Being 30 and single (or 20 for that matter) in a Latino family is no damn joke, especially as a woman. You’re expected to find yourself a good marido, get married and make as many babies as God sends. If you’re single, trust me, you’re not alone…
The first one to *blame* you for being single is your mother. According to her, you’re too damn picky.
Or you just happen to know you’re not going to settle for mediocre. Yet, she also dislikes every guy you bring around.
Abuela believes it in her heart you have been cursed.
Because how is it possible that her nieta hasn’t found a spouse?
Your cousin wonders of there’s something physically wrong with you.
We all know what it’s like to mentally prepare to see family after you’ve moved away from home. You’re going to hear all of the “ay, que flaquita” and “¿y el novio?” questions all in one breath. Those are just the most common questions. We all know that it never ends there. People are going to ask you about your job a million different ways, and still not get it.
Of course, every single viejo is going to ask you why you’re still single. “Mejor sola que mal acompañada,” so they say. Well, Melissa Croce had a lot more than that to tell her family and her reaction is something that can help all of us get ready for that family reunion.
Melissa Croce wanted to nip all questions in the bud with a handy brochure.
Apparently, it all started as a joke between Croce and her coworkers, but she couldn’t let go of the idea. After you read her brochure, you’ll understand why it’s so cathartic.
“So You Haven’t Seen Melissa Croce in Several Years: A Primer”
Here’s a lil life update on the subject of your chismosando, honey. “She’s beauty and she’s grace. She’ll say it to your face.” Boom. Roasted. Who hasn’t felt the same way when getting ready to see your family?
Croce handily has two separate columns for Job vs New York FAQS.
So many folks had a good laugh at the “Should you, though?” in response to “I should come visit you!” We’ve all braced ourselves through a fake grin answering highly judgmental questions. When they go low, we go high. When they go low, we go high. This brochure is pure low. 😂
You open the brochure to the question of the house: “Why is Melissa Single?”
You can choose whatever adventurous conversation experience you are initiating. What a perfect way to let the family know what they’re getting themselves into by passing judgment on single, working women.
Croce tweeted out her brochure and may have started a new side hustle for herself!
Follow your passions and everything else will follow. Even though Latinas can all relate to being asked this question, sexism is universal. Croce might have a new career calling!
Even folks are asking for her career advice at this point.
When you see success, you chase it, right? Croce works for a publishing company but isn’t editing or reading books. She’s marketing children’s books. You know, in case you didn’t read the brochure.
Croce didn’t actually pass out the brochures.
Of course, one *man* commented that, “The only thing that would be more petty than this would be actually giving it to people at the wedding.”
Croce told Buzzfeed, “I didn’t hand the brochures out! For one thing, I like my cousin, and secondly, I don’t think my aunts and uncles would’ve been too pleased with me if I did — but I did have to answer many of the questions on the brochure, so maybe I should’ve after all!”
One fan took the opportunity to formally ask Croce to be her life coach.
Croce was surprised to learn how relatable her experience was–“going to a big event and exposing the basics of your life to people who mean well, but are also strangers in many ways.”
She said yes, of course.
We’re glad some folks are appreciating Croce because the sexism hasn’t relented since she tweeted out the brochure. Folks have been telling her, “boo hoo, suck it up,” and “we get it, you’re sexist and hate men.”
Nope. Women expressing their frustration with sexism is not allowed in a patriarchal society, and that’s not stopping anyone.
So many people are taking this brochure to heart and figuring out how they can make it their own.
Thank you, Croce, and we hope the half dozen folks who have publicly reached out asking for their own brochure. If you’re reading this, Croce, we’ll leave you with this friendly message from @jmlandais:
“You definitely are good at your work. Turned your angst in a great brochure that stroke a nerve. I think you can ask for a raise.”
Full disclosure: I’m not single anymore, which makes me uniquely qualified to tell you all the reasons being single is the best. Trust, you won’t be single forever, and in fact, will probably be single for only the smallest fraction of your life.
As Latinos, we feel enough pressure to couple up from our family and even friends. Lighten your load and lean into one of the most special, light, and free times of your life! Here are all the perks to being single, in case you need a refresher.
1. You can indulge yourself in self-love and self-care.
CREDIT: Snacks Cupcakes / GIPHY
Cheesy, but true. You don’t have to compromise your own self-care to allow your partner space to take a bath, or watch their favorite telenovela.
2. Make loving yourself your religion, already.
CREDIT: “Cardi B Celebrity Prayer Candle – Funny Saint Candle – 8 inch Glass Prayer Votive – 100% Handmade in USA – Novelty Celebrity Gift (Cardi B)” Digital Image. Amazon. 23 May 2018.
Because you should always prioritize your self-care, and doing it religiously in your single life will make it a given in your future relationships.
