12 Things Only Latinos Who Never Learned Spanish Will Understand

credit: Dora The Explorer / Nickelodeon / Omar Villegas/Mitu

Everyone assumes I speak Spanish. It’s not an unfair assumption to make. After all, my skin is brown and I did grow up in Texas. What most people don’t know, however, is that I’m a third generation Latino. At least once a week, someone starts a conversation with me entirely in Spanish. I listen politely, waiting for an opportunity to explain that I am a traitor. I’ve spent the majority of my life satisfying diversity requirements for colleges and commercial roles. But I cannot speak Spanish. If you’re like me, you might be able to relate to the following.

I have brown skin, but I can’t speak Spanish.

Coco loco #coconut #tropicalfruit #tasty #shades #night #whim #monday #crazynight #whysoserious #whynot ?

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Coconuts are as delicious as they are relatable.

Most of the Spanish I know I learned from watching “The Simpsons.”

#bumblebeemanstacos #simpsons #springfieldusa #universalstudios #disneyuniversaltrip2015

A photo posted by Laura (@kittenkhaleesi) on

I also learned everything I know about bumblebees from “The Simpsons.”

I can understand simple words, but never with any confidence.

I though segregation was over ? #spanishbathroom #hola ? #lol #civiccenter #concert #spanish #haha #signs #heresyoursign

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This is yet another reason I need to wear adult diapers when I leave the house.

I hate how dumb I look when someone speaks to me in Spanish.

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CREDIT: OOOMANAMOONOOO / GIPHY / YOUTUBE

I’ve contemplated playing dead just to get out of a conversation.

And when I read from the menu at a Mexican restaurant, everyone around gives me this look.

Oprah GIfry
CREDIT: Oprah / NBC/ SCANDAL MOMENTS / TUMBLR

I butcher Spanish worse than the inquisition.

Then the waiter brings exactly what I ordered:

Macaroni Tacos
CREDIT: SOMEONEATETHIS / TUMBLR

I’ll just eat my words instead.

There was that time I lied to my girlfriend’s parents. I told them I was Persian so they wouldn’t be disappointed in my lack of Spanish.

Woke up feeling like a Toad . #Butters Toadally Tuesday

A photo posted by Butters (aka: Buttercup) (@butters_official) on

Unfortunately, they were both also fluent in Farsi and quickly realized I was not good enough for their daughter.

Then there was that time I lied about being bilingual in a job application. I thought I’d make more money. I didn’t think anyone would fact check me.

CREDIT: COMEDY CENTRAL / KEY AND PEELE / GIPHY

When the interviewer began speaking in Spanish, I knew I was in trouble.

I set my phone to Spanish in an attempt to learn some basic words.

#spanishiphone

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Siri’s Spanish skills were so intimidating, I reset my phone to factory settings.

I would like to read the great authors in their original language. García Márquez! Esquivel! Paz! Rowling?

Two of my favorite things combined. #spanishharrypotter

A photo posted by Mallory Raymond (@malray007) on

This seems like it’ll be easy.

After the first paragraph, I know I’m losing something in the translation.

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I’ll stick to something less complicated than a young adult book.

My friend recommended I get back to basics if I really want to learn.

CREDIT: NICKELODEON / FLIPPYFLIPPYNUTELLA / TUMBLR

Okay, I had no idea what was happening and felt like I was on acid.

Alright, I’m going to speak the little Spanish I know and get started on learning more tomorrow.

Drinking is a universal language. Margarita, por favor!

WATCH: Latino Hottie Teaches Ellen Spanish and Makes Her Blush.

Have you felt shame over your lack of Spanish? Mitú wants to know. Leave a comment below.