Please don’t go away, avocado.

READ: These Photos Might Make You Change Your Mind About Avocados

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e.l.f. Cosmetics Is Literally Releasing a Chipotle-Themed Eyeshadow Palette

Fierce

e.l.f. Cosmetics Is Literally Releasing a Chipotle-Themed Eyeshadow Palette

Photo via e.l.f.

We’ve seen our fair share of weird brand collabs in the past, but this is truly one we didn’t see coming.

On Thursday, Chipotle and e.l.f. Cosmetics announced that they were teaming up for a collaboration.

Both makeup-lovers and Chipotle-lovers can have fun with the team-up. According to the press release, e.l.f will be selling Chipotle-themed makeup and Chipotle will be selling makeup-themed food. Confused? Keep reading.

On March 9th, e.l.f. cosmetics is launching their e.l.f. x Chipotle makeup collection, a range of products that includes a Chipotle-themed eyeshadow palette, a tinted lip-gloss, an avocado-shaped beauty sponge, and a makeup bag that looks exactly like Chipotle’s famous to-go bags.

Photo via e.l.f. Cosmetics

The eyeshadow palette is made up of 12 shades, each of which are named after one of Chipotle’s signature ingredients. For example, the leaf-green shade is called “Lettuce”, the buttery gold shade is called “Corn Salsa”…you get the picture. The “Make It Hot” lip gloss is a sheer, hot-pink shade that is formulated with Vitamin E and coconut oil.

And as an added bonus, when you purchase the Chipotle eyeshadow palette, you’ll be emailed a voucher for free Chipotle chips and guac.

But makeup isn’t the only aspect of the promotion. Chipotle, too, will be offering a limited-time option. The fast-casual restaurant will be selling an entrée called “Eyes. Chips. Face. Bowl.” And in honor of e.l.f. Cosmetics’ vegan and cruelty free products, the menu item will be vegan.

The bowl will consist of white rice, pinto beans, hot salsa, corn salsa, guac, lettuce, and a side of chips. But it won’t be available forever! You’ll only be able to find it in the “Featured” section of Chipotle’s website or app from March 10 through March 17.

If you’re surprised by this collab, you’re not the only one. After all, “Mexican food” isn’t the first thing that comes to mind when you think of makeup.

But e.l.f. and Chipotle seem to think that they’re a match made in heaven. After all, this is the second time the two popular brands have joined forces.

“We’re always looking for opportunities to lead culture and make authentic connections with Gen-Z alongside brands that share similar values,” said Chipotle’s VP of digital marketing, Tressie Lieberman.

And e.l.f.’s CMO was equally effusive. “There is nothing tastier or prettier than the combination of burritos and makeup!” said Kory Marchisotto, in a statement. “We have long admired Chipotle and we are thrilled to come together to do things that neither one of us have done before. We share the same renegade spirit and are both committed to bringing the best ingredients to our consumers at extraordinary prices.”

e.l.f.s Chipotle collection launches on March 9th, and the line’s prices range from $8 to $18. Get notified on the launch by going over to e.l.f.’s site. Head to Chipotle’s app or website after March 10th to order their exclusive “Eyes. Chips. Face. Bowl.” entrée.

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PSA: Here Is How You Can Pit An Avocado And Not Give Yourself Avocado Hand

Culture

PSA: Here Is How You Can Pit An Avocado And Not Give Yourself Avocado Hand

So yes, there have been multiple reports of people injuring their hands while trying to cut and remove the pits of avocados. But this should not keep us away from one of the Latin American fruits par excellence. The avocado tree probably has its origin in South Central Mexico. In strict terms, the avocado is a berry with a very large pit in the middle. 

Avocado is one of the great gifts of the Americas to the world, as commercial production has expanded all throughout the world. The tree benefits from war, Mediterranean climates and thrives in semiarid landscapes. In Australia, for example, avocado, locally known as simply “avo” is perhaps the most popular fruit. Avo on toast is a staple in cafes and homes all through the country. 

However, the expansion of avocado has also brought some minor tragedies with it due to the lack of experience that some home cooks have in the arts of fruit chopping.

Credit: animationblock / Giphy

Yes, we are actually not kidding: avocado slicing has spilled more blood than a serial killer in a slasher film!

A nicely sliced avocado has got to be one of the most beautiful sights on planet Earth! We understand why people want to get it just right. 

Credit: the_chopping_block / Instagram

Seriously. This fleshy fruit gives us beautiful hues of green when opened and its firm meat allows us to shape in in all kinds of interesting ways. Close your eyed and imagine a bowl of perfect avocado cubes… you will smell a fresh tortilla heating on the comal. Taquito de aguacate, anyone?

So first things first: the infamous “Avocado Hand.”