3. Eat the f*cking pan dulce if you want it.
CREDIT: @adri_hugnkiss / Instagram
Ditch your diet. Whatever you’re looking for: the right f*ckboy, partner, wife…they’ll be attracted to your self-confidence, not your bod. Ok, probably also your bod, but respect its sexiness as is and never stop!
4. Go on trips with your friends.
CREDIT: The Wizard Fun / GIPHY
In the first honeymoon years of your next relationship, you’ll want to go places together. Love on your true friends and enjoy the liberation of no obligations to anyone but yourself.
5. Go on a trip by yourself.
CREDIT: @DynamiteDiDi23 / Twitter
I mean, you don’t have to go all Reese Witherspoon, but take a day trip to the beach, or commit to a staycation day.
6. You can put the love and work into making 100 croquetas and not share a single one.
CREDIT: @breadmanmiamibakery / Instagram
True love is sharing your croquetas. Show yourself some love and cherish the days you don’t have to explain the labor of love these are.
7. You finally have the time to channel your past lives like your mama wanted you to.
CREDIT: Unlock Your Life / YouTube
Spend your Friday night watching this Past Life Regression YouTube vid that will help reveal your past lives, loves, and … well, you’ll find out!
8. If you want to commit to being single, set a reasonable time frame.
CREDIT: Judge Judy / GIPHY
It’s kind of the best when you can give yourself time to give none of the f*cks about attracting someone and just lean into what it’s like to live solo. The best perk? Read on…
9. YOU CAN THROW AWAY YOUR RAZOR.
CREDIT: @voguemagazine / Instagram
My single days = my hairy days, and what a true, true freedom. While your mom might try to Nair you in your sleep, hopefully you get the chance to really love yourself as you are, and not as anyone else expects it to be.
10. You can eat banana peppers straight from the jar.
CREDIT: @vic_athome / Twitter
Don’t play like you don’t do that when you think you’re alone. This is a life free of façades and mothers telling you you look like a slob. This is l i f e.
11. You can listen to your friends’ love drama without projecting a damn thing.
CREDIT: Shady Basketball Wives GIF by VH1 / GIPHY
Because you’re single!! No relationship drama over hurr, OK?
12. Just focus on meeting your Cardi B. needs.
CREDIT: Untitled. Digital Image. The Muse. 23 May 2018.
Like binging Love & Hip Hop New York without judgement, or listening to Invasion of Privacy on repeat with A-Z Lyrics open wide screen. Nobody’s here to judge you. 🙂
13. And marinate in Cheeto dust and watch Jane the Virgin all day long.
CREDIT: @nhdmnsrrt / Twitter
Bottom line: nobody is here to judge you, least of all you. You’ll miss these freedoms, and sometimes you need to let go for an afternoon…or weekend.
14. Focus on who really needs you: your dog.
CREDIT: @bellathorne / Instagram
You’ll never go on a trip alone again! What want for love? Bella Thorne is living her best life with her dog, Tampon. Why aren’t you?
15. When you go home for Christmas, you don’t have to be embarrassed about your family for anyone but yourself.
CREDIT: Aubrey Plaza Alcohol Gif / GIPHY
Or change your strategy of heavy drinking (for FREE) to get through it! Cling, cling, Mama!
16. Revel in the feminist joy of disappointing your “Todavía no tienes un novio?” tias.
CREDIT: GINA TORRES LATINA GIF BY HISPANIC HERITAGE MONTH / GIPHY
“Sí, señora and you better find value in me, myself, and I because I don’t need anybody to define my self worth.”
17. You can try the things that interest you.
CREDIT: Clay Hobby Gif / GIPHY
The world is your oasis, mija. When you’re with someone, you both end up taking on the others’ interests. Go jump off a cliff if you want to! Spend hours reading on the beach if you want to. Get yourself where you want to be.
18. Make a big change you’ve been curious about.
CREDIT: @thekatvond / Instagram
Been meaning to join Crossfit? Do it. Want to go vegan? Dale. For whatever reason, it feels harder to make a lifestyle change when you have to convince someone else that it’s worth uprooting your shared routines. Carpe diem, mama.
19. Flirt with whoever you damn well want.
CREDIT: Jane the Virgin GIF / GIPHY
You already are thinking of three people that you flirt with on the reg that feels fun and safe because you know it isn’t going anywhere. When you’re in a relationship, that might be problematic. For now, you can revel in the attention.
20. You can sing Selena as loud as you want in the shower.
CREDIT: SELENA QUINTANILLA DANCING GIF / GIPHY
And who knows, maybe launch your singing and dancing career? YOLO and you have so much more time without an S.O., and don’t forget the little people who encouraged you along the way. 😉
21. Find your chill.
CREDIT: LIN MANUEL MIRANDA CULTURE GIF BY TEAM COCO / GIPHY
I promise you, whatever drama you think you have going on with casual dating, it is nothing to the deep, dark, family of origin issues that come up when you get close enough to someone.
These are the light and breezy days, when drama becomes a good story later (for someone that isn’t your therapist). DISFRUTE.
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