Even though we grew up in an open-minded household, the relationship between my brother and me has been traditional in many ways. There is no denying that being la hermanita menor isn’t always the easiest of tasks.
1. For one, no man is ever going to be good enough for me.
As far as my protective brother is concerned, the list of musts a potential novio has to have is endless, grows over time, and is subject to change without any sort of explanation or previous notice.
2. If you mess with me, my bro will kick your ass.
My brother’s about the chillest dude I know, but nothing is thicker than blood, and when it comes to la familia, hurting his little sister will most certainly free his inner narco.
3. I am my brother’s best friend’s “lil’ sister” by extension.
My big brother is like a shooting star, and I was never able to forget it. In fact, “mira a tu hermano” was probably mom’s favorite phrase when I was growing up.
‘Tis the season to go broke, if you are even getting people presents. It might seem like it’s expected, but, honestly, they won’t get mad if you just show up. If you and your siblings are still playing like you can afford to buy each other gifts and haven’t given up, more power to you. The beauty of gift giving as Latinos is that it must always be at the expense of someone, or be meant to get a laugh out of todo la familia.
Pues, we did all the work in crafting the perfect gift guide for any of your hermanos, so that way you can spend that time actually working for the money to buy it instead.
For the the hermano who instilled the competitive drive to eat in you because come como un caballo. This one will regift itself come Christmas sweater party season next year!
Boom—you’ve found it. It’s thoughtful, it speaks the truth, it aides in the caffeination of a mediocre, yet very lovable hermanito. Dalo por las jajas.
STAY WOKE Cafe Bustelo Patch | $40
CREDIT: BronxVintageJeans / Etsy
Note that this is for a handmade patch that you can offer up to a sibling to sew onto whatever they’d like. It reads “Knowledge, Strength, and Unity | 100% Pure Truth” on the red label at the bottom. Perfecto.
Cry Baby Embroidered T-shirt | $35
CREDIT: “CRYBABY BLACK EMBROIDERED T-SHIRT” Digital Image. Viva La Bonita. 19 November 2018.
Elevate your fashion giving game with an embroidered camiseta with the 2018 anthem written all over it. Plus, you get to support a dope Latino owned company.
Queer Eye: Love Yourself. Love Your Life. | $30
CREDIT: “Slide View: 1: Queer Eye: Love Yourself. Love Your Life. By Antoni Porowski, Tan France, Jonathan Van Ness, Bobby Berk & Karamo Brown.” Digital Image. Urban Outfitters. 20 November 2018.
Whose life wasn’t transformed by Netflix’s Queer Eye reboot? The Fab Five wrote this book of inspiration that will automatically become crucial in NYE resolutions.
I can tell you I would sob if an hermanito gave this to me—to feel that family apoya is everything because somos Latinos. Plus, 100 percent of the proceeds go to non-profits TransLatina and FIERCE.
Yeah, she can! It’s the year of #metoo and mitú is here for that. P.S.—Think bigger. This is not a gender-restricted camiseta. It’s made for all the genders.
It’s all your mami wants to see, and whenever they wear this shirt, all the regalos come from the praise y bendiciones from mami. The shirt that keeps on giving.
STAK Bloom Phone Vase | $32
CREDIT: STAKCERAMICS / Etsy
Whether your sibling has become a minimalist techie type or is just a fan of fresh flowers, you can make a cute addition to their nightly routine and nightstand aesthetic. They’ll think of you every morning when they smell a flower or reach for a morning churro. You already know which one they are.
Because your hermanx was trained not to replace a backpack unless the tamales are falling out the holes in the side. Tell them it’s okay to lean into the nerdiness. #EducatedLatinosFTW
If you’re Latino, you already know this isn’t a joke at the expense of alcoholics. It’s because we drink everything out of mugs: agua, soup, cafecito y chupitos de tequila.
Crystal Bracelet Flask | $22
CREDIT: “Slide View: 2: Crystal Bracelet Flask” Digital Image. Urban Outfitters. 20 November 2018.
Okay, this is definitely meant to be filled to the brim con tequila. We’re all too broke to pay for a $20 chupito at the club. This gift is an investment in your hermanita’s happiness.
Avocado Tree Starter Kit | $20
CREDIT: “Avocado Tree Starter Kit – Set of 3” Digital Image. UncommonGoods. 19 November 2018.
It’s an investment in every millennial hermanos’ future. Still, though, this gift comes with three starter pods, so you can break apart and give to each of your siblings. All you have to do next is eat an avocado. Fácil.
Jarritos Socks | $8
CREDIT: “Jarritos Socks.” Digital Image. Urban Outfitters. 19 November 2018.
For the sibling that runs on Jarritos and tamarindo and we don’t know how. It’s the casual wear that will wear out at the same time as their metabolisms.
BalenciNalgas Tee | $27
CREDIT: DreamHeauxApparel / Etsy
For the hermano with high expectations for their Christmas present. Gift them something that’ll make the whole familia laugh and just say, ‘de nalga.’
Bad Bunny Dad Cap | $15
CREDIT: RatchetDecals / Etsy
He’s the newest Boricua on the block and he’s brought Spanish-language music to the literal top charts. Vamos en Latino Gang.
I Am Cardi B Meme Shirt | $30
CREDIT: Untitled. Digital Image. Cardi B Official. 20 November 2018.
The money from this shirt goes directly into the Bardi Gang’s pocket because you can only find it at Cardi B’s official march site. See that white space at the bottom? #MakeYourOwnMeme
Unlike with most traditional Latino familias, I grew up in a small family of a single mom and an older brother. I’m extremely proud of my family and totally acknowledge that navigating in such a tiny boat was both a blessing and a curse.