Credit: @gabbytakesnaps / Twitter

This seems to be a sort of accidental outbreak of lack of common sense among gringos worldwide (and by gringos we also mean British, Canadian, Australian and European folk). According to Food & Wine, “approximately 8,900 emergency room visits in 2018 could be directly tied to avocados”. That is like a small town of people running around the kitchen like headless chickens holding a paper towel to their hands and screaming “Oh-My-God” while shedding a tear. 

And no, it is not an urban legend, Avocado Hand actually exists.

Credit: @mrsfergusonxoxo / Twitter

So contrary to, say, apples, avocados have a soft skin and soft flesh. And contrary to, say, watermelon, they do not have a hard bit to get through. Some people underestimate how easily the knife will cut through the flesh and end up putting too much pressure on the knife while keeping their palms or fingers directly opposite. The result: blades penetrate through human flesh, savaging skin and painting a symphony of crimson pain. But avocado is soft and cuts easily, and everyone should know that. In Mexico, the government once financed a campaign to promote avocado consumption, and called the fruit “the butter of vegetables”. 

Some people are just displaying their injuries like war wounds to be proud of

Credit: candypandawax / Instagram

In this day and age of selfies and a sometimes unhealthy obsession with self-branding, some are actually publishing photos of their avocado hands as if they were a badge of honor. Seriously, ladies and dudes, no one wants to see those stitches and gooey stuff coming out of your fingers, especially not on a closeup. Please just don’t! 

And even get tattoos to celebrate the accident.

Credit: _sylviecouture_ / Instagram

Well, we actually have to admit this one is pretty funny and kinda cool. We love the minimalist outline and the dramatic nature of this skin art piece. It is Shakespearean and hipster in equal measures. 

So avocado hand pins are a thing, apparently.

Credit: toucantango / Instagram

Do you know how Boy and Girl Scouts wear all sorts of badges on their uniforms to celebrate their achievements? Well, if you had an avocado hand incident and for some reason, you are proud of it, you can wear this pin. Alternatively, you could also wear it as a reminder of your encounter with the cuchillo, so you remember to be very careful when cutting and pitting a delicious avocado. 

Use a spoon, people.

Credit: @qvh / Twitter

So here’s the deal. Using a knife to take the seed out might look cool, but it is not for everyone. Do it safely and please use a spoon and just scoop the seed out. You might lose some of the flesh, but that’s OK (better than losing a finger). 

This technique is for expert knife-handlers only, so don’t attempt at home. Frankly, this is a show off technique for mamones.

Credit: mashable / Giphy

Seriously, this technique is a bit silly even for experienced cooks. 

If you are feeling creative, pixelate your avocado.

Credit: Anonymous / Giphy

One of the newest hipster trends in the cafe industry is to serve pixelated avocados, which basically look like this. Just use an extremely thin and sharp knife, place the avocado on board, get your fingers away from the bottom of the fruit and cut it in cubes, little by little, stopping just before you hit the skin. The results are fun and give us una onda de los ochentas

And some people take their carving obsession to the extreme: introducing avocado art.

Credit: theavocadoshow / Instagram

Just wow. This is already an Instagram trend and features some pretty dedicated avocado lovers. The fruit gets all-black quickly after being cut open when exposed to room temperature, so the most experiences avocado carvers perfect their skills in walk-in fridges. Yes, it is pretty, but with all due respect, it is also a little pointless. 

But if you think you just can’t slice an avocado without injuring yourself, you can get one of these contraptions.

Credit: takemymoney / Instagram

If you have to trust or faith in your abilities, you can buy one of these plastic utensils that cut, slice and pit avocados in a safe, child-friendly way. No blades or pointy ends to be scared of! No one if judging if you get one! This is actually a good tool to get the chamaquitos to help in the kitchen. Guacamole para todos!

But always remember avocados are not to blame.

As they say, don’t shoot the messenger. The humble avocado is just the conduit through which an entire generation of foodies has come to the realization that they suck at handling knives. We also have to be aware of the fact that thousands of farmers and workers depend on avocado crops. In the state of Michoacan, in central Mexico, many families survive working in big avocado plantations. This state has been ravaged by cartel-related violence and the avocado industry is one of the few stable sectors in the industry. So think twice before affecting the industry. 

By the way, the word avocado comes from aguacate, which comes from an indigenous word that means testicles… you are welcome.

Credit: makeitmove / Giphy

Yes, the English word avocado comes from the Spanish aguacate, which in turn comes from the Nahuatl word āhuacatl. This word, you guessed it, means “testicle”. This is probably due to the likeness of the fruit and the male body part. We dare you to eat your next avocado and not think about this. Smashed avocado, compadres? Ouch!

READ: Avocado Hand Is Sending People To The ER In Record Numbers And Abuelas Everywhere Are Left Asking Why

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