007 Reasons Why A Latino Would Make The Perfect James Bond
In the search for the next James Bond, Hollywood is apparently considering Venezuelan actor Fernando Carrillo for the role. While we’re pretty sure this gesture is nothing more than lip service from an industry known for its #Oscarsowhite controversies, but we couldn’t help but wonder what a Latino would bring to the role of 007.
1. Latino Bond is no stranger to Drama.
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James Bond is a ladies man, and as a result, he has been slapped by more than a few women over the years. Latino Bond grew up watching telenovelas with his abuela. If anyone has spent a lifetime preparing for the passion of an irate lover, it’s Latino Bond.
2. Latino Bond would have much better gadgets.
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Bond always gets the gadget hook-up from Q, the genius behind the bagpipe flamethrower. Latino Bond, however, would get his gadgets from his parent’s junk drawer. When it comes to ingenuity, Latino’s are as clever as your best programmers at Apple.
3. A Latino Bond would be better dressed.
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Let’s be honest, Bond dresses well, but those suits he’s been rocking for the last 50 years are tired AF. A Latino Bond would elevate the style game to inspired levels.
4. A Latino Bond would mix up the drinking game.
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Say goodbye to fancy drinks served in cocktail glasses. Latino Bond is okay with drinking a stiff Michelada from a styrofoam cup. And in the event of a fight, Bond could toss his happy hour drink in the eyes of a spy like a
poor-man’s ingenious-man’s pepper spray.
5. A Latino Bond is used to having an overbearing, possibly drunk mother-figure boss him around.
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Bond may be able to kill a man with his bare hands, but M(amá) will always run the house. Give M a chancla, and she’ll have Bond doing chores before taking on international espionage.
6. A Latino Bond will have better villains.
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Bond has always had memorable villains, but Latino Bond would face the biggest threat to the Latino community: Donald Trump. The guy is a billionaire on the cusp of taking over the free world and his name is Donald Trump. Seriously, how has there not been a Bond Villain named Donald Trump?
7. Latino Bond would ride in style.
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We all know Bond prefers his high performance luxury cars, but have you ever stopped to think about the emissions those cars put out when they’re in high pursuit of a criminal mastermind? Latino Bond will ride in style for sure, but he’ll also leave no carbon footprint when he cruises on his lowrider bike.